Friends..Online and Stuff

I have about 125 online friends, though I'm not in touch with them all
the time. Lets say about 15 of them actually email me, call me, and me
call them. Last night one of them, her name is Jan, reached out to me
and said she needed to hear my voice. Hear my voice for what I asked,
well emailed her. She said she just wanted to talk over the phone, so
she gave me her phone number and I called. We talked for 3 hours, and I
dislike talking on the phone.

Why she wanted to hear my voice was because of what I said. I told her I
needed a girlfriend to keep me warm at night, she can leave in the
morning, but night time would be nice to have her around. At first I
thought she was taking offense to what I said, when in fact, she was
wondering why I don't have some one there already. I told cause I just
don't. I know nothing of this woman other than what she tells and have
told me. She's single, with a grown child, say 19 years old. She lives
in Virginia, and always wanted to visit NYC, but knew of no one living
there. I told her to come up and visit anytime she likes, she said she
would, but she was focused on why I'm single.

I'm single because I WANT to be single and nothing else. I'm not afraid
of a commintment, no its nothing like that, its just its too much of a
strain on my life is what it is. I'm faithful when it comes to a
relationship, and have always been, but when I lose intrest, I want out,
I want out NOW !! I'm a homebody person, I like to stay at home,
enteryain myself at home too. With technology the way it is today, I
don't know why couples even bother to go out to clubs or even to dinner.
Why spend all that money in a club for drinks and admittance, when you
can buy a bottle of the same over priced stuff at the liquor store and
downlaod the latest club, house, trance a nd tech music. Invite some of
your friends over, even people you don't know and have a party at your
own home.

Apparently Jan liked the way I was speaking, and is looking forward to
seeing me this summer. I don't know, but know one thing, she iant
staying with me. But she ie welcomed to visit.
--michaelchappell

????

Ok, you know I have been kind of 'diggin'' on you for like almost a year
now. You gave me your number, and we have had some decent conversations
too. I not seeing things, but its safe to say that we both want the same
thing from each, some one to talk to, and to spend with. But now you're
telling why you are moving to my side of Queens. All I can say is this.

No matter what you do, you will always be running, so stop right now.
Let him know where you stand with him, get it over with. If you choose
to be alone, so be it, I understand. I would rather you be alone with no
one, instead of you with me and him in our conversation. I hope you
understand this. Feel free to call me at any time you want to.
--michaelchappell

--michaelchappell

Me @ Work

Ten mintues before I get off from work, and I just now got to take a
break. Lucky me
--michaelchappell

Today Was a Good Day To Die

'I'm Tired' lets take a look at that phrase. Example. Work 16 hours a
day, 7 days a week, for 3 weeks, would you be tired ? I'm not working 16
hours a day, more like 8 to 10 hours, buts its also what I'm doing
during those hours.

My co worker is out for another 2 weeks. I guess if I got hit by a fire
engine in my car, and my car was totaled, and it wasn't my fault, I
think I too would be out from the job. Since he's out, I'm working 7
days a week, plus making all the dishes that he was making. I still
have to make mine, plus cook for the steamtable and wait on customers
also.

I didn't even want to come to work today. I woke up at 6:30am, when
normally I'm out of the house by 5:45am. Good thing I'm about 8 minutes
away from the job. I dragged ass the whole day too. Just 50 more
minutes, and I'm home. Don't have to be at work on Sunday until 3pm.
What I really need is a day off. I would stay home and sleep off and on
through out the who day. On the 30th, I'm taking a day off too. I told a
friend of mine that I would come and spend the weekend with her, but I'm
second thinking it now.

On my FB, I was ranting and raving about this, this morning. I don't
understand people sometimes. Like I said, you wake up early in the
morning to come and get a quarter pound of lunch meat. That could have
waited til at least 9am.

Washing clothes is all soooooo boring.
--michaelchappell

MLK Day

Here I am sitting, Lextington Ave, 125th trainstation, downtown side,
waiting for the 4 or 5 train so I can get to 59th Street. Then catch the
R one stop, catch the E, for one stop, then catch the F train to the
last stop. THEN...walk 8 blocks home. And why am I doing this. Cause it
Martin Luther Kings Birthday, that's why. But there is a problem, and
this shit pisses me off.

Ok, its a holiday, and I'm not predujice or anything, but there's not
that man white people out riding the trains. Mostly Latinos and Blacks
are riding. Now the 4 and 5 train connections everyone to downtown
Manhattan and Brooklyn, or uptown to The Bronx if you're going in the
other direction. Wouldn't you know it, there is NO 5 train in either
direction !! Oh thers the 4 train, but no 5. You can transfer around to
get to where you're going and then take one of the letter trains. I've
been sitting here for 15 minutes and no lie, 7, 6 trains going downtown
has past by...I just got on the 8th one, taking the local to 59th
Street.

All this to say is this, I think its a set up. On Jewish Holidays, the
trains never seem to get messed up or anything. I'm not saying that
Jewish people control The New York City Transit Authority, but something
doesn't give.

I took a walk from Lexington Ave and 125th Street to the Westside, the I
train, and back. Its depressing as hell. There is no color. No one NEVER
wears bright colors, no matter what seson it is I notice. I saw a couple
of people who called me by my WHOLE FUCJki' NAME !!! That happens all
the time to me, and I still can't place their names, maybe the faces,
but never the manes. Espically the females, but its kind of differnet
with females.

When a female calls you by your name, you have to take a FAST close look
at her. Her face will register if you slept with her, her voice calling
your name, will deterime if she really enjoyed it. This happened 4
times, and none of them live in Manhattan, Queens and The Bronx.
Collected new numbers and gave out my Google Voice number. I said that's
the number I will give out for now on. No one new gets my cell or home
number any more. No special reason for it either. Since I have two GV
numbers, might as well use it. That reminds me, shit, I was suppose to
send a GV invite to a co worker 3 fuckin weeks ago, damn. I will send it
when I get home. At 77th Street now, 2 more stops then the R train.

I'm kind of sick and tired of NYC. All I do is work and sleep. I could
do that shit anywhere in the world, why limit myself to NYC.

Wait, this is no shit. Got off at 59th Street, went downstairs, and no
longer than 15 seconds the R train rushed into the station. Took it to
Queens Plaza, one stop away, and as we were pulling into the station,
The E train was too. I'm on that shit now. See, I told you, only in
Brookklyn and The Bronx, the trains run all fucked.

I don't mind riding the train or taking the bus. I hardly ever cause I
work so close to home that I can walk, only an eight minute walk. Its
too bad that I live so close too. I have this book by Stephen King,
Under The Dome, whish I swear is almost TWICE as big as the Bible.
Straight off, about 3 or 4 pages in some one dies. Now thays my type of
book. I miss reading some much, I don't get a chance to read books that
oftern. Newspapers and magazines, yes, but books no. See if I move to
another state, another city, all new, once I find my way around, riding
public transportation will allow me to do more reading.
--michaelchappell

Retirement

Ok, I'm 50 now. What's the retirement age, 67 for men ? I don't know,
either way, that 17 years away...FUCK !!! I don't feel like an old fart,
nore do I smell like one. But they say as you get older, you don't smell
your own shit. I don't want to start dressing like the way peoplee who
are 20 years younger than me do. Nowadays I hardly wear sneakers
anymore, but that's not because its cold, its because of my feet. I need
something more stable if I stand on the 8 to 9 hours a day.

Retirement, oh yeah. Ok my bills as of right now. I owe my Moms 120
dollars, 500 amnoth for rent 34.99 for internet, 10.88 for minutes on my
phone, 20 dollars for XM Sattilite radio reception, and it varies 20 to
30 dollars a month for my sidekick, lets say 30, at 1 dollar a day.
That's my bills. If, I can find a job like in some foriegn country as a
cook, where it all the time warm, I thing I could afford it. Hell right
now, I could afford to retire if I was 67 years old. I just hope I live
long enough.

In 17 more years I will be able to collect Social Security
--michaelchappell

My Stomach !!!

On Saturday afternoon, right after work, I went to an ex girlfriends for
dinner. I wasn't really planning on eating anything or that much, just
talk and try to re connect with her. She was the one who called me and
invited me over.

My stomach is very picky, I mean I will almost try anything...but. But
there are some foods that I KNOW I shouldn't eat, so I stay away from
them. Now, I know there are certain foods I shouldn't eat at certain
times of the night. Homemade fishcakes, grits, eggs...are for sure.
Imagine this feeling. Some one takes your heart and just grips it and
squeezes it with all their might. That along with an upset stomach and a
headace.

I wasn't planning on spending the night, didn't have to be at work the
next day til 3pm, but I wasn't in any condition to make a 2 and a half
hour ride on the train. I left at 4am and was home by 7am, feeling even
worst. She called me telling me that she was disappointed, but not in me
though, but I think she was. She said that she was expecting us to get
MORE reaquainted, but she understood, told me I owe her one.

This is coming from a woman that in the past told me that I wasn't the
right type of man for her, that I worked too much, and I don't like to
do anything but stay at home. I guess, now that she is a single person
again, I'm not that bad off as she expected. We discuss this that night.
The guys she dated all wanted to play the field, cheat on her and stuff
while she was always faithful. It happens. Now she wants to start over
agin with me. I told her its worst that ever. My official next day of is
the 30th of this mont, and m going on 3 weeks without any time off. She
siad that she can deal with that and that she can come to me when and
stay over, that's if I will allow her or want her too. I will think
about it.

Lately I have been tired, so tired that when I get home, I sit for an
hour before I really start to unwind. I will really think about it, but
I have already made up my mind.
--michaelchappell

$$$$$

Since I couldn't really afford 125 dollars up front like that for a new
SK, this is what I did.

A co worker, who, is like me when it come to electronic, computers, had
a BRAND NEW Acer Aspire One Netbook, and he wanted 300 for it. I told
him I will give him 50 right now, and 50 a week til its paid off, if he
brings it the next day. I let people know that I would be have the said
item, brand new, valued at 379, for 250 dollars the next day. People
said that they wanted to buy it. So when my co worker bought it in the
next day, I told people it was going for 200. People balked at that
price, so I lowered it to 175, 150. Sold it for 150 dollars.

I know you're saying, you bought something for 300, but sold it for 150,
half the price, yes I did. But I got the item in my hands for 50
dollars, sold it for 150, and have a Sidekick again. Paying that 50
dollars a week isn't gonna break me in any way. All I would have done
was spent it or saved it. What I gained was trust. Sometimes you have to
do what you have to do. True, I have people mad at me cause I didn't
sell it to them. But when you drag your feet, you get left behind. I
told them a 24 hours in advance, day before payday what I was putting on
the table. Cause you don't have your cheddah all in a row, is not my
fault. If blacked turned to blue I would have had 2 of them instead of
one that I have now. Ok, keep that transaction in mind, and think about
this.

You're part owners in a car dealership, and you have know me for a VERY
long time. I'm know to always have a job, right. So I come to you with
this. You have a car, its 5k dollars, and I can pay you, 480 dollars
every month til the car is paid for. You run the insurance thru you, and
I pay you seperate for that on the side each month. Do you take this
offering? I went to 3 dealerships and made that same offer. I told them,
no matter what my car payments can not be over 480 dollars each month,
that included taxes and all. You show see them trying to ring my majic
jack number off the hook. This is all without a credit check, all I
should them was that paper you get from Social Secruity Office each year
on how much you made to date each ending year. To me, working for all
your life is better that having a crdeit card or even credit. It shows
that you are responsibile to hold on to a job.

I'm not buying a car though, what do I need with one for. There isn't a
place I have to be that's that important that I need a car. Taking
public transportation is okay with me, it gives me time to read, think
and enjoy all the music that I download. But its just the thought about
getting a car, or anything, when you set the terms you wish it to be, it
to go by. A car would me nice, but I wouldn't drive it. I thought about
buying a piece of shit, something that at least runs, and then customize
it to what I want it to be. Tha shit would be illy.

--michaelchappell

The New Year

I have to say this, I will be 50 years old this year. I hate thinking
about it too. Said I was gonna give some things up, and start some
things new...Aww what da fuck...PARTY !!!

I was so use to not having a Sidekick and all. But some people hollored
at me and asked why I don't call. I couldn't call cause all my phone and
emails were on my SIMS card, in my Sidekick. Couldn't access the info.
See how we, I, became so attached to this little piece of technology. Oh
I write the numbers down sometimes, but then I throw them away once I
enter them in my SK. For now on, I will have them in a address book that
I can write in.

There are some people I want to stay in touch with, and others, out of
touch. Sometimes having friends suck the energy right out of you. But
then again when you're use to doing the same thing all the time, change
can and will become hard.

I bought the New Year in with my ex, I have to. If I don't, I know I
will have a bad year. Drunk 2 bottle of champane and some other stuff,
feel asleep. With every New Year, it seems like it takes more energy to
make it fun, when it should be a time for reflection. We sat down a
talked about what we want to do different this year, well at least try
to. We both know, shit happens, things change, so we aren't holding it
against each other or ourselves if things don't go as we both projected
them to be. I told her that I'm greatful that I'm still alive to see
this year. To me its all new and exciting, everyday is like that for
me.

My co workers asked me, and some customers asked also, what did I do. I
told them, it was quiet and relaxing. I just hope my whole year stays
like this.
--michaelchappell

I'm Baaaaaack !!

Its been, I think a couple of months. If not that it sure feels like it.
Went thru a little sumfin, sumfin cause sidekick feel in some water.
Couldn't afford 125 dollars just out like that, right about now. It was
hard for a couple of days too. Was hearing'new message' all the time,
but it was all in my head.

So much to talk about, soooo much to say. I say, lets get started
--michaelchappell

The Start of a New Year

Its been happening and going on for many years...the starting of a new year that is. I always say that I will do things differently this year, but I never follow through. Its not that I don't try or anything, its just that just with everyday, just waking up and doing what I have to do, doing what I need to do gets lost along the way.

Its been a good year, in fact, the year has been so good that it flew by. That's how you ca tell what type of year you have had. There have been some people that I wanted to get to know a little better, and some that I would have liked to re established a connection with. But thats the thing, people have other plans and you try not to get in their way.

This year, one thing I'm really going to do for sure, take MORE time out for ME !! This means doing what I really want, and not what people want or need me to do. Its all good though and I'm looking forward to this year 2010.