I know...

I know I fuck up, so I also know others fuck up also. A friend of mine
last year decides to get in the drug game. I'm not proud of what I did
when in the late 80's I got in. I'm lucky and I thank God that I
survived it. But, I was giving him some pointers on it, doing it. I told
him its dangerous and you won't have any friends and family... Well,
family is gonna talk shit, but they are gonna want some of what you're
doing, money & DRUGS, watch.

Well I was running into him every now and then. He's balling' as they
say. Looking down on the people who are putting money in his pocket,
food on his table, clothes on his back, roof over his head. Well now e
is having problems and I don't see how. With the amount he was taking in
everyday, he shouldn't have. I told him to alway put away half, trick
the half of the half, and the other half is money always in your pocket.
The next day, money in the pocket, goes in the bank. You would think he
would listen, but you can't tell these youngsters nothing.

Blowing up my email about he needs some money to get right, get back on
his feet, $250. WTFlyingF !! What you do, trick it all? This women, I'm
not gonna call them hoes, but these women can smell blood, and you're
were the walking dead from jump street. So when you staggered, they
pushed and stomped you down. Well, it has happen to better men than you
so what makes you so different. I cut all ties with him. I can't bai you
out n this one, you're on your own.

Like I said, I know I fucked up in the past, but I try, I try to learn
from my bad choices. I know I'm not the handsomeness man around, my
teeth needs fixing, shit like that. But I'm happy with me. To me its
what's inside of my heart that matters. Which brings me to this.

Tell me how you just start a job, been there for 3 months AND then
decide to go to The Dominican Republic for a whole month.... Then EXPECT
to still have a job there when you come back. See your people over there
seemed that YOU gave them the impression that you're all that back in
NYC. We ALL are struggling, me included. So you get back and want to
know why, why you don't have a job when the company you work for has 10
stores. NEWSFLASH....they want workers who work. They want a employee
who is gonna be here, in NYC, in their company, their store WORKING !!
Oh that snow storm, the one after or during Christmas. While your ass
was someplace warm, people here were fighting the elements. Fuck, I
would have fired your ass by phone, left a voice mail the next day. You
come to me, 'I need money', bitch you HAD a job that made you money. Oh,
and your bf, he wants nothing to do with you except hit you off once a
week, payday with 40 dollars, as long as you fuck him. Oh and your baby
father, what's up with him, no child support? He brings you 3 day old
vegetables, fruit that rotted and gives you 25 dollars for the baby. But
this is after you fuck him TOO.

Listen, I'm 50, will be 51 in April, no children, but want one. You
young women out here, but not all, I know he promised you the world,
have my baby and shit. But all that changes when you're in your 7th, 8th
month. You don't feel like having sex, you thing you're fat, you think
he is cheating on you. I've heard and seen it all its your damn attitude
during your pregnancy that turns hin away, your demanding shit and
accusing him of doing shit, which he isn't. Its your fault that he is a
deadbeat dad, that's right. What the fuck you doing having a baby at 18
or 19 years old. Take care of your child yourself with the services the
city and state is offering. Get a job, KEEP a job, fuck going away each
winter to your country just to FUCKIN' SHOW OFF !!

I just had a nice 2 days with my now ex gf, whom is my gf once again.
When I woke up on MY OWN, no alarm clock at 3:30am, she got up too. She
said she miss this part about me. Able to wake up and get myself going
and out. She misses me around her, cause when I am, she can relax, walk
around the apartment half way naked, knowing that I'm watching and want
to pounce on her like a kitten. That's what she said, a kitten.

I know I don't have all the answers, and I don't know it all...But I
know what WORKED and WORKS for me !! And I'm....

O.U.T.T.A. H.E.R.E. !!
--michaelchappell

Thoughts....

I thought this weekend would be a total waste of time. I tell space in
their head. Some wise words from day months in treatment. The problem is
that sometimes I don't take my own advice. I'm on NY's Metro North,
heading to White Plains, NY, and my manager calls me. Since I was on the
subway, it went straight to voicemail. I should have just deleted it,
but no. He calls and want to know about some damned Boarshead roast
beef. There was about 7 people in my train car as it was pulling out of
Grand Central...bet they all thought I was crazy the way I was going off
on the phone. Why call me about some bullshit like that. What, 3 dollars
worth of meat. To top it off, he laughs and say, what, you home already.
NO !! I'm on the train, heading out of the city, don't call me foray
bullshit like that. My deli manager use to be a boxer. I think he took
one too many hits to his head. I was so freaking' wound up right there
and then, took the whole 1 hour train ride to decompress.

So friday night til now, sunday a quarter to five, the weekend has been
stress free. But I can feel it slowly creeping back into my body. I'm
not even any where close to my job, but I feel it. Once I step foot in
the place, it leaves. Its just the anticipation, that's leading up to
the bullshit, that bothers me. See, when you're off from work, it gives
those that are there reason to blame shit on you. It gives them to to
set up their lies and put you in madness that you have no part of. And
the ones that are in charge, they don't think to wait til everyone is
present to ask questions. They just go with what they are told. Hence
tha bullshit. But I'm gonna try ad have a decent work week this week.

My ex, who is now my girlfriend, we have know each other for almost 15
years. Like any relationship with a male and female, there s always
another party involved...her mother. Now we know our parents...we love
them, no mater what, but thsy can do some mess up shit at times. My gf's
mother,ya can't leave her out of this one. She feels that no matter
what, I should always find time for her daughter.excuseme, but...
sometimes work comes first. I asked, if I had no job, would you want
your daughter to be with me, she said no. So there, I have to work.
Another thing is this. When I come to visit her, I should bring, buy all
the food for my stay, hers and mine. Her daughter makes twice the amount
of money I make, store right around the corner, can't she go shopping
for food when, and before I arrive ? So I end up spending money I don't
have for food that's there when I leave. That isn't fair to me I tell
them. Her mother gets quiet like a 'church mouse' when I said that. I
don't eat much, and most of the time, I buy what I want to eat anyway.
Of course I get enough for two, but I'm just saying.

The subject of oral sex came up. Without getting graphic, I give, but
never receive and this isn't to say I want it either. In fact, I don't
like to get it. Something about teeth and my penis. Its even hard, no
pun intended, to think about it. So my gf said that she seen some KY oil
that makes it enjoyable for him and her, so I told her to get it. I
guess she isn't even thinking about giving, only receiving I guess, oh
well.

Train coming...
--michaelchappell

Heading Out of The City...'bout Time.

Since I don't have to work on Saturday, my one day off, I decide to go
spend it with my ex, my best friend. Yep, I'm sleeping with my best
friend. But now she wants me to be her bf again, and I accepted it. So
now, I can't call her my ex any more, but its all good.

To be honest, I very much happy going to see her. We talk evrty night
for about 20 minutes. She understands that I'm not a phone person. But
it feels good to be getting away, heading up to White Plains, NY.

If I stayed at home, I would have been very much angry with myself. It
would be because I had decided to keep my lazy ass home to be bothered
by the noise the rest of the apartment makes. They have no respect for
those who work hard all week. Out of 5 of us, only 3 work. The one young
lady who doesn't work, she watches her Spanish soap operas that she
dvr'ed over the weeks. Up all night, sleep all day. Enough of her.

Glad that I'm not at work too. I mean for 6 straight days I bust my
ass...way too much if you ask me I know when I return on Sunday, some
new shit has popped off, always happens. This time, I'm gonna keep my
mouth shut and go with the flow. When I was leaving the store, cashiers
asking me what I'm up to this weekend,and I asked why. They say they
wanna hang out. I ask that, my famous question..'are we fucking?' they
give me strange look, I don't care, I'm keeping it real. Why I wanna
just 'hang out' with you if we aren't gonna get naked at some point? I
see no reason to.

New young lady working in the deli too, training. She asked have I ever
tried anal sex, I have. Giving, not receiving and females only. I ask
her as she, yes, and she likes it. I'm not surprised I tell her. There's
more I want to say and tell her, but I don't want to get that close to
her.one, she has a bf, who just got out of a 2 year bid, gun charge. But
since she started working she says she is seeing things different with
him. He isn't working, so now she's around working people, people trying
to do something. She gave me her number and email, oh well.

On the F train, 2 more stops to 42nd Street-Bryant Park, then a 3 block
walk to Grand Central, Metro North.
--michaelchappell

I Don't Understand...why...

Yesterday, while at work, the owner approached me. He told me he was
looking at the store video tape and he noticed that I come to work 2
hours early. He said that if I lived in another part of the city, he
wouldn't have a problem with it. But I was told that I cnt come in the
store until 6 minutes before my shift. I'm looking at this in a number
of ways...with what this may mean.

I don't clock in when I come in the store, so I'm not stealing time. I
come in, have a cup of coffee, read the newspaper and then at 15 minutes
before my shift starts, I then clock in. He told me this. He said that
other large supermarkets don't allow its employees to do this and that
this other guy that use to work here, was stealing time. He would come
in, clock in and then sit downstairs and d nothing. He was fired. The
owner said that even though I don't clock in, its giving the deli
manager the option to come in when he wants to cause he knows that I
will be here to cover him. He wants the deli manager to be more
responsible and be at work. Okay, I can understand that but..

I have it in my ways to always show up early. I wake up every morning at
4am, even though I don't have to be to work til 9am. This is throwing my
way of doing things WAY off. The owner and I got into talking about what
other companys do, that they follow this rule too. I told him that all
the places where work, I was never told not to do this. I'm not
clocking in, so it was okay cause they knew that I was doing things in
order to get everything I need so not to be away from the counter.

So now, and this is what I gather, that a working person can't come into
work before his start of shift and WORK OFF the CLOCK, in order to have
his or her shit together. I don't understand this, but I will do what
I'm told. But in the same breath, the deli manager called in a coworker
a whole hour before his shift to work, but I can't come in the store and
not clock in. Strange. Gonna look more into this later today.
--michaelchappell

A Disclosure...a Testament

I'm me, to know me, to know what I came thru and have done...well, I
think I've accomplished quite a bit. My past are like demons. I'm afraid
of them and they are a part of me everyday. We all have demons, but mine
are, were, the worst kind. I'm not proud of them. They are still a part
of me and I embrace them every waking moment and every breath I take.

Remember the crack craze of the 80's, well I was a victim. You can say
in a way I'm still am. Not because I use, cause I gave that up some time
ago. Its like with and when you drink and then you stop. You're still a
drinker no matter what. But MY addiction is totally different now. I
don't use, cause I don't want to lose.

People say that I'm crazy, that I act like I'm having so much fun, I am
!! To know what I've been thru and how far I came from that madness, you
would be happy for me. My family remembers, but they don't forget what
I put myself thru. Strange thing is, its means nothing to to have gone
thru that phase, it was just part of growing up and experiencing life in
general. Today, I look at things completely different.

Some may say that all I think about is sex..true. But having sex, making
love, well that a completely different story. Oh I can meet a nice
woman, talk with her right there and then. Then comes the time to
exchange numbers, we do. But for me to call you...I can't bring myself
to have a conversation with you over the phone. I like conversations in
person, face to face, I have your attention them. On the phone, there
are too many distractions maybe on your end. For me, I want all your
attention, that's why I want to speak with you face to face. Since I no
longer use, I see life is really worth living. People, females, are
beautiful and not made to be taken advantage of. I never did that, but
its just that women are so beautiful.

Yesterday a co worker told me that I should speak with another co
worker, that I would really like her cause she likes me. So I approached
her on her break. At first she was nervous, but after 5 minutes, she
asked was I attached to anyone, told her no. She wasn't either. She gave
me her address and told me to let her know when I would be able to stop
by. Told her after work on Monday. Her break was over, and she was
leaving to go to her register, she told me this. 'I'm 30 years old, no
boyfriend, and I want to get to know you cause you are so crazy and you
look like you're having big fun in the deli'.

I'm not gonna tell her about my past, my demons cause they are mine.
But if she is to ask, ask in a certain way, I will tell her cause that's
how I am. I've learned over the years not to just accept any old thing,
to want the best, to want things the way I want them. If I can't have
them the way I want, no use in even going any further. Women are like
this too, and now I understand why. Why settle for less than what you
want for yourself.

So there.
--michaelchappell

Some Things, People..Just Amaze Me..No, For Real, They Do.

I've had time t think about things, think things over. I'm not the one
that jumps to any conclusions, I try not do that. At times I do, then I
catch myself. But..

Why do people 'bash' each other? I played it safe and said people, what
I really meant to say was, why do women bash men? Hey, I know men,
me..were aren't the most realiable of the two species. Shit does come
up, ad sometimes it more important than what we planned to do. Okay, I
going in.

This isn't to anyone special, its in general, from what I've seen and
heard. So that man in which you produce child with, turns out is a piece
of shit. So, do you stop seeing him when, 1, you kicked him out, or 2,
when he started beating your ass? No, you didn't. And..now you wanna
know why, me, or any other decent person who is looking for a
reaatinship wth a fine ass woman of your standings. You want to know why
we walk away 2 dates with you. Oh, could you have done some planning in
advance, like... if you're still in contact with your baby's father,ask
him to take his child for a couple of hours, cause you have a 'date'.
Yeah, I said date, and you can tell the child's father that word too.
Just mentioning that word to him would cause him to look at you in a
different way. But no, you don't think that way. Here's the way you
think.

ALL men are a piece of shit, even the god ones, cause if they were any
good they would be married already. You're gonna see what 'he' can do
for you cause you already been hurt in the past, and you're not gona let
that happen again. Or, you go a different route, the route of its all
about you looking out for your child who's father is a deadbeat dad. The
route if you love me, you have to love my child. Ummm, no I don't.

I'm not leaving out you single women with out any children, my hat goes
half way off to you, but not fully. See, some of ya'll take that
independence shit a little too far. Can't no man tell you what to do,
where to go, how to dress, and what to say. Basically what we do tell
you sometime..'shut tha fuck up'., cause that mess coming out of your
mouth is just that mess. But us 'good men', we don't say anything, we
just 'bow out' gracefully. You should have taken the hint, look at out
faces when you said, 'so what's up boo'. Fuck outa here with that Boo
shit, what, am I a ghost? The clubs, bars, or whatever, you think you
look good? My dear, its night time, the club/bar has low lighting. A
good man, would meet you in the daytime, first date is during the
daytime. At night, ALL men play that role of being a Balla, ordering big
drinks, buy expensive stuff, but.. Can't make his rent, car payment,
utilities payment cause of those few drinks. ENOUGH !!

Me, I'm a broke ass man, trying to make it day to day.doing good so far.
Roof over my head, (rented room), food on my table, (I work in a
supermarket in the deli), and clothes on my back, (plenty of cuzzo's
that throw shit out). The only item, thing, whatever, I'm missing...is a
warm body sometimes at night or during the day. But nowadays its what I
can do for you. Straight up, first meeting, you will get the impression
of me that I'm selfish and all I care about is me. Well, its true. Who
is gonna look out for me? But that doesn't mean we can't come to an
agreement, a mutual understanding. That's what that hole is in our heads
is for, other than eating and holding our teeth in..we can communicate,
talk.

So when I come out and ask you, what is it that you want? Feel free to
tell the truth, cause what I will say if you ask me that, it will be
truthful. I'm not gonna play games with you, I don't have time for that
shit. And in closing....Yeah, I TALK with a lot of women, doesn't mean
I'm sleeping with them. I enjoy talking, its like information. Also,
yeah, I asked for your number, why I didn't call you ask? Wait, didn't I
give you my number too? Why didn't you call? See, if we traded numbers,
that means if you're interested also, after a while when I didn't call,
like in 2 days, what's wrong with your fingers? Oh, I know what's that
about. 'Its whatyoucandoforme', huh?
--michaelchappell

Gotta Get a Rabbi

I was talking with my dear mother yesterday. My convos with her are
always interesting. Last nights, had me thinking and looking at my
mother in a whole different way. By the way, she turned 76 in December.

I asked her about my little brother who is a lawyer. She told me that
his firm just purchased two additional floors in this building in
Manhattan, and that he has quite a large office. And..that he is
surrounded by 4 Rabbis. Now I know what a rabbi is, both religious, and
other wise. Then she dropped something on me. She asked me did I have a
Rabbi.

Found out that.. My Grandmother who worked for the Post Office, had 2.
My mother had one, when she was a Chief Social Worker for The State of
New York, Office of Mental Health, now my little brother has 4. She
wondered why or when was I going to attain one. And that had me
thinking.

A Rabbi is a person who looks out for your behalf at the work place. I
think its the work place,but it could be work related, at another
location that's attached to your job location. At my place, where I
work, these people there are 'sheep',that's what I call them. It seems
to me that all they do is what they are told to do, even if its not in
their job description. Not me, I mean I do what I'm told to do, but...
If I feel its not what I'm being paid to do,I question it. My co workers
don't, they just go ahead and do it. Also, they come to me for advice.
So, I'm the Rabbi, no one to look out for me,but myself and THAT has me
worried.

I'm not being threaten of being fired, no, nothing like that. Its just
that I KNOW about all the bullshit, under the table, sneaky shit that
goes on there BY the Powers That Be, and THAT'S what has me worried. I
asked the store manager, did he know what a Rabbi is, he gave me this
look, and his face first drained of color, then turned red. I said no
more.

I'm sure he went back and told the owner who's office is downstairs. I
saw them talking on the side too. But at least it was out on the floor,
by the registers, where they normally talk. The the owner had a talk
with the manager of one of the departments. The department manager son
works in the same department, so I asked him what was all the talk
about. He said it was about payroll. Didn't I have a good talk with the
store manager, and my deli supervisor about if my department is doing so
well, why is my hours slowly being decreased. Its a trickle down effect,
or, I hit on something that they are trying to readjust, trying to say
that they are doing it thru out all departments...I don't think so.
Then, I heard something...

Our Union Rep quit, he doesn't work or our Local anymore. Like this is
the 4th one in 2 years. Shit isn't right. Sooooo, I NEED me a Rabbi, for
then I will feel safe.
--michaelchappell

The Peace and Quiet..Is Gone !!

Last night, I went to sleep, was very tired. I didn't turn off my ringer
on my cell phone like I always do, forgot. At 10:21pm, I get a phone
call. It was my housemate's bf calling, that's what the caller I D said.
I answered. It was my female housemate on the phone, she wanted me to
come downstairs and open the door. See, things getting off on the wrong
foot already.

I go downstairs, no coat, flip flops. There's a crowd of people around
the front door. All I did was unlock the door, turned around and went
back upstairs to my room, my bed. I waited 1/2 an hour, then I went to
see what's up. One of the people that was standing outside, was her
mother. She flew in with them from DR. So now the mother & father are
here in the apartment too. The 2 sisters have been gone for a month, so
I doubt if they have jobs to go back to. The aunt & uncle, who came back
about 2 days ago, were in their bedroom sleeping cause they both have to
work in the morning. Everyone else is in the living room raising hell,
like the rest of the household doesn't have to earn a living in the
morning.

Her mother looks at me, like, I don't know. Straight up, I don't like or
dislike her, simple like that. No feeling what's so ever for her at all.
I mean if I was fucking any of the 2 of your daughters...maybe, I could
grow to have 'some' concern for her, but for now? One of this sister's
has her panties in a bunch cause she set the dvr to record her spanish
soap operas while she was gone. She upset cause she says t wasn't
plugged in. Ok, check, 2 days before Christmas, I didn't have any heat
or electricity, but was you concern when I text you, no. You told ME to
call the landlord, and he didn't get back to me for a whole week. So
while you were in 85 degree weather, I was in 34 degrees with no heat or
electricity...fuck you.

So there is a lot of...'Mike,Mike,Mike'. Like leave me the fuck alone,
act like adults and try to do things yourself. What really pisses me of
is this. You asked to borrow my iphone, and you left it over there, no
what. I want to be paid for my phone. Either 300 dollars worth of ass,
or cash, you decide and I'm not playing on this.

Then, your 2 year old son is to stay out of my room, and I don't
babysit,at NO time. I told her this cause, since you're back now, now
you have to catch up with what's going on here. See, the both of the
sister's are showing off in front of their mother like they think they
are controlling me, but the father knows the deal. He respects me as I
respect him. That look in his eye is that of respect. I get up and go to
work, and I come home to relax.

I just hope things go to normal in the next couple of days. I got use to
no one but me at home. I guess I NEED to live in my own place, I will
see.
--michaelchappell

And We Pray, Pray, Pray (MC Hammer)

I believe there is a God, a Higher Power. I more believe this Higher
Power is male, can't see a female doing this job.

With that said... Don't you think God sees everything we do..better yet.
He knows everything we are ABOUT to do, BEFORE we even do it. Deep
right? So its reason to believe, also, that He is aware of our feelings,
knows what's in our hearts, right? So explain something to me then. Why
don't most people speak what's in their heart.

Another thing. I know this customer, female, she stop coming by the
counter for a while. I saw a woman who looked just like her so I thought
it was her daughter, turns out, it was her granddaughter. The GD's
mother then walk to my counter, and out of earshot of the GD, I said out
loud, you're beautiful. I started talking with her, but she got all
religious on me. I had enough and asked her can I just say something,
this is what I said.

Why did you just ask Jesus to help you. He did already, he bought you to
me. Or was it that in your heart, you were thinking in what some may
call unpure ways? Are you married, no? BF, no? Oh cause you're 53 years
old doesn't mean you can't have a bf. Excatly what was you thinking when
you ask Jesus to help you?

Turns out that she did have these thoughts about me, cause she felt that
what I was saying to her was straight from my heart. But she just got
out of a relationship about 3 months ago, and he took advantage of her.
I asked, well, why didn't you do it back? She claims she isn't like
that, so look where it got you now. She asked me what did I want to do
with her? Just like that she asked. I told her.

She gave me her cell, home and email address and said please call her. I
did when I got home. Had a looong convo too. She was and is finding
comfort in the church, but something missing. I told her...sex. No I
said some one between your legs, which left he VERY quiet. Then she said
its true. See, that's what I don't understand about the Church.

One, to be a Pastor of your own Church, you have to have the gift of
gab. And once you have that down, its like having a bottomless wallet or
purse. Cause, there are people who seek solice in The Church. They
figure that 'man' is so wrong, and that this Pastor has a direct link to
The Man Above. This Pastor knows what's right, he isn't going to steer
me wrong. No he won't, but he will steer all those lost feeling of
togetherness that you're missing..he will us that to his advantage. I've
been to a lot of Churches where I've seen the congregation 'waited'
their turn to talk to the Pastor, I saw how he operated and it was a
shame.

I'm saying this. If you don't follow your heart, then what are you
really following. People want o meet and deal with real, and real
people. We can't say what you always want to hear. Then again, we can.
You have a brain, not only listen to what's being said to you, try to
understand too. Body movements play a big part in communication, it
tells all.
--michaelchappell

Some People May Take You as For Being...

That's it, I give up. I give up trying to figure people out. For now on,
I'm going on what 'I' know. And I know a lot of things. One...

The only person you fool when you're trying to fool others, is yourself.
Think about it, don't you think or even have a clue that that other
person may know the deal already?

It has nothing to do with my looks, you made that perfectly clear. Its
that you are, after all this time not dating, you are not comfortable
with the way you look. I told you, you look fine, more than fine. Stop
comparing yourself to others, they are not you, and you are not them.
You seemed interested to me. We have got together among other people,
coffee, window shopping, you hugging me, kissing me on my cheek and even
on the lips. You apologized for slipping your tongue in, I was just
thrown off cause I wasn't expecting that and I told you so. So, you're
opening up to me and you are enjoying yourself.

Your hugs state that you want to go to the next phase, and I asked you,
and you said yes in that sweet voice wile looking into those beautiful
eyes. Its you that's stopping you. I told you over the phone last night
I have something to discuss with you, and its this, what I'm saying
now.

See, its other women who causes you and others like you to second guess
yourself. Stop worrying about what you look like. I think that its been
so long that you allowed yourself to be wanted, you can't believe what's
happening now. You figure after sex, there will be nothing more to look
forward to, but you're wrong. So, I will hold out from having that
special moment with you. It will be all up to you to choose that moment.
I won't talk you into doing anything that you don't want to do with me.
I will know when you're ready, and you will know too.

--michaelchappell

.....Under Pressure.....

I give advice if you ask me. It could be on anything, I will give you my
say so, your choice. Casein point.

Co worker says that her childhood boyfriend got in touch with her, and
he keeps calling annoying her. Why did you give him your cell number
first thing? So what do I do, she ask. Here is my say.

Her present day boyfriend, who is in another country, which she hasn't
seen in 3 years... see, where I'm going? I told her to do this, cause he
is coming to meet her 2 weeks. Talk with him on the phone. Tell him that
your are engaged to be married, but haven't seen your boyfriend in 3
years, but this is what you want to do. Being that we were an item when
we were young, tell him you want to hook up with him. Let him make all
the arrangements. Ehas2 weeks to get it going.

She said they were an item in their country when she was 14 years old,
and doesn't know what he looks like now. It doesn't matter, you're using
him for one thing...SEX !! Believe me when he sees you, he won't be
disappointed. I asked her do she think she can do that? She told me that
she is so horny, and that if we weren't co workers, she would've been
dropped her pantie to me. Oh, but she is and will, on May 12th.

I told her excatly what to do, stop ignoring his calls, talk with him on
the phone, get to know him over the phone. When that day comes, get as
many..as you can, take a shower, get dress and leave. Don't wait for
him. Next day ignore his phone calls, change your number, call him from
a pay phone, tell him you.dont want to see him again. It was a one time
deal. He probably get in touch with your family, so you will probably
here some flack from them about what you did, but explain to your
parents what you did, and how you feel, you have needs and wants and 3
fucking years is a long to to WANT ! She said she is gonna do it, we
will see.

Now about May 12th. We both can to an agreement that if her boyfriend
isn't here in this country by then, once a week, until her arrives, we
will have sex. They was she agreed to it, was like, can I do it,cause
she thinks she is ugly. This young lady is far from that. Will post a
picture, or she might already be there in my blog.

--michaelchappell

Some Stuff I Wana Say

I can understand that you come from a country where jobs are nowhere to
be found. That your way of living your way of living is so far below the
poverty line of MOST third worlds countries. Ya gotta do what you gotta
do. So you sneak into the Great U.S. Of A.

But what you fail to realize, cause frankly, you could care less than a
fuck, that's its illegal to do so. But hey, MILLIONS of people do it
every year, AND get away with it. So why not give it a shot, you risk
sneaking into America. One thing though, it takes money. Its either you
continue working in your country, saving up the money, or... You get in
contact with someone who can sneak you in for a price. Part of that
price is that you have to work for him to pay him back for his time and
troubles he took to sneak you in. There's a lot involved with smuggling
people into America, and I don't want to go into all that right now. Its
just...it takes job and money away from people HERE, who really needs
it.

It just sickens me how about 5 years ago, in my line of work, I could
have a different job every 6 months if I wanted to, and I did. If one
employer didn't live up to what he said that he was hiring me for, I
would take my skills to another interviewer, and move on. Well, not
today I can't.

Employers know what's going on out there, and they know that us, the
ones seeking employment have to step up our skills in order to land that
job. But, the employer could care less about your skill really. The more
skills, experience you have, the more YOU would think you would get paid
right? No, nope, nada. Too much experince, you get passed over.
Nowadays, no experience almost makes it certain you will get hired cause
the employer doesn't have to pay that much. But there's also a kink in
this too. You get hired for one position, you end up doing the work of
3. Don't like it, quit, they can find someone else who will do it for
less.

That's why I get so upset about people who come to my counter for
service and they ask, do I speak spanish. This is America !! SPEAK
ENGLISH !! I was born here, were you ?
--michaelchappell

Learn To Swim

That's the title of a song by the band named Tool. You really have to
listen to the words of that song. It all boils down to this...

Learning to swim means, you have to learn how to deal with shit. Deal
with what you have. Learn to live on less. People are too materialistic
to me. They have to have the latest styles. The dollar is continuing to
be worth less and less. Our government is printing up more and more
money, that's why the dollar isn't gonna be worth the paper its printed
on.

Think about it, do you really need those 300 dollar shoes? Or you guys,
do you really need 200 dollar Jordans? I see it this way also. Could you
as a person survive on the streets if you were to lose it all. Your job,
place where you live, could you. Do you know how to use the system,
Public Assistance to get back on your feet again, to start over? Most
people don't.

They figure getting their toes and fingernails done is something they
HAVE to do every week. No, having clothes, decent affordable clothes on
your back is. Having affordable meals on your table is. Can you prepare
a meal from very little, meaning, eating a meal that sustains you for
living in hard times. No, most of you can't. Better yet, can you make a
fire, start a fire from scratch. Hell no, ya probably just get some
matches. Another thing. So use to having shelter too. A roof over your
head, heated apartment, running water. That shit won't matter when its
all cut off when that time comes. What time may you ask?

The time when our government has gotten far over its head with the
everyday dealing of they way we live. They ones who will survive will be
the ones who from jump street, had little or nothing at all. Follow that
homeless person pushing that shopping cart around for 24 hours and see
what they do. Better, become homeless for a month. Quit your job, get
evicted from your place, and live on the street. I know you're saying,
are you crazy, but hear me out.

It takes a strong minded person to make it in this world today. You may
think that your role models are the ones who have 7, 8 figure bank
accounts. Riding around in the latest cars, wearing the latest styles.
No, its not them. The ones I have MUCH respect for is OUR homeless
people, they know how to survive with NOTHING. Like I said, follow them
around.

Its coming to that time, when they say the world will come to an end as
we know it. Lets see. But in the mean time...

LEArN TO SWIM.
--michaelchappell

...I Just Don't Want To hurt You, So....

My job..no, my career, brings me in contact with the public. To say that
I have to look my best at work, is an understatement. I'm not that type
of deli clerk just to be standing there and JUST do your order. I can
feel your moods no matter what they are. I'm not talking about you
guys...female customers.

Aaah, female customers, I love you all. No matter what you look like. I
cold care less if YOU think you're over weighted, you're lovely and
God's finest on the face of this planet. This includes the married ones
also. Especially you married ones. I can tell if you're married even
though you don't wear your rings. I can tell if you just have a
boyfriend, even more, I can tell if you're single too. I'm not going to
tell you how I know, but I can say its all in your body movements. Its a
tell, a sign you all give off. Nope,not gonna tell ya what it is. I will
tell you one thing though, its all in the eyes.

The eyes say everything, they sparkle. Case in point, woman yesterday at
y counter. When she approached, I cold see the wedding ring, but her
body movements gave off a different story. I asked her her order, and
started it. Asked her anything else and then her eyes lit up. I told
her, go ahead say it, so she did. A pound of me. I wanted to talk more,
but there was another customer after her, so I told her to keep on
shopping I want to ask her something. When I got finished, I went to
flirt with her cause that all he wanted to do. But I was wrong.

Her first name begins with a Z,a pretty one.Married for 16 years and
bored out of her head. Came out and said in more words or less, that she
doesn't get to play at all. My convo was around that statement for the
next 5 minutes. Walked away with her cell phone number and times at
which I can call. Last night, at 1am I could call and I did. She never
did anything like this ever in her life, and she doesn't know where this
will lead with the two of us. I told her to do what she please, say
anything that comes to mine. Told me to take her address down, and the
money for the cab will be in the mailbox out front.

Got there about 25 minutes later. Walked in, she in her night clothes
and VERY nervous. All we did was talk and talk and talk. I left 2 hours
later with her telling me that she wants to see me again tonight, same
time, ok. When I got home, there was a message on ,y machine from her.
She said she enjoyed my company and wished I could have stayed longer,
she said she was getting comfortable with me and she want to cook me
breakfast before I go to work. She also said she will stop by the store
later on today.

I can't wait til I see her again. I don't care that she is married. As
far as I'm concerned, to her, her marriage was over years ago, she is
just playing house right now.
--michaelchappell

Shit Never Changes

So, one of my co workers in the deli is leaving the job. He spoke with
me about it. They were wanting to fire him, but we have sort of a strong
Union. So what they did was give him the minimum amount of hours , 16,
no Sundays, and hope that he quits. He found a job working construction.
I asked was it indoors, it is.

A position is open now, and we have applications for the deli and was
gonna start calling people for interviews, but get this. The store
manager came to us, the deli manager and me and said, in one day, that
the next day, yesterday, a guy is coming in to train. He said its a
friend of a friend, he has no experience. Me being me, I asked, is he
white, Irish? The store manager said yes. Spider se...., well you know.
The guy comes in to train and I ask while training him what did he do?
Corporate cubicle guy, aid off, but they will call him back. Isn't this
some bullshit.

How in the hell you do something like that when we have crazy
applications from people who come in begging for a job. Is it because he
lives on Long Island, have a wife, kids and a mortgage? I'm sure his
unemployment bennies are doing a little damage to his mounting bills.
But what about the people who live in this neighborhood, who shop in our
store, who have lost their jobs. You don't think the aren't gonna see
this guy in the deli and take notice. They aren't gonna come question
you store manager, they are going to ask me what is going on. I know one
thing, he better start at minimum wage too cause he has no experience.
He's a decent guy, willing and showing he wants to learn. But the hiring
practices are off the meat chain in this store.
--michaelchappell

I know I said...

I had promised, not made a resolution, a promise. To be on my best
behavior this year...well, for the better part of the year. Hell, who am
I fooling. I tried, but she just was standing there and she gave off a
signal...like come and talk to me, so I did.

No man, no children, of around my age, 45 and lives with her parents. So
I approached her. She was very shy until I said lets get out from the
cold, coffee shop. We talked for 2 hours, maybe more I think. Exchanged
numbers, both of us not phone people. She is meeting me after work on
Tuesday, wants to see how I live.

I know I said to myself that I would no longer do this. Just start
talking with women on the street and to see where it goes. But, like I
said, she was looking right at me, not thru me. When we left she told me
not to break her heart cause it has been broken so many times. Oh God,
one of these. I'm just gonna be me as always.
--michaelchappell

White Plains Metro North Station, 4:42am

--michaelchappell