This Is What I Want.

I just gave it that title cause that was the first thing that came to mind. If you noticed; and I have the foggiest idea half the time of what the fuck I'm talking about. But I speak from the heart and I say whats on my mind. So...now I have to get some shit off my chest once again.

Employers..yeah you know who you fuckers are. You're the asshole who tries to show all of New York City...'yeah, I'm ballin', I got dough cause I can open up my open cafe or food shop'. Well I'm here to burst your fuckin' bubble. half...no, 3/4's of you don't know what the fuck you're doing. see you figure cause you have mon ey and you hire some expensive ass dietician who cre4ates your menu; a menu in which you TRY and stand out among the rest.. You have it all WRONG !! Or maybe I have it all wrong.

I think you're in the business for all the wrong reason, but I could be wrong again. I know you want to turn a profit, who doesn't... Fuck it, why bother.

Why...I just came from Trader Joe's 72nd Street. No fewer than 4 men I saw talking to themselves, whats up with that. Is the medication starting to wear off?

Ah, to be young. I have spoke today with a 20 something female. I mean she's open to all types of things as I learned. She has a girlfriend AND  boyfriend. She's been with he girl longer. If you know me, which...I don't know who is reading this, you don't know me. Guess where my convo with her is/was headed. In 4 hours we covered enough ground to officially make us in a relationship. We she parted she told me, here, take my number. Home & cell phone, call at anytime. Fuck, I'm almost 3 times her age, and her mother is my age.

Its hard to figure people out these days. I mean, take meeting a woman for the first time. people say just be yourself. If I were to do that, I would stay single, so I have to be something I'm not for the first 1 or 2 hours upon our first meeting. I tell them, 'listen, this isn't me, THIS is me. That first impression stuff really matters, but why lie about who you really are. Its proven, that we as a people all place on a mask in every waking day of our lives. We hide behind those mask, not letting others see who we really are. We hold back from telling those that berate us, look down on us, we hold back from telling them how we REALLY feel. So they get the upper hand, and think, yeah, who is the boss now. In relationships, we tell our other what he or she wants to hear cause we don't want to ruin the flow of the relationship, but thats not right. I say, either you accept me for who I am, or leave me the fuck alone.

Realationships..They're a Motherfucker !!

I don't know..maybe its just me. Doubt it if its just me who feels this way, but... how come all the good women are in messed up realtionships. Let me rephrase that..what are they in what they 'say' are bad relationships.

Woman A, she is searching for love. I mean she shows love to the man she is in one with. She overpowers him with love. Its not love though, its great sex. See, she loves making love. Enjoys bringing pleasure to her man. Her problem is that after a while the man startsh answering her texts in one word answers, which drives her fucking crazy. She shows me the texts, and I told her that she is way too much into him and he knows this. She's off to Mexico, Mexico City to get butt implants of all things. Told her she has to start loving herself before she can start to love any one else.

Woman B..young, 19 yrs old. Has big plans for herself in life. I asked if she had a man and she says... 'yes, a real pain in the ass, gets on my nerves, a big baby.' Told her to leave him, says tried 2 times and her cried like a baby. Asked did she wants kids, no, but her man does, but and her has one from another female. That makes no sense to me. To me, its just a sex thing for now. How are you at a young age expect to have a life together, when they is another woman involved somewhat who has a child by him. He will pressure you into having one with him 'if' you really love him. She heard that line already.

Woman C. I thought she has her act really together. Been with her man for 12 years. He is in PA, cause one, his mother lives there and 2, he just found a job there. Also there, is a woman who he is messing with. He calls her and tell her that they should take a break for a while. She really loves this guy & will give him what he wants..this break. So, while she is trying to bounce back from the shock, cause they have a child together... he calls and says his mother is driving him crazy, could she send him some money for a hotel room. She does.... I have no more to say expect...

I love me. I'm not selfish, but I have to take care of me first before anyone else.