December 28th... 9:14pm Might As Well Get it Over With

With 3 more days or so I think left in the year 2022, I've been really thinking about what I've done, and has happened to and around me this whole year.

At first I said let me start at January. Like I can remember as far back as January. Well I do know where I was at when the New Year came it. Then I told myself no, fuck that, skip ahead some more months.

So I say...How about May 15th? On that day a certain fast food restaurant drain the Fun out of me and I folded my apron and quit. The GM as always just started at me. Which brings me to a conclusion about General Managers that are you get than me, way younger than me. I've come to the conclusion that they aren't shit. Theybare like to me little children that somehow managed to sneak past one adult, then the next one..and found an open door that was suppose to be kept shut. But being.thwt they made it this far, they think that no one see them and they try and play it off that they have more wisdom that anyone 2ho is almost 3 times their age. You just look at them, lost for words. They are strictly by the company's book because..heck the company want shit ran by the book. But the. You begin to see the fire in their 3y3e slowly cool down. Burnout...just as I seen one do.

She is young, pretty. Mother is @hite, father Black. Those eyes can look at you and then look right thru you. Her eyes show that though her body is here, her mind is elsewhere. When I left she was alright. When I came back to get something to eat she was alright. Last week I went in to get something and.. I don't know what I was looking at. I asked her, was she alright.

She told me she had a neverous breakdown and that she was hearing voices telling her to kill herself. A couple of months in a mental hospital. Sent home 2ith a prescription for Lithium and some antidepressants. She is smoking cigarettes and weed now. She is dating a guy that I know he smokes meth and the way she looks, she tried it and something snapped in her. I promised someone else and 4hen myself to keep checking up on her.

I made uo my mind about having a woman in my life. I know what I want meaning the type of woman I want. I mean the last two... First one, I took my time with her and right when there was a break thru, 2 days later she was arrested for Felony..FELONY Probation Violation. Well they don't care, meaning the courts male, female... It's like they lock you up and throw away the key. She already has a 21 years old son locked up. She has 5 children. Is is it 35 years old. Sent her a letter two weeks ago, haven't heard anything.

The second one...The streets are a motherfucker. It's not even streets down here, more country. Anyways the streets got her. Running to house to house hanging out. Leaving her clothes and and there. Talking about there are Hires Assassins with Facebook pages.. He's a cop, she's a cop..all of them are cops. I talk to her about one thing, and she goes out and tell people about something completely different. Those same people confront me, I have no issue.. She standing right there and I explain, tell them what I told her. They asked her and she says yes. So why did you tell me.. Her head is somewhere else by this time. Texts me that she was kidnapped and is tied up and is in the bathroom and they are in the other room and... Wait, wait, you're tired up, and they left you with your phone? And you're yelling at me and they can hear you? Her: I not worried all about that, can you come and get me, but don't knock on the door. It's a ded end street, flash your car headlights towards the woods, have that the back passenger door open and haul ass.'  When? Tomorrow morning at 10am. I gotta go, I have to make them dinner. Yeah...but there is something about her though that I can't figure out why I find her so damn attractive.

It didn't stop with that one. I cut one completely off because of some stupid shit. Calls me and tells me that her husband is in his way to my area and I am to meet him at the gas station. For what? He needs money so him and I can get home, the truck is almost out of gas. So why is he heading this way. Because I called someone else and they said they are in their way, but that like a 45 minute ride, and I'm waiting for them at another gas stations. She asked how much can I lend him, not her, her husband will pay me back. She just hung up 3 minutes ago and she text me where the fuck you at. I get there and she calls his phone. He hands it 5i me. Is that all you got is $20, he needs 20 more. She is up the road at another gas station gambling on those machines. I call her and she says that she don't need me, her and her husband they have money. And that I am useless.

So that's it for me. Hopefully 2023 will better, I know it will. But I'm not even going to just sit there and tell myself that I should be patient with people. Fuck that. I'd you can move as I do, I am not slowing down so you can catch up. 

December 11th 12:16am

I was just now thinking about High School. I don't know why, just popped into my head. Wait, I do know why.

I was in the supermarket shopping, listening to my music thru my headphones and I stopped to turn them up. It just so happened it was right at a spot where this DJ showed his skills. I was feeling it, so I was sort of dancing, noodling my head and moving my arms. Someone tapped me in the shoulder.

It was a woman, as I turned around. She asked what was I listening to. So I placed my headphones in her ears. First she screwed up her lips and then she started nodding her head. Took the headphones off and asked me who was the DJ. Told her hold on... Looked in my back pack for my Fire Tablet and told her. Asked me can I write it down where I got it from. I showed her the website on my tablet. She said wait a minute and took off. 

She came back with her shopping cart and a little girl. She reached into her hand bag and took out her Apple iPad and handed it to me. She said walk with her and to sign her up in the website I got the music from. All the while I'm doing this, she is asking me questions and I'm answering and asking her questions. She then says I know you were something else in High School. I told her from what I remembered, nope...had maybe 3 people I talked to in the whole school. We kept waking around, both of us shopping. Headed to the checkout, with her in front. I figured she is finished and that's that...nope. She waited and we walked out together.

I said I was calling a Lyft and she offered me a ride home, but she has to drop her groceries off and her daughter off with the next door neighbor, she is babysitting. So in her car I went, me in the front and the little girl in the back asking me all kinds of questions. One was do I have children. Got to
her home and she ask me to help her with her bags, she had about 12. Carried them into her kitchen from the back door. Her kitchen was pretty dam nice, I Loved her stove. It's like ones in restaurants. I told her this and she said she is a Chef. I went over to the stove and opened the bottom and looked inside. Clean. She said she would be right back, took her little girl next door. Just left me standing there.

She came back and said let's get your stuff home. Told her where I lived and she asked was it close to someplace and I said I don't know. But I told her it's right across the street from the hotel and she knew where to go. She said about High School, why such little friends. I was not interested in HS, it bored me and that is why I dropped out and went in The Army. She asked where was I from and I told her and she go really excited. Told her the school inwent to was for artist. By this time I was home and inthanked her fir the ride. She said hold on..gave me her name and email and cell and home number. Then she asked can she see my place. I said okay and handed her a bag to carry.

As soon as she walked in she looked into the bathroom and shreeked. A claw footed bathtub. She said I have to let her come and take a bath sometimes. I joked and said you can take one now, but I don't have anything scented nor do I have candles. She said hurry and put the food away and that sheknows of a place to get all of that. So off we go in her car again. This time she wanted to know about me, my personal life. Girlfriends, kids .. No and No. We get to the store which is and was in walking distance, but she took her car. I told her I didn't have any money and she said she is getting stuff for her to use in MY bathtub and not to worry about it. 

Left the store and I wanted to know how can she just meet me, take me to her home, and then to mines and now wants to take a bath in my bathtub. She corrected me, said she wants to soak and talk with me. She said that if I feel uncomfortable with doing so, to let her know, I didn't so there.

I cleaned out the tub which was already clean. She ran the water and went into the one room I have...and stripped down. I sat there and looked. She left onn her black boyshorts and waled to the bathroom and got in, then called me in. She soaked for about and hour, all the while I sat there on the floor talking to her.

Stood up and I handed her a towel which she wrapped herself and and left the bathroom. I stayed to clean it up a little. When I waled into the room, she was in my bed...so I joined her.

There were other pictures, but she sid that she doesn't want those to be published. Have to respect her wishes. I was hopping that this wasn't a one time thing, turns out it isn't. She wants to come over today, Sunday and cook a dinner for the two of us.