Some More Thoughts

So Martha Stewart says she needs a man for sex. You would figure with the MILLIONS she has, that a man should be her last worry. Well, if she is looking, it isn't too hard to find me.

Some people should listen more often. When I tell you, cause you ask me, when I tell you that people in general care less than a fuck about you, me, anyone other than their selves. Take it as gospel.

Why are women so...why do they care about what a man has to offer them. They should ask themselves what do they have to offer to themselves.

Movies & going to the movies. Yeah sure it create jobs, but is it my fault that studios pay the actors MILLIONS and the picture has a low turn out and the studio loses money? Solutions. Cut off rate of 5 to 10 million for primary stars, then make the movie avaiable for download at $2 a shot. Do the math...worldwide.

Here in NYC, if you bring your child on the subways and they are below the age of... if they can't walk, carry them. That baby stroller you lug around takes up space and really is dangerous to others and your child.

What I eat doesn't make you fat. What works for me, might and I bet it won't work for you.

I still say...marriage isn't the answer to anything. Sooner or later, the 2 will want that person out of their life, or decide that cheating, the other party won't find out. Besides, cheating doesn't mean things are terrible at home. Sometimes you get tired of eating meat and you want fish.

People are worried about what others have and don't worry about what they need. Wants & Needs are different. You WANT those $300 sneakers, but first you NEED a job.

I wear the same pair of pants to work 5 days a week. I wash them 2 times a week. I ride NYC's transit system & their buses. Both of them are nasty as shit..and yes, I've seen shit on the seats, walls and floors. I change into a cook uniform at work. So so what if I wear the same thing, I do have other clothes at home too.

The nastiest feeling in the world is..having to take s shit and there is NO FUCKING BATHROOM AROUND!!

Youtube...kind of sucks. I mean there is plenty of music on there to download, but the quality of it SUCKS. If you're gonna post, make sure it is up decent quaility. Anyways, who wants to listen to a live recording it it sound like an AM radio.

Stuff I Learned This Week.

...not to really give a flying fuck about anything but SELF. ...and I don't mean that in a bad way either.

Its funny, your coworkers treat you different from say... our Supervisor. I mean he is a cool guy. He puts his pants on the same I do, breathe the same air I do and also bleed red blood as I do. But you wanna know what, if you as an employee has to kiss his ass every time he walks in the room, it one of 2 things. One, you have been at that job way too fuckin' long, and 2, you like kissing ass.

I'm quick to tell, well just about any one this. Of course this is after I am hired and my 90 day probation s over with and or I have 6 months on the job. 'Your worst nightmare was hiring me'. I work with and around food. Anything that has to do with food, be it reservations, catering, ordering, cooking, resupplying...I KNOW THAT SHIT like I know the back of my hand. I've been told, no ask, why I am not a Manager? Fuck telling people what to do, fuck supervision PERIOD! Why tell or supervise when YOU CAN DO !! I make YOU look good. I give you the feeling that you don't have to worry if I am on duty, everything is 'frostie', chill, I got it. You can walk away knowing this. But then, there are your coworkers.

Rule of Thumb. If you been at ANY job for more than, say 2 years and are still there, you're wasting your time, and or, you're just a lazy ass. And, you go your own thing, hustle on the2 side at the job. Like today, in the kitchen, kitchen staff are given a meal free of charge. Not working in the kitchen, you pay. I get asked by 2 coworkers am I going to eat my meal for lunch damned near every day. They aren't asking for my dietary needs, no, they are hustling my meal to other employees. All meals are accounted for, down to the last ounce, Chef don't play that shit. I'm learning Portion Control from him, something I never knew about, but did, but not on this level. So since I found out that they are hsutling, I take my meal, take one bite and then trash it. Pisses them off too...fuck em.

Saw one employee in her street clothes before she clocked in, this is what I notice and took in in less that 15 seconds. Makeup..perfect. I was standing less that 56 inches from her, looking into her eyes, her face. And, she didn't back away either, she is a tease, but she kno1w what she is working with. Breathed inher scent, not to strong, different. She turn to leave...slowly. allowing me to KNOW that she had ona G string...and those jeans, caught every curve in all the right places too. Saw her at lunch time and tried to get a word in with her, she looked my way, but too many 'Bears' were around the 'Honey'. They looked my way and I got some Murder One looks. They can eat shit for all I care. You know how sometimes you wish a stupid motherfucker would just say something stupid to you so you can go 'tha fuck off' on them. My day will soon come. She checked my bag on the way out when I left for the day/weekend. Told me to stay out of trouble and asked what I was doing this weekend. Told her, wish I were doing you.

I Know I Shouldn't But I Just Can't Help Myself

I have this thing for information. Its like I have to know. No, its not that, its I want to know. I want to know everything there is to know. Its not to boast or anything like that. Just that you never know when the topic of..lets say anything might just come up.

The Huntington Post, I get their emails. I like reading the ones that pertain to dating. Strange though, their perspective is only relate to the female side of things. Just read one last night about online dating. This woman said that she hadn't date in a long time, so she tried one of the online dating sites. Filled out a profile, and low and behold, she started getting messages from guys. She said that she looked at the pictures and she saw cute guys...cute guys with beards...that lived in Brooklyn. She did the instant messaging thing with them, and with one that she decided to go out and meet with. Guess what happened?

She never met the guy, came up with some excuse with that she had way too much stuff on her plate to even meet with the guy. What she couldn't find 15 minutes? She used the excuse that she was in the middle of de cluttering her book shelves, she had a lot of reading & writing to do, so on and so on. She said there was a thrill of being able in the comfort of her home to pick and choose who she wanted that wanted her. But when it came down to crunch time, she made an excuse NOT to meet. Well she shouldn't feel loney or in the boat by herself. It happens to both male and females alike.

I have met quite a bit of women online in person. I am not looking for my soulmate, I am not looking for a wife. I am looking for friends first, and then maybe, if she is is up to it, we can rub bellies. I had one come as a far as from upstate NY. Found out that the only reason she was meeting with me was because her boyfriend of 12 years messed around on her with her best friend. Now she makes her trip down to the city to see me twice a month.

I know what this woman who wrote the article, what she was feeling at the time. Its like being like a kid in a candy store. So much to choose from, and then when you oicked out what you want, you find out that you don't even want to eat it.

A Picture From Work...Outside

'....So Today's Your Birthday, Well Happy Birthday To You!!'

Yep, 53 years on the face of this earth and I've come to appreciate a few things. One thing recently...be willing to listen and or hold a conversation with some one older than me. One, its always some good information and 2, you're suppose to.

Since I asked yesterday for today off, why did I wake up at 4am. 4am on a day that I'm off is sleeping late, so why am I complaining. My ex had called me and asked me to spend my birthday night with her. Mind you to get to her house upstate NY is a 2 hour bus ride. So in the morning I will wake up at 5am, catcch the 6:11am Metro North trai to the city, a hour ride. Then catch the subway train uptown to 68th street. Probably get there a 2 hours early. Usually there an hour early. I have no problem doing this for her. I'm that type of guy. Besides she says she has a birthday present for me and wants pizza for dinner. Half the pie of what she wants. My half..bacon, pineapples, ham extra cheese and ranch dressing.

My ex, Lisa purchase me some Bose headphones for my birthday. I told her that I would pay for them cause they are kind of expensive, but she said no. Its funny. This other woman I WAS interested in...she would call me and ask me to bring her just ONE cigarette cause she didn't have any. Mind what they take out in taxes every week from her check, I MAKE that every 2 weeks. I don't know what she does with her money too. I know, well I hope it isn't drugs. Was hoping to get with her tonight, but she is so full of shit, it isn't even funny.

This world would be a whole lot better if woman thought the same way about sex as a man does. Its not like I forced feed you those chicken wings and pork fried rice, you made that choice to eat it. So now you're ashame to take your clothes off cause you have a big stomach? I call it as I see it, I'm not fucking your stomach, get over it. Then some women get upset cause we look at...porn, 30 year old women, want 21 year old college student. Simple fact, they like having sex!!

Just spent 45 minutes in White Plains's New York library. I think this is the BEST library I have ever been in. They have ALL the magazines I like to read. I skim through them, writing down the articles I can later look up online...thank God for Google, email the page to myself, and then when I get to work, print them out for later reading. Sounds like a lot, but not really. When I finish reading them, I leave them laying around in the breakroom, some one always take them, that's what I do it for.

Let me make something clear. I don't know if it's fashionable to still be smoking...FUCK FASHION !! They can kiss my tight ass. I said that cause... There is this woman who everyone says is my age, but I swear she looks in her mid 60's, she is always sneaking touch my ass on the side. Either walking bu me, or when I bend over to pick up the dish washing machines rack. I told my coworkers, but they don't believe me. And every time she does it, she has a smile on her face so I know she IS doing it. Whatever, she's getting her jollies off. I told my coworkers I would do her too, take one for the team. You know the saying...'from 8 to 80, blind, crippled or crazy.' I updated it though, 18 to 80. Safer..I think that way.

Just got a text from my ex, she just got on the bus and is heading into White Plains. I am waiting for her inside of Macy's, sitting here watching...well you know what I am watching. I may be old; but don't feel it &, I'm not dead...YET !!

Water, Praying

I honestly feel that all the world's problems can be solved with & by water. First, you have to uderstand water.

Scientist have long said that where there is water, there is Life. I believe this to be true. Countries in Africa, people are dying for the lack of food, but mostly its water. Water to grow their own food.

How do I tie water in with praying? Every morning I take a shower. While under the shower head, water streaming over my body, I clear up my thoughts. Thoughts come to me, so fast in fact, that I have to stand back and gather my thoughts. While I'm back under the water, I talk to God. I don't really like calling it praying, cause all I'm really doing is talking to God. I also find myself planning out what I'm going to do for the day. Plans don't always go accordly too, hey shit happens. But I really believe that id people take showers eery morning, most of the world's problems can be solved.

I dilike shit like that. I can be having a good as morning, wake up at 2am, 2 hours early, feeling refreshed as all shit. Walk, instead of taking the bus to the train station. Have that extra cup of coffee, which I shouldn't have..and then get on the train. I knew it was gonna be a fucked up train ride, saw the woman spread out on the seats. Young, with $125 pair of sneakers on, no biggie. Transfer to another train 4 stops later, and the Shit Storm kicks in.

This elderly woman isn't always on the same train at the same time as me often. She sits in a one person seat, facing the entire train car. A Black Woman, who for any other matter than just being old, is also very fucking angry at the world. But get this, she is angry, VERY angry at The White Man. The first time I encountered her, she told me I had White Man's Blood in me, I ignored her. But when she started on the 'God' thing, I'm sorry, but I went the fuck off on her. I went as far as to threaten to drag her Black Ass off the train and spend the rest of my life as a guest of The Federal Government. I wanted to really just drag her up and down the train station. But this morning, when she started in on me, again, I went a different route. I ask her to pray withh me. This is what I said to her.

'God, I know you're up there and You are hearing this prayer. I know you're very busy, in fact so busy, my prayer might just go to prayer hold, but I mark this one as urgent. I hope You get it ina timely fashion. This woman who is in prayer with me, she is areal pain in my & other's asses early if not some mornings, but difinitly THIS morning. Farther God, I am so close from stomping a mud hole in her ass and walking it dry, but help me out on this one. I know you turn water into wine, cause the blind to see, do me a favor. Shut her the fuck up

Shit Happens For a Reason...Sometimes.

Listen, I don't have all the answers, just some. I know what works for me, but I will let you in on it, but you can't judge me either. Oh, I know you will, so that's why I call you a piece of shit behind your back. You prefer it that way, keeps the shit we have between going on and on...its healthy.

But, when I walk in the room on you, and your eyes are redder than a freakin' stop sign, something isn't right. And no matter how much or how many sexual jokes I tell you, it and you won't feel any better. But I can tell you what I do and say. What I say is..hell, they can't take me out behind the barn and shoot me, well not any more they can't.

Dark..I'll Tell You What Dark Is. It's...

...when you can't even see the hand in front of your face...and you're outside at night in the open. Now that's dark.

Most people are Very afraid of the dark, not me. I've learned to embrace it. I've learned to see it as a long lost friend, happy as all fuck for it to make its presence. Most people, when confronted with total darkness make so much noise to frighten off what they can't see. Not me. I know you're out there, I can't see you, but I can smell you. I smell...your fear. Don't hear, see or smell me do you? Of course not, I am one with Darkness. It lives in all of us, mines is my friend.

Some Funny Shit...

Range Control, this is Unit 4 1 Alpha, Papa Alpha 3 7, Firing Point 3214, Officer's initals Juliet Charlie, Safty's Officer's initals Mike Charlie will advise when first round is down range and observed safe. Firing Point 3214 Out !!

Range Control, Range Control over.
Range Control, Range Control over.

This is Range Control, last non identifying station please indentify yourself over.

Range Control....This is God over.

Silence.

God this is Range Conltrol. You may have jurisdiction up in heaven, but this is my fire net. STAY OFF MY FIRE NET. This is Range Control Out !!

I was the Battery Commander's Driver and we just pulled into a new firing point, a new location. It was at night, it was a night move, can't see shit. Apparently, when we 'March Ordered', FDC, Fire Directional Center, left the Aiming Circle out in front of the guns. At this new location, we couldn't safty the guns, plot fire cordinates..couldn't do shit without the Aiming Circle. Since I was the driver, and after a lenghty dicussion, I said I could find my way back to our last firing position and pick it up. I should have said I 'thought' I could find it. It wasn't the darkness that got to me. It was almost everything looked excatly the same at intersections that I drove through. Tomake matters worse..Battalion was on the radio and the wanted to speak to my Commander. I did what I thought was right..after Battalion transmitted about 5 times the request that my Commander get on the radio...I answered. Thought..I was doing the right thing. Apparently not. So Battalion was asking for Bravo 2 5..I answered...'This is Bravo 2 5'. Again, Battalion asked..'Bravo 2 5, Whiskey 2 5 over' Again I replied, 'This is Bravo 2 5'. I heard this seconds later. 'Bravo 2 5 Alpha, you may think your Bravo 2 5, GET BRAVO 2 5 on THE GOD DAMNED HORN NOW!!!'. I was acting like I was the Commander, the Captian of Bravo Battery. Back at where the guns and the rest of the Battery was at, they were having aBlast listening to this transmission over the radio. I found the Aiming Circle somehow, don't ask me how, but I did, and headed back to my Unit. FDC, The Commander and The Safety Officer were laughing their ass off at me.

!!!!

I swear to FUCKING GOD !! I love me some BIG BUTT women, but I have to draw the line some where. If this woman who has to sit next to me every morning... Cute face, nice smile AND a nice JUICY ASS. She doesn't have a butt, she GOT ASS. ....if she sits next to me 2morrow and eats no one but 2 FREAKIN' bagels with crean cheese AND EXTRA BACON again. I'm gonna say something. I saw her eating it in the reflection of the window across from. TWICE I almost threw up in my mouth. Why does she wait until she is on the train to eat that mess. Cream cheese all over her mouth gave me the hardest of all hardest erections this morning.

Wasted Money...It's Being Spent Everywhere

I was stationed at Ft. Jackson SC, assigned to a Transportation Company. 10th Transportation Company, and the later 342nd Transportation Company. At Ft Jackson, know as Ft. Joke, I saw Tax Payers money being wasted all kinds of way out of the ass. Here are a few.

As a truck driver, I was given a 2. And a half ton truck. Know as a Deuce and a Half. An All Purpose Truck. I hauled soldiers, laundry and when I had an Off Post Commintment, Mortars. Those shits are fucking heavy. Good thing about hauling Mortars was, while traveling of the Post, you had to be armed. 45 across my chest and a M16 hanging in the cab of the truck. 8 clips, 4 banana and 2 regular for the M16. For the 45, 5 clips. You just wished some one would make a move on your cargo, Mortars. No luck, no one did.

It was a weekend, Saturday night about 8pm, I had no plans. The CQ, Charge of Quarters knocked on my door. He knew I was in there cause I was watching TV, I opened. He said he had an Off Post run, Shaw Air Force Base, in Sumter, SC, about 44 miles away. Go to the aiir strip and await further instructions.  Got in my truck heading off post, got to Shaw 45 minutes later. Went to the air strip, some high priced jet was taxing. Tarmac Control made hand signals and told me to come with him. I didn't know jets had cargo bays, hauled a create out and took it to my truck. Threw it up on the bed and it bust open...fuckin' lobsters. Tarmac Control told me to go back to Ft. Jackson, go downtown to The State building and deliver my cargo. Did, end of commintment. 2 days later, newspaper headlines... State Uses Army for Private haul of Lobsters. I was told by my Truckmaster, he is in charge of all trucks in the motor pool NOT to say anything. I didn't. But it was a big stinkfest though.

Right outside the motor pool, there is this road, its called Long Street. Its more than 1/4, less that 3/4's long and straight. My 3 years at Ft Jackson, I've seen then redo that road about 30 times...awaste of money.

Present day. I live about 2 blocks from I-95, entrance and exits, gas stations on all 4 corners, a mall Bartow Mall another block away. New York City's Department of Transportation are dumb fucks. They repaint the directional arrows right at a major intersection. 2 days later, they scrapped the road, that's right, right over the newly painted directional arrows. The put down a new layer of road and now they have to come back and repaint it again. See if I did something like that, I would bke fired.

A wasted of MONEY !!

Guns...

So, whatever didn't get passed last night, yesterday into law, and some powers that be are upset about it too. I really don't understand why they are so upset. If you make it harder for people to get and own guns, you make it easier for them to do it illegally, simple as that.

I admit, guns are VERY dangerous, but you need them. If everyone was allowed to carry, no matter what, I think there would be less robberies. I don't know about there being less killings though. But if the bad guys knew that EVERY person was allowed to carry a gun, some of them would have second thoughts about doing the shit that they do.

Got a text yesterday from a female friend. She said that she was able to pay her rent, but her cell phone bill was due today or they will turn off her phone. You know I called her right away and I was totally honest with her. I told her... why are you asking me to pay your phone bill and you haven't even though about fucking me. She said 'WHAT??!!" So I broke it down for her.

Your ass jumping in and out of guys cars. acting like your a hooker or something. Leading people to believe that your a 'jet setter', doing this  and doing that, when in real life you aren't doing a damn thing. So a guy gives you a ride in his car, all you are is 'passenger seat candy'. Probably flossing you so he can get that other woman, but you know nothing of this. And, you STILL thinking that going to Red Lobster is the thing, which it isn't. All I want to do is make love to you just one time, and I will get you the best dinner that you ever had. Take you to the restaurant where there is a 2 to 3 week waiting list just to be considered for a reservation. I know the Head Chef there and we will eat a $300 meal and a nice wine ALL for free. of course sitting at The Chef's Table. But no, cause I don't own a car, and you don't do public transportation, I'm not even considered dating material. But you have the BALLS to call me and ASK me to pay your bill.

Funny thing was why I was telling her all of this and she was talking back, I was online at her carrier's website and paid her bill for the month. A text was sent to her phone. I then hung up. She called me back and told me that what I told her, which was much much more, really hurt her. I asked did I hurt your feelings, and she said yes. I then said, "FUCK YOUR FEELINGS' She then said that she will try VERY hard to fit me in some where at some time, but no promises.

My birthday is next Tuesday. I plan on spending it some where out in Brooklyn, in a bar, getting shit faced, and then calling into work sick the next day. I don't drink, so I probably will be sick too.

Stuck

I don't know what it is, but it feels like that I am just stuck. Its like the movie GroundHog's Day. The same shit over and over. I know what I need to do too.

I thought this over and the firwst thing I have to do is changed the way I dress. Yep, I dress for riding public transportation cause the trains and buses are filthy. I mean that they are so nasty that at times after I get off a train or bus, I have this constant smell of shit in my nose. It has become personal cause I think if I smell it, others smell it too. I think that I probably sat in some shit, so when I get to where I'm going I run to the bathroom and check myself ALL over. Doesn't happen that often to warrant a slight case of OCD...yet.

Some people LIKE the idea of being in a relationship for the simple matter of... just 'knowing' that some one wants them. I was told from a female that no man has ever left her, that she always break up with them first. So, I told her it was over. She got this look on her face that was priceless. I was joking either, told her I was tired of her shit and that the only reason YOU thought we were in a relationship was cause you have this 'thing' about only having sex with your BF, so I went along with what 'YOU' wanted. Me, hell, I would agree with anything you said to get to have sex with you. She said fine, its over. Next breath, 'no, I'm not going anywhere, you arw stuck with me until I say its over'. Now that's some funny shit, but I know I have been known to say some off the wall shit when I'm told something I wasn't prepared for. Like..' would & will sleep with you, but I have herpes, but no recent out breaks'. My response..'Great, and afterwards you can go suck an aids infected dick and I can suck an aids infected pussy. Come onl ets go!!'. She then told me I was a sick puppy.

There is this woman at work, I just found out her name, not gonna mention it, safer that way. Well, she isn't a Black Woman, she is White. Pretty face by my standards...wait, question. How come White Guys, when I asked them what they think of that White Woman, they always give a fucked up response? Is it because at that moment in his mind she was all perfect for him, but now when I notice her, she is used material, chum..not so good looking now. Happens a lot. Well anyway, this woman, perfect from head to toe. Turn her around and.. HER ASS, PERFECT!! No, no, you don't seem to understand. She has an ass that's not too big, nor too small. Her ass is an ass that you picture what type of panties, boy shorts and yoga pants in. You picture what it looks like with a towel wrapped around it after she leaves the shower. What it looks like when she lays on her stomach in your bed or on a beach where there is no one around. I think she has been working on it all winter, cause she broke it out yesterday in the nicest palin pants I ever seen worn on a woman. Her ass is so perfect that Black Woman get upset when the approach her from behind, get angry and haven't even seen her face yet. AND...she know what she has and is working with, cauwe the woman behind her saw me looking at her, and for reason I don't understand, she decided to bend over at the waist to pick something up off the floor that wasn't even there. This woman has a pretty face, but no body. Just observations. I can't wait until it gets REALLY warm.

Just Some Things

Sometimes..mainly most of the time, things come to me in my head in spurts. When those times happen, I may not be in the...let's say, I might not be able to just..'express' my views. This is one of those times..some things that came to mind again.

Immigration....simple solution. Every swinging dick & closed Sally, who is in the country illegaly, register with The Armed Forces. Aged Scale. Over the age of 50, you work in a Non Combact job or field. Under the age of 50, you TRAIN MOTHERFUCKER!! You wanna be here, fight for your right to be here. Give this country 3r full years, we will give you FULL citizenship. Case closed.

Websites.....I think they should pay taxes on having a website. What, how many websites are on the web....like a gazillion? Fuck em, tax those fuckers too.

Relationships....now this is a biggie for me. I could write a book on this subject alone. Okay...fuck looking for Mr or Miss Right, focus on Mr or Miss RIGHT NOW!! If you're a female and 35 years old and say you're looking for Mr Right, you're not. You're looking for a man to take care of your sorry ass for the rest of your life. With kids and of that age? You're looking for a 'paycheck' PERIOD!! Men, if you're wanna have 'just' sex with her, no commintment, let her know straight off after a couple of hours. Women want you to be honest with them to a certain point. Listen, I have no problem telling them what I want. If they agree, so be it. But I say what I mean and I mean what I say which brings me to this. Ex's.

I have as they say, 'mad crazy, stoopid' ex's. We had fun, might still be having fun, but we are still ex's. Women, don't question a man why he is still friends with his ex..no, find out why he is still friends with his ex. To save you the trouble, I will tell you why. Its all about the sex. Yep, he rocks her world. Hey, care less than a fuck if my ex has a BF at the moment. She wants to fuck, or, the way I talk her into wanting to fuck me again. My ex, we broke up MANY years ago,but she wants to see me every weekend. I see her at least once a month if not twice. Yesterday she went out to an early dinnerwith her GFs, they wanted to come back to her place, but she told themthat I was there, her ex. They didn't believe her. So when she came in the doorq. She yelled out was I dressed, I said, 'hell no, I'm ready to tare dat ass up too'. She said well get dress, I did. In walk her 4 GFs, mouth hanging all open. Since its a studio apartment grabbed my clothes, had on lounging pants, went in theh bathroom, changed and left. Told her to text me when she is finished. Half an hour later, she did. Her GFs were shocked. Said wish they were on good terms like we are with their ex's. Well ladies, you can be, just make it all about the sex.

I have another friend who emailed me, who is, I think married and lives 5 hours outside of NYC, she is coming to The Bronx to visit family and wants to see me. Haven't seen her fafce to face, nor talked over the phone with her either, but... we have been trying to connect for about a month now. Our times just haven't been syncing. Maybe today it will.

Compromising...(Did I Spell That Right?)

I've come to understand that I can't have what I always want and what I want...sometimes it takes time to achieve. I am well aware of this so when shit doesn't go as I plan, I don't get my drawers all bunched up in my ass. I move on, and wait for the next given chance. But...

I'm gonna rant and rave now. STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS !! Yeah ya know em. They may be sitting right next to you at this moment. Chances are...one is about to make its presence to you at any freakin' moment. Do all you can 'try' to do to avoid them...nope, they sneak up on you. Better yet, you can see them and the bullshit that trails behind them as they approach. I know, I know. You just want to call them on it, right?  But you ask yourself in that split nano second, is it all worth it. Cause 9 times out of 10, after all is said and done, you're the one who feels like shit for calling THEM on their bullshit!! So you suffer..and suffer, and.... the strange thing is if you give it a few seconds, minutes after the BS has been slung on you, you will feel better. But what gets me fucking angry is the BS that done right in front of others around you and you see the look on their faces. Its the look of...you wimpy motherfucker, how could you put up with that. It's at that time, you just want to rip the bullshitter's head off and not only shit down is gapping neck hole, ya want to do things to his or her body that will go down in history. That will have the work place talking for years to come. That they call out the DEA, NSA, all kinds of lettered agency to investigate what you have done. The senerio runs through your head in a matter of seconds, shit happens REAL fast too. The cameras, the newspaper headlines, your friends all talking about you as if you killed a President or sometthing. Then you snap back to reality...with this sick ass grin on your face. The person walks away...talking even more shit about you. But he or she doesn't even realize how close they came to making history. Shit, its lunch time, tuna or chicken? Why not both, its FRIDAY !!

Thursdays....

Love Thursdays for some strange reason. I broke it down like this... Most people only work about 3 days a week. Oh they show up 5 days, but actually doing some work amounts to only 3 days. Who does any work on Monday & Friday..No ONE !!

Me and my wisdom, trying to figure out a situation and I've come to the conclusion that I might be a dumb fuck. I doubt it, but.. Okay, she is a beautiful woman with a child, young boy about 5 or 6. I've been told that she is unobtainable..whatever the fuck that means. Everyone is/was trying to get with her. I had small convo with her, the last being a couple of days before Easter. Something was mentioned about going to church and I said I would probably burst into flames once I crossed the threshold. I thought it was a funny ass joke...should've seen the look on her face though.

Anyways... oh, I have to be somewhat careful about what I say here. Internet Police in full control. Just read the newspapers. Fuck that, speaking my mind. I heard, not from her, but I peieced certain shit together.. But I was told that she got caught with another female in a compromising position in the locker room. The female she got caught with, a couple of weeks prior, she made a statement that she could see me being with a White Woman. Cool. But I didn't undrstand that statement though. So, they were caught and now the 2 are in a relationship, was told that they arevliving together. Well good for the both of them. Only goes to prove one thing though.

Listen. I have no thing about the same sex having, living and even exchanging bodily fluids together, to each his or her own. But let's reak this down, I'm only speaking on the female & female relationship. The straight female, she has been used and abused by men if not all her life at least one time too many. Now comes along afemale who was BORN a female, but CHOOSED to act like a man across the board. There is something about being a man that this female likes. The power (?), the status, I don't know what. Is it that she likes eating pussy, and doesn't like a dick in her? I don't know what, but I am going to find out later.

I had a conversation at another place I worked at with a female who is gay. She says she was taking care of her ex baby on the side while she is in another relationship. Cliams that the baby is use to her being around, so she made it a promise to take care of the child no matter what. I made this staement then and I am making it again now.

Women, not all, are just looking for some one to take care of them. ...and you just happen to come along, tickled her FANTASY, and said why not. Hell all she is doing is just licking this pussy any ways, like a man would do. And...she is giving me money, help paying the rent or whatever. I said then, all she is is another paycheck and we will see how long that shit last before she is demanding more and then you, as a female playing the male role, beat feet the hell on outta there.

Present day, the 2 are seen together EVEN seen talking together. I mean they act like they don't even know each other. Now if I see it, do they THINK that the powers that be don't see it also. This job as like any other job, rumors spread quickly about every one including myself. Word was going around that I was Gay, a female approached me and ask was I. I told her, let's go in the bathroom and she could find out for herself. Word went around now that I was crazy, and I have 3 girlfriends at the job.

I'm not focusing on the 2 of them, just the straight female. I mean, damn, what a waste. I will give it until the weather really breaks and all the fine ass women start shedding layers of clothing... to see if the relationship hold up during these warm summer months is what I'm looking forward to seeing.

Time...Time...Time...

Seriously, I don't have enough time in a 24 hour period.. you would figure I would, but nope. Hey, I can't help it that as we get older, I think we require more sleep. I don't know, I keep hearing different versions of it, but I'm sticking with at least 7 hours. That's 7 hours if 'I' can help it. Sometimes you have to...get by on 4 hours. She will be worth it.

I always wanted to do my own Podcast...mainy music, that will be once a week. Thinking also of doing just a commentary once week also. Gonna look into how to do this. Should be easy with Google and all. Just finding the time to do so.

I dislike getting text that state one thing and the person does another. I use to be that way, but I changed. I make plans and stick to them. This was after a fcertain woman chewed me out in public when she saw me and she held back nothing. I mean she was VERY graphic about what we had set up to do, she shuffled around certain plans she made and I cancelled at that last moment. So, I stick to what I say I'm gonna do. But this current woman...I just might deleted her across the board, email, cell and home number. She will show up as only a number and all emails will go straight to Spam Folder. But I know I will forgive her if and when I see her in person. She has that smile, body..no, that ASS of hers. Which brings me to...

Will some one please explain to me how a woman who doesn't excerises, has no boyfriend, get an ass like some of them are carrying around. You wanna know what's funny? I downloaded a copy of Black Curves, the magazine and was looking at the women in it. One thing I notice, they take care of everything below the neck. But what about the face? That's the first shit that goes. Its easy to take care of the body, just keep working out, but the face. I see them piling on the makeup which does some SERIOUS damage to the face over time. I say, have more sex. They are so busy taking care of that body, that they have no time for the face which is sad. Time.

...Just Stuff, and Oh Yeah, That 80th Birthday Party.

Okay, is it safe, safe now to pack away the long underwear & wool socks. Can I stop wearing double pairs of socks too? Pack away the winter coats too maybe. I really don't know, weather out in the mid west is STILL acting crazy. Now they are talking about tornados and such..hail too. One thing for such though, with the caots getting short, I, and along with the male species can see what some of you women have been doing and hiding all winter long. Those butts...no, asses are looking great!!

That Birthday party, some things I saw and will piont out and address. I have been the 'Long Lost Cousin', that actually LIVES in New York City. I haven't seen some cousins since 1977, prior to me going into the Army. When I was discharged, I had to catch up on ways & life in NYC, I've been good for a while. ...and family, well they willalways be there, I wasn't worried about that. Its like, 'Lead, Follow or Get The Hell Out of The Way', that was and still is my way of thinking. I knew the path I want to walk, my decision. Was hoping family understood...they didn't. So, I had to hear the, 'wherehave you been' routine. I said HERE. Just the circles you travel in, were just that circles. I choosed to travel forward and in a somewhat straight line. Not in straight as in following the law, but as in straight, I know what I want and wanted to do.

I talked with some people, I should say cousins, but I didn't know if they were. The women...let's just say I wished I had some one standing besides me telling me who was who, related or not. I had some women come up to me and say, 'so you're my cousin Michael, damn'. Yeah, it was like that. A set of female twin cousins, bought forth a fantasy that I was willing to...well, you know. Held a long convo with one who, they are both 22 years old, just wanted to pick my brains about things they heard about me. Seems family have been talking about me too, all good though.

But, I felt...kind of like distant. This setting isn't, wasn't what I'm use to. The music, the food, the whole atmosphere, was something I am use to. My custom to stuff like this is to make a circle twice and hour, get a drink, nurse it for a half an hour, get a new one and actually drink it over the next half hour and then bounce. I couldn't do that, all eyes were sort of on me. I stayed for 2 and a half hours and left.

Spoke to my first cousin who served time overseas, Air Force, Iraq. He spoke of..well actually he had a hard time talking about it. I cut him short and told him this. 'Listen, you served, joined on your own, never expecting a war was going to break out. You read about the effects of what happen to soldiers in Vietnam, right? So, you should expect shit, shit to change you. But what you have to do is listen not to what others tell you, but listen to your own body, your thoughts. If you are2 questioning things STILL today, get couseling fast, cause those thoughts and even little voices, which will turn in shouts inside you head, might be telling you something entirely different any day now. Don't be afraid to talk to some one about those thoughts, those voices. You seen shit that most of us NEVER ever will get a chance to see, and experience emotional trama on a scale that no one will probably understand. Your Goevernment knows and understand this.' He nodded his head, but like me, if I was in the position, I wouldn't do shit about it.

I'm glad the weather is breaking...bring on the warmer weather!!

NCAA..Syracuse...a 80 Year Old's Birthday Party

Sometimes you have to pick your battles...try and pick the ones you know you can win, right?

The game is coming on TV tonight and I WAS all prepared for it too. Told my ex girlfriend that I wouldn't be able to come and see her this weekend. Mind you, she purchased tickets for a Jazz concert. I was only going cause she wanted to go, now I'm not going, but she still is.

I really forgot that my Aunt is having her 80th Birthday party. I COULD'VE got out of that too, but... One, its about 3 blocks from where I live at. She lives all the way across The Bronx, but her children decided that they wanted to have it in CoOp City's family rooms. And, since I live with my mother...picture me NOT going and TRYING to stay home to watch the game.

I could take one of my many electronic devices where I could strem the game...I'm good like that, but I KNOW I would get strange looks, The Evil Eye from Moms. But I must see this game. I will see what's what later on.

$$ & Luv...Sometimes, Not in That Order

I'm gonna say that I love me some women. I mean, I love making love to a woman. Its a good feeling when a woman calls you and tell you come on over, she doesn't feel like being alone. And then you woke up from the FUCKIN' DREAM YOU WERE HAVIN'. Ain't life a Bitch.

I have the bullet, just don't have the gun. I get a gun, I'm blowing my fuckin' head off. Is it just me, but the reason why we/I get angry at some women is because I can fore see the BULLSHIT they try to run on me and the fellas.

Calls, no texts me on Monday about 11am, told me that her son has to go see his Parole Officer at 5:15. So I am to be there by 5pm. In fact I think I passed him when I left the train station. I get there she is cooking dinner?! We haveny exchanged sweat, spit and other body fluids in over 8 months...I think. Hell it feels like a year to me. No one in the aprtment and you want to cook food? Oh se 1was prepared though, long t-shirt with NOTHING underneath, but all she was worried about was burning her pork chops. See, now would be a good time for me to give up ALL pork products.

I'm patient though...if we aren't fuckin' in the next 15 minutes, I'm out. Yep, I left. Takes me a hour and a half to get home from her house, this time I made it in 20 minutes. Refuse to check my phone the. Whole time, she BLEW up my phone too. I answered her text, but one transmission I sent, sent shit downhill, rock bottom.

All I told her was that I enjoyed making love to her cause she has no experience. She is 48 years old and she has been with 2 other men beside me. I like the way she is shy, hiding her body from me. But when she gets REALLY worked up, she is like an animal. I mean she was open for everything except anal. It was like sleeping with a virgin, a virgin with 2 grown ass male adults. When I told her this, she went into...into sayiny sorry she doesn't have the experience that I am use to. (o.O), like what the fuck? I thought I was giving her a compliment. Oh well. She hasn't spoken to me or text me in 2 days.

Joanne emailed me about an hour ago...that's right, I'm on the train now going to see her. She told me to bring my toothbrush. One is there already, she was just saying its an overnighter.

I don't know about woman nowadays. I wish it was the 80's again. See, I know what happened to me. Being in The Army taught me a lot of things. We didn't bullshit around us Soldiers, male and female. At Ft Jackson, there was no issues if you slept with one girl in the room, and then the next slept with her roommates. Or, your fellow soldier, knocks on your door and tell you his girl is here with her girlfriend, 'do me a FAVOR and handle her friend for a couple of hours. See, those woman knew we are Federal Employees and what could we do wrong to them? A female comes into my room cause her girlfriend is in the room with her man, she KNOWS she's fucking. I mean, she came in the barracks with about 75 men sleeping there at 11pm at night. She didn't come to play Spades.

But these woman, these woman with NO knowledgeof what the hold between their legs..oh the POWER they have. They can have anything they want without even asking dor it. But for some strange reason God granted them a pretty face, nice body..but SHIT FOR BRAINS !! Oh, and they get mad when you do one of their girlfriends. Is there a rule about that shit anyway? Like something written in stone? Its simple, if you don't fuck me, some one, one of your friend will. Don't be on the receiving end when she comes and tell you that she met a decent guy and his bed game is like... Then you find out its me, when she says my name. You cfan attempt to scream on me in the street and I will say in a nice evenly toned voice..'you didn't want to fuck me, but she did'. Its true, you're not the only one with a vagina ya know.

$$ & Luv...Sometimes, Not in That Order

I'm gonna say that I love me some women. I mean, API love making love to a woman. Its a good feeling when a woman calls you and tell you come on over, she doesn't feel like being alone. AT~hen you woke up from the FUCKIN' DREAM YOU WERE HAVIN'. Ain't life a Bitch.

I have the bullet, just don't have the gun. I get a gun, I'm bowing my fuckin' head off. Is it just me, but the reason why we/I ge2t angry at some women is because I can fore see the BULLSHIT they try to run on me and the2 fellas.

Calls, no texts me on Monday about 11am, told me that her son has to go see his Parole Officer at 5:15. So I am to be there by 5pm. In fact I think I passed him when I left the train station. I get there she is cooking dinner?! We haveny exchanged sweat, spit and other body fluids in over 8 months...I think. Hell it feels like a year to me. No one in the aprtment and you want to cook food? Oh se 1was prepared though, long t-shirt with NOTHING underneath, but all she was worried about was burning her pork chops. See, now would be a good time for me to give up ALL pork products.

I'm patient though...if we aren't fuckin' in the next 15 minutes, I'm out. Yep, I left. Takes me a hour and a half to get home from her house, this time I made it in 20 minutes. Refuse to check my phone the. Whole time, she BLEW up my phone too. I answered her text, but one transmission I sent, sent shit downhill, rock bottom.

All I told her was that I enjoyed making love to her cause she has no experience. She is 48 years old and she has been with 2 other men beside me. I like the way she is shy, hiding her body from me. But when she gets REALLY worked up, she is like an animal. I mean she was open for everything except anal. It was like sleeping with a virgin, a virgin with 2 grown ass male adults. When I told her this, she went into...into sayiny sorry she doesn't have the experience that I am use to. (o.O), like what the fuck? I thought I was giving her a compliment. Oh well. She hasn't spoken to me or text me in 2 days.

Joanne emailed me about an hour ago...that's right, I'm on the train now going to see her. She told me to bring my toothbrush. One is there already, she was just saying its an overnighter.

I don't know about woman nowadays. I wish it was the 80's again. See, I know what happened to me. Being in The Army taught me a lot of things. We didn't bullshit around us Soldiers, male and female. At Ft Jackson, there was no issues if you slept with one girl in the room, and then the next slept with her roommates. Or, your fellow soldier, knocks on your door and tell you his girl is here with her girlfriend, 'do me a FAVOR and handle her friend for a couple of hours. See, those woman knew we are Federal Employees and what could we do wrong to them? A female comes into my room cause her girlfriend is in the room with her man, she KNOWS she's fucking. I mean, she came in the barracks with about 75 men sleeping there at 11pm at night. She didn't come to play Spades.

But these woman, these woman with NO knowledgeof what the hold between their legs..oh the POWER they have. They can have anything they want without even asking dor it. But for some strange reason God granted them a pretty face, nice body..but SHIT FOR BRAINS !! Oh, and they get mad when you do one of their girlfriends. Is there a rule about that shit anyway? Like something written in stone? Its simple, if you don't fuck me, some one, one of your friend will. Don't be on the receiving end when she comes and tell you that she met a decent guy and his bed game is like... Then you find out its me, when she says my name. You cfan attempt to scream on me in the street and I will say in a nice evenly toned voice..'you didn't want to fuck me, but she did'. Its true, you're not the only one with a vagina ya know.

If I Dont Call You on Your BS, One of My Friends Will

You know the feeling... after a very bad storm and then you go out look at your property to look at the damage. To see how much money you have to spend in repairs. How do you do that with feeling? PLEASE tell me!!

Well my 'friend' showed up 10 minutes later than she said she would...and I said something about it. I had to. See, she told me that she doesn't understand how anyone could ride public transportation. She has a car. I asked her how could she be 10 minutes late when she DOES have a car, that makes no sense. From there, shit went down hill.

Movies $12.50 for one fuckin' ticket. That's why I download. We go to the theater that showing the movie we both wanted to see, its 10 minutes before the coming attractions. The theater is completely dark except for the runway Christnas lights down the isle. I get a little vertigo thingy going on..I'm enjoying it. We both think there isn't anyone in the place...there is a man sitting in the back...freaks her da fuck out. She runs out screaming 'oh no'. Goes to complain to management. I'm left there saying jokes to a guy I know is there, but can't see. He is cracking up..and choking from his laughter. She comes back and whn she walks in, the house lights come on.

She chooses seats that didn't feel to me, that we were sitting in the right place. One, if you have to turn your head slighty to the left or right while watching a screen that's at least 20 by 30 feet..you are sitting too close. I chalked it up to her being blind as a bat. 20 minutes into the movie she gets up to 'go & get some candy'. Comes back with some story about the lines are too long. I said, and now I know I shouldn't have, I said if you would've been here at the time you said you would be, you could've take care of all of that before hand. In the semi darken theater I can feel her eyes burning my soul.

She says after the movie she wants pizza. But it Easter and mostly all the shops in the mall are closed. All except Subway and she wants that. I draw the line FAST !! Since I'm in the food servise business I point out sone things to her. She says fine, which really means fuck you. She what's to do a buffet, Chinese style. I also point out the Holiday..expect long lines there too. She doesn't believe me, we get there, long lines, she gets upset. Final choice a diner she 'always goes to'.

I worked in a diner in Queens, I know the ins & outs, the tricks & traps. My stomach is trying to warn me, but I pay no attention. Okay, I tryto understand why women say they are on a diet, but order french fries and chicken fingers..with a side order of onion rings. What she does, she splits the chicken fingers, 2 of them, place them on top of the onion rings and eat the other 2 with the french fries. NO SHE DIDN'T!! She didn't just make a 2 go meal for later on when she gets home did she? Yes the fuck she did. Made my mind up right then and there I didn't even want to be in the same county as she is from here on out.

..and this is why I don't date. Bullshit like this.