Random Stuff & Reading The Newspaper(s)

First...my body is changing, has changed. I mean the stuff that I take in, food. Okay, I like coffee, but it seems like my body has a mind of its own and it tells me that it doesn't like coffee any more. Besides upsetting my stomach every so often, its the taste. Gone are the days of a good cup of Joe. At home...nasty, at work..even nastier. The only coffee I think that will still taste GREAT is the coffee from the food trucks that scatter the city each morning. I'm putting off going to one right outside the train station on my way to work because...THAT might just taste nasty also. I don't know.

Another thing is...candy. I eat it cause of the energy boost. Won't ever take those package energy boost thingies. I tried a Red Bull, just a sip mind you. I thought my heart was gonna beat out of my chest. I actually saw it beating rapidly while looking in the mirror, so NONE of that for me. I will stick to candy.

Just read in the newspaper that Andy Dick will be on dancing With The Stars. Say what you will about the man, but I like him. His comedy is out there. Not so much now though, says he is clean & sober. I know it may be mean, but I like to see people's like spiraling downhill at break neck speed. Makes me feel as if I am not alone.

Anheuser-Busch is being sued for watering down their beer. WTF MAN !! I don't drink, but I think thats really a shitty thing if its true, that they did. Of course a company spokesman says that its completely false, what else is he gonna say..'yes, you're right'.

Forget it, newspaper is way too depressing.

I Have Noticed a Pattern...So To Speak

I've been thinking about this for a long time, say a month. At first I thought it was just me, and I was seeing things within a box. Come to find out that my thoughts all along have been correct.

I have been meeting women, talking with them, getting to know them so to speak. Most as only as just friends cause you can never have too many friends, these just happen to be women. Guys are a whole different matter. I don't go looking for friendship from a certain class of woman, that she has to fit a criteria. Just friends is all and I let it go from there. But what I come to understand, and bear with me on this one, cause maybe I am not the only one who see things this way, but... There are a lot of hurt women, women who have been wronged by men.

They are walking out there, walking on the streets with the impression that everything is all okay. Thats good for them; walking with their heads up, going about life everyday as if nothing has happened to them. But if a guy, such as me, just happens to get into a conversation with one, it seems that they are willing to tell, talk about their true feelings. Hey, I know that SOME of the male species, we can be real assholes and that there isn't a sign over our heads stating this. Women, just like men, have to take their chances too. But it seems that guys have been treating women just plain wrong.

Take woman A. See her almost every work day. Yesterday, she said that she needed some one to talk to, to get this out of her system. She has 2 girls, the father isn't in the picture, but she met this other guy. She just recently found out after dating and seeing each other for over 2 years that he is married with 3 kids. How she found out after all this time? Well, she lost her job over a year ago, and he was paying her rent, but the wife wondered where $900 dollars was going every month, so she did some checking out. So Woman A lost her apartment and is staying with family in the same area, that is why I see almost everyday. My first question to her was how did she NOT know he was married, has she ever been to his place? Really there was no need to, because she has 2 girls to take care of at home, I figured that one out myself, she didn't. She was just stuck on the question. Now her world is turned upside down, she feels less than and doesn't want to her anything coming from any man...even me.

Woman B. Grown daughter, nice home, nice job, everything going in her favor. She meets a guy, a guy who doesn't have a job, so she looks out for him. Gives him money for interviews, buys him nice clothes for these interviews, even lets him borrow her car to go on these interviews. This was after 2 months. She tells me, that she really was falling for this guy, so she asked him to move in at the 3 month period. Then things go crazy, her words, not mine. She comes home and find a couple, man and woman in her home, they staying to all times of the night. he asking for 100's of dollars, disappearing for days with her car, coming back stinking looking really bad. But she loves him. Then he snaps. Starts getting violent with her, demanding more and more money, she tells me she gave it to him. Then one day she couldn't take it any more, she calls the police to have him removed. Destroyed her home and her felling is what he did. But she still loves him and will always will.

There are more, but nope, not getting into it. My part is that I come on the back end. the time when they are going thru the healing process. The time when they need a person to talk to cause they won't talk to others or family members cause they don't want to seem like being a fool or stupid. But their guards are up now, no longer will they be taken for granted. I always ask, how come you just didn't use him JUST for sex, cause that is possible. How come you didn't ask the RIGHT questions, cause from what I see, you should have.I leave them with this ALL the time... You have to start THINKING LIKE A MAN.

Those Late Night Text

Stephanie...she is only a friend, text me about 3am. If it wasn't that I had to go to the bathroom, I would have never heard it. I wouldn't have heard it anyway cause I always keep my ringer, alert turned off, but I always check. Well, she text that she was out on a date in Manhattan, she is from the outer city area; she was out on a date and the guy is being ass holiest. Would I please come and get her & her car and drive her home. Mind you that time of night it will take me about 1 and a half hours to get there...I went. I had to see what state she was in.

Where she was at was down in The Village and the trains running down there are crazy sort of. Not to mention, the bars were closing and ALL the drunks were on the streets. Had to talk the guy into letting me in cause there was someone I was there to pick up and take home. Hearing that, he quickly unlocked the door. The female bartender says that she wish she had friends like me. Steph was in a bad state. Sloppy drunk comes to mind. After 20 minutes of trying to find her car, which I figured out she couldn't have parked it on the streets...a parking garage, after I search her pocketbook for the ticket. Then, not knowing where she lived at, again after searching for an address on her ID. Headed to her place...total time, 2 hrs.

She was somewhat coherent by then and was holding a half drunk convo with me. Want to know how a woman feels about you, let her spill her guts while she is drunk. I found out a lot too. Got to her home, made some coffee while she stumbled upstairs to her bedroom. Went to bring it to her, and she was passed out. Woke her up and told her to get undress, she said help me. I did, no coffee for her, tuck her in. I went downstairs to sleep in the living room.

Woke up to hear the shower running upstairs...and I waited until she came down. Talk about the look on her face seeing me there. She didn't even remember texting me, the ride nor the conversation or coming into her own home. She made another pot of coffee, came back into the living room to ask me how I like my coffee. Mind you, this is the ONLY words she has spoken to me since coming downstairs. We drank in silence.

She then told me that I am a true friend and that she was tired of the dating scene. Why don't I see her in a sexual way. Told her I do, but what she wants from me, I can and could never be. Ask me to stay the day to talk, told her another time, but will stay for another hour to make sure she is all okay. She starts crying.

Just a Couple of Rants

Everyone has their own opinions, I may agree and I may disagree with them/it, but I would never get to the point ofcursing you out. Even if you comment on what I say online, and then you reply by cursing me out. The issue; and there are many, one you don't know me. And 2, is it really that serious...'Fanboy'.

Okay, I can understand that some women want the man they date or marry to have certain things in life. Things like their own car, their own place and goals, long term goals. A plan for at the end of their life's, their golden years. Issues again. 1, I will always refuse to own a car when I live in a city that never sleeps. If I need to go some where out of the city and a bus doeant get me there, other modes of transportation. 2, so what if I rent a room, its cost as much as 2/3 of your rent and its my space not yours. 3, my golden years will be MY golden years. Why you want to know my plans, you're not involved in them, you put nothing into them...and who the fuck you think you are questioning me about what the fuck I do?

'Nuff said.

I Am, Therefore I....

Its taken almost 53 years to get to the point that I am at now. I didn't do this all by myself, but I played a major part in it.

Friday after work, I headed out to Long Island. At almost this time last year I met her. The year went by, and she reachedout to me again. But this time she understood where I was coming from and she said she didn't understand why last year she didn't. I told her cause she had already in her head had made up how she wanted us to be and she didn't or wouldn't stand for less. I guess being lonely and having so much love to offer, changes your way of thinking.

She is till working 2 jobs, so I was left by myself I thought in her home...no. she said she wanted me to drive her to work, take the car and she would text me to come pick her up after work. So, what was I to do for 8 hours. I drove around and found a couple of places I could hang out.

I enjoy being some place I know nothing about and the people can tell that I wasn't from around there too. I feel comfortable going anywhere and everywhere. First stop was to get a haircut, found a Black barber shop, 7 chairs. I wanted the older guy with the yellow shirt on and tie to do my hair, but a Spanish guy motioned me to his chair. Quick cut. They all knew I wasn't from around here too, the way I dress. Black boots, jeans, NOT hanging off my ass, long underwear shirt on, distressed NY Yankees baseball cap on, grey hood and a $220 dollar Columbia Jacket on. The inside is all shiny, keeps 20% of body heat in and vents out mositure. Talk in the shop, about some guy locked up upstate, family, getting beat down about 'slot time', the phone. Funny thing is, its his 'homies' doing the beat down. Those aren't homies. My barber asked me what do I think, my answer would determine how they took me in, so...

Fuck it, stop using the phone, write letters instead. Ask for people to send you magazines, like the back issues here in the babrbershop. He stars getting 20 of those every week, people will repsect him knowing that people on the outside care about his mental state.hLike I said, fuck using a phone. They got 'mad' back issues of about 5, 6 different magazines in the barbershop, start sending those. Haircut over. Went to a karate school and watched them praticed, lunch, then back to her place and wait for her to call.

Star Date...

I just want this day to start, and then be over with. You know how you kind of worked hard all week, Friday comes, and you just want it to be over with? That's how I am feeling...anxious. (think I spelled that right).

Went for an early morning walk around 2:30am and thought of something. Like, what is the difference between power & strength? Figured it out too. People can have power, but lack strength. You can have all the money in the world and people won't, can't respect you. Also, you can have all that same money and people WILL respect you. Strength? To fight and endure...accomplishment. You can say the same thing about power too.

I aslo thought about the people I take pride in, and only one person comes to mind. My sister Donna. In a forwarded email from her job Citi Group, a tear welled up in my eye. Here this woman... She met a guy, whom became her boyfriend. This guy's mother worked for Citi Banks a teller, she offered my sister a job as a teller and she accepted. fast forward 28 YEARS later...sister STILL works for them, corporate though, VP of Human Resources. WOW !! She has been through a lot and continues to do so, but she pushes on...STRENGTH !!

Why can't these people who have BILLIONS of dollars figure out.....wow, my phone just rebooted itself. Why can't these people do something right with their money instead of just sitting on it and earning more. I mean how rich is rich? No, what the do is give it away to others who already have enough. Its all part of a game. I think its sickening when you have enough money for 3 generations and you do nothing with it. POWER !!

I walk the same way everyday when I get of the train heading to work. I mostly likely see the same people too, but I don't pay attention. Wait I do, I see the same guy at the same spot almost every morning. We don't speak as we pass by, but we do notice each other. I turn the corner, walk down one block and wait for the light, Cross the street, under the scaffold, see this woman, who i think is homeless, she is always reading a paper. Walk couple of car lengths, see the 3 guys that work in this building. We don't speak either. See another guy, like I said we notice one another. Almost to the corner, I cross the street between this building awning. 2 days ago, found a 20 dollar bill laying right in the middle of the street. On the sidewalk now waiting on the corner for the light to change. Cross, underneath another scaffold, another homeless woman who I know is homeless. Stopped and gave her that 20, told her she dropped it last night. Gave me a look like...but accepted it. Walk 4 car lengths at work. STRENGTH

I actually went to this concert Saarbrucken, West Germany

This is the email I got in return from my Old Army Buddy

Wow so many memories man where do I start. First of all I did get an Article 15 for fighting because I,m the one who built the wooden fence in front of Bravo Battery, they gave me some old tent poles and some 4" x 4"s and I built a kick ass fence then ,when the post commander saw how good a job I did they put me in charge of extra duty for three more months so that I could supervise the building of fences in front of Alpha, Charlie and Headquarters Batteries.

I was the battery commander driver for the black one Captain Reeves who had the 442. Used to fuck with him on the way to Graf and tell him shit like " I have 80 grams of good green hash in the oil bath cooler for the jeep and could he please not get in any trouble so I don't get busted". He would laugh his ass off and tell me to shut the fuck up. Sergeant Sexton(First Sergeant)  caught me smoking one day in my room - we had just gotten back from Hoenfels and he is knocking on my door, when he walked in the room was full of smoke, he asked me where the log book to Bravo 1 was, I told him the log book was right where it belonged in the motor poll, he closed the door then knocked again and when he came in the second time he said " you know that shit is not good for you" closed the door and left. Scared the livin shit outta me!

The black Chief of Smoke Staff Sergeant Jackson saved my ass one night on a health and welfare inspection - when he opened my locker I had about 4 grams of hash lying on the shelf, he saw it and COVERED IT WITH A WASH CLOTH. Saved my sorry ass so I found out the he liked to drink Jack Daniels and every time we went to the field and I mean every time, I would deliver a fifth in a covered knap sack to his gun. Man I miss that shit too, good talking. TC the GC from KC

...You Just Don't Know What Good Times Were.

I just emailed an old Army buddy, this is what I said....

You mentioned 29 inches of snow that one time in Germany. To be honest with you, it seemed like quite a bit of snow EVERY winter while I was there. This little 'dusting' was nothing compared to what I have seen, right? Another thing. We play the radio in the kitchen where I work at. The Head Chef always has it turned to Classic Rock...no problem. I like it cause it brings back memories. Today Boston came on the radio, Don't Look Back. I remember going to that concert in Germany, sooooo.... I googled it. here is the link:

http://www.bandboston.com/Tour%20Pages/tour7879.htm

Scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page to The Euro Tour. I think it was...Rhein-Neckar-Halle Heidelberg. I don't remember who I went with, but I do know I was on restriction, cause I had received an Article 15, remember those, probably not, you might never had recieved one. I remember walking into a Baskin Robbins or a Dunkin Dounuts asking for directions. I asked the people behind the counter did they speak English and they said, we should, we are Americans. They told me the concert hall wasn't to far away. WOW MEMORIES off of just one song.

Another thing. Were you the Battalion Commander Driver or The battery Commander Driver. Cause I was the Battery Commander Driver too. It wasn't The Black BC we had who had that Black 442 car, remember that? It was for the White BC. I remember cause they made me the driver and I didn't know how to drive PERIOD !! We were going to Graft, roads were black iced everywhere. About less than half a click out of town, going downhill, I almost flip the jeep. Shit...I'm having Freaky Flashbacks man. I also remember when I got Short, they made me a UP, Unit Police, 3 days on, 4 days off. Do you remembr Brian Nichols and Hardon? They were the BIGGEST hash dealers in the 8th Infantry Div. Remember the Black Chief of Smoke, he was bow legged. Oh, remember that asshole 1st Sargent we had who was replace my a Spanish speaking one. Well Brian had sent me to the Housing Area on Post one night, to some address for a delivery and HE answered the door, told me to keep my mouth shut !!. Oh, oh. Remember Lt walker !! I babysitted his set of new born twins. Told me if I was going to smoke that shit to do it on the porch. Terry, a lot of shit went down at 2nd BN 81st FA and I REALLY MISS ALL Of THAT SHIT MAN !!

Impressions

It's funny...I laugh at it though. Some people may get the wrong impression of me, they refuse to ask. Ask what I am really about. Its simple, one word....FUN !! Some may say how can a almost 53 year old man even have that word in his vocabulary. To me its the most important word in the human language. Others may say the word responsibility is more important, I don't think so. After responsibility...FUN !! Nope, fun first then responsibility.

My concept is that life, everyday life isn't all that complicated. Its like this, you live..then you die. All that space, and all that time between the two...that's what is important. Are you that type of person who wants to leave their mark on the world? It has already happened, it was when you applied for your Social Security Card, thats your mark, it's all tied backed to you.

Impressions. All the confusion I have already worked out in my head, and I know what I have to do..need to do. I will do them when I see fit too. I'm not letting anyone dictate what I have, want nor need to do. I say this because...like I said some have the wrong impression of me, about me. I could care less, you, they... don't feed, clothe or house me. I'm not angry at anyone. Some are taking the time to learn what I am about. They are getting off that treadmill and are forced to ask those questions. You know the questions. The ones that as a person you have always wanted to ask, but were afraid to.It took her 5 minutes to make up her mind and I knew something was up when she was standing there waiting. Normally she is gone when I leave. All she said was walk with me home.

Even though there are hundreds of people standing around like little robots...you may think they aren't listening to your conversation, but if you are like me, you could care less. When she ask those questions and I gave my answers, I looked up and around to see the expressions on those faces that were listening. Blank stares, but the eyes don't lie. She came out and told me that for the 27 years she has been working there, she lead people to believe that she was married. She isn't. I asked, so why mislead people into believing so, she said she didn't know. An hour and a half traveling to her home...all along she saying she has never did anything like this before, invited a man into her house. I whispered in her ear that she should take advantage of me, use me as she feels fit. Silence

Snow storm, and I ave to get home to my mother, so I can't spend the night. Its in the eyes again. I made a call to moms, let her know everything is okay and I will be home late. Was asked why I don't have a girlfriend for the millionth time...cause I just don't, that's all. People want you to take the first step, turn on the faucet, let things flow, but they won't start until you start first. I explained all this in a matter of seconds, don't turn on the faucet unless, you have something to catch all of it in, and that you do know when to turn it off. Was told that she doesn't even know if there is anything in the faucet...there was.

Will see on Monday...the attitude...her actions toward me.

Another Snow Storm...Again?

We are about to get hit again. I don't mind it at all though. Snow doesn't hurt anyone...not unless you're buried in it, then, snow kind of sucks.

What most people look forward to...I don't. What I look forward to is getting ha seat on the 2 trains and the bus I take home from work. Being I'm on my feet once I stand up...no, after I stand up from the bench in the locker room from changing into my uniform, then, I'm on my feet 8, 9 hours. So that seat, seats...sure does feel good. Like I said before. Your leg has to be nearly off your. Body before I give you my seat.

Yesterday on the train was a strange one. This attractive young women was staring at me. I gave her the look of, 'what, I owe you money?' She sat besides me and told me something that rock my world. She said that she has pictures of me in her mother's livingroom of her and her mother AND me taken together...AND, was I her father. Mind you she wasn't whispering this and the train just so happened to be stopped in a station. You could hear a flea fart. I made a joke as first. Saidq. I hope not cause you're a fine ass woman. I asked who her mother was, what's her number and gave her mine. Refcieved the text last night from the mother. I called her. Asked the question. Felt like I was on thew Maury Show. No, I'm not the father, but we were an item many years ago and what's up, what am I doing? Wants to see me. Told her to text mea picture. Hasn't arrived yet.

It goes to say...again. I could care less of what you, as a female looks like. I have no standards. People will surprise you. You think that they are this way, turns out you're completely wrong. But dontget me wrong though. I can understand times are harder than a Jeep steering wheel... you have to have the spirit of keep keeping on, that's what I'm staying. But some just give up too easy. Those the people I try and stay away from.

This snow storm is kind of throwing a wet blanket on me. I made plans....good plans, plans that you don't want to delay. But if I go ahead with my plans, I might get snowed in which wouldn't be such a bad idea for me. For her, that's a different story. It could go either way, she just might enjoy being stuck with me, with my luck.... She wants me out of her site after let's say 24 hours. That's understandable, cause if she does, she's a 'keeper' so to speak. Means she's a mover & shaker. Means she doesn't just sit around waiting for things to happen, she makes things happen.

As a man, during this long & cold winter months...we as men don't have much to look forward to or at. I mean...COATS !! Long ass winter coats, they cover everything up. You do get the woman or women who risk dying from the weather, wearing short leather or Spring type JACKETS, justh to show off that shape of their. But fellas don't really want to see that. To me that means she jumps in & out of cars and you know what that means, right?

It Must Have Been a "Fuck With Me" Day

Sweetheart...What I am about to tell you...lets just say, they could and will take away my 'Man Card', and barr me for LIFE. But I'm gonna take a chance and tell you the Man Code. Okay, first off you women THINK you know us men...ha ha ha, yeah right!! Us men, we are complicated creatures, but we are creatures of habit. We like the same thing over and over again, we are comfortable with that. Okay, did you write that down, I will wait until you do. It is rare that you will find a man who will and would get upset if he sees you out with another man. What a REAL MAN will do, he will check out you first from head to toe...THEN he will give the man that you are with a certain look. Not a look of 'I'm gonna kick ya ass', no, a look of 'alright, she sure is looking good, right?' type look. Um, but don't get it confused with the look of,' yeah, I'm tappin' that too', not saying that people are tappin you all over Nashville, I'm just saying. Another thing, when said man is out with you and another guy you are, or were dating just happens to run across you and said man, said man is taking in ALL whats happening. You, the other man and all those who are watching whats going on. Mainly said man is watching how this fool is ACTING a fool over you and said man is wondering what the hell you did to him. Any other person would question you about, and after this confrontation, but not the said man, the man you are out on a date with. In his head he is wondering, what sexual acts; mind you, legal in most states, that you performed on him, and said man wants the same treatment. If you have notice, the conversation after the confrontation was completely different, right? Something like that happened to me, and I went straight for the jugular. I asked her what made her so special that this man would confront AND, mind you, want to beat the living shit out of me right there on 125th Street in Harlem. I ask her, so you're THAT good in bed? She said no its not that, that was my husband. Now, after almost becoming a statistic in New York City, that does something to your sex drive, it slams it into OVERDRIVE is what it does. Things worked out, we were together for 4  years and I have nipple scars to prove it. But back to you. Us men also love a women who acts all 'vanilla' in the streets, but behind closed doors, she's CHOCOLATE, and you know what CHOCOLATE does to a woman, right? SO PLEASE TELL ME cause I can't figure it out. All in all, the average man wants his woman to be 85% Angel, and 15% slut, but not me. I want a 50/50 quotation, yep, thats right. Surprise me when I walk in the door after a hard days work. But one thing though, please don't forget the safety word, thats VERY important.

I emailed that to a friend I met online, she lives in Nashville and wants me to visit this summer, just might too.

???????

You know when we sometimes get in situations...and our 'Spidey Senses', they like tingle all hover the place, well that has been happening with me lately. Got a text last night..but I was asleep when it came.

This woman, she is 60 years old, but has a body of a 30 year old woman, well we meet med last year. She told me straight up that she would sleep with me, but wants to waith 2, 3 weeks before she does. So we kept on seeing one another and we did sleep together. We both enjoyed each other. Then she hit me with she wanted to marry me. I told her I couldn't cause I didn't want to. Nothing to do with her personally, I just didn't want to be married. Like I said, or maybe I didn't state so, she got back in touch with me.

She is a lonely woman from what I can tell and from what she has told me. She works 2 jobs, that's all she does is work and come home. In the text last night she stated again that she likes me well enough to marry me. I text back and a long one...some questions. She hasn't answer yet, but she will. I asked her, cause she is Jamaican, that...wait she JUST now did. Hold up......... She just asked why I asked if she was a citizen. Like I told her if it will help her out, I'm a free spirit, I will do almost anything to help her, besides I do like her. But what she realy is is lonely. I guess I bring excitement into her life.

Ws listening to Art Bell on TuneIn Radio. They had a guess on and they both were speaking of a subject that happens to me and mostly everybody. You know how certain smells triggers memories? Be it perfume, thatreminds you of certain women. Foods, smells remind you of your childhood. With me it happened recently. It was foggy, just got of the train and was walking upstairs to street level. Smelled sausages and french toast. Being it was foggy, I thought I was in Germany for that short couple of seconds. I enjoy when that happens.

Superbowl...and Then There Were One

Watched the first half and the commericals, they were fun. Then came the Half Time Show...and I have thoughts on it. Listen, Beyounce looks great, and this is coming off of just having a baby too. But, but there was something in her eyes. It was something of a look of...'been here do this already'. I think she is bored with the whole performing thing, but she loves the money. Who wouldn't, I guess she demands top dollar. I read just to sit front row at a runway, she demands 100K !! I should have continued watching the game, missed the who 'blackout' thing...miss whatturned out to be a great game too. Congrats Ravens.

Lately...I ahvent been giving a fuck. I mean...I don't know what I mean really. Like I said, I get bored easy. Seems that people, women are boring me. Or, it could be the idea of the chase. I think that's what it is. Work comes first, that's what I'm in control of and the only thing I wish to control. My getting up jand going to work is all on me. Everything else after that doesn't matter. If I have to cover a co worker, I will because I am part of a team. I'm not worried if they don't have my back, I don't expect them to either. But my play in it...is I do what I have and want to do.

I keep seeing and hearing from women what they expect and sommetimes demand what a 'man has to be'. In all of what I'm reading and hearing, I don't hear what part a women plays. Of course some will say a women plays the most important role in life. Friend, wife, and mother. Whatever is what I say. Then I hear other things too, cfoming from women.

I heard one say that she wants togo out on more meaningful dates. I had to..I asked, so are the other dates you go out on, are they just cause you want a free night out on the town? She was honest and said yes. One woman I went to go see, told me to my face that she is wifey material. No she wasn't. Not for nothing...she has r3 kids by 2 different guys. I told her all she would be is a date..and that was put nicely.

See, that's what I'm talking about. Why do women wait until until they have r3 children still living at home..to say, now they want to settle down?