My Uncle Lawrence

Last April, my family threw me a 50th birthday party. A lot of my cousins, aunts and uncles were present. Most of my cousins I didn't even know cause that's how far removed I am at family gatherings. It all has something to do with my past. My family, they all have moved on from it, but I haven't. It shames me to even be around them, cause I know they know about my past. Even though that's behind me, it still bothers me. I had promised to be more into family gatherings, but I have yet kept my promises, its just me.

At my party, my Uncle Lawrence was there, he was suffering from cancer. He is no longer with us. About 3 months ago he passed away and I didn't even go to the services. So now my conscious is bothering me, and this is why.

My mother called me at work and told me that my Uncle left me 2 watches. I said okay, but I don't know when I will be able to come to her house, cause my work is tight right now, working on my days off, vacation too. She said she understands but she wanted me to know something about thew watches. My Uncle worked for and retired from New York City Transit. These watches, as my mother said, cause she checked, are worth a couple of thousand dollars... a piece. There is a big thing within his family. Like why did I get them left to me in his will. She explained what he told my Aunt, who told her.

He said that Michael isn't like any person that's in our entire family. Michael is his own person, his own world and cares about those who are in his world. Instead of everyone trying to make me be a part of their world, they should try to be a part of mine. He said that when I was young, a little boy, I was riding the train, and he was the conductor. I didn't see him. He said I had my nose deep into some books and magazines reading, not even paying attention to what was going on around me. He said that when he looked at me, people were looking at this young boy, sitting there reading a newspaper like he was grown. Other kids my age on the train were acting wild, but not me. Right then he knew there was something different about me. I don't remember that day. But I do remember saeeing him one time as a conductor and we had a long conversation too. When the train got to 180th Street in The Bronx, it was his last run, he gave me a ride home. I told my mother where I was at and she said she knew.

I remember my Uncle when I was coming up as being the photographer in the family. I saw his big fancy cameras, and I said that's what I want to do and be. When I entered High School, I went to The High School of Art & Design. My major was Photography and Motion Picture Design. First day of school I was told I need a camera for my 4 periods of photography. I don't know what I told my mother, but she bought me and Instamatic camera. Next day at school, everyone had 35mm cameras, talk about embarrassment. The next day I had a 35mm camera my Uncle Lawrence which I didn't know at the time, bought for me. I was really good at talking and developing my shots. Walt Frazier lived a cross the street from my school, and he use to practice in our gym. I went to school VERY early to take pictures of him, the janitor let me in. I showed him some of the prints and he bought about 30 of them from me, he paid BIG bucks for them too !!

I wanted more out of life so I dropped out of HS and joined The Army. That's when the detachment from family actually started. I somewhat miss and will miss my Uncle Lawrence, for real. Here's hoping where ver you're at is what you want it to be.