Anyway, I found a way to keep really chilled. A number of ways really.
First only go to places, public places that have kickin ac. Libraries,
department stores and supermarkets. Well, I work in a supermarker, and
the ac is really unbeleieveable, cold !!! Another place is City owned
agencies. Public Assistance Offices. I found out where one is close by,
walking distance. I had to meet a friend there, we have a history
together..professionally that is. No, not me, her, she was my case
manager. The ac is really turned up there also. Last place, but this
will cost some money, the trains. AC is kickin' there too. As I type
this, heading towards The Bronx now. Was gonna take the bus, 2 of them,
but ac is better here. There, said and done.
Words. We all use them, part of the human language, whatever language
you speak, words are words. Some words are nice. Love, flowers,
beatuiful, sunshine, well you know. Then there are words that hurt,
cause anger. There are many of those too. But I realized something
though. That's what's causes me to write now.
After 34 years of dating I realize something through out all of my
dating. Even though there were some endearing, pretty, nice words
mentioned, there has also been some hurtful ones too. Some spoken on my
part, but most received. I noticed that when I received some nasty
words, it was because I did something, something that caused hurt in the
other person. All that did was cause more spoken words of hate and PAIN
thrown back at me. I'm just realizing this ALL now. This is to say that
the only reason that words of hate are spoken is because the other
person is feeling some sort of pain.
What I tended to do when some one called me something that I didn't
agree with, what I did was lash out and throw the same hate back at
them. When all along all I was feeling was pain. Never would I have
thought, cuae I didn't back then, never would I have thought that that
person was in some type of pain, that I caused. Stupid me, all I did was
lash out even more. All this to say...
We do and say things cause we are in pain. What I have come to do, and
have been doing this for a while now, is to tkae a deep breath or two.
Instead of lashing back out, I think about why this person is coming at
me like this, what did I do. Doesn't take long to figure wher 'I' went
wrong out. I quickly say something to ease that person from the state
that they are in. It works most of the time. Those other times, I say
what I have to say, and walk away. I approach them at another time, and
speak straight from my heart about what happened a while ago. This way
the situstion is somewhat defused, and we 'both' are able to hear nad
understand each other.
Ms. B, he didn't mean what he said, but what he said he meant. Take a
look at what caused him to say that, and nothing else. Those 2 words he
called you, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand that he was
hurting. We men, includung me, we hurt ALL the time. We aren't like you
woman, who hide your feelsins oh so well. We can contain it like that,
so we lash out. I think, and I could be wrong, I think he cares for you
a great deal. Why waste all those years cause he was hurting. He wants
you, and he can't let something else, including family come in between
something, some one he wants. We don't see it like that. That's how us
men are. Me, like I told you, my well being comes first before anything.
I'm not selfish, but who in the long run at the end of the the day, who
is gonna take care of me? No one but me, right? So I tend to do what I
feel like doing no matter what. Say what I feel like saying no matter
what.
Forgive him, that a face to face thingy too. But forgive him and tell
him that that shit hurt you too. Look him staright into his eyes and
forgive him. Don't hold it against him, let it go, theought it away. But
I assure you, this will not be the first time he will call you names,
cause this will not be the last time that he feels hurt.
I finsished with this..... bye, bye
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®
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