Hold on, I don't want people to think I'm getting all religious and shit, because I'm not. Spirituality...now that's a whole different matter. To me it is. I can't tell you when I started thinking this way, because it just happened. But as the days, months and years go by, I believe in this, it, more and more. I tell people that God has something Great planned for me. I don't know what it is, but I know and I feel it. I just have to be patient. I'm doing that, and every so often, I see 'it' sort of trying to form. When that day comes...I'll be able to make a move. I can't really call it a move, just say I'll be able to act on it.
I know one thing for certain though. I Love where I currently live, but I won't be able to live here...when that day comes. It's because of the people I know, the ones I call my friends. One on one with them, alone just us two, it's okay. But it's when they aren't with me, they talk shit about me. Though I'm not worried about that part. It's just why... Why act that way when you aren't around me? It always gets back to me from ither friends who also do the same thing. Strangely... When I'm with them, I don't think about what I've heard others have said they they have said about me. You would figure I would be cold around them, question them in what I've heard, but I don't.
Another thing is that my friends ask me when they come over, how come I haven't heard this and that. They are talking about different situations, problems and or issues that certain people are having. I tell them I don't know, I haven't heard anything...and I'm hearing it for the first time from them. Then they ask, what am I still talking with this or that person. I ask why you're asking me that, and then they tell me. Shut isn't true, just bullshit. That's when I tell them that I don't hang out or around with anyone because I trust myaelf. Has nothing to do with the people, it's just I trust myself. Besides, I don't hang out. I go and do things, but I don't hang out.
It's weird. Because I can stay home and have no issues be home all the time. I go out, do what I want to do, and then come home. You just happened to come by when I'm home. Then they say but you are always here. I tell them no, I'm out of the house every so often. It's just you come by and I'm always here. Some call before they come by, and if I have company, I tell them so.
Like the other day I saw my Sweetheart. Then 2 days later, she comes by and we talk and she spends the night. She leaves the next day at 11am, then comes back at 2pm and spends the next 2 nights with me. It's not what you think though, but it's sexual. She's a complicated 38 years old woman. She has been hurt so many times in her life...that it shows. She also has a hard way of expressing herself. In her head she hears how she commincates, or wants to communicate with me...but by the nano second it gets to her mouth, she talks around and not actually saying what it is. And me, I'm constantly asking her whamt she means, and what is she saying. I ask her to stop yelling when she speaks and she tells me she isn't yelling. After a while, I don't even bother. I have had enough of her and her ways. So last night..
About 9pm I text her and asked in words what are you up to right now, getting ready to go to work? She replied, 'wyd'. I call her. Didn't you say you have to go to work tonight, you told me you leave the house at about a quarter to 9, so you can relax before you start your shift. Fir 10 straight minutes she rants and raves about everything else but about going to work. I hung up on her ass. Then she texts me, I just flipped my phone and pay her no attention. 4 in the morning she taps on my window, I go to the door and ask her what does she want. She wants in. I tell her no and close the door. She calls and ask why won't I let her in. Apparently you forgot all the bullshit you said and texted to me, go back and read it.
Like I said, God has a surprise for me.
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