Happy New Years !!

So almost at the end of 2010, and I'm ready to start 2011. I'm ready to
see what the new year brings. I'm gonna give qa short run down of this
year 2010, ready?

Well, I made more money than I did last year. I also owe more than I did
last year too. 400 dollars, plus intrest, oh yeah, throw in blowing off
the IRS, comes to over 7K dollars. Then throw in another 1500 I back
rent. What, me worry? Hells no. That's what I owe in 2010. But I'm alive
BITCHES !!

Made some new friends, both online and in person. The ones in person,
females, I keep forgetting their names so I told them this. It would be
a lot easier if you just sleep with me, that way I won't forget your
name. That didn't go over so well with the ones I really wanted to sleep
with, but the others, ok. Met some guy friends,but I can meet those type
in my dreams/ the ones that really matter thou, I don't know their
names, I call them dude. They know mine though.

Father passed away 1st of December. I wasn't heart broken, I was glad.
In a way that he doesn't have to suffer here on earth any more. He left
with me his kind spirit ad memories that are all in my head to access
any time I want to. He left the most important thing with me that I
didn't realize, the spirit to work. From the age of 14, 1974, I have
worked every year except for one year. I'm proud of that.

So, for 2011 I'm gonna do the same thing I did in 2010. Minus owing
money, I'm gonna continue to have fun !! Yep, that's what I'm about,
doing what pleases me and having a good ass time doing it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR BITCHES !!! LOL
--michaelchappell

Why Am I Single?

..cause I'm a lazy bastard who has no time for a relationship, just
work. That's what it all boils down to really. I met a nice young lady
with a 15 year old son, we are feeling each other out right now. One
thing I keep doing is forgetting her name. I told her that in the past,
the way learned to remember someone's name, female of course, was to
sleep with her. She gave me that look, a look of, 'so we ARE going to
sleep together huh, cool'. She works across the street from where I work
at, and she lives in the neighborhood, I think.

She a really nice person, love her accent. Well I like everything about
her really. She has a sense of humor and see mine as really weird. Today
I'm asking her for her phone number. Even thou I'm not a phone person, I
can see myself talking to her on the phone for hours. I have majicjack,
so that's no problem with a bill. Can't wait til she comes in today.
--michaelchappell

Its a Cold, Cold World

Last night I went to sleep and a had a decent nights sleep too. Out of
the blue, I decided to text a certain female friend of mine. The more I
tapped on the keys, the more I wanted to tap on her. She is now a good
as walk from me. I mean I could walk it, but with all this snow...

I notice something as I was texting her about relationships. Nothing
world shattering, just how I see my relationships with women. I love
being in one...that's if I can find the time. Job security comes first
in the times we are living right now. Hate to say it, but a piece of
ass, isn't worth losing your job over. Well, nothing is worth losing
your job over. Like I said, the more I tapped, the more I wanted to be
with her, right then and there/ I wonder if women feel the same as men
do when it comes down to sex?

See, a guy will just call a woman up, and talk their way into, ya know,
their bed. But I wonder if there are any women who do the same thing. I
know of some that will beat around the bush, and I end up making the
move to inviting myself over. I spoke with a couple of female co-workers
who say this. If they don't get any sex, they just don't think about it,
but when they do after a long period of time, that's all they want over
the next couple of days. I have a problem with that statement.

Women don't see the act of just having sex to get your shit off as men
do. Having sex, most women, see it has a gateway to a relationship.
Some, even on the first date, want to have sex, but torture themselves
by denying not only the man, but themselves from enjoying what their won
body graves. Why? Because they don't want to give the impression of,
one, their slutty. And 2, they want the man to work for it.

Now I know women, who for one, will call me and say just what they want,
come right on out and say it. Some, will even make like an appointment.
Then there are some, who want it, but don't want the men to know they
want it. Hence the 'Game', that's how its all was invented.

Me, I like a women who knows what she wants, states it, and go after
it.
--michaelchappell

'...it was the day after Christmas, when all thru the..L

I can remember the times I spent on Christmas, the where. One was on
Border Patrol, Berlin, never will forget that one. It wasn't depressing
at all, just strange. Yesterdays's Christmas...was also strange.

I was suppose to go spend Christmas Eve and Day with my ex and her
mother. Friday, after work, was taking Metro North, upstate, White
Plains, NY. Then for some strange reason, I didn't feel like going
anywhere, just wanted to go home. I went home to a cold ass apartment,
no heat. That's what I got for changing my plans.

I just didn't feel like traveling, doing anything but nothing. I had
enough food for the day, so why not do what I enjoy most..NOTHING. I
didn't even feel like being around family. I just wanted to be relaxed,
chilled, decompressed. All I did was download a lot of movies and tv
shows, then watched them.

Then, I thought about having some company over. But there seems to be a
problem with that also. I was ready for female company right then and
there. But the 3 women that I called, ALL were with their families,
enjoying the holidays. They all said how about later on around 8pm.
Hell, I'm getting ready for bed at that time, have to work on Sunday I
said. One wanted to stop by for a half an hour, a quickie, cause she
said she was VERY horny right about now. But I didn't want a quickie, I
wanted to enjoy her like a good meal, slowly, taking small bites, a good
wine, sipping, rolling around in my mouth. But no, after 9pm she said. I
thought my other housemate was leaving for DR, or had left, but she came
stomping home at 6pm, her flight leaves today at 11am. So I came
straight out and asked did she want to...you know, just get her shit
off, enjoy herself. She said she wanted to, but she has to pack and
stuff, and sex always makes her lazy afterwards, wants to sleep. Well,
is that so? In my room I went, my cold, cold room.

She had no idea of the amount of snow that NYC is expecting, up to 16
inches. With her fine ass self, she has no time for watching tv and the
news. So when I told her what was going to happen, straight to the
internet she went to check her flight. As far as her airline knows, her
flight is on time. Like I said its cold in the apartment, I woke up at
4am and saw her sleeping on a baby mattress in the kitchen with the oven
turned on, on the floor. Then she says, looking up at me,'remember what
you asked me last night, how about now?'. Oh, I want to, but I was in
'getting ready for work' mode. I declined with an extremed erection and
thoughts of her voice STILL stuck in my head of asking. I hope her
flight is cancelled, cause as soon as I get home and she is there, I'm
having her.

Maybe that's what NYC needs right now, a good snow storm, something to
cover the city white with.
--michaelchappell

Merry Christmas.

It seems as the years go by, Christmas becomes less and less important
of a holiday to me. I know its the birth of Christ and all, but its all
commericalism if you ask me. That is if you want a lot of regular tv. I
don't.

I download all the tv shows that I live to watch from different torrent
sites. The one I use mostly, eztv.it. The great thing about downloading
any tv from a torrent site is that ALL commericals are not part of the
downloads. Since my wireless connection doesn't reach to my bedroom,
which is at the back of the apartment, I watch tv in the livingroom.
This will change when I get a wireless N router. So, for the pass 2
weeks I have been watching regular tv, mostly the news, which is STILL
depressing as hell.

The only way I can tell its Christmas is because of the commericals,
which are still the same type of commericals from when I was growing up
as a kid. Mostly car commericals too. Do people actually buy others cars
for Christmas. Hell, a new car at that. I might be able to swing a used
car, but not new. Oh well.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

--michaelchappell

Remember The First Time...

Just fill it in. That's right, remember the first time you fell in love,
first kiss, first time you had sex. For me, the first time I caught a
sexual transmitted, well you know.

I was stationed at Ft. Jackson, SC, a training post. I was Permnant
Party, a Truck Driver, hauling Basic Trainees around post. A homegirl,
from .Brooklyn, was a employee, was working in the dentist office. We
hooked up. Three days later, while I was in morning formation, my
Company Commander, pulled me to the side said I had an appointment at
Preventive Medicine Office. I didn't know what that was. Here I was at
20 years old, with already 3 years under my belt in the Army, I was in
Germany for the first 3 years f my tour.

Went to the doctors office. Took a qtip and stuck it in the head of
my..ya know. Wipe it on a slide, looked at it under a microscope, and
said yeah ok. Okay what ? Pull ya pants down an bend over, he gave me a
shot in the ass. If ya never had one of these shots, it hurts like all
HELL. Not the needle, its the medicine IN the needle. After the shot,
pulled my pants up. He said oh no, ya got another one. I almost passed
out from tha pain.

Say my homegirl alter on, about 2 days later, and told her what
happened she said sorry baby, ya know how it is. She had to go thru the
same thing too. BI didn't hold it against her either. I'm all good and
everything, but that was an experience.

My Army buddies told me later on that that's part of growing up in this
Man's Army. Oh well.
--michaelchappell

Why Don't I Learn.

For me, being in a relationship is all good. But when I'm not in one,
and I'm just being a whore, fucking, when I get a chance, and, even feel
like having sex, that's all good too.

So tell me, why do guys & gals lie about being either in a relationship,
or have people that you're, lets just say are fucking. I think I know
why, allow me to break it sown. Bear with me.

Guys, guys are sluts, but the male version. If a female was to approach
a guy..wait females do this but be serious, meaning have a serious face
on. See what happens.

Aprroach a good looking guy, or any guy. Say to him, I've been checking
you out and I was wonsering if you would like to... Ok, just rap to the
guy, as if a guy was rapping to you. Lay it on him heavy and thick, but
be serious about it. Just as a guy would ask you, you as the same
questions, but put a female swing to it. Then ask the guy is he married,
seeing anyone girlfriend, and they say, 'are, or you just fucking'. See
what happens next, see the expression on his face. Watch it study it.

I said all of this cause I met a nice young lady 35 years old. We were
seeing each other everyday at the bus stop, so one day I stopped a
chatted up a storm with her. I asked, married, bf, attached, or just
fucking. She said none of that. So we exchanged phone numbers, she
calls,and I call her. We planned to meet up after Christmas and before
New Years...until this morning.

I receive a email saying..'I suggest you stop emailing my wife and
calling her. Later on, I'm gonna ask her what's going on between the two
of you'. So, what was my next move? Call her, email her and find out why
she puts herself and ME in this type of situation? He doesn't know me,
or what I look like. I'm not worried about all of that thou. If he has
any computer skills, all of that is easy to find out. But I ask myself,
why lie?

I'm more angry with myself more than with her. My rule is this... I
don't care if you have a boyfriend, or if you are married. If any of
those two, my next move is to still get with you, but the quicker the
better. But what was happening, it was going as a 'maybe we can have a
relationship' type thing. Now if you didn't have nayone, and all you
want to do is just get together to have sex, that's cool too cause we
have been seeing each other 5 days a week for like 4 months. Always, I
would stop and talk with her, alter she would call me. I would ask when
its a good time to call her, and she would tell me.

But I ask, why lie? I don't know. I would never lie about something like
this. Me, you know what I'm about from the first 5 minutes of the convo.
And, its not about sex all the time, but you will know I'm interested in
you.

We will see what happens over the next couple of days.
--michaelchappell

What Is My Problem...Now ?

I'm calling my friend Joanne once I get to The Bronx, at my mothers
house. We are suppose to see each other this weekend. She's not my
girlfriend or anything, but I like being around her, with her. But for
some strange reason, and its been a while since we have seen each other,
some reason I don't want to see her this weekend as planned.

It has nothing to do with her, its me. No, for real, its me. Here is the
thing. I get off at 2pm, going to my mothers house 2 and a half hours
away. After visiting my mother, I 'suppose' to go pick up Joanne. This
means traveling another 2 and a half hours to go pick her up, and THEN
another hour and a nd half back to my place. All this with, she has no
money and me very little. Again all of this travling just for sex, and
from what she said, that it isn't ALL about sex. Oh yes tha fuck it is.

It seems like the older I get, things it more complicated when it comes
to satisfying the flesh..having sex. Me, I have no problem otherwise
going to a professional to satify my needs. I go to a place, pay what I
have to pay, and then I leave. I get what I want the way I want it, no
questiones asked. I know of a couple of places, affordable, clean and
nice. One of these places will come to my place at the same regular
price, can't beat that.

I find myself wanting more and more lately, sorry to bring this up, but
that's how I am. Since I don't work or live, well for me, in a typical
Black and Pueto Rican area, these woman, young ladies are looking exotic
and good to me. My area , where I live is Dominican and Gayuanse. This
woman are VERY pretty. I'm not taking anything away from my Sisters, but
these woman are different. Wow, gotta go, running late.
--michaelchappell

What's So Hard ?

A female friend of mines is having a hard time at home. So she wants to
get away for a while with me, I have no problems with that. My off time
from work is my time to re group and take care of me. What I'm saying is
this. If you want to spend time in my world, so to speak, be ready when
I say I'm making a move to come pick you up.

I dislike waiting on anyone, including family as well. If I say I'm
going to be here or anywhere at a certain time, you should try and be
there at that time. I don't care, drop everything you're doing and be
there. If you tell me to meet you somewhere, me knowing me, I'm there
before you are, waiting on you. That's how I am.

I can see that this isn't going to happen cause some people feel like
'when I get there, I get there' attitude. Oh yeah, really? Well, my
grace/waiting period is 15, 20 minutes to an half an hour tops. I
dislike waiting around for some one to show up. It shows me that your
attitude towards me is no caring. Treat our meeting up like a job
interview. Treat life like a job interview.
--michaelchappell

Ahhhh, Okaaay

I have said in the past, that I have a constant yearning for and of
information. I don't care idf its in print or on the radio. When it
ccomes to tv, its doc like on PBS, mainly the show Nove.

I heard something on XM radio last night. Channel 165, The Janson Lweis
Show, here is what I heard.

In China, each person is alocated 1,700 square feet, ok. I think I heard
something like that, but I'm not show, that's the only thing I didn't
hear clearing. Here's the rest. There roughly 6.5 billion people on the
face of the earth. If we took all those people and gave them 1,700
square feet, we all can fit in the state of Texas. Yep Texas, 6.5
billion people. You may think that the world is over popualted, no, its
not that. Its just that we havea lot of people in small places, like
India. If ETls were to land, lets say in any one of our desert, say the
Mohave Desert. The would think that there wasn't any life forms on this
planet. The Mohave Desert is barren, no people for hundreds of square
miles. Another thing anbot this Texas thingy. At a certain point in
Texas, heading to anothe point of Texas, it would take you more than 24
hours to drive, and you will STILL be in the state.

I might have not explain that right, figure it out. When I heard that, I
was amazed, I told some people, but they couldn't grasp what I was
saying. Its all about information.

My deli manager sees me read at least 4 newspapers, and 3 magazines
during my shift at work. I have all my work done, food cooked, stuff
prepped for the next day. All I'm waiting for is customers to come to
the counter. He started doing something that pissing me off. Before I
get a chance to read anything, he grabs what I have set aside to read,
thumbs thru it, and ask me what they are saying, talking about. I tell
him I don't know, haven't read it yet, you read it. I think he has a
problem with reading, but anyway that makes me angry. Asking me to read
something to him or explain something while he has the article right in
front of him.

There is only 2 rooms in this 4 bedroom apart that stay constantly warm
from the cold outside. My bedroom and the bathroom. Its good to be the
King.
--michaelchappell

Can't Sleep

You know how you think about some of the good experinces you have had in
life, and it brings a smile across your face. So, imagine the GREAT
experinces, and you can't get to sleep, cause they keep playing over and
over in your head. That's happening to me, me and this certain woman.

I thought, and I continue to think its me. I mean, I like her and
'stuff', but I think its cause I'm set in my ways. My ways are nothing
like, ' want to be alone', or, ' I like sleeping by myself and in my own
bed'. Its just when things happen that way and you get use to doing it
that way, that's the way it is. I guess I'm just turning into an old man
with an active mind, which is way too active.

I make plans to do things, things that I know I will enjoy after a days
work. But when the work ends, its like I'm on auto, home, relax for 15
minutes, shower, tv and in bed by 8:30pm. I don't think there's nothing
wrong with me. I have no problem expressing excatly what I want. Its
just that, that...I want things to be simple. Its like I deal with the
public, M kind of forced to make small take, make you feel comfortable.
I tend to be personal, personal about my life, I have no secrets.

I was asked the other day by a female customer, don't I have any
problems with exposing myself like that to just anyone. I said this. '
I'm me, I'm happy with me and that's all that matters and counts. If you
have a problem with me, I'm sure you will say something to me about what
I did wrong to you. If by chance you're happy or I bought a smile across
your face, in your heart, feel free , and tell me. But you won't. You
won't cause you're afraid of exposing yourself cause you're afraid what
I might do with it. Take your kindness for granted. My kindness isn't
mine any more if I give it to you, its yours to do with as you please'
she then said that I probably don't let anything bother me. But things
do, people do and I tell them right there on the spot. Once its out of
my system, its not mine any more, I don't go over it any more. I move
on, and still be friendly with you.

That's how I am, that's how I rasied myself.
--michaelchappell

Some Disturbing Stuff

You see it on those crime shows, or on The Lifetime Channel. Young girl gets assaulted by her moms bf. She tells her mother, she doesn't believe her, and gets the daughter out of the house. Well, yesterday before I left from work, a customer daughter came crying and told me this.

Her mother comes to the deli counter almost every day. Watch when she comes in today or some time this week, watch what I do. The daughter, 22 years old, pretty, no kids and no job. The mothers bf, works, supplies the food for the household. He thinks that the daughter is part of the package, you have mom AND the daughter? I don't think so. See, most people would look the other way, I CAN'T and WON'T !! I've seen the bf a couple of times, a real dirt bag if you ask me, but hey, to each its own. The daughter, I told her if she was a little older... she said that she's old enough, but she isn't. I see why now, she wanted to get out of the house. She told her mother what the bf was doing, and she didn't believe her, threw her out the house

With guys like this, they should just cut their balls off. Its not right, no one, male or female should have to go thru something like this or that no matter what. I have some female friends who are single, no children, I'm making some calls later on.

It Snowed, Well, Sort of Snowed, Yeah It Did Last Night.

I was just thinking about something, and this was after I spent a cold
ass night in my room with NO FREAKIN' HEAT !! Living in the Projects
isn't / wasn't all that bad. I never lived in one. My parents , well I
did, but it wasn't called a Project, Condos. Good thing about living in
them in the winter time, there is ALWAYS heat and hot water.

I had rooms in private houses and it seems the owners don't know what
heat is. Always tardy on the heat when its freezin' outside. Like now.
Just moved into this 4 bedroom apartment. Landlord comes up yesterdy
afternoon after I got home from work, he wants to put plastic on the
windows. I thought, oh, how nice of him. THE BASTARD !!! I see why
now.my bedroom and the one next to me, isn't getting any heat thru the
radiators. All other parts of the apartment are. I wake up this morning,
run to the bathroom to take a shower to WARM UP !! Then I nade a cup of
tea. Some one in the hbouse went into the bathroom, turns out it was my
hosemate and her boyfriend, they took a shower together. Laughing,
joking and kissing. I ahte to break the mood, but where is the FUCKING
HEAT at !!?? She says she has to call the landlord and tell him. In a
couple of days, the 4 of them, not the bf, are goinf to The Dominican
Republic for a month. Ya think they are worried about me freezing my nut
sack off whie they're gone, NOPE!!!

--michaelchappell

My mother has a cat..well, not a cat or a kitten. Its at that stage
where she is in between. She plays with you and comes when you call.
Cats don't come when you call them, they just look at you. The cats name
is 'V', because my sister found the kitten on the Van Wyk Expressway.
She actually pulled over and stopped, went back and got it before it got
hit by a car.

This kitten is crazy. I'm sleeping, dead asleep, and she jumps up and
down on my chest. Almost gave me a heart attack. I love cats !!
--michaelchappell

Both of these women pictured are sisters, I currently share an apartment with, along with their aunt and uncle. Everyone on the 17th of December, with the exception of me, are traveling to DR for a month. I was invited to go, but the job won't give me that much time off from work, maybe 2 weeks. Thats not enough for me though.

Essence Magazine

I haven't read Essence in over, lets say about 5 years. Now, I know why I refused to read this magazine. I stand behind what I'm about to say too.

Why is it that all the people in this mag, why are all of them so pretty? Not all black people are attractive you know, but they are beautiful. See, some people don't know the difference between the two so I'm going to expalin the difference.

Being atrractive, you don't have time for the beautiful people. Beautiful people won't get caught with being with attractive people, understand. There are plenty of beautiful people in our urban cities, they are the single parents who take the time to care for their children. They are there for their kids no matter what. Attractive people, those mostly in entertainment and films, music, have 'handlers' who, handle their kids. Since they are making the money, they have to continue to make in order to live in that life style. Attractive people would rather have that person who has a college degree, staright white teeth, no attachments as in kids with another woman. Beautiful people on the other hand, try to fit in with those who have kids from another relationship. This is getting too deep for me as I type and that magazine is making, has made me a s mad as ever.

All I want is a female who will accept me as I am. I wake up, I go to work, I come home, and I go to sleep. 2 main things in that sentence...I work and I come home. That's what I want in a women too, but mainly, that she comes home.
--michaelchappell

William 'Willie' Raines

That's my farthers name, and the veiwing of his body was this evening
from 2pm to 7pm. I haven't seen certain family members since I was about
12 or 13 years old. Their faces, some of them are still the same. It was
uncomfortable, because of his death, is what bought them back into my
life. I'm not the one for family gathering, reunions and things of that
nature.

The last funeral I've been to was that of my father's father. It shooked
me because that's not how how remembered my grandfather. So I had
nightmares for months. But I don't think that will happen because of my
father's death. It was like a calm came over me, I was relaxed.

My cousin, who is a Preacher got up and said some amazing words plus
read from The Bible. I'm paraphrasing what he read, but what he said is
true. We should not be sad, but be joyous because believe it or not
this is a day of joy. I didn't understand, but I do now.

Who wouldn't want to go to a place where there is no war, crime, or
people ever get sick. No great heatwaves or terrible temps below 32
degrees. Where everyday is ALWAYS bright and sunny and people smile all
day. One day, and its for sure, I will see that place and my father and
all my departed loved ones again.
--michaelchappell

Just Some Thoughts of...

So, you left him, moved out to your own place. Your son spent 3 to 4
days a week with you, then... Your husband moved in WITH you. WTF ?!!
See, I know what the deal is/was, and you confirmed it. Even though you
say that you don't love him anymore, its a money thing. After you moved
out, he started giving you more money and you thought that once he moved
in, that say rate of flow of money will continue. Well, did it ? NO !!
Now you talk with me and ask me what you should do, and I told you to
tell him to move out. But that's hard to do this second time around, huh
?

Kim, I love holding you and all that comes with us getting together when
we DO get..when I get a chance to get with you. We have known each other
for 5 whole years or more. But what bothers me is the traveling to see
you. Once I'm with you I don't want to leave, so that means traveling
back to my place and to work. Today, after work, I'm coming to you and
will explain this so just listen, ok.

Armita, sweetheart you're a beautiful young lady. I know you get tired
of mesaying that to you. When we work together we keep it professional,
all the way. What drives me crazy is when you cuddle up to me, and wrap
your leggs around mine. See, I know what's that's all about. Your
bioyfriend who is in another country, which you haven't seen in 3 years,
is a lucky man. But from what youare showing me, you're missing that
closeness of being held, being made love to. You told me this yourself.
So that's why I set the date of May 11th, and you agreed to it. If he
has come to see you by then, I will come to see you, or you will come to
me. You agreed on that.

To all of my female friends from that social network site, I'm not
mentioning the site's name thou. Listen up, I told you what I'm about,
so you can't change my mind about what you want me to do. Its either you
get with it or I move on, like I have done. I'm not the one to play
games or make promises. I work, you work, I support myself, you support
yourself. I pay my bills, I be damned if I pay any of your bills, feed
you kids or any shit like that. When we meet for that first face to
face, don't be put off by what I say with what I want. I don't want a
relationship. We are both beyond that point in our life's. Its now about
compainionship for those few hours when I, we both have the time. Sure,
some going out, but I don't do movies, I go to sleep in them, a waste of
money. Going to resturants, I'm a cook, Sous Chef, I know what a plate
of food actually cost, again waste of money. Quiet nights ate home
either I cook or you. You have kids? It should be established that
you're no longer with the babies father, right? But I do understand when
you do the do with him every once in a while, its like you have to. I
know you have a whole other life other than when we are suppose to be
together seiing or doing each other. So don't say that you're not with
the baby's father cause its a lie. Don't like liars.

In whole, I'm not perfect either. I sometimes just become a 'lazy ass
fuck' hell, I'm on my feet 9 to 10 hours a day, dealing with people who
don't know what da fuck they want to eat. So, if I act like I'm cranky
after a days work, become quiet after a days work, or just lay there
like I'm dead, its because..I'M DRAINED, tired, exhausted. But it has
nothing to do with you. But when I say, I could make love to you all the
time, its true. There is a number of things that turn me on about you.
So what you gained a lot of weight, you may be fat in fact. That's just
more of you to make love to. Its your body, be pround of it.
--michaelchappell

Sadness

My sister texted me 911 last night, I was sleep, and I woke up and saw
the text. I called her, she told me that our father had passed away. I
was speechless, didn't know what to say other than what happened.

My mother and him were sitting in the living room, he got up and went to
the kitchen, she saw him walk in. After some time, she wondered where he
was at, so she got up and went to the kitchen, she didn't see him. The
kitchen is like a 2 parter kitchen, no doors thou, kitchen table, then
it, the room breaks to the left to where the store and sink are.

Since she didn't see him in the kitchen, she went to the bedroom,
passing the bathroom, which he wasn't in, on the way. At the bedroom, he
wasn't in there either. So she goes all the way into the kitchen, and he
is on the floor. She calls 911, ambulance come, he's still alive, and
they take him to the hospital. My sisters show up there. Donna looks at
him and see that he isn't going to be around much long, she talks with
him.

He ask..his name is William Raines, we call him Willie. He ask, where is
his sandwich and Donna ask what sandwich. He says the one in the
refrigerator. Donna says where, he says in Parkchester. My other sister
Sharon is living in the 3 bedroom apartment in Parkchester that's in his
name, for a number of years now. With that answer, he closes his eyes,
and Donna says it was like he was going to sleep.

I don't know what to feel. I'm 50 years old, and he has been in my life
as far as I remember, when I was 8 yeras old, 1968. Its like I know we
all have to die at one time or another, but when it happens to the ones
you love and they love you back, its a little, no a lot of shakening.
(If that's a word).

One thing for sure though, that man loved to eat. I worked at the Cafe,
Soicety Cafe, located on 114th and 8th Ave, he came down there one day
around lunchtime, and spent the whole 6 hours there eating, paying full
price. I was the waiter, cashier, manager, and cook, all buy myself.
When 2 of my co workers and the manager and the owner came in, they
wanted to know who he was. I said that's my father. They all agreed that
he could put some food away. His bill came well over 150 dollars, which
the owner comped it all. I remember that day, a good one for bothe him
and I.

I spoke with my mother last night. Prior to his passing, she didn't want
him in the house any more, she wanted him ina nursing home. I offered to
share an apartment with him, but she turned that down. My mother had
said back then, about 2 months ago, all she want to do was have a decent
7 months left on earth, that's why she wanted him out of the house. Now
she sort of have her wish.

I don't mean that in a bad way, cause last night, my mother said
something that scared the hell out of me. She said, 'now I can die'.
What the fuck is that suppose to me? I figured it out. She really didn't
want him in anursing home, she didn't want him living with me, she
wanted him to just move on, you know like to heaven.

Now I'm worried about her, she will be 76 on December 14th.
--michaelchappell