For an example... There is this woman I know, she dips and dabs... No, she is fucked on her drug use. Listen I'm not angel, I use also but there is a difference between her use and my use. Not saying I'm better at, or I'm not like her but... But I've seen a change in her overall every fucking thing.
Okay, I'm looking at her and how she has changed and in the same sense she is saying that I have changed also. But I'm saying to myself not as much in physical appearances like her looks, her ways of walking, thinking and talking. Her way of thinking is what fucks me up.
She told me that after listening to me last night, that she thinks I need to get some help. This is coming from a woman who at 10am told me she was leaving her house to come and see me, but didn't walk thru my front door until 6pm. She was using public transportation, and only had to catch two buses. Total NORMAL travel time, 1 hour 5 minutes. I said maybe she stopped at one of the many stops on the second bus..no, it wasn't that. She got off that first bus, walked in the wrong direction to the next and only bus that was parked there..she walked AROUND the bus she got off, and then ENTERED that same bus. Rode this bus 3 times and did the SAME thing THREE TIMES! This wasn't the fucked up part though.
The bus driver, he saw her do this FOUR times. It was amusement to him. Something to fucking have fun with in his boring as job as driving a shuttle type bus to and from a very small community, an area that he is well aware of. How I know this is what happened and I wasn't there? A friend of mines who drives the shuttle type bus in my town texted me and told me to call him. He asked me about a friend of mines. I asked why. He said one of the drivers in another town told him about this fucked up Black woman who didn't know where she was going, seemed confused. Spent his boring couple of hours watching her thru his review mirror of the passenger bus, getting off the bus and just walking around it for four times and then getting back on the bus. This driver did nothing to help her, she figured out herself and got in the bus to my direction and town.
But I was fucked up, I fucked up. Because when she did arrive I sort of lit into her about what took her so long. She lied and told me that she fell asleep on her sofa when she was waiting for the bus to come. I didn't know what she went thru, what she out herself they getting to me. Now that I know I feel really fucked about the whole thing, the way I acted towards her when she did arrive.
When she walked into my apartment, she could hardly walk and looked as if she was about to fall flat in her face. When she left the next morning, this morning while I was still sleep... When she got home, she started with the text messages on how my drug use has changed me. And that's when my friend texted me about her.
But I'm the one that is messed up on drugs, so she claimed. What messed me up and still has me questioning myself is... Everything she is texting to me, I see it in her. This has me wondering does she not know what is happening with her, and is she really seeing this in me. It has me all confused.
One thing that is going on is that she is telling me she won't text me any more. Then she texts me again and again. So what I've taken to doing is not responding right away. I use a delayed text app, send the text automatically 3 hours later.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment