A Disclosure...a Testament

I'm me, to know me, to know what I came thru and have done...well, I
think I've accomplished quite a bit. My past are like demons. I'm afraid
of them and they are a part of me everyday. We all have demons, but mine
are, were, the worst kind. I'm not proud of them. They are still a part
of me and I embrace them every waking moment and every breath I take.

Remember the crack craze of the 80's, well I was a victim. You can say
in a way I'm still am. Not because I use, cause I gave that up some time
ago. Its like with and when you drink and then you stop. You're still a
drinker no matter what. But MY addiction is totally different now. I
don't use, cause I don't want to lose.

People say that I'm crazy, that I act like I'm having so much fun, I am
!! To know what I've been thru and how far I came from that madness, you
would be happy for me. My family remembers, but they don't forget what
I put myself thru. Strange thing is, its means nothing to to have gone
thru that phase, it was just part of growing up and experiencing life in
general. Today, I look at things completely different.

Some may say that all I think about is sex..true. But having sex, making
love, well that a completely different story. Oh I can meet a nice
woman, talk with her right there and then. Then comes the time to
exchange numbers, we do. But for me to call you...I can't bring myself
to have a conversation with you over the phone. I like conversations in
person, face to face, I have your attention them. On the phone, there
are too many distractions maybe on your end. For me, I want all your
attention, that's why I want to speak with you face to face. Since I no
longer use, I see life is really worth living. People, females, are
beautiful and not made to be taken advantage of. I never did that, but
its just that women are so beautiful.

Yesterday a co worker told me that I should speak with another co
worker, that I would really like her cause she likes me. So I approached
her on her break. At first she was nervous, but after 5 minutes, she
asked was I attached to anyone, told her no. She wasn't either. She gave
me her address and told me to let her know when I would be able to stop
by. Told her after work on Monday. Her break was over, and she was
leaving to go to her register, she told me this. 'I'm 30 years old, no
boyfriend, and I want to get to know you cause you are so crazy and you
look like you're having big fun in the deli'.

I'm not gonna tell her about my past, my demons cause they are mine.
But if she is to ask, ask in a certain way, I will tell her cause that's
how I am. I've learned over the years not to just accept any old thing,
to want the best, to want things the way I want them. If I can't have
them the way I want, no use in even going any further. Women are like
this too, and now I understand why. Why settle for less than what you
want for yourself.

So there.
--michaelchappell