'Wedding Day Blues', The 5th Dimensions

Today is my younger sister's Wedding Day. 4pm, and I am so damn Happy for her too 

Don't even ask me why I'm happy for her because I don't even know why. It's in Westchester County, New Rochelle. It took ME some doing to be back up here in New York City too.

I mean I HAD/HAVE to be here. My mother and father past away years ago and I'm the oldest of 5. Though extended family members may think there are only 4 Chappell's, no there are 5 and I'm the oldest. Today will be a rare occurrence, all 5 Chappell's together in one place. It's me that's not there are the time. It's me who doesn't stay in touch, visit or reach out. I don't know why I'm like that. I think it's because I think I embarrass my younger brothers and sisters. I think because of my past with...with everything. All I can say is that sure I regret some things, but not all. It made me who I am today..ALIVE and not in prison.

But this is what I came to New York City for...

Blocked!!

The world famous Block Button. The ONLY tool that some have. I'm trying to understand it's power, but it's not there.

First off. You block someone online and you think it has some sort of power. The only person that it means something to..is the person doing the blocking.

You think my life is just going to stop because you blocked me..online blocked me...internet block me?! Hold up. You probably thought that that shit gets to me, nope it doesn't. Know why? Cause you can't do shit to me in real life. You hide behind a keyboard..no, not even a keyboard. A FUCKING CELLPHONE! 

See, in REAL life, I'm still there, out there walking around, probably listening to my music in my earbuds..and yes..BLOCKING THE REAL WORLD OUT!!

You also might have passed me by on the street and said to yourself that I probably, no..most definitely could 'gey it'. Yes, I passed you by also, and know who you are. Looked at your face, your breast and your hips, back to your face. You caught it and that's why you had that smile. But I didn't bother to turn around and look at the rest of you, know why? Asses only look good in jeans and boy shorts and you had on neither.

Oh, and before you blocked me, you called me grandpa. You say my age and figured.. NO, I do not have chdren who have children so I am not your grandpa or anyones grandpa. But I will tell you this though..

Call your grandmother, grandma. Tell her that you're concerned about her sometimes. That she spends too much time alone.. Ask her do she have a boyfriend. I can tell you want she says.. 'Oh, I have friends.' If she says her male  friend is a friend and doesn't call him by his first or last name...well, she fucking. I know disgusting huh? Well it isn't and you'll see when and if you live to see her age. Probably not though. Those three kids are driving to drink...more and more. But you'll find your level around 50, 55..but it will be too late then. Way too late.

Oh, you don't have kids, that's good and smart but you still have an attitude. You need to get out of your zip code more often. Go somewhere and see how the other part of the country lives. Not just go spend money on a vacation to someplace you'll be spending the next 13 months paying off and 3 days when your back from vacation... You're in.. 1. Gotta Pay Off This Vacation Bill. Or 2... Now I Need Me Some Dick Mode. Either way ya fucked. What's that? Oh, you say you pay your won bills, well you should. You created them, you pay them. Oh..I don't know you? I know of you. You used Ageisum against me, that's a no no. You better go ask someone. You can't do that to people I know I don't know you, but right now, you want me to..well, you know...

Sorry, I can't. I don't want to.

Sometimes It Pays to Be Patient

Around this time last year I checked into this shelter here in Virginia. I wasn't nervous or anything like that, I just wanted to get this whole process started, meaning paperwork and meeting with my Case Managers.  I was busy taking in Virginia, looking at what was all around and..the women. 

Ah, the women. See I know that where every I go in life, there are always beautiful women around. Most times they are hidden...hidden on some back road deep in the woods off the beaten trail. Well, none of that here. Just like anywhere else, if you stay out for 10 minutes they will walk right by you. ...and this one did.

Straight off, it was here shape if her body, then her face. She had on bright orange yoga pants that for real showed her every curve if her ass. There are asses and then there are asses. This one had nice shape, thick and very curvy. But what was connected to her ass was these two beautiful thighs that were in perportion to her ass. Nice complexion, pretty smile when she looked my way. But I said nothing.

This shelter serves meals 3 times a day, so I would see her every so often. Then she just suddenly stopped showing up. Then she did after 4 months for one day and she was gone. Just recently about 4 weeks ago she showed back up to eat and then, gone again.

One of my friends asked me to go and pick someone up at the supermarket. I had a friend's car while he was in the hospital.  I asked how will I know her and he said she will have a little girl with her.  I went..and it was her. I was taking her home. She told me to wait and she came back out. Before she could bsay anything I told her that I've always aha a thing for her when I first came here, but she disappeared. She gave me her number. I called her a couple of days later after I moved into my place.

First... She is 'out there'. Meaning, she gets high, and..and I don't know what she does TO get high. I'm not gonna guess. But when she came to my place she had her own get high. I told her to relax and she did.  I came straight to the point like I always do and told her I want to experience her, sleep with her. She wasn't having none of that with me from what she told me. Or...

Well, she wanted to sleep with me also. Played this game with me. I was at my kitchen counter drawing something and when I turned around she was completely naked. She left after a while and I didn't hear from her for abiut a week. Then she would call at 1, 2 am and tell me she is in her way over and never show up. She has some issues going on with her. Hope she works then out too.

I Know, What Can I say to Say I'm Sorry.

Last post was April 1st. I'm sorry. I just wasn't in the mood to be posting like I've should of. But a lot of things have changed. So let me get started.

On Good Friday a Lyft Driver came and picked me up at the shelter I was in. Took me to Roanoke to sign for my Housing Voucher and brought me back. One way $165. All on the dime of the Veterans Administration. I got a HUD VASH Housing Voucher. Who would know that the next couple of months would be a living Hell for me.  Had to do all the foot work myself. Spent what I did save up from working on applications to only be told NO or rejected because of my bad credit. Some one did help me, allowed me to use a Cosigner. 

I quit my job of 8 months because..well, I was being appreciated. Like I didn't exist. Though I was the only one besides the Shift Manager who did show up for shift. Everyone else came when they wanted to. The fire went out in my eyes for Food Service. Those fuckers..General Manager, she wasn't being upfront with me. I took my apron off and feed it and placed it in the counter. I cried and one of the shift leaders hugged me. I felt used, raped. Never had I ever felt the feeling I felt. I didn't raised hell, I took my time and packed up my stuff and just left. I had other things on my mind.

My Housing Voucher is good for only 3, 4 months. I'm not clear if it expires, can I get an extension. But this Soldier wasn't going to need any stinking extension. So 2ith me not working, I could focus on finding housing. I created email alerts with companies that had units and houses on the market. What was killing me though was the application fee.

Application Fees. Okay if I'm have a Voucher for affordable housing...I think it's stupid that anyone should have to pay an application fee. All it is really is money for the complex manager to buy themselves a really great lunch. I spent over $300, $25 to $50 an application just to be told no. It was my credit that was doing me in. But the funny thing about it, it was going up with each passing month too. I also found out that a score of 650 is as hot as I thought it was. Wow, things have changed.

While looking at properties online, I was able to delete the form 'i am requesting a show of...' and replaced it with in the fly heart felt not asking for someone to please give me a chance. Some one did too.

I was applying for another complex and was told by Management to come in and... I don't know what they wanted me to come in for. So, what they did was this. Offered to me a 2 bedroom deplex townhouse for $900. They go for and start at $1,400. The not, letter I enclosed with the email touch the Manager, who then kicked it upstairs to whomever is really in charge. They in turn ask the Manager what did they want to do, and they said a Townhouse at $900 a month. But I couldn't take it because my Voucher is only for $800 and you can't come out of your pocket, it's against the law. Talk about someone being fucking pissed. Oh well move on.

One place, 2 bdrms, washer and dryer, central air and carpeting..$650 a month. Then she turned to th4 other computer, checking my credit. What she saw, she didn't understand and called someone else, who in turned didn't know what they were looking at either. By this time, I was getting worried. But I didn't give up.

The very next place..I claimed as MINES just looking at it online. I made an appointment and my Case Manager went with me. It's a studio with a tall ceiling...air conditioning..and a CLAW bathtub. Oh my fucking God!! It's mines I kept telling myself. Then came time to fill out the application and there was something on it that I never seen before..A COSIGNER spot. My sister did it for me, and if she didn't, she said her son would. His score is 800. 31 years old and 800 credit score. Go ahead nephew. So since all that was needed was a Cosigner, I had myself an apartment. But there was a still harder part left.

Everyone...Tap into Hope, SSFV and The Veterans Administration now had to do their thing. I had to also, but I didn't know what I was doing. All I do know is that no one helped me except for my Case Manager. The rent is $700 a month, my Voucher is for $800, I'm cleared in that. I had to get it inspected by Housing Authority.

For one, how the fuck you inspect a place when a person is still living in the apartment. Don't know, but it last, I don't give a fuck. So inspection done, now it's up to Section 8 delay to do their thing. How much money I will have to pay out of pocket. But I didn't know I had to pay 30% of my income on rent. I question how come it is t 30% of the rent, no one could answer that. My income is under 1K, so I was looking at a little under $300 a month out of my pocket. I pay $186 a month. Don't ask me how, I don't know. Plus I had to pay electricity. I have to do grown up things again.

In closing..yeah, it's long as fuck. In closing I like my place. I'm not working so all my days and nights are lazy as fuck.  The place comes with FREE wifi, washer and dryer is in the hallway but have to pay $1.50 to wash and $1.00 to dryer.

Let the games begin.