....now wait just a minute

...I'm not changing a damn thing in 2013. I'm not 'stepping' nothing up, gonna continue to do AND be the same person. See, that's the problem with some people, they change for others, fuck that. I've seen in 2012 how some people show, that they have their own lives together, wen in fact, like my life, its all fucked up. Yep, screwed left, right, upside down and sideways. But who says life is suppose to be easy. I spoke with some people about shit like this. If they lost their job, it would be such a great fucking impact on their lives, that they would go into such a deep black hole depression...that they would totally end their lives. So use to 'having' and not caring about the 'have nots'. Want all the latest in fashion, cars and home improvements. Hell, you're renting, not even renting to own. One friend, she...well, I'm just waiting for that call. The call with sobs and tears that I can't even understand what she saying. And wha...

I spent Christmas Eve &amp; Christmas Day with a friend of mine. It was all good until she went in to check on her patients. Then came home with liquor and 3 of her female co workers. That was my cue to leave.</p> <p>On my way home I got a text from another female friend, she wished me Merry Christmas. Then went into that she misses me and that she was sorry she let me get away. It was what she wanted from me..something I couldn't give her. Marriage.</p> <p>All she does is work, 2 jobs and spends little time at home between jobs. She met me, like what she was feeling being with me and wanted it for the rest of her life. I'm not for marriage...only if you were to have my child, yes then. But she wasn't capable of having children, she's 60 years old. You couldn't tell by looking at her, her and her body. She looks much younger.</p> <p>Again she went into wanting me to move closer to her, finding a job out there near where she...

...some people and including myself at times, we/I don't know what I want. I am getting tired of feeling this way, but its my fault. What I've been doing lately is giving people what they want, saying what they want to hear. No more. At times I hold back from what I want to say when some one questions me, or wants my opinion. In a matter of seconds I can sized that person up and come to a decision that they aren't ready for what I have ro say. So I sugar coat it. Vinalla with sugar on it. But not any more. One woman has been looking at me strangely for a couple of days now. I figured out plus I asked her. 10 years ago she forged something, and now its coming back at her. She feels I had something to do with it. I told her what I felt cause what she did made me angry. Told her... back when you were hired, they figured they couldn't find anyone who would want to do the job you hold. They now found out that there are quailfied people out there, and now they want you out....

A little while ago I had a conversation with this woman, she started it. It was about all those children being killed. I didn't say anything, then she asked did I have anything to say about it. I told her no, it doesn't matter to me...and it doesn't. She got so angry & so mad at me, she couldn't even express it in words. I felt the way I felt, cause that is how I feel and will always feel that way. She said its because I don't have children. She says well she does & grandchildren and that affects her. How? You kids are grown, and your grandchildren are at that age where they should be taught about what's right and what's wrong. You gown kids, I told her are something all together. She said explan and since she ask, I did. Your grown ass kids are gangsters, in gangs and that is all that matters to them. Their gang is their family. Oh, but they live in your house, running shit, running shit right out of your house. They have your grandkids around th...

I can say some things that can have a person, male or female look at me strangly. You think I really give a flying Fuck? Nope, I don't. I don't and you don't live your life for others to like you. But if you're one of those that do, you're wasting your life. Up to a certain point, you live your life for the children you have; up to a certain point. But its okay if you extended that period also. This is coming from a man with no children. So, when do you start having fun? Better yet, did your fun endibg days end when you became an adult. An adult who has responsibilites. Car payments, student loans, mortages..you know adult things. Add long your children that you have to look after, care for. To top it all off, you might be a single parent; which you enjoy, but its hard at times cause the father isn't in the picture. Or, he can and is in the picture, but let's face it, he can and IS an asshole. You're doing it all by yourself, the fun days are over. NO T...

This week's Newsweek front page cover talks about something indept that I always had questions about. When I go to ask, not questions those that I think would know, I get these strange looks. Looks of who am I to question the Bible. I'm not questioning the Bible, I'm questioning those that wrote or had some say so of putting this Book together. The article questions...well, if there were really 3 Kings present. Its states it was a cave that the Son of God was born in. And among other things... I can't even explain, jsut google the aricle and read. I have always said that Jesus didn't write the Bible, and its a know fact. The Bible was written by those who knew of Him and his ways, His works. But this was written how they saw what they saw, and we all know how easy it is to embelish what we clain to see. Yeras later who is to say that what we say and what that person had written isn't, wasn't true. Bring this subject up to God Fearing, Church Thumping, Alw...

You know how some people try and one up you, like they think you don't know shit cause you don't speak about them. Yeah, those type of people. Or, how some people who don't even know you, but you have to deal with them on a daily basis, think cause you're a 'grunt worker', that you don't know anything about whats going on in the world today. Well I have them know that I.... I'm well aware of shit. I tried to think of a better word, but I write what I feel. I read about 3 newspapers a day, and countless magazines daily also. I may not understand sometimes the situation, but give me a couple of hours and I will 1, know what's its about, and 2, give you my motherfucking opinion. On people, like the ones who say our President, the people in Washington won't let him do the things that he want to do. Hell, The President is only the man who signs the checks, and takes the blame when shits fucks up. My opinion, it may have looked like he was happy afte...

Now I know what I want. It came to me as I was smoking a cigarette...a moment of clarity. WOW !! I know just who I am, this is amazing. It breaks it...I broke it down to this. I am a companion. Well what the fuck is that? Its like this, this is how I see myself. I like beautiful women, the beauty in a woman; I judge, is not by only her looks. In fact looks doesn't even come into play. If the woman has herself together and is managing her everyday life with little to no problems hassles, she is perfect. If she wants a man in her life, but not all up under her...even better. If she wants to explore her sexual side of herself and have no problem; but is timid at first, even more better. But I will not be kept as a kept man. Not unless there are some ground rules. One, I have to work, keep a job. If you want me to stay at home and take care of things, we have to establish what those things are. I'm not your maid, I won't cook and clean. Like you come home from work on your da...

She told me the night before to meet her at 12 noon, then today she called and said she forgot that she was going to Mid Day Mass, so the time was switched to 1:15pm.  How can you forget about that, but its understandable. I got there about at a quarter to 1, not too early or too late. One thing I dislike is being late for anything. Well at 1:25, I was beginning to worry, and then my cell phone rang. It was her and that she was leaving the house now, she went home to change first. Said she would be there within 15 minutes. Ten minutes to 2pm she calla me and ask me where am I at. I could tell she was getting nervous by her voice. Either meeting me was making her nervous, or I was reading her voice all wrong. Told her that I was out in front, by valet parking, since this was a place that she comes to all the time, she should feel at ease, plenty of people around. For 10 minutes were trying to find each other. This place has to entrances and I was way on the other side, she walked to...

I know what I want, and what I get and what I'm looking for are totally all different. It takes a smart person..no a person with a brain to realize this. I take what I get..for now until.... ...I see other wise. Sorry if I harp on the dating scene a lot. What else do I have to talk about. Right now I'm on my way to meet this woman for the first time. Thru emails and one phone call which I made, after she told me to call her, I got to hear her voice. She gave me her number a week ago, but I told her I would only text her, call her if she tells me to. She did tell me. background noise. That noise you hear when you're on the phone for the first time...should be quiet. Or, some music playing. In her background it sounded like chaos, but all it was was a TV playing...LOUD. In mine, quietness, until the land line rang. I had to go downstairs and meet some one dropping something off. Initial conversations are tricky, you have to give a person, well both aprties equal talking t...

...they are mine, I own them. Others my have the same ones as mine, but these, the ones I make claim to are mine's only. I don't know what it is about death, I don't fear it. Nor am I ready to take it head on. I know it will come, like costumer, to my counter, ready to place an order. But this order is final and to go. No problem with Funeral Homes, seeing a dead body. My father passed away 2 years ago, I loved him, but that wasn't him in that casket for viewing. The Burial. When my Grandmother past away, I didn't go to the burial, I was afraid, also I was young. That was my Grandmother and I won't be seeing her anymore. I didn't want to see her placed in a hole in the ground, in the dirt. We as kids played in dirt, mud. I know longer at that time saw dirt as something to play in. But now, I still don't know about death. My mother is in the hospital, that is what bought this post on. I have 4 younger siblings, 2 sisters & 2 brothers. When my fathe...

I know this woman since we, since I was 14 years old. She's 2 years younger than me and we always had a thing for each back then. I mentioned her in eralier post I think. So we got back in touch with each other, a little over a year ago. I'm suppose to be her man...whetever. Its been since the beginning of Summer since the last time we saw, held each other. One of her sons, the eldest just got out of prison. The other son, who both are living with her, is jealous of his brother, cause he is getting all the attention. He spazzes out on his mother, she told me over the phone that the next time he does, she is calling the police. I don't blame her. Now is vacation time and I'm cover for people in the kitchen. I have to be at work at 7am to 2, 2:30pm, 5 days a week. I catch the 4:51am bus, the 5 train, get off at 180th Street & wait for the 2 train, which I know she is on. I sit right next to her. Ride it with her to 72nd Street. We both get off and catch the 1 train,...

I've notice something; as I do almost every single day that I awake and breathe. I know I do it, but I'm unaware that I do it, surely some one will point it out to me. But..people don't always mean what they say, they don't always do what they do too. And we all know that we as people, we can be real assholes. Bear with me on this one. She met a guy online and he claimed he was single, no children. Lonely and being of early 50's in age, she is and was looking for some one to call her own. Some one to spend those lonely cold nights with. After 7 months of their first meet, she like what he had to offer. Told her he loves and care for her. He moves in with her, she offered, he accepted. He doesn't work and since now that she is head over heels in love with him, he doesn't have to. A year goes by, she does everything for him. Lets him borrow her car, gives him money and buys him clothes. He doesn't have to ask for it, she gives it to him. Then one day it ...