....now wait just a minute

.... I was transferring pictures that people who had posted on my timeline of my mother, to an online storage account. And then it hit me, the grief. I never in my life have felt pain like that ever before. It all started with just knowing that I won't be seeing my mother anymore. It was like some one stabbed me in my heart. Mind you now, I am a strong mined and strong willed person, but this pain was like nothing, I can't even describe it. So, I'm not even going to try. One of my mother's many wishes, which I've learned through my sister, was that she didn't want any type of notice displayed in her building lobby. When my sister told me this, I didn't know what to think. But I do know this. In life you come across people that you meet, some stay as friends, and some become enemies. We know of these types of people. But you know what, there is another side too. A lot of people 'knew of' my mother and never even met nor spoke to her. It was others ...

I spoke of her in past postings, but we go back a ways. Wanda had 3 other sisters and one brother. Well, 2 brothers, but back then I only knew her one brother, Clyde. Clyde and I use to hang out. My family's apart was directly over theirs. Clyde and I had cut a hole in my floor in my room, he had a room to himself too, directly below mine's. I had a big thing for his sister Wanda. Years went by, and Wanda reached out to me thru Facebook. The last time I had seen her, I think I was in the 9th or 10th grade. Our families moved, we each went our separate ways. We met again about 2 years ago and it was like we picked up where we left off at. But then, one of her son's was getting out of jail, and she wanted to set up house to greet him. Moved into a better apartment, and her other son, moved in also. What stopped us from going forward...it was her doing the right thing, which surprised me. She wasn't the one who slept around with other men, I was her 2nd lover. She want...

...I mean, I shouldn't be the one...but then again I should say something. But I will wait until after the services. My mother had once told me that when one of her cousins had died, her sister went with another family member to the cousins house. This was before her only living daughter, who lived a good distance away, upstate, could make it down to her mother's apartment. By the time the daughter got there, all the jewelry, was either taken or all the good stuff was missing. Something like that happened a little while ago. I have been living with my mother for over 2 years. Upon her passing, I only went into her room to turn on the light for her cat, and to check to see who buzzed the intercom downstairs. I wasn't expecting anyone, and the only person who does that would be the mail woman. My mother gets a lot of mail, too much to fit in the box. Anyways, that's the only reason I went into her room. Today, my brother and 2 sisters came over to pick something out f...

...that was the time I got the phone call. I knew it was coming, but I thought I had at least..3, 4 days. I didn't. My mother...passed away. It sounds strange to hear my inner voice say that. Sounds even stranger when I had to inform people. But you know what, I don't tell them with sorry in my heart. I truely believe in Heaven, The After Life and even coming back as people and or even animals. No sorrow, no pain in my heart, just loneliness. Its like I lost a Best Friend. Wait, I didn't lose her, she left me for bigger and better things. No pain, no hurt...no murders and no crimes. She isn't no longer in any more pain. I can see her now smiling and cursing whoever is in Heaven...'Okay motherfuckers!!'. She will be the only one allowed to curse in Heaven. I don't see why not. My cousin has his own church and he is the Pastor. She went to service for the first time, and my cousin started messing with her. They love to hear her curse, so starting with her in...

...I haven't posted something in a while. Its not like I didn't wanted to, it 1was just...shit still stays the same. I've come to the conclusion..really, a realization, that I am forever to stay... One, single. Two, without children. And three, always won't, and can't understand what goes on in a woman's head. Being single has its good and bad times. Bad times..staying constantly being horny all the time. For those times I do have sex, which are rare, the woman, she must think I'm a Porn Star or something. The good times are just doing and going wherever I wanth to go. On occassions, I would just pick any cafe downtown in Manhattan, armed with $25 to spend on buying food there. Its a trade for using the internet doing nothing. I can't download what I want...no not porn..well sometimes. I m talking about movies & music. It seems some cafes put blocks on torrent websites. I have a MiFi device, my own internet, but why waste my data plan. ...