FUCK !!

There are a couple of things women should know about me...well, not only women, but people in general. One, I get bored VERY easily. Its not like I didn't know this or I just found out. I mean if you leave things all up to me, you have to be willing to go along with what I have planned. Don't like what I have planned, well make a suggestion, I'm open for anything. Don't put our date night all on me cause that's just telling me one thing...that I have to pay for everything. Like I don't mind sometimes, we can go half too...ever heard of that one. Another thing is this. If you're interested in me, let me know, don't play games. I can call, text, smoke signal you all day and every day. You not reaching out to me, like sending a text or something every so often, makes me feel like it's a one way street. I'm not the one to chase after you. I don't 'disappear' as I have been told that I sometimes do. You have ALL forms of reaching me, contacting me, so do so.

Two...I'm a guy and you're a woman. Just like you have guys wanting to get to know you, go out with you, the same way here. But with me its different. I really have to make time. My work takes up most of my time and that even when I'm not working. Maybe when you're at work you don't do much, but still collect a check, not with me. I work my ass off, I'm a cook. I have a role in the kitchen and if I'm not there or on top of my game, shit can go downhill VERY freaking fast. I told one of my teammates in the locker room that I spend 12 hours to and from work 5 days a week. Its true, with traveling and being at work, that is what it is. So weekends are my off time, my time to be off my feet, my time not to be worrying about burning or over cooking something. My time not to be so concerned about presentation being PERFECT. MY TIME TO DO NOTHING BUT VEG THA FUCK OUT !!!!! So doing nothing is perfect for me on the weekends. I don't have to be around the 200 people I see 5 days a week, the crazy ways of some of the cooks that have had a bad night with who ever the fuck they were with. I can focus on doing nothing...I do nothing very well too, you should see it. So, if I say I'm staying in, I can stay in at your place or my place it doesn't matter. But if you expect to hit that club where all your girlfriends are meeting up this weekend, and your funds are low... I can see from a mile away  what part I'm playing into it, and I will opt out for that little get together you wanna have with them, I'm not your blank check.

I'm not paranoid, believe me I am not. But sometimes I can see things coming, see things change. ...and the world, well The United States is changing. Don't believe me, read the newspapers, watch the news, listen to talk radio. Shit is going down right before your own eyes and half of the people in this great country or either unaware or just don't give a fuck. Remember years ago when farmers were having all those problems, they were losing their properties? Lost them, yep they did. Lets go with The Matrix...The Red Pill or The Blue Pill.

Okay the government bought up all the farmers properties that were in foreclosure and they develop on that land. They built communities on those lands. I hope you weren't expecting people to actually live on those lands, raise families in those homes...cause thats not what happening. Those properties owned by the Feds sat there for years and every so often, some one would built these picture perfect homes. But those homes sat empty also for years. Now all of a sudden there is activities on those properties, people moving about. Listen, I can't go into just what is going on, cause it would ruin my already I think perfect day, but do some reading about whats going on out there in the mid west like I have did.

Co worker, female told me yesterday that she has a Blackberry and she has an Iphone.Wants to transfer contacts from BB ti IP, no problem. I found out how with certain programs, so I text her asking sis she have a computer at home, she doesn't. So, I told her to bring both phones and their computer cables to work, I would bring my laptop and during our 2 breaks of a half an hour, I will hook her up. Now the BS starts. She is in her hospital with her mother, and what time am I suppose to start tomorrow. 8am, can I go in at 7am to cover for her, sure, if the Head Chef says its okay..if you call him and ask him, then call me back to confirm. Better yet, I will wake up at 3am, expecting a text from you telling me to be at work at 7am cause I have to leave the house at5am to be there on time. (Crickets chirping), no other text came after that. I have been awake since 3am, ready to go..it is now 5am and no text or phone call. So, I'm leaving at 6am. And when I go in, I don't want to here nix, nine, nada, NOTHING !!

...its Like You Get Use To Doing All On Your Own

This just hit me..like hit me full right in the face. I'm so use to doing things by myself..like going out, that I don't know what it feels like to take a woman out.

Like I'm so use to doing things by myself, that now, I'm worried about on if my date is going to like where I take her. But then again, fuck it. I told her to tell me what she wanted to do and all she said was that she didn't want to be cold. Then in the next breath, she said she might as well go to this party her friend wants her to go to. I told her to go to that party. Hell, you aren't saying something I haven't heard before. She also said she was disappointed. See, I'm trying really hard to change my ways...change my ways when it comes to women. But its hard, requires too much thinking on my part. I rather stick to the way I do things.

In the past, yes I have to admit, I am focus on one thing. That thing is to get into bed with them, women. It seemed like there was no problem because these women had the same thoughts as I do..did. but being that they don't want to seem too easy, they let me sweat and I guess act like its all my idea...when all along they had the same plans too. Now, since I said I'm gonna change my ways, I'm thinkinlg too much into things..worried about issues.

One of my past friends text melast night and told me before she meets up with me again, she wants to know what I want this time in a realtionship. I text back, do you really think this can work, since you have 2 jobs. 2 jobs that have you bouncing all over the place on the weekends, weekends, which I am off on. Haven't heard word back yet.

You knlow what? I'm not changing for anyone. I'm gonna be me. Why change? No women is going to change for me, right?I accept you for who and what youh are, do the same with me.

"...just get ona bus Gus, don't need to discuss much"

This young lady, whom I use to have a 'relationship' with, who STILL thinks in her own mind we still are in a relationship..well she called me and told me she needed some movies, TV shows...ANYTHING to watch. Times are hard for her right now. No cable, it was turned off and she is just now caught up with her 3 months due in back rent. I guess bills kind of...its a turn off when it comes to sex. Since she was tardy in the sex aspect of our relationship, I let her know...no bueno. I went to her house and dropped off a 32 GB flash drive of movies & TV shows for her. While I was there I get an email from another female friend asking what am I doing right now. This friend lives about 4 hours from me by Greyhound bus...Albany, NY.

In a email, I told her that I wasn't doing anything. She replied and ask did I want to spend an evening with her. I asked for her number. I never met this person in person, only thru emails, so I called her. I told her what the deal was, I will be there in about 5 hours, I'm on my way. Hell, its a Saturday, day off and I wasn't doing anything  later on or for the night...just some reading and watching whatever I didn't get to watch what I downloaded. So, if she was serious, I'm on my way and if she decides she wants to back out, just text me. I explained that once I get on that bus heading upstate NY, my turn around would be her destination. She said just come..and oh yeah, she is having computer problems and maybe I could fix her computer while I am there.

I told the young lady I was with, that I have to go. She wanted to know where, so I told her. She threw in that I was crazy. So who isn't nowadays. Nice little ride upstate NY. Listening to my music on my ipod nano and dozing off every now and then. Albany, NY came so fast, didn't seem like I was on the bus that long. I called her from the bus station and she said she will be there in 10 minutes. She was on time. Like I said I never met her in person before and today was the first time I heard her voice too. She walked into the bus stationed and I was knocked off my feet. She never told me her real name, but I use my first name on the website, so she addressed me by ny first name. Told me I looked just like my pictures.

She's beautiful...stunning AND tall. Dark skinned and evenly toned in both color and physic.(don't know if I spelled that right, spell check says I did). First thing after she kissed me on the cheek, first thing she said was asked me to open my coat, so she can take a good look at me, I did. We went to her car, she explaining all the way that she has NEVER did anything like this before and that she just has a good feeling about me, and that I was willing to take a 4 hour bus ride to her in this cold. Nice home..2 great kids, girls 16 and boy 9 years old. The boy wanted to show me the video games he got for Christmas and ask did I know how to play. Mom, went into the kitchen to finish preparing and making dinner. I asked where her computer is located at, she said upstairs, told her to go and get it. Between working on her laptop and playing some shoot em up game with her son, I was busy. All along, the daughter asking me all kinds of questions about New York City, she never been to the city.

Dinner was nice, conversation was pleasant. Me as a child, we never had the, the thing of sitting down at a dinner table and eating. I ate in front of the TV, so this was different but I enjoyed it. Like I said conversation was great, it was like...I don't know. It was like something was missing in this home, a man to sit at the head of the dinner table, to start conversation with his family, to see what and how their day, week was. That was what was missing. The last bus leaving for NYC was at 11pm, it was just after 10pm, so I told her that I should start getting ready to go. Asked me to help her with the clean up, I washed the dishes, and we talked. She told me that I didn't have to leave tonight if I wasn't in a hurry, she wanted to talk with me alone and get to know me better cause like I said, she thinks I'm crazy. So, I was spending the night. Me, being me, I asked where was I sleeping? I figured in her son's room and he woukld sleep with her. Nope, it was in her room and her bed.

We talked until 3am about everything. You name it, we talked about it, time flew by. She ended the conversation with that all she wanted right now was to fall asleep with me holding her. And...that's all I did. I woke up at 8am and I just looked at her laying there, she was facing me. I thought, what was there NOT to like about this woman. She didn't know me from nothing other than a couple of emails that were of deep conversation and she invited me and offered to let and did, let me spend the night not only in her home, but her bed also. I went to the bathroom and when I came out she was awake with the TV on. She thanked me for being a gentleman. I told her that yes, I wanted more than just holding her to sleep, but she calls the shots. She told me I should've went for it and that its been such a long time since she has been with a man, that she didn't know who was to make the first or next move. Told her its too late for that now, my next visit..now we both will know.

In the car, we both were silent. It wasn't that we didn't know what to say, it was both a missed opportunity on both our parts. It was that we both were in waters when anything, everything could happen, but nothing did because we were respecting each others space. But we BOTH wanted our space invaded, but both wasn't going to make the first move. Before I closed the door, she said she hoped this wasn't the last time she saw me, that she wanted to see a lot more of me in the future. Told her that could happen, so 2 weeks from now, its a weekend.

I believe that every one in this country has the right to work and earn a living. I don't care how you came to this country, but if you want to work, then you should be able. What I have a problem with is those that...lets say, want to do things their own way.

Listen, I have been in my foeld for a very long time. I know a lot about what I do. What I do isn't that hard to learn AND do. What the hardest part is ? Its working with others. See, some people figure that since they have the time in, that they can basically do whatever they feel like doing. In most cases, and fields this is true...all except mine's. In my field we are suppose to work as a team, with each member having his or her own function to accomplish. This doesn't always work out that way. Its like that in any field also, but what most people do is..they overlook others short comings. But not me.

If you work any type of Line Work, meaning that your job function depends on other accomplishing their job function, you MUST do your share. Walking off the Line at a crucial part of...lets say LUNCH, going to do whatever the fuck you THINK is important, isn't going to get it. So, if I have to come over and cover your function, don't catch a fucking attitude when I do so, have you God Damn Ass where you're suppose to be. On that point, I still say some people are like sheep, lemming..they will just go along with just about anything. They are so afraid about speaking out. Another thing is, and I found this out too, they think that their co workers will have their back even if they are wrong, not true. Those same co workers will do the "I didn't see what happened, I wasn't in the room". That wasn't said concerning me, but said co worker called in another co worker, their friend and thought they they would side with them. Kitchen Politics !!

On another note. My breaks at wok, 10am & 11am coincide with 2 TV shows, Maury and Jerry Springer. In the break room, we..who ever is in there, watch it. It just so happens a young lady, who plays for the 'other team'..was just her and I in there. It was Jerry Springer. Guy said that it was just sex they had, she got pregnant, he said and told the woman that he was going to try and make the relationship work just because of the kid, but he was there on the show to tell the woman that he doesn't want her, but will be and support the child ONLY. The woman in the break room with me went on a tear. Thats how you men are...she didn't use the term 'men', she said niggas. Thats why you niggas ain't shit. I said, cause I thought she was referring to me, I said well at least he was being honest and some women just can't handle the truth when its being told. The she said this.... "My whole persona is that I should be with a White Woman, that I don't act or talk like I'm Black".

Any other time I would have went off, but I understood where she was coming from. True, I don't think, nor act like your typical Black Man, I wonder why? Is it because at an early age I got out of the neighborhood and saw the world? That I got the chance at an early age to see how the rest of the world lives and acts? I explained all of this to her. I told her if you want to see something different, DO something DIFFERENT and GO somewhere different. There was a lot more I could have said to her ABOUT her, and ABOUT what I SEE OF HER as she felt so FREE TO DO WITH ME, but that would have...lets say opened a CASE of worms, not a can mind you. But I left her with this. I told her that you are so use to seeing Black young adults with their pants hanging off their asses, wearing either, black, grey, blue or red, that you KNOW of nothing different. Go somewhere where they don't know of a typical New York woman or man. Go to that place a represent where you are from, and what your parents have taught you, be at that place for a good amount of time. Then return to your neighborhood and watch ALL that is around you. You will see a change not only in what you have seen in the past, but you will see the change in you. Your friends will look at you completely different because you are talking funny, acting funny, dressing funny. You are a product of your environment, but if you change your environment every so often, you will find that the people who see you differently.. you will see then as being ALWAYS the same. All she said was..'You're right'.

Truth be told, I'm going to have a great day at work today for one reason only. That is because I am working if anything else.

Another Four Years....

...like that's suppose to be a good thing, right? I don't think so. Towards the end of last year, I, along with countless others saw what the next four years would kind of be.

First, it feels strange to be off on weekends, even stranger to have a 3 day weekend. Probably would've had a great old time if it wasn't for the flu, thing bug that traveling around New York City. It would've been nice if all the sick people stayed home too. But the way things are, who can afford to stay home. Sooooo, I caught whtever the fuck it was thats out there. Tightness of the chest, coughing, stuffy nose AND sneezing. Feel a lot better thanks to Buckley's...some nasty ass shit too.

Since I got sick on a Friday, I turned my cell phone off for the whole weekend. I turned it on on Sunday. Try that sometimes, turn your phone off for the weekend. Either people will go crazy trying to contact you and wondering if you're okay, or they just don't give a fuck about you. Turns out people are VERY concerned about me. Made phone calls and was told I sounded like shit and I should go to the hospital. I say if I'm not losing a limb, I stay away from that place. Besides who wants to sit there for 12 to 14 hours before you are being seen.

I watch some of the ceremonies, the swearing in of both the Vice Pres and The Pres. The biggest party I've ever seen was all that it was. One of my mother's friend was invited, and didn't she tell me to watch and see if I saw her friend on TV. Things are changing already. On Friday at work, HR came in and told all the full timers that they were being dropped down to part timers. There was a moment of silence, then she left...THEN all hell broke out. Me being a part timer already, knew the deal. I mentioned a couple of weeks before to one of my teammates that something like this was going to happen. He said no it wasn't, I told him we aren't Union, so expect it to happen. Talk of leaving the job and finding full time work...not happening. EVERYONE, ALL EMPLOYERS will be doing this. You won't see the full effect until after Summer Break though, gonna ease into the transition. people should read and watch the news sometime.

New York, New York City !!

I guess living in any other place in the world would be the same...right? I don't think so. So much happens and can happen in THIS great city. People who visit mostly visit in Manhattan, spend their money there also. But there are other parts of this city. Other parts that will stretch your dollar to its max, but people don't know this.

Got a call at 1am, heard my cell ring...hell, straight to voice mail I let it go. Its one of the guys I work with. Either they aren't going in today, or something happened in the kitchen. Something happened. Cleaners pulled the fire extinguishers by accident, big clean up, I go in later, 8am. So its 8am to 1pm and its FRIDAY !!

I haven't heard from Hilda since last winter, but I text her Happy New Year earlier this month. Doing that opened a can of worms...but these worms are good. Nice text conversation. She is still single, but asked me was I ready for a relationship. Hell, she lives 3 and a half hours from me. I was willing to relocate to her area and find a job, but she said she was ready to be married...to me. It has nothing to do with her, just marriage I am not ready for and never will be ready for. Hilda is 60 years old, but has the body of a 35, 40 year old woman. So we text for about 3 hours. She says lets see how things go between us. I am to visit her next weekend, problem is that she works 2 jobs, so for 8 hours of that weekend, I will be in her home by myself with her 30 year old daughter. The daughter and I has already had a conversation before. I was straight up with her about her mother. Daughter told me she knows what I am about and that I would be a good man for her mother. She says she wish her current boyfriend was like me, but he is an asshole.

I read this book called Heads in Beds, which cause me to read, Kitchen Confidential. Reading the next book the same author has written after that book. Its all about being a Chef, his ups and downs. Funny thing is...I some what did the same thing. But I'm not a Chef. I DO know how to cook, I follow directions of The Chef, I do what he tells me. I was going to go to this well known Cooking School, but I would be wasting my time. At the pay rate that I am getting, I don't want lesser and with this piece of paper from this school, that will happen. Thats some strange shit to happen. 6 months of this school would cost 40k, nope I can spend what little money I do have on something better...ME !!

I had added something 438 songs to my ipod about 2 weeks ago. I downloaded the music, but I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. Most likely I wanted to hear something different, yeah it WAS different. Took all that off last night, and put on 170 more songs. Most of them are DJ sets, Trance, Progressive Trance and some hip hop and rap. Can't wait to hear it on my daily commute to and from work or any place I travel.

At work, caught this pretty Haitian woman looking at me through out the whole day. She works security, so when I went to leave, she looked in my back pack and I mouthed, call me, She mouthed back I don't have your number, so she gave me hers. Called her on my way to the train station and once I got off the train. Didn't she ask me to come back to work and take the train ride home with her so we can talk. Told her next time, next week, I am home now. Why didn't she say something while I was in Manhattan? Was it suppose to be a show of commitment ?

This picture of this woman that is above, I worked for her 2 times already. She is a great manager when it comes to the food service business. Can cook and run register and make coffee drinks, smoothies, the whole 9 yards. This picture is the 'after' picture. She went to her home town of Mexico, and had an operation...for butt implants, not a chest enhancement mind you, thats ALL her up top. Nice young woman too, 25 years old, but too young for me. She would probably kill me in bed, but that would be a NICE way to leave this cruel, cruel world.

Some Things I Know

Last night, some woman click yes on me, she was interested in knowing me. Again, one of those web sites that connect people with people. I try, and I try VERY hard to respond with an open mind, but... Sometimes I ask myself what are these people thinking. True, I may not be that Prince Charming who rides a white horse. I'm that person who comfortable in the clothes that I wear, and I like to walk a lot. With that I'm saying this. WHAT THE FLYING FUCK !!

I understand that we all can't think and act the same, we are all different. But you would figure, a person with some years under their belt, lets say in their 50's, just ought to know the basic rules of living; basic rules of engagement. Like I said, she reached out to me. First off, whats with the cryptic names? That isn't your given name, well first name, what is it that you're hiding? My first question was, has she met any of her friends online in person. She answered yes, but things didn't go well. When she met the only 2 people out of the 1400 or so friends she has on her profile, all they wanted was sex. Its the internet dearie, Apparently the way that you meet people in your every day life isn't working. These websites are doing only 2 things. One, a person only wants to be friends online. Two, a quick hook up after a maybe 1 hour face to face, and then on the 2nd face to face, we can maybe rub bellies together. Oh, there might be a 3rd option too. Its they, women, are looking for a man to take care of them and the woman has little input, meaning no sex. Just buy and pay my bills for me. Keep food in my frig and I will call you when I need something.

She told me that in order for sex to happen, she has to have 'like' me for some time. What, a week, a month? But in the mean time, theres going out to dinner, the movies and any other stupid shit you may have the poor soul of a man lingering on, hoping that he can get between those legs of yours. True, there are guys out there who have plenty of money to spend on a woman, giving her anything she wants in return of nothing that she is offering. I'm not one of those men. So, I asked what she is doing for sex, she typed like it was nothing, that she has a vibrator that she keeps handy..she does herself. Right then and there I was walking and backing out of the situation. I understand that at any given time, a woman like a man has to 'rub one out' every so often. But to ONLY rely on that machine...it tells me one thing and one thing only...you're only into it to get what you want meaning a  comfrtable lifestyle in which you have to do nothing, That would be okay except for one thing...

Listen, I love me some BIG women. Not the big and lazy type, but the BIG that gets up and around, that do things with her life. Not the ones who stay at home; doesn't work, and do nothing but collect a free check every time that day of the month rolls around. This woman was big, huge. I'm not knocking her on her size, but saying something about the mentality of the way she is and I don't even know her, but I know 'of' her. She went into other things, things that I piece together the puzzle. 4 kids but 4 different guys. She lives in a part of The Bronx, which is close to another part of The Bronx which is called Riverdale WHICH is REALLY THE BRONX !! No she doesn't live in Riverdale, she lives CLOSE to Riverdale. WTF, all I asked was what part of The Bronx you live in, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST !!!!

So, me being me, I backed out of the conversation which was all held entirely thru email. She told me I opened her eyes to something and that she wanted to meet me. I told her no, cause she doesn't even know where she lives at, and I can't deal with a person like that. End of email.

It's Like This....

I can do what ever the fuck I please. This, along with saying what ever the fuck I want to say. Its a free country right? So, when I say that....that you're a dumb fuck, take its for what its worth.

ObamaCare. Its starting already I see. Employers cutting back on employees hours, making them that are full timers, part timers. It doesn't matter if you're in a Union either. Cause all the shit that you HAVE been getting away with in the past, they are watching you now and will give you a choice. Either get fired or accept a part time position. Nothing will change in your job duties though, other than have less time to do what you do in 8 or 9 hours, now you have to do it in 6 hours tops. If not, they will fire you and hire some one for less pay who WANTS to do the job. Oh, its just beginning.

I don't understand when a person tells me that they are working to pay off or to pay their bills. I say this, this shit didn't just sneak up on you out of no where. There were signs of it approaching, but you choosed to ignor them, it. Now she has to go to housing court cause the landlord wants to evict her. Sad thing is...the apartment isn't even in her name so she is messing up some other woman's credit. Simple way out..put all your stuff in storage, go into a women's shelter. You do have a job. Swallow you fucking pride.

As for me, I don't have enough hours in the day. I mean, for me. 12 hours for work.

Happy Fucking New Year...and I Mean Excatly That Too

In past post I stated that I can understand certain issues whwn it comes to the male/female relationship. I have my own take on things, again those are my opinons. There's one thing I do know though, you have to be true to The Game.

...cause that's what it real is, a game. A game that can be played many different ways. The object of this game is to play it to your advantage. Sometimes, its not taking advantage, its working out some agreement. Like...

When I was discharged from The Army, I treated myself. I went to the back pages of The Village Voice and made a call to an escort agency. I was 22 years old, told the person on the phone just what I wanted. They told me it would best that I got a hotel room in Manhattan, and when I did call back to the number she gave me. I got a nice room and made the call. At the assigned time, I received a phone call, saying she was on her way up. Five hundred dollars for 4 hours. Nothing crazy, but she being a Pro, knew what to do and how to do it. She got a 100 dollar tip. BEST time I ever had!!

Present day. The internet, social websites...you would think that it would be much easier. Listen, I have no problem of getting..well you know. But there are times...times when the woman, girls say they will do this and that. So I attempt to set things up..key word is 'attempt'. First thing they ask, do I have a car. Hold up. You're charging 150 for 3 hrs and you're more concerned on weither I have a car or not so I can come and pick you up? Do you know wat a cab is ? Call me on my cell and I will come to the lobby to escort you up. Then she had the nerve to say I'm lost. No, she is lost. I could tell she was working for some one without hearing her voice. I go pick her up and some one follows me in a car to where we are going. She wasn't a freelancer. Plus she was 22 years old. I emailed her all what I had to say, next email, she said we could do it that way, the way I stated. I emailed back that I changed my mind, and blocked her from contacting me.

I haven't given up looking for that one woman who...great looking hair, nice body, pretty face and wants to be paid for having sex ut she has to have her business head on. If you're taking the chyance of putting yourself out there like that, think about different senerios that could be played. Make sure they are safe for yourself and the person you're hooking up with.