heard of the Lallopaloza Tour? Will Perry, from the band I think Jane's
Addiction? Yeah, I'm quite sure he plays or use to play with them. The
Lallaploloza Tour is still going on to this date, it just doesn't stop
in the tri-state area as much. Well, I went to the first one. It was
held in Stanhope, NJ. Now here is the scary part. It was the night
before the 3 day fest in NJ, and I was at home watching tv. I was a
little nervos about going to a open air 3 day rock concert. I was
watching tv, and one of the Jason, Friday The 13th movies came on. The
opening credits have just rolled, and the first scene... a sign saying
something or the othe about Stanhope, NY (again, Twilight Zone music
plays in back ground). At the concert, fest, I had the best time of my
life. 3 days, open air, on the show bill... Jane's Addiction, Souix and
The Banshee, Henery Rollins Band and Ice T with his band, Body Bag. All
night parties and a lot of mayhem. All I had with me was my ticket, I'D,
and about $200. Bus from Port Authority to Stanhope, NJ, then a 3 mile
walk to Waterloo Villiage, that's where it was held at. Ah, the
memories. The reasonwhy I was by myself was because none of my so called
freinds wanted or could afford to go. Oh well, they missed the biggest
best party ever.
I had (have) a Dad. He was big a strong, we woke up, I found my daddy
gone. Those are some of the lyrics to that song. Well, I do have a
father, don't know if he is still alive but... I met him for the first
time when I was 16 years old. I was seeing a shrink because I was
attending or going to school, high school that is, and know one could
figure out why. So they thought I'd I saw my father, I would be
ok..NOT!!
How would you feel if you saw your father for the first time, and you
looked excatly like him? Would freak you the fuck out, huh? I was
speechless and confused. I spent a whole day with him, he took me
shopping. As far as what I remembered, I can't remember shit about what
we talked about. All I do remember was getting a spring clored blazer
frm some store out in Long Island where he lives at. That's all I
remember. Fast forward now to about 25 years later.
I working as Prep, dishwasher, watier in Jamaica, Queens, Carmichael's
Diner. One of the meat deliveries driver stares at me. He asked me do I
have any family that lives out on Long Island, Amittyville. No
hesitation, I say yeah, my father. I told him his name, and his face lit
up. He said I look like he shitted me out, that how much we look alike.
I keep his Army picture in my wallet.
One of the things I HAVE to do is get in touch with him. How can I be
angry at some one that I know nothing about. Its just the fact that I
have a bio father, and I want to see him. But I'm scared. Don't know of
what, but I'm just am. Me and my mother used to get into it at times. I
thought it was because of what he did to her, and that I look so much
like him, that I remind her of him. I actually said that to her onr
time, and I really felt that way. I love my brothers and sister, but I'm
not close with them, this I don't know why.
See my family does family things with other family memebers, aunts
cousins, uncles. I don't attend none of these functions. Its either I'm
working, or I just don't feel like going, simple like that. That's just
me. Gatherings like that make me nervous. I remember going to a cookout
one year, and I just came off work 16 hours a day for 13 staright days.
I got there in my brothers jeep, spread out a blanket and went to sleep.
Woke up ate, went back to sleep. Woke up and ate again, and went back to
sleep. Woke up, ate, and left. Took a Westchester County bus back home.
See I know my way around where ever I go. Family was like, where did
Michael go, my mother told them I went home, I had to work the next
day.
So I will search for my father in the beginning of next year. Just show
my face out on Long Island, and some one maybe, will approach me and
steer me in the right didrection
I had a Dad
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