Oh Well, Guess It's For The Better

Every morning, I jump on my mountainbike and I take a 5 mile ride. I feel a lot better through out the rest of the day too.

Yesterday after I took a shower, found out I didn't have anything to throw on under my arms. No deorderant in the freaking house. None whatssoever. So I went without and you know something...I don't stink. Other than smellinglike the kitchen I work in, no problem. I dohave acess to showers at work, but... I have a wash cloth that I use, and the next day I come in in the morning, it smells like a rusty pipe. Being that my locker is made of metal, guess that why. But I saw inside one co workers locker and he has a deorderizer hanging up. Good idea.

If I had children, daughters...I would allow them to make their mistakes up to a certain point and THEN I would draw the line. I think my daughter(s) of child bearing age and dating would be terrors. I would have THAT talk with them. Being a man, I would tell them the real deal. I'm sure fathers of the world do have this talk with their own daughters too. But my talk would be on the level, a level that would really have them understanding where I'm coming from and how the world is. I believe that education, going to college isn't for everyone. But some one has to do it. I didn't, well I did and still do, but I'm not worried about conpleteing it though. I don't define a person by or because they hold a degree a college diploma. There is book sense, street sense and common sense. The last 2 they don't teach in college, never have and never will.

Ihwas going to go to Church this coming Sunday, I was invited. But the woman who invited me, who is interested in me, can't make up her mind. I mean, its like she is hiding something. Hey I can understand the ubeasy feeling of meeting some one for the first time. All we have to do is be our selfs. Don't front and be something that you really aren't. So, if you like to just let it all hang out, so be it. Me as a man, I want the woman to feel comfortable. What the issue is today is... people try to live up to what they see in print, tv and all other places. They seem to think that if they don't have this or that, that they aren't living up to what society says is living the dream. Hell if your bank account has pennies in it, like mine does some of the time... Well at least you DO have a checking account that at least 4 if not 2 times a month money IS deposited into it. Even if you don't have a working income, say your on a dissability, hell you're still receiving some type of income, right. And, so what your home, house, apartment is messy. Its YOUR apartment and you enjoy living the way you like living. Has nothing to be to do with you as a person in general. Or, you have that crazy ex...who is hounding you night and day. You may not want to have anything to do with him, but then again, maybe you are. Maybe you're just sleeping with him every so often cause you have that itch, its understandable. You do what you have to do. But when you meet some one you're interested in, don't go 90% of the way and then that last 10%, you come up with excuses for this and for that. Fight your fears back and go with the flow I say.

I Have Prada Taste & Style, But....

...my wallet says Eddie Bauer. Serious, I like the style of clothing, but can not afford the prices, sooooo....

My mother, she gets all kinds of sale books from almost everyone in the mail. This one, Sportman's Guide, I went off on. Ordered like $300 worth of clothes. Mostly Carhartt, which I didn't know made shirts, jeans and slacks. I want to get the old timers Army Field Jacket, but not until I can find the Field Jacket Liner. Last week ordered something from Eddie Bauer too. Waiting for it to come in.

I'm giving it my all with the dating scene, but its not working out. One reason is...people, don't know how just to be themselves when meeting people for the first time. Fuck that, 'first impression' bs. Just be yourself. Because sooner or later it WILL all come out. Take the woman who says she has no children, she hides them. That's just so wrong and there is no explanation that she can give when you find out that she does have kids. Why hide? Or, the woman who says they have no drama or what no drama in their lives, but... Has so much of it, enoght for 3 people. Try to give advice that works for me, but they aren't hearing none of it. But quick to tell me, I know nothing about her and who am I to give advice. Listen, I come and go as I please, because in the long run, no one takes care of me but me.

That seems to be the issue with some people,  male & female. They, we..we all want someone to take care of us when we should at least make the effort to do so ourselfs. Some claim to be 'doing themselves'. Doing me, as they say. What the fuck does that means? Are you saying you're doing what you're doing glooming off of others cause that's what you do best? Sometimes its the ones with 3 kids, or 2 baby's mommies. What's strange is...that if there wasn't a market for shit like this, it wouldn't exsist. Its the older guy, who has nothing but money & time and nothing else to do. So when she bleeds him dry or he comes to his senses and cuts her loose, she moves on to the next one. Or the guy, no job, glomes off a woman wo is doing what she has to do to support herself, working a 9 to 5. She meets up with this deadbeat, bleeds her dry, leaves her with a bad taste in her mouth AND pregnant, and then she kicks him out or whatever. What's left of her to do and feel? That all guys are the same. Having HIS baby nowadays doesn't make your relationship pernament...new have and never will.

I meet and woman for the first time...its about having a lasting experince in the mind, something you can fall back on. Doing something on our first date that's fun if its left up to me to choose. Something I want to do WITH her.

.....Get Me To The Chur....

Its more than strange that certain things that happen in my life just keep on happening over & over again.

First, what was I thinking this morning. I was suppose to be on my train about 45 minutes ago. I won't be late, just not at work a hour ahead of time.

When I was stationed at Ft Jackson, SC, I was living in the barracks. This was before cell phones, (imagine that). We had 2 pay phones on our floor, 20 rooms, 4 men to a room. So, if you received a call, either the phone would ring and no one answered it, or some one did cause they were tired of hearing it. One evening it rang and I answered it. When hany one did, you when and hunted the person down who it was for. The call I answered set off the first of what would always happen to me.

I went to his door and told him phone, he answered, room was dark, he had a female already in his room. The one on the phone already told me she knew he was there, 'get him'. I told him, in a whisper, that she knows you're in, how, I don't know. He ask me to do him a favor, tell her to come, and I was to hold her downstairs in the dayroom until he could sneak the one in his room out another exit. This happens all the time, no biggie. But there was a problem, the woman on the phone was calling from on Post, like 2 blocks away because she showed up like in under 5 minutes.

I just go downstairs and she was walking in the building. I asked her in a commanding voice, who she was here to see and that females weren't allowed in this building. Bullshit, was her answer, and headed for the stairs up. I blocked her and told her some Officer was making his rounds, and to wait in the dayroom. I ran upstairs, knockedon his door and told him wha was gong down. His words...' fuck it, you want her? Take her to your room, she yours.' I did, end of story. Present day...now.

Was interested in this woman. She told me she wasn't attached and htold me to come over. Some one let me in the building and she answered her door. There was another man with her and the look on her face... She hustled me backwards and told me what the dea was while knocking on her neighors door. Said she's single, looking for a man, could I wait here until this other guy leaves. I agreed. Now her friend answered the door, introduced myself, told her the deal. She told me just what's going on with her friend too. A Player, after nothing but money and that I should be hanging out with her. Okay. She said she was heading out to church, do I want to go? Um, yeah sure.

This woman is...beautiful, from head to toe. I explained to her that I am going to be myself. At the church everyone wanted to know who I was. I told people I was her distant cousin, some a good friend, others her lover, and some her ex boyfriend who has lost his ways. All along she went with whatever I said...and was having fun doing it too. After church...it got really exciting. Said she doesn't beieve in sleeping with a man on the first date. ?? I told her we won't be sleeping..end of story.

I get a text from the woman I had first went to see early this morning. Saying I wasn't this and that. HIm just like all other men and that we need to talk. About what?

Shit like this has been happening to me on a regualar.

Team Work

You know how people say that we are part of a team? And, how all employers want that in their workers. The help wanted ads say it, 'must be a team player'. We all adhere to it, and even put it in our resumes. But are we, are we team players?

Okay, I'm a Cook, and some. Would say I'm a Professional Cook. I don't give myself that title. Even though I can cover every station in a kitchen, I consider myself a Team Player. What the industry calls me ia a Chef Tournant...a fancy name. That means if a person doesn't show up for work for any given reason, that means I can cover that station. Depends on how close my orignal station is to the station I'm covering. If its on the other side of the kitchen, The Chef rearranges the kitchen, the workers so that that one station is covered. Sone kitchen workers have a problem with this, but not I. Here's what I have a problem with and I don't care who doesn't agree with me.

I have a prolem with a kitchen worker who is placed in a postion all because they have time on the job. Having time on the job and even in that position doesn't me that that person can handle that postion. They were only given that job becauswe one, there was an opening for it from the beginning and 2,... put it to you this way. When a person can no longer cover that station and they ARE AT work, and some one else not only covers that said postion PLUS their own postion...there is a problem. Because that person has time in the work place, doesn't mean didly squat to me.we are a TEAM, and if you can't perform your duties as part of a team, some needs, something has to be done...PERIOD!! I'm not the one to hold my tongue. I don't care what you have going on outside of the work place, it matters what you do IN the work place.

I was told that I couldn't move into a postion because...well, I have to wait until some one quits or gets fired. But Supervisors have feeling, they have a heart and they take into consideration that people do have issues that hinders them from doing their job. But if a person can't do their job AND is showing up for work everyday, what does that tell the other workers? Enough said.

If you keep doing the same thing and are getting the same results...insanity, right? So, if a woman tells me she is bored, I take a look at what's going on in her life. Finds out she is on disability and gets a check every month in the mail so to speak. Okay, what incentive to do you to want to further your...doing something different. Its not that you're bored, to me its that you don't want to do anything else. Maybe I'm not expressing myself right. What they really want is some one to supplement their fix income, not to do anything with, but some one else to help support them. I told her that. Oh, you don't have enough 'extra' money to do the things you want to do? Who fault is that? Not mines. Told her the God's honest truth and she took it well. And she says that..all men want is sex, that there is more to life than just sex. True there is. But its nothing like going out and having a good time from mid morning to evening, coming home relaxing and then..making love to some one you spent the day with. What's wrong with doing something, a day trip, a splitting all cost down the middle? What some people have are Bentley dreams when all they can affound is a Honda. Some people have to learn to live within their means. Some people need to learn to 'save up' for that trip. Not everyone can be a 'Baller'.

Another Shooting..and...

...and, I had a conversation with some people yesterday. Some old timers, Veterans and some young men. Its like this...

Let's say this shooter DID have problems. Some real mental issues that didn't occur until AFTER he was discharged from the Navy. But let's start with hsi Navy Service first. People are asking how could he still be holding on to a Secret Clearance after being 'Honorably' discharge from service with all the charges he was bought up on whime in the Navy. Some people really don't undersatnd how discharges work. Of course if he had killed some one while in the Navy, he would have been sent to jail. But what he did, didn't warrant anything like that. So, he kept his Clearance. After hsi Term of Service was met, the Military Honorably Discharged him, did not allow him to re enlist. As far as a cilvian job was concerned and in employment that has positions for cilvians working on militray posts, he qualifies for employment. I'm quite sure they checked and saw what charges he go while in service and the employer deemed them not that serious. Happens all the time.

Now, for as his mental state, you have to question that. He most work places,employees stay all to themselves. Some people can work at a place for many years and not even talk to each other, other than hello, good morning, good night and have a nice weekend. I've noticed where I work at that people are this way. It has been known that because of the way the work place is, people don't get personal, they mind their own business. Its not all about that either. Also, all they are concerned with is JUST doing their job and only speaking with certain people. We know them as 'clicks', only speaking with certain people. This guy may have been acting strange from the beginning and people stayed cleared of him, just as long as he did his job, that's all that mattered.

It came out that he was hearing voices. He hasn't heard voices at one time or another. People are so quick to 'label' people... he just might have been correct with everything he was hearid AND seeing, who knows. I know of a time when...let's just say, some guy showed up and told me..' this is strike one, you have 2 more and we are through with you'. I took it for what its worth, didn't bother me none, but had me thinking about shit, thinking about my prior militray service.

I put NOTHING past our Government, nothing at all. See, the Government could be doing shit, and people couldn't and wouldn't even question what they do. And no, I'm not crazy at all, shit does happen beyond anything you could think of. People who don't believe, they may read the papers and magazines, but they can't put 2 and 2 togeher and see the big picture. It only comes out later of what he was going through. Quite sure he let some people know what he was going through and thought was happening to him. And those he told, wrote him off as having mental issues. But what if, everything he thought and saw, thought he saw, was and is true. See now we can't question him cause he is dead. And now its all coming out.

Now the President wants to go through an extensive background check of all cilvian military contractors. That won't help and what will that do...nothing. too much money is tied up in Military Contractors & Contracts.

I don't think this guy was crazy, nor was he hearing and see shit. He was a Pawn, he was used effectivley too.

Vacation Time....

...September of 2014 !!

I've been telling people that I am taking a vacation next year, month and day, to and from. They look at me like I done lost all of my mind. But I see it this way...

You have to have short term & long term goals. This vacation is a long term goal. We all have short term goals and we make them everyday..well at least I do. Mine come and span over a 3 to one week goal. I meet it, I move on to the next short term one. It works for me. Really it does. They are sunject to change right up to the last couple of hours. Like...I plan to spend a weekend with some one, and at the last minute 'they' come up with something else. I guess what I had plan...well it wasn't that inticing enough for them. No, it wasn't to be spent just being plain nude and having sex. It was something that was planned for Friday night, Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning. And yes, sex was involved for each day.

My longterm goal, this vacation, its all planned. I told 3 female friends who are single with no children about them. Told each one that they weren't the only ones I planned on spending it with. They, if they want to can come along if they want to. I hoping all 3 are and want to go. No freaky stuff, al of us in one room. Everyone will have their own room, but of course, if one or 2, maybe all of them want to share the same room, 2 beds...I'm letting them make that call themselves. If by chance none of them want to go, I have another female friend, single and no children too, at given notice, will come with me. She is cool like that. Likes to have fun with me, doing crazy shit.

Can't make reservations on the hotel room yet, but I know rooms will be open. Transportation is either train or bus, but most likely bus, its easier, one transfer on the bus and a cab to hotel once we get there. Hotel is nice, all ocean front views. Hot tub or whatever in the room, indoor heated swimming pool. Restaurants, grociery store & fast food places close by. But what the bonus is...we have the whole beach to our selfs, no lines in restaurants, cause the summer season would have been over ofr at least one week. Oh, I've been there, to this place before and meet Mary J. For the second time AND she remembered me. I know her Aunt quite well.

So I amlooking forward to this vacation. On another note. Is it me, or does everyone feels like this. Meeting some one for the first time after you been emailing and texting them. Listen, I don't expect every woman to be a Super Model, cause I'm not one either. But they cancel at the last minute or say some stupid shit like they are in Jamica right now and once they get back, we will hook up. That's the 'new' thing to say. In fact, this one woman did say that, and the next day I just happened to see her on the bus. As I was leaving, I whispered not too close to her ear her screen name..' how is Jamacia right about now?'. She followed me off the bus and explained herself. She really wanted to meet me I person, but she was afraid because I might be disappointed. I grabbed her hands and spinned her around looking head to toe and espically her butt, told her nope, not in the least. The only thing was and is, that she has a boyfriend living in her apartment that she wants to break up with but he won't leave. We are friends, text her every week.

I'm not afraid to meet people for the first time.

I'm The First One To Say...

...to talk about how things in my life, I wish they could be different. Better. But hey, its my one just life, and no matter what I do, how it turns out...it was all layed out 2,000 or more years ago. ...I go with the flow.

Yesterday...I'm not crazy, but yesterday something accured to me. Things that I think about...they happen. Imhnot crazy, nor can I see into the future. I told some one that I ccouldnt meet up with them because I was called back to work, pipe burst in the kitchen. Next day when I went into work, the engineers were working on the pipes in the kitchen. Its not the first time that shit like that has happened to me. So, I got to thinking. I have to watch what I say, AND, what I think. Okay, try NOT TO think about anything...its like you have to have a blank mind. I tried it, but things just pop into my head. What if everything we as humans thought about, happened. This world would be...different. I guess some mad scentist would come up with some drug..a drug that's probably used today...to stop the thought proccess. I think those drugs are mostly used in mental hospitals.

When a woman tells me that... 'I get all the sex I want. What I want is a meaningful realtionship...some one to be honest and loving to me. I want a soulmate'. ...I go into my 'questionable mode'. I'm the first one to say I don't get enough sex, loving, love making. See, she told me this, and I had to go in on her. She is 50 years old and spends her time at home. Not working, I don't know why, and I didn't want to question her on it. So I asked her, if she is getting all the sex she wants, why isn't she happy. That one guy or guys you're sexing, let them know what you want. Found out that these guys aren't 'the one' she wants to settle down with. That she finds something at fault with them, but the penis is good. I told her its all about sex with a man. She said what happens when the sex stops. The relationship stops and it isn't the man who stops at the act of sex, its you, the woman, who stops the sex.

After a week to a month you as a woman decide that you want more than just sex. Oh, he asks you out, wants to take you out and things, but... You're so use to staying home in your nice little blanket, anything out of your comfort zone makes you feel uncomfortable. So, sex becomes routine for you and you want more. What you want and what you express, is that you want 'things', items, materialistic shit. Small things at first, like pick up some grocieries at the store, that you no intention of preparing for him while he is there. Then it goes to dropping hints or texting emailing him links to stuff you see online while you're home all day doing nothing. Then it goes deeper.

When you're not with him, your girlfriends are living so they say, the perfect life, they 'man' is buying all this stuff for them and everytime you see your girlfriends they have the latest whatever. So, you tell your man, what you want, and until her gets it or something like it, you're holding off sex. Hence, the sex you say have stopped, not because of him, but because of you. So you get mad at me cause I point this out. Oh well.

Take a breath...then you go into the mode that I know all so well. You go into 'trying' to 'change me'. But I tell you this. Sex, making love...let's just call it fucking...its something that is natrual. Women see it as a tool, men see it as something just do. I know women who see it as men do, something to just do and have 2, maybe 3 guys that they are just fucking. These woman meet a guy, see him on the street and picture him digging her back out. She makes it known that she is interested in him. He, thinks he has hit the mother lode. Fine ass woman, she loves sex AND she wants me. My man, you're nothing but a tool, her enjoyment tool. But you my man, want to make her your main girl, your wifey. But, she isn't having it. She tells you what the deal is and you feel like you have been played. Played for what, your penis is all she got from you. She has everything, she gets it on her own, from her 9 to 5 job. But you want her and all she 'wanted' from you was your sex, but you messed that up by trying to wife her. I told her all of that. Doubt if she ever wants to see me again. Probably took my number out of her phone. I wasn't planning on calling her anyway.

People have the choice...of every thing. Name it, and there is something you can have in its place that some what the same. I say, you can't wear black shoes all your life. Right?

Observations II

'If you expect some one to get you what you want, the only thing, maybe, they will give you, is what you need.'

...and then some times, they might not give you shit. I like holding conversations with people, women mostly. What I get when holding these convos is, 'where am I from?' I tell them New York City, you damn fool. For real, I say that. I say that with conviction, you have to have confiction when you speak. Mean what you say, and say what ONLY you know. If you know yourself..need I say more.

Found out that most women what a man to take care of them. That's all they want a man to do. Since a man is 'suppose' to be able to take care of himself, where does it say that a man 'has' to take care of a woman. I hear some saying the Bible, notice the capital B. If a man can take care of himself, he is sure to be able to do that for the woman in his life. When and after a while a man refuses to do this with the woman he is with, it is for a reason. That works both ways, but its simple for and of what said man wants of his 'woman'.

Yesterday on the bus, she had the thighs a man dreams of. Other thanher platic bag taking up the seat next to her, and she felt annoyed because I decided to sit in the only seat open, that was a nice resting place for her bag... at first she was annoyed because her thighs were rubbing up against mine. I'm a small person and I was sitting forward, blame it on you shape, your thighs. After a while, something happened. At first I thought I was an accident, she slightly elbowed me, but when she did it 2 more times, I removed my earbuds and asked her, yes? That question threw her off, who answers yes, I do. She wanted to know my name, so we held a convo on the bus and they were no one else on that bus, but yet ithwas crowded. She's married, seperated, bored, lonely and from wha I could tell, horny. Exchanged numbers and was told that I 'better call'. I did when I got home. Was told to relax, unwind and to come over. Address was 4 blocks away, and I did go. Stayed there until 1am,just talking. I am to come back again tonight. All she wants is company.

Before 9am, during the weekdays, I read 4 newspapers. I don't want to, its a force of habit. Its like when you take a shower. What's the first part of your body do you was with soap first? Me, my hair, then I work my way down. I read some where that 70% of people was their stomachs first. I'm trying to understand this. So, you mean to tell me...I was taught to wash from the top down.

So this guy who is running for Mayor of New York City, he won the Democratic Primary. I wonder if his family structure had anything to do with it. He is a White man, with a Black wife, who use to be a lesibian, who also has a Black son with an afro. Seems like he covered ALL demographics. Weiner, who at the very beginning was my man, even if I wasn't voting. He went from first place in the polls to almost last place and then...well he fucked up. Plenty of issues along the way. Calling one guy, grandpa at an AARP function. And not to mention...let's just say he had a hard time keeping in his pants and keeping his mouth shut. But what I think...'certain' people had him labeled as a hot head, and people were placed and maybe paid off to cause him to 'spaz out' at functions around town. Made for great sound bites for the 5pm news. The reason why I won't vote? NONE of them address the issues that I hold clear and dear to my heart. Like...

I know New York City is an expensive as city, but... its the working poor who HELP this city be the greatest city there is. Its the people who work in the background who work 2 jobs in order to make ends meet. All along the owners, which I have no problem with, but... they don't share in their profits with those working in the background. How much money is enough money?

Observations

Election today in New York City for Mayor. I'm not voting, because I don't want to. Yeah I know, don't complain if you're not going to vote. I was though for one person, but his commercial was and is confusing. He talks of 5th Avenue, of nannies and such, Wall Street too, but... then in the next sound bite he talks of the Middle Class and Lower Income people. Whay can't some one just address the Lower Income people and run on that ticket? I know why, cause we don't really matter no matter what THEY say.

I saw in the newspaper this morning an article of a woman who was/is a Super Model. Her age is 50, and. Showed a couple of pictures of her. One picture showed her backside, her ass...which she BARELY had one. What they said was she looked great at age of 50, quite sure she does...but. looking great involves the TOTAL package. Front, sideways, up, down...AND BACK. Me for one, you don't have to be all that great looking in the face. Who are we to say who has a pretty face, but I draw a line on what she looks like in the seat, the butt, her ass. Because, that is the last look we get as you walk away. That is what stays in memory. The way..women. if ya wanna know...its how you look from behind in that dress, those jeans and the cute lil panties you have in that top drawer for those special occasions. And, you know we look too.

Huntington Post. Again, they don't even have a clue. Said, that a woman, women should have more male friends. My take on that male friend bs is...well you know, but. If a man just wants to be friends with you, there is more to it than just friends. Either he is gay, nothing wrong with that either. Or, he wants to get in your pants. And or, he is married, but he still wants, thinks, maybe one day will happen if this was the Bazzro World, he still wants to sleep with you. The article mentioned a woman having male friends to help her with moving on moving day. Yeah we will help, cause we want to see you in that 'loose' look that you women all wear so well. You know that look, the look of you looking NOT dressed up, but that one outfit you have that accents everything about you without you thinking us men KNOW you pain stakily put together. ALL you women have that one outfit.

I see hr every morning at the train station. Beautiful from head to toe, but she has this look on her face like she bit into something nasty and now I know why. This morning she came with her BF/Husband, don't know who he is, but now I know why she has that look on her face. She really dislike being with him. She smiled when she saw me though. He must have went back home to do nothing. Tomorrow, I will follow her down the stairs and start a converstaion. If a man causes you that much grief, cut him loose no matter what.

We all want a better life, THE better life. Some, want it habded to them on a silver plate. Others want it given to them by any means. But that shit catches up to you. I say, live within your means. What others have, others own, you don't always know the way they came accross it. That guy who has a nice car and a nice motorcycle...hell, he has no food in his house, maybe. I can't understand why a human being would want to own a $200 plus pair of jeans, or sneakers for the matter too. Hell, spent just under $300 online and purchased my Winter Wadrobe, that including shoes and sneakers plus boots. Parents who have teenagers and even 'tweenagers', I know they feeling the pressure from their kids. Kids want to lookgood while ins school. Forget about getting good grades, they want to look good. Besides parents, can you really afford college when they get to that age?

Syria...and that mess that happening overseas. Listen, the United States acts like we are The World's Police. The only reason we get involved, have out hands in so many pots...those 'pots' we have our hands in, its in our best intrest. We only get involved if wecan get something out of it. But recently, other nations are r2alizing just what we havebeen doing. Now they are playing 'hard ball' with us too. Its, what have you done for us lately? This is what THIS countey should do. EVERY man, woman of age of 21 and above to the age of 55, should and must perform some sort of Military Service. Crunch the numbers. No Military Basews needed to be closed any more. Those small towns and surrounding areas would prosper.

Soon.