Wow!!

Okay, this woman I met online....we are meeting for the first time come December. She choosed to tell me a little about herself. She us a God Fearing. Church Going Woman. To each his or her own. She told me in her own words, that she use to smoke that 'shit', crack. So?

I could care less if you're smoking it, have smoked it and want to still smoke it, that's your choosing, really. But I have issues with what she said. Its along the lines of people who sue to smoke cigarettes, and now when theywalk into a cloud of cigarette smoke, the complain or cough. To me that act is stupid. It only goes to prove that you miss smoking cigarettes. Why complain when some one else is smoking and you use to? You miss it that bad huh? Reguardless you quit because of health reasons, I'm not watching where I smoke if its legal, cause you feel its bad for YOU!!

As for smoking crack. You tried it, liked it,hbut found out now that its not right for you to do. What cause you to quit? Me, it was either smoke crack or...work and have sex. Let me see what I choosed..not crack. But if I see some one strung out on the street, or hustling selling something that has no value to me, I don't look down or even try to avoid them. Its just a reminder of what I could look like.

So she is in the Church. Where she lives is a 5 to 6 hour ride from where I live, a small town, which she says her town is big. Reguardless, you don't know what a big city is. To say that the church members you attend church with, the people in your town who knew you back when you did smoke crack, you think they forgot? They are keeping an eye on you for every little thing you do. They won't leave their purse unattended around you. Even though I never went into stealing from people to supply my high, trying explaing that to those who have never smoked. What they see and read in print, we are still considered Crackheads. funny, you put a pig in a suit, its still a pig. But then you have to be comfortable with who you are and what you've become to overlook the way people talk behind your back. We/I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself.

I didn't tell her about my past, she hasn't asked me anything...yet? But if she does, believe me, she might not like what she hears. Most woman are looking for a man to pull them up and out of situations that they are in. They have this thing that a man is suppose to support a woman. True that, but that woman is his WIFE, not some one he just met....and has sept with, continue to sleep with and you expect, no demand some sort of payment in return. Now if these said woman were smoking crack, I could understand that mentality, but they're not nor ever have. Safe to say, you can have the crackhead mentality and never have touch the drug a day in your life.

Some women who consider themselves a 'catch', good looks, nice job, and their own place...but one draw back. Its their way of thinking. They don't think in the NOW, they think about their future, what a man, any man can do for them. That shit is so stupid. Little do they know, westep out the door of our homes and our lives could change either way. Could get better or could be devasting as all fuck.

That's why I live my day, day to day. Oh, I plan on meeting her in her town. I promised her I would wash her back. She sounded more excitied about that than anything else. Its the little things.