Sunday, Not Like a Sunday I'm Use To But..

It started off with not being able to get the Sunday local newspaper like I wanted to. The lady behind the counter told me she don't know 2hy they stopped delivering the paper, they just did. So that was that.

Then..against everything i stand for, I decided to go shopping JUST for food for that day. I wasn't hungry or anything but I wanted a meal, lunch and dinner that I could cook. See, I haven't been eating the food at the shelter because most of not all the food is donated. And do ared food is either expired or something that's meant to be thrown out and the end of the day.

I've been to two of the main, well these two supermarkets, Food Lion and Krogers...to me they are and seem ghetto. Overpriced and from what I say some if not all off brand names that I haven't seen before. Besides, I don't trust a supermarket that doesn't have a fresh seafood department. I went to a supermarket that some.people told me that I was more accustomed to..' Martins'.

Martins is my type of place, a Gourmet Supermarket. It's something about a Gourmet Supermarket.. the lighting, the colors of product on the shelves, stuff like that. They have Goat Cheese!! They have a FRESH Seafood Department!! YES!! And I went bonkers too.

I limited myself to 23 minutes if shopping and stuck to that time frame. Deli stuff for 5 sandwiches. Pasta, fresh pasta with clam sauce. Spare ribs, beef and sauerkraut to bake them in. I was in and out before the guy I paid to take me there and back could even begin to comain on where I was. I was so fast I shopping that he felt kind of..well he said that the $20 was too.much for what little time I spent in the store. Fucking Virginian people, I don't understand them.

We r back to my friends house and upacked. She said are you cooking insaud yes get out of your kitchen and let me do my thing. Food was finished and her and her son sat down in front of the TV it eat. All I can say is that they were full and enjoyed it. Her son wanted more and I gave him more. He didn't finished what I gave him because he fell asleep on his plate. His mother, her eyes started drooling also. Mission accomplished.

Nest week I'm going for to bake some ki d of poultry and have a nice exotic salad and gonna try to bake some fresh bread to top it all off.

Since You've Been Gone..

I know right? This fucking guy, he post and then..WTF?!!

I kept telling myself in the part that having sex with a woman who is nearly half my age isn't it wasn't good for me. I had my health to think about..so I thought. Kept telling myself that and young woman would have far too much energy and would probably put me in the hospital. Or, that I wouldn't live up to her or even my own expectations. Cough, cough BULLSHIT. FELLAS, get yourself a nice young woman who hasn't been out there and who has a decent head in her shoulders. Yeah, some mornings after may be rough in you/me..but it's worth those sore and aching bones.

Some if the things that's been going on the past couple of days, maybe a week and a half.

Work..my job. I Love it! It's fast paced, always something to do and it's different every single day. But what throws me off is..the different 'things' and what people go thru when they are not at work but bring that shit to the job. Work is supposed to be to me..work is where you do what you do best and get paid for it. New hires, plenty of them too. Was thrown off by Management telling me to train someone. Haven't done that in years. Thankfully this person has experience and knew how to, but just needed about 45 minutes if knowing the product. Then was given a 16 year old who had more underlying issues that didn't come out during the interview. I almost lost my shit on them. More on that later.

I've been here at this shelter for a little over 90 days. Not getting restless or anything like that..but not feeling comfortable either. I'm allowed to take a shower after work though the dorms are closed. I have a friend who gives me her key to her place, a 20 minute walk away. I go there to relax when she isnt home. I thought I would cook more often there, but it's her place and I don't want to do that. The ONLY issue I'm having is that the supermarket is so far away. I'm tired and though it's walking distance, there are hills to climb. I shos say fight because they are steep as fuck. But I think I can set a routine that on my day off that I go shopping for real food. Have to wait and see.

Living here in this shelter has been something else. I try not to let anyone use.my cell phone. But this one guy left his in a car he was in and shit ent down hill from there. He accused me of something..then he accuse someone else if something..when it turned out it was HiM along.A 66 year old man, who is now not talking to me. Like I give a Fuck. His 'girlfriend' is a married woman who has already been sendi g me text trying to find him because he blocked her. He has lied on me to her about shit. But his girlfriend knows what the truth is and decided not to even get into it with him about his lying. The way I see it, she just uses him for his monthly check.

Made a promise to myself that every Sunday I will read this town's Sunday newspaper. So I'm off to go buy it..a 3 block walk away.

A Word From Our Sponcers..

I remember lugging mines on the 4 or the 5 train to go to High School, High School of Art & Design. 59th Street train station... Walking past the McDonald's and seeing that 'Fab Five' grafitt ''Throw Up', small but powerful, it made a statement.

No For Real, It Never Crossed My Mind Until..

See... I never thought about her in that way until he mentioned it. Put that thought in my head, and I could see already that he was at the end of whatever he thought was the beginning.

And it wasn't me who made the first move either. Like I said, there was a thought...but the move she made towards me...well, I couldn't back away from. 

Don't believe that shit that men don't think and if they do think, they think with their other head. I thought..and I thought some more...and I asked her does she know what she's doing. The language on her, straight to the point. Told me what he wanted and expected of me.

When I got back home, she started texting me, telling me her true feelings. I guess it's easier for her to express herself when not face to face with me. All that crap about women not asking for penis pics is just that, crap. Because she wanted 'some', but I couldn't send any, wasn't in the mood.

Wants me over for dinner next week. Told her don't make plans for me/is if you're not going to stick to them. I will see...again.

WTF!!??

I think my cell phone is alive and is listening in on me on the down low. Laugh if you want to, but some star he things have been happening and it affects my day starting early in the morning.

I check Google News every morning around 5, 5:30. Well this morning...it said 'Somethings Not Working'. Okay, it wasn't my fault, not in my end. I didn't want to dig through my backpack and find my other phone that doesn't have a data plan AND my portable wifi hotspot...bullshit Google, you're suppose to BE working. I shouldn't have to do anything.

....

The other night one if the guys here left his phone in his 'cousin' car. He use my phone to call his girl who lives next door to tell her to come back with his phone.

This guy last night told me that his cousin 1ho is a female is throwing her boyfriend out of the house, and she lives with her brother. I asked why and he told me he can't speak on it. I let it go.

I'm sitting in my bed and my phone rings. I don't know the number so I don't answer. I get a text... It's from this guy here who used my phone, it's his girl. In the text he asked was her boyfriend around, texted back he's right here. I told the dude that his girl is texting me. He told me to block her because he did the same thing. Something isn't right, I don't block a damn thing.

Her next text..was explosive. That he, slept with his cousin, she walked in in them and stood there for a couple of seconds watching. I don't relay to this dude what she text to me but he gets angry because I won't block her.  Threatens me, all kinds of bullshit. So I stay calm and say to myself fuck him he's cut off, I'm not fucking with him anymore.

This the bullshit I go thru. Guys here backgrounds are so fucked up, but play it off that they are normal everyday kind of guys.

....

When I first arrived here in Virginia a friend introduced me to this woman...

This woman from what my friend told me, was and is his girlfriend. She told me that he was her side piece. I thought she was joking, but it was true.

Weeks go by, he does something fucked up and she cuts him off. I see her every now and then and then one day she honks her car horn and tells me to get in.

We talk as friends for a while and then she drops a bomb. She wants something with me. I tell her I have to think about it. We continue every now and then to chat face to face, but text more and more.

Yesterday we go to this park, we gwt out and walk around, then we sit in these benches and she tells me details of  what she wants with me. I told her okay I'm in.

It's been three weeks and still THAT hasn't happen. I think she Friend Zone me. No biggie, she fun to be around.

....

Since I consider Friday the start of the weekend, I told myself on Thursday night that I was going to have a GREAT weekend. I did.

Yes!! The weekend was a weekend that I'm so use to having. Almost..almost everything went the way I had planned it. I just wish that people if they say that hey are going to do something, they do it or.. Or they let you know that they won't be able to. What most people do is not even both to text and let you know they changed their minds. Then they call you and act like nothing happened, like..didn't we plan something a couple of days ago for a few hours ago? What the fuck happened?

What I thought was this person was5 even interested in me..when it turns out that she was and is and that she just didn't know how I felt. Though I had her number for a while and she did text me, it was for something else. So when I asked her 'whata up', she took it for THAT. 

She tried to get away for a couple of hours to just see me and.. whatever. But she couldn't. Then she sent a text.. 'Im horney just wana fuck be fucked thats what i need! Just sex!' That's her actual text. Okay, this took things to a while different level now. But then again that means nothing in the bigger scale of things.

I was asking this guy about his cousin. I thought he would be upset and tell me not to worry about anyone in his family but . But he qas5 telling .e about some BS she did thinking it would turn me away. Nope. I saw her Sunday evening and she asked me where her cousin is, and he popped right up. But before he made it to her car, I saw a chance.

I told her that I was asking about you, and found out that you're attached to someone, but things don't look like it's holding together. She said yep, things are Shakey and she doesn't know what to do. I told her to make up her mind, make a decision. And I left it at that. I am SO glad that I did.

So my friend had taken off with her in her car. About an hour later he comes rushing up to me to borrow my phone. He left his phone in her car. He called but he didn't answer. He called a number of times, still no answer. Gave me my phone back and was gone for 3 hours. When he came back he had a lot to say.

First thing he said that he was THAT close from punching her in the face, but his girlfriend told him that he doesn't want to go to jail, so he backed off. Apparently he gave her something and she messed it up. She was suppose to do something else..and she messed that up. And, yep...messed the next thing up too. I asked my friend why did he..and then he went the fuck off on me. He said that she fucked up 3 things and then had the nerve ask him about me.i told him that I hope you didn't give up my number to her, and I was trying to remember if I gave her my number because she didn't give me hers. Though she is..she has a body, face and smile that's.. wow, but I know to stay far the fuck away from her. 

Time no make the biscuits!!

....

What?!! Have I grown feelings as I got older? No I don't think so.

To me sex is just sex. I don't consider or relate Love with Sex. That's why I can't see holding off from having sex until you're married. That makes no sense to me. There's another thing too...

Because I have sex with her, doesn't mean I want to be in a relationship with her. Take this woman now that I'm talking to, not fir a relationship, but to just for sex. 

From what I've been told, she is a Racist. To me I don't see it, nor feel it. I just all of a sudden started talking with her in a min verbal way. It's the kind of way Grown Folks do. Then one day she took out her notebook while we were talking, wrote something in it and teared it out and handed it to me. She said text me any and all the time. So I did.

Things started getting hit and heavy on her part sexual wise. But she told me that it's been o long since she was or has been held in a mans5 arms that she wants to feel that again. Though she has never been with a Black man before, she said she is up for it. But there is an issue on my part with her, she is loud.

Okay loud isn't the word, she is Country Loud..Hee Haw Loud...Backwoods of Tennessee Type of Loud. Her voice annoys the fuck out of me. I'm quite sure somewhere on this plane t my voice does too..but damn, sometimes I wish she would shut the fuck up. I'm sorry, bit it's true. Then there's..The PDA.

I don't like drawing attention to myself here, and that's kind of hard not to do. I really try to blend in, but that ain't happening. So, if I'm sitting at a wooden table outside all alone with others around me..and she comes walking along and 'bee hives' straight to where I'm sitting, people notice. Already certain people have asked me what is going on between the two of us. I tell them nothing is going on other than talking. One person who is my age, a woman gave me that look of I KNOW what talking is IS, don't play that shit with me.

I'm too damn old to be running to a hotel/motel with a 38 year old too regardless of color. If it were left up to me, I would take her in the woods at night. In fact, I may try to do that. I mean it's different and she will remember that and me fir the rest of her life.

One Thing I Never Did Was...

...ever felt sorry for myself. I really thought about this. I did the best I could from memory, thinking back...way back. And I can honestly say, I never felt sorry for myself.

The reason why I never did was because out if all the situation that didn't go my way, or didn't go as planned.. It all fell on me. It was my decision, my choice to make and sometimes, not all the time, it was a bad decision. When people tell me about the things their about to do, I place myself in their shoes in my head. 

I would think about what I know of that person, and figure out in my head what I would do. These people tell me what they are about to do and the issue with that is that they are going by what someone else in a better situation would do. They figure well if they can do, so can I. No you can't.

Like there are two young women I know who are opposite sides of a coin so to speak. One thinks she is 'all of that's in a sense that she's putting herself out there in a way...that isn't right for a mother of two young children. I question her because I know somewhat of what she is doing and trying to do. The way she is going about it is all wrong. She has someone else handling it for her and what she does, she has to pay him because of..well, he knows how to do what she wants to do. But he is going about it all wrong also, he doesn't know shit. I tried to explain it to her, but she didn't listen. Asked me what do I know about things like shes doing, so I told her. She wants me to 'handle' her, but I old her straight up I don't have the time for the bullshit.

This other woman.. Well she is on the ladder if bigger and better things but.. Being that she is 19 years old, not father figure and not so sure if herself.. she is going to waste away, fall into the cracks of life. I had a long talk with her with her mother present. Told her what moves she should make on her career. She does t know that what she is doing now is the first step of getting to something much bigger. Because at such a young age she has been given the opportunity to lead instead of following someone. But all she seems is a name brand and the small space she is in..and thinks it will lead to nowhere. I told her people who have made it big come from small towns such as yours. Just be patient, that's all it takes.

Gotta go. I'm getting some much needed sleep tonight this time for sure.

2:51am

Where the fuck do I start. From the. Beginning I guess.

So, I out in for a weekend pass, and I was going to stay at a friend's house. Well, I got the return request and was given an extra day. Meaning I didn't have to be back until Monday 11pm Curfew. Then came the bullshit in some peop7 lives.

Friday after work I came back to the shelter. Relaxed and took it easy. When I went to leave at 8pm, I was told there was a note for me. It said that I couldn't leave out on my pass until Saturday. WTF right. I didn't get angry, I follow rules.  So...

So after work on Saturday, I came back, took a shower and headed out. While I was sitting in my bunk, the guy two bunks over called me on my cell phone. He said get up the block now. I asked 2hats going on, he said just get here. I finished dressing, gathered my things and headed out.

I walked to where he told me and he was standing  there with his girlfriend. She turned around and asked me did I want something. Strange. I asked my friend what's going on. Long story short.. Two or one girl in the store there disrespected her, she called him, he noticed there are three of them, he calls me. I'm standing there with a satchel thrown across my chest and a backpack, like I'm ready to fight and shit. Double what the fuck.Then, out if nowhere him and his girlfriend just walk the fuck off. Leave me just standing there looking dumb.

Gotta go. Some shit just went down.

So.. So I Kind of Know Now..I Think

There is one thing about me that I know.. I don't do anything for anyone if I don't want to. If I don't want to do something, and I mean anything..I won't do it. I will not go back and forth with anyone once my mind is made up.

Same thing holds true for anything I want to do. If I have it set in my head I'm going to do something..just try and stop me from doing it.

This 2omq. I met online about 10 years ago we have sort of a relationship. I mean I like her and she likes me. She wants me to move out to long Island and in with her. The thing is I don't know if I can or could find a job there. I probably can, but I would need a car, no buses like in New York City. She sent me a text saying that I've changed.nthat I'm not into her as I was before. I still am..it's just.. 

Listen, she doesn't drive in the highway which means it's a 3 hour ride by public transportation to go and see her. Sex with her is great for the better part.bits just that didn't travel to me in The Bronx. Her mind was and is made up about driving on any highway.

So now that I'm here in Virginia, she thinks it's something that she did. Yes and no. No, I still have feelings for her and yes, you should at least try and drive to meet me. I let her know this. She wants to visit me here and tells me that I would have to buy her plane ticket. No the fuck I ain't.

Gotta go clock in at work, 7am to 1pm 

To Be Continued