Last Night...

.... I was transferring pictures that people who had posted on my timeline of my mother, to an online storage account. And then it hit me, the grief.

I never in my life have felt pain like that ever before. It all started with just knowing that I won't be seeing my mother anymore. It was like some one stabbed me in my heart. Mind you now, I am a strong mined and strong willed person, but this pain was like nothing, I can't even describe it. So, I'm not even going to try.

One of my mother's many wishes, which I've learned through my sister, was that she didn't want any type of notice displayed in her building lobby. When my sister told me this, I didn't know what to think. But I do know this. In life you come across people that you meet, some stay as friends, and some become enemies. We know of these types of people. But you know what, there is another side too.

A lot of people 'knew of' my mother and never even met nor spoke to her. It was others that spoke of her TO others. That's why when its my time to go, I'm making it known now, I don't want anyone to be sad. I know I don't and can't control anyone's feelings, but I want people to party as they feel fit on my behalf. I want the living to have a good ass time. I want those who had stuffy shirts attitude and a stick stuck up their ass, to let their hair down. Be like the people from the movie The Hangover. Just have clean safe fun on my behalf...be it whatever you call fun, I don't care. What I eat don't make YOU fat.

There, I said all my grief. Of course there is more, but its mine, not to share. I love you Mom, I always will.