My, My, My, My, My....

She's a Lil Cutie...though she is little, not young, just little.

First contact 2021, social app. Told her I wanted to meet her in person. She didn't understand the invite, the time part I later found out 

Then... Wait, I might have mentioned her before? So what, I'll mention her again. Then, she told someone she knew me, and referred to the time part that SHE misunderstood but tried to make me the weird one. You misunderstood. Back then since I had access to a car for a short period of time... Took her to work, picked her up from work...and asked her to ride along with me somewhere. But because I wouldn't take her somewhere or another...she kind of threw a small hissy fit..'...keep your little White BMW, I don't need to ride...'  I took that what she said many ways, nothing bad either. She knew it wasn't my car, but I had access to it, and it wasn't little. A 4 door monstwr of a car.

Next time I saw it her, thru social media again. She took a picture with another woman who I wanted to be with...had an opportunity to do so, but I refuse to treat her like some people told me to do. I. Too old for those and that game. I leave it up to them to want to do something different, to change themselves but .. if you want to keep doing what you're doing, go ahead and do so. You're still my friend, you can still come visit and spend the night. But I'm not going to make another move on you, you have to make that move to me 

Well anyways.... This and that happened to her and I thought she was in something, but she isn't...though both play the role of being so. It's been so long since I have had made moves like that, that I didn't recognize it for what it was and is. Then as I was up late at night my phone vibrates it was her... That move never changes though, late night call, she wants to come over and she did.

2 bottles of wine in her backpack...We talked and I came straight out and wanted... I did...she's nervous about.. I stopped, pulled back. I mean you did tell me stop or no..word or words of changing her mind, so I did stop. But I don't know, but I do know it's not me. This has happened 2 times so far out of 4. Was I suppose to 'play like force' myself on her, is it or was it a fantasy thing she has..not saying it is, and why the fuck am I questioning myself about it? Because I'm human..better yet a man.

So those few hours we were together alone may be the first and only time I'll ever be with her. I have tasteful pictures of her and memories of those hours all in my head. Maybe it has to be some time between those hours, years...her settling down and on her own..and then another chance meeting. But I know one thing. She knows I am different.