Thoughts....

I thought this weekend would be a total waste of time. I tell space in
their head. Some wise words from day months in treatment. The problem is
that sometimes I don't take my own advice. I'm on NY's Metro North,
heading to White Plains, NY, and my manager calls me. Since I was on the
subway, it went straight to voicemail. I should have just deleted it,
but no. He calls and want to know about some damned Boarshead roast
beef. There was about 7 people in my train car as it was pulling out of
Grand Central...bet they all thought I was crazy the way I was going off
on the phone. Why call me about some bullshit like that. What, 3 dollars
worth of meat. To top it off, he laughs and say, what, you home already.
NO !! I'm on the train, heading out of the city, don't call me foray
bullshit like that. My deli manager use to be a boxer. I think he took
one too many hits to his head. I was so freaking' wound up right there
and then, took the whole 1 hour train ride to decompress.

So friday night til now, sunday a quarter to five, the weekend has been
stress free. But I can feel it slowly creeping back into my body. I'm
not even any where close to my job, but I feel it. Once I step foot in
the place, it leaves. Its just the anticipation, that's leading up to
the bullshit, that bothers me. See, when you're off from work, it gives
those that are there reason to blame shit on you. It gives them to to
set up their lies and put you in madness that you have no part of. And
the ones that are in charge, they don't think to wait til everyone is
present to ask questions. They just go with what they are told. Hence
tha bullshit. But I'm gonna try ad have a decent work week this week.

My ex, who is now my girlfriend, we have know each other for almost 15
years. Like any relationship with a male and female, there s always
another party involved...her mother. Now we know our parents...we love
them, no mater what, but thsy can do some mess up shit at times. My gf's
mother,ya can't leave her out of this one. She feels that no matter
what, I should always find time for her daughter.excuseme, but...
sometimes work comes first. I asked, if I had no job, would you want
your daughter to be with me, she said no. So there, I have to work.
Another thing is this. When I come to visit her, I should bring, buy all
the food for my stay, hers and mine. Her daughter makes twice the amount
of money I make, store right around the corner, can't she go shopping
for food when, and before I arrive ? So I end up spending money I don't
have for food that's there when I leave. That isn't fair to me I tell
them. Her mother gets quiet like a 'church mouse' when I said that. I
don't eat much, and most of the time, I buy what I want to eat anyway.
Of course I get enough for two, but I'm just saying.

The subject of oral sex came up. Without getting graphic, I give, but
never receive and this isn't to say I want it either. In fact, I don't
like to get it. Something about teeth and my penis. Its even hard, no
pun intended, to think about it. So my gf said that she seen some KY oil
that makes it enjoyable for him and her, so I told her to get it. I
guess she isn't even thinking about giving, only receiving I guess, oh
well.

Train coming...
--michaelchappell

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