...

The very first job I had when I came to Virginia was at a Bakery. One of my coworkers told me that I had a problem with dating women with children, little kids. That at some time in my past, a relationship with a women with children gave me a bad experience. No!! It wasn't that, it's this...

I can understand w relationship with a man who some women say is a man of their dreams. But having children with that man is a whole different story. Gone are those nights together alone, peaceful and quiet. Gone are those days when if you have a disagreement, the two of you work it out. The woman is left raising that child mostly. Where as thean is suppose to be out earning to support his kid and the mother of his child.

Somewhere along the line the woman, in my opinion thinks the man is out there living it up..doing what the fuck he wants to, and then comes home to her screaming and raising hell because she has spent the major part if her day taking care of OUR child. Men, you lose in this battle, but you still can TRY to win the war.

Most of the time the woman ends up leaving the father if her child. And most of the time the woman goes thru maybe two, three more times and children doing the same thing over again. Hook up, relationship, pregnancy and then separation. And here's where I come along.

First off.. I am not trying to be that father figure to your child...for the simple reason the kid will not listen to me PERIOD!! In fact the kid might be laughing their asses off thinking I'm gonna come in and try to control them. Kids aren't stupid, doesn't matter how young they may be, they are not stupid.

Now throw in a woman who is half my age of 61 and has a nine year old boy. Hes use to being and having mommy all to himself and the. I come along and has mommy in her bedroom behind closed doors. A lock bedroom door will cause a nine year old to lose his SHIT! Believe me, I fucking know. This mine year old sis shit on purpose. Shit like peeing his bed, just walk up to his mother a d slap the fuck out of her fir no damn reason at all. I sat back and stared him in his eyes and there was that look of..' Take THAT motherfucker.' Oh, he's nice and sweet when it was time for me to leave...'Goodbye Mr. Michael.' When I first heard that, I said to myself you Devil Motherfucker, I am aware of your game..and it is SO fucking in you wouldn't believe. I did a little experiment. I told him tomorrow I want to ask him.something. You know what this fuxker said. He said..'Okay, what are you bringing me.' I wanted to toss his ass up against the wall..repeatedly, but I didn't. But when I returned the next day, first words out of his mouth..'Where is my gift'. He didn't say present, this fuxker said GIFT! Gift as in 'I am letting you enter my Kingdom what precious gifts have ye bought before me?' MY FOOT IN YIUR ASS!!

Yeah and the mother sees none of this happening or going on with her child because I am behind close doors taking her I to Zombie Mode. What Zombie Mode? It's when a woman has orgasm ssi many damn times that that 5th..or maybe the first or second orgasm cause her eyes to role to the back of her head, her thighs quiver..quiver NOT shake you Newbies..and after I pull out to regroup, she is still orgasming. Yeah, I'm like that. So she could care less what her son is doing, saying and acting..it's, when are we going into the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen..fuck it, right here in the living room floor, jsy give that shit to me again. So I'm dealing with that.

I told myself not to mess with a woman so young, but she has it all when it comes to a body. Not to mess with a woman who has a young child..but she never has experience what we are about to do..so it's a challenge for me. And no, I'm not trying to get her to call in Love, I am getting her to enjoy this type of Love making and a sexual encounter. So it's all my fault.

Already she has told me not to yell at her in her house..and I want even yelling. It was she did t want to hear what I had to say and thru that in which did what it was suppose to do..shut me the fuck up. I know what is about to happen on my end. I'm just going to stop coming to her home, coming up with some excuse time after time until she gives up calling, texting and asking me if I am still coming over.

I have to admit it though, I enjoyed .asking Love to her, I really did but.. 

It's not you, it's m.. Naw it's you for real.

....

A little over 4 months here in this burg..and 90 days on THIS job.

I HAD every intention of going to work today, Sunday. But last night I ate leftover Thanksgiving food from two different people, two different households. My bubbling stomach woke me up at 3:17am. Went to the bathroom and..OMG!!

No, the food wasn't spoiled or anything. It's just that my stomach isn't use to such foods with seasoning. I think it was the collard greens that did me in. I don't normally eat them, I do but they have to be cooked a certain way. They were very good, it ws sjust the seasoning I wasn't use to.

I was standing outside waiting for my ride to come and pick me up. I already made up my mind in telling her before I got in the car that I wasn't going in today. So..when I THOUGHT WAS A FART, TURNED OUT TO BE.. Yep, a wet one.  I penquin walked back up the stairs and asked staff fir a plastic bag. What I feel bad about is leaving her with just one other guy who has 5 years on the job... Hell her and I did it on a Monday, just the two of us and we both handle it. It's just.. I feel that I'm meeting The Team down.

...

First... I feel like shit. Fir the last almost three weeks, my nose has been running it's own marathon.

It's so bad that I don't use tissues any more, I've moved on to paper towels. Yesterday afternoon I thought I was getting over what ever the fuck I have, but no. I went to stand up and I felt dizzy. No, I was dizzy. So much so that I was walking sideways. I was bumping into furmi6 and people. And to make matters even more worst than they are, my lady friend died r even give a Fuck on how I'm feeling. She still expects a ND demand I have an erection. What the fuckz right?

So, Thanksgiving came and went. I did t feel like..I don't know what I was not feeling like. I was surrounded by some people who weren't in the holiday spirit, no not at all. The day started off with me sleeping late, I go up at 6:30am...that considered early ass afternoon to me. My normal wake up time IS 2am. No work, though I volunteered to do so but my Manager said that I would get to sleep in at the shelter on that day. I guess she was a guest there herself at one time or another. But it was true, they didn't do a wake up call like normal, if you wanted to sleep all day, you could've. I wanted to go to Golden Coral, but NO buses were running and the guys with cars didn't want to make any extra money. Wait they did, at 9pm I was approached by 3 of the 5 guys who I asked. Turns out they had the munchies and I looked at them.like they lost their minds and I walked away from each one if them.

My friend was spending Thanksgiving at her mother's house, family up from North Carolina. I wanted to go to her place and chill but she said no because she wasn't there. What I suspected was that she had a female Lover over for the holidays. Either way, male or female, I could care less. You don't you, you're young, I say go for it. But yesterday she texted me and told me that I better get on her house after I shower and she wasn't hearing a no.

The trip to New York City is till a go. Approval for me and the woman who also lives here has been signed off on, but I'm worried. She has to pay for the rental car with her money, which I have fir her in cash, but... This woman lies too damn much..about every damn thing. She told me she will have the money on her card the 1st of December, but I don't believe her. If I miss this trip, I swear she is a Ghost to me. I won't even look in her direction ever again.

My ride is here, gotta go.

On Cloud Shoes

 

A Couple of Post To.. Well I Don't Really Know, But...

I know one thing for sure. ALL men should pamper themselves.

It doesn't have to be no man Spa type of thing. I don't even know I'd they even have a Man Spa, if they do..it's probably ncalles The Gym. Anyways...

It doesn't have to be once a week, but it should at least be once a month if anything. Could be that special soap that you always wanted to get, but couldn't afford. Well splurge ba little and get it..get it for YOU!!

It's could also be that Grooming Kit for down below, clean things up a bit. Hell, while you're at it, get a decent Hair Clipper Set for yourself also. Have that in you Me Bag. Take at least one day a month, your day off and treat yourself to your own personal grooming. Don't so it for your girl/wife..do it for you.

Also, while you're at it... Invest in some decent razors for your face. Companies like Dollar Shave Club & Harry's have, and I most say the most decent razors to try out. I have both of their subscriptions. Those blue and orange $1 razors you buy in the stores that are plastic... Listen, your face is important to you. Learn how to shave properly, the RIGHT way and TAKE YOUR TIME DOING SO ALSO.

Most men buy expensive clothes, if that makes you feel good or even more better about yourself, do so but.. I buy comfortable fitting clothes. I also KNOW my sizes..arm length, shoulder length, chest size, wait AND INSEAM too. But the fit may vary because if the type of material. As for footwear... I'm at they stage where..I never did like expensive hoes or sneakers. As long as they are comfortable and practical it suits me fine. But there is one brand that I just recently was aware of... 'On Cloud'. A pair was giving to me because the sneakers they gave me were too small and I asked fir the same style but a bigger size. This person came back and said no more sneakers in that style or size, but you can HAVE these. They fitted, were super comfy. So I Google Lens the pair.. $139 freaking dollars, and they were guven ti me at no charge or cost..NOTHING!! I like this style compared to the others and they colors this styles comes in too. But $139 a pair? I just might get me a pair for myself for Christmas.

I shop as often as I can in The Salvation Army's Thrift Store(s). I'm trying to find a decent but warm Winter Coat that isn't new, but broken in in my size. I've seen some coats I want in my Facebook time line.. But with those coats they either run too big or too small and finding the right fit is chancy. I dislike returning something once I pay for it and it's shipped. So all my coat have to be tried on before I purchase.

I last thing for all men to really REALLY have..to pamper yourself. It doesn't have to be expensive but..get yourself a laptop. You'll thank me later. And get yourself a decent carrying case to carry your laptop in. Smartphones are okay but.. It's nothing like taking out your laptop when you're someplace and have an hour to kill. 

That's it. Men, now go out there and pamper yourself because can't no one do it better FOR you then your doing it FOR YOURSELF.

Rules

Rules are not made to be broken... But you know what, rules are sometimes made to be changed.

Though rules are set in place for a reason, there are others and ways..that those rules can be changed to adapt to what is happening right now. You just have to be firm with your decision to break those rules and stand by your decisions if you choose to break them for what is going on right then and there.

But that doesn't mean that you have the power to say, today like I'm making a decision to break said rule. No, it has to be a decision that once in a lifetime that you have to make.

Another thing is..you have to admit and face whatever is thrown at you for making that decision to break that rule.

There are rules to go by, and them there are rules that people make... The own rules.

Question ❓

How many times can you join up and then cancel Amazon's Prime..and then rejoin, then cancel again before they really and actually bill you?

...

So much has been happening to me, some good some not so good.

Work: in the last week and a half, 3 Shift Managers have either quit or moved in to bigger and better things. That leaves two Shift Managers. One is highly well trained and know her shit..the other, I don't know about her. I caught her with that '1000 Yard Stare' A look of what the fuck am I doing here. Will I be stuck in this nowhere job for the rest of my life? And, God I'm only 19 for Christ sake. What I say... 'Ah, the look of young and fresh Food Service Worker, still wet behind the ears. Not know what lays ahead in their future.'

The job took 7.5 hours away from me two weeks ago..only to have me work the past week 40 hours in 6 days straight. I haven't done 6 days in a row in more than 3, 4 years. My body was use to it, it needed rest and sleep. I was woke up at 2am..and than again at 3:30am..I have to be at work at 4am and it's a 22 minute walk to work. Thank God a Shift Manager was picking me up. As I stood in front of the shower, I tezt her that I JUST woke up. She said take it easy, shell wait for me. I. 8 minutes I was downstairs in her car..NO shower, just a cold wash cloth to wipe the sleep out if my eyes. Surprisingly the day was a good day.

Personal Life: intries to live by The Gen5 Rule..only date/sleep with woman who are half my age plus 6 or 7 years added on. I broke that rule, she's 34 years old. In the back of my head I'm thinking I'm going to have Performance Issues, nope I didn't. Only thing is I'm not that young anymore.

I want to say this, some people are given jobs just based on the color of their skin. I hear some out there saying no that isn't true. I see it every day and almost every where I've been in my life. People are treated differently because of the color of their skin and if you don't believe that.. You're one of those people.

On The Road Again!!

I have a doctor's appointment on the 9th of December. Since there are not any Greyhound buses leaving from this town... The only option is rent a car. And me with no license either.

So this woman who I will call Ms. M, said she would rent a car for me..if only I take her along with me. My plan was to drive there and back, but since she never been to New York City... Then she hit me a little while ago with something earth shattering.

She said that she never ever slept with a Black man and she wants me to be her first and only. She's 55 years old and has a decent body, pretty face..long blonde hair and her voice makes me think of exotic things. I've told her that.

I'll pay for the car rental but everything else we go half on. I asked can she afford it and she show me her bank account on her cell phone. She says for the short time we are to be there in New York City, she wants me to create memories for her. I told her I would and will.

Of course like a little kid she wants to know what I have planned. I told her I'm gonna treat her like a cute cousin who ain't really my cousin. 

The thing about her is this. She already told me how she feels about me, and she makes it known around her and that's makes me uncomfortable. It has nothung to do with the color of her skin, it's.. This is a shelter and true people find Love or whatever in some of the strangest places, but for me, not here, not now.

Since I'm doing the driving, and it's a 6 and a half hour drive... there's my excuse. Dislike using the 'Not now honey, I'm tired' excuse, but I'm going to have to. Isn't helping that the hotel I booked for one night only has one bed. Last night one of her front approached me and told me something.

She told that Ms. M is REALLY looking forward to this trip, and that she is so excited about being alone with me in another state which she has never been in before..and doing something that she always had wanted to do, and didn't think that she would get a chance to do it. OMG!! I'm this woman's sexual fantasy come true. I really don't want to break her heart and I really don't want to make Love to her. But.. I really need to get to NYC on that day though. I can't change the date. So I guess I have a decision to make the closer we get to my destination.

....

 I think I know what MY problem is. I try..no, I push myself to damn hard. 

My main priority is work, my job. Everything after that is just...I don't know what to call it. My job or my career means everything to me. I know my stuff when it comes to being in a kitchen. Like I said, I enjoy cooking for others. So when I say something about THE WAY things..no fuck that. The way shit is suppose to be ran, I mean that fucking shit.

I don't give a flying fuck what culinary school your ass went to. IF I SEE your culinary school graduate ass doing something fucked up in the kitchen. I'm working in, and we ARE a team, ALL of us are fucked. I don't care if youve been there 2 years. If you didn't say something and knew it was wrong..fuck am I going to listen or even let your dumb ass even lead me. Believe me when I say I am stepping over you. Another thing...

My job helps me do the things 8 like to do... Have fucking money in my pocket and have money in my account(s). If you're my Lead and need the help, best bel5 when I say to you or ask you do you want me to come in, my body already knows...NO SLEEP, NO REST! So, you better ask me because I am going to only mention/ask you ONCE. You change your mind, depends if you're more.ir female. I'm keeping it real. Its not about the money because these fuckers can't meet my pay requirements. So I doing it for other reasons. Again, enough of this.

Only mentioning it one more time. I wanted to go back to her hotel room but I couldn't. For one there isn't enough hours in the day. And..if I went there..I would only have a 45 minute window and I would need at least 3 hours. Yeah I said it 3 hours and not all three hour are fucking. Damn, who fucks for 3 hours?

Home girl has a husband and a boyfriend. Now she wants me as a Side Piece. I staring out told her that she couldn't afford me and she doesn't like fucking as much as I do. She think she's Ballin, naw.. Both her husband and her boyfriend are giver her money. Sh want me, she has to.pay me and cut one of them.off. I told her don't fucking play with me because sometimes I don't play fair or well with others. And again, you can't and don't know or every begin to know how to take care of all of THIS. You thing your pussy opens wallets..Bitch please. This dick will have you acting.ill responsively on many levels. 16, 18 minutes with me, you'll need 12 hour to get your shit BACK together. She told me I couldn't handle all of her..I told her that I'll have her questioning her OWN exsitance. But then again, I don't have the time. 

Gotta go.

....

When I see my 'Friend', I'm gonna..

Surprises!!

Have yiu ever been SO surprised that...you're lost for words. And, you question your Own exsitance. 

So this 53 year old White woman who accent is SO country that you hear banjos playing when she speaks... She has fir almost two weeks been sending me 'PP', Pussy Pics..with captions like..'Growllll', I want to sit on your face' and 'Theres no place like home'. I have to admit, very artistically well done pictures..lighting was top notch too. Just looking at them I said wow!

Well, I did more than just look at them yesterday afternoon after work.  I went to the address she text me, a hotel. Knocked in the door and she answered fully clothed. What happened next... I  will not describe because...well, I would be too turned in all over again. But I will say this...

'Hey, Boys & Girls... Don't be a douche and just limit yourself to your own people. Example, I only date Black, I only date White. You do t want the same flavored ice cream a he time, right? Most times you eat chocolate ice cream... But then there s that one occasion when something special goes on and you have a choice of vanilla ice cream.'

It's Not That I'm a Shelter Bum, It's..

In every state/city I've been to in the last 7 or 8 years, I stayed in a Shelter first and then got my place. Staying in Shelter reminds me of my Army days and I had some fun in those days while seeing the world.

Being in a shelter...you either have to be strong minded or crazy as fuck. It helps a lot if you can combine the two. For real though, it wears out yiur mental state of mind too. Every shelter shouldn't be like that, but that what happens.

First Timers, it's a shock to your system. It's out of the elements, you get a bed, shower and something to eat. You can relax and some do..I did, when I was given my bed. Though you think no one, meaning other residents..though you think they are looking, they are. They are seeing what youre unpacking, what you got..so they can steal it. Again, not all shelters are like this. Instead of talking about the bad parts, I'm going to talk about the Good.

First thing I look at are the bulletin boards. Jobs, free clothing, and meals in the surrounding areas. Next, and do this ahead of checking in..I find out when the closest library is. I come prepared..laptop charged up and ready for a job search. It helps to be nice to the staff and answer all questions and fill out all forms they ask you to. You'll get some staff who can judge the good in people and will help you more than others.

Life living in a shelter is by THEIR RULES! If you don't like the rules, leave. Simple as that. On serveal occasions I checked in unemployed and with in a couple of hours went on an interview, got the position and had my schedule with me to take back to the shelter. Now the hard part..

The hardest part is trying to tell the staff who have seen 100's of men come thru their doors say the same shit to them. But I'm different. 'I just got this job and my hour are past curfew, so need a night pass so that I'm not considered as a person who left the shelter. Most times asking for a kate pass I am told no. So I have to tell my employer on DAY ONE if working what my living situation is. And ask them to write a letter in their letterhead stating my hours.  Ring that back to my Case Manager, and that should get the ball rolling. What messes things up is if he asks me how much I'm making and I make more than he does. Believe me that has happened to me twice. Both times the case manager gave me a hard time so I went over their heads and made an enemy.

In my opinion nothing should change about you if you live in a shelter...that is if you're strong minded. Though I couldn't or couldn't buy the things I really wanted to get, I waited. So I buy cheap made clothing, something that everyone in the shelter is wearing. Some times, most times I would miss dinner, but I work in food service so I'm eating on the job. But in my days off, I eat in the dinning room with others.And one day a week I would order Chinese Food and get a little extra to give to anyone who passes by where I'm eating. I tell them I can't eat all of this, take it or I'm gonna throw it away. 

Okay, the shelter I'm in now. Wow!! There is a Director which leaves at 4:30pm. And when she leaves, the staff that watches over us, well it's 'Their house, their rules'. Like three times a week I have to be at work at 4:15am, wake up at 2am on my own. Shower, drink a cup of coffee and have a smoke..and head off for the 1 mile walk to work. I get off at 11:15am and the dorm in which I sleep is off limits. But I got permission from The Director to go in the dorm, shower and go to sleep if I want to but.. But the staff tells me to shower and come out of the dorm. Dorm doesn't open until 6pm and on two nights a week 7pm. It's okay in the Summer, but it's cold out and I've been up since 2am. I'm so tired it feels like I'm drunk. The other day the dire8 told me to come with her, walked me around to each staff and told them I can stay in the dorm after getting back from work. Case solved.

To Be Continued.

....

A 53 year old White woman has taken to liking me so damn much that she gave me her number and told me to text her, I did.

Since I've texted her I am getting.. Let's say I know all of her body from head to toe. It's like I've  slept with her already. But the latest text just threw me.

It was a room number followed by the hotel and..'Be there at 12 noon on Wednesday'.  Am I going..Fuck YEAH!!  Is anything going to happen..it's all up to her. If she makes the first move, I'll do the rest.

....

See... She's Bi and... From what I'm feeling sbout her, she wants to introduce me to her other her. 

We have been seeing each other every damn day for 3 weeks now. And she wants me to move in but.. I don't know... It's her place and I like peace and quiet all the time. I mean who doesn't. She's exci5 to have me around. She knows my living situation, I'm in a shelter. She is amazed by how it doesn't bother me.it does, when... I'll mention that later.

I've seen her other her too. She is also bi but doesn't have a boyfriend or anything. Doesn't seem bothered by it either. I don't want to 'speak/tell her what to do if she wants all three of us together but she keeps mentioning 'you have to meet her'.

I'll let her figure it out all on her own.