2012..It's Been a Good Year, and...

...I'm not changing a damn thing in 2013. I'm not 'stepping' nothing up, gonna continue to do AND be the same person. See, that's the problem with some people, they change for others, fuck that.
I've seen in 2012 how some people show, that they have their own lives together, wen in fact, like my life, its all fucked up. Yep, screwed left, right, upside down and sideways. But who says life is suppose to be easy. I spoke with some people about shit like this. If they lost their job, it would be such a great fucking impact on their lives, that they would go into such a deep black hole depression...that they would totally end their lives. So use to 'having' and not caring about the 'have nots'. Want all the latest in fashion, cars and home improvements. Hell, you're renting, not even renting to own.
One friend, she...well, I'm just waiting for that call. The call with sobs and tears that I can't even understand what she saying. And what makes it all so fucked up is that the 2 other people she depends on, they are in the same row boat as her. I told her that she is gonna see what at first hand, what it feels like to be homeless WITH a job. Shit will make you look at life a whole lot different.
Met women, who have said now, now that they are looking for their King. Oh, this was AFTER that King took you for everything. Told them I was as real as they get. I'm not gonna sugar coat anything. Telling me that they don't want me to be attracted to them. What kind of shit is that. See, these woman couldn't or didnt  know how to seperate sex from anything else in this entire world. They thought, no THOUGHT, that what they have between their legs ws SPECIAL. Special, no. Different, yes. Or take the ones, some not all, who have just completely just gave up. I know shit happens, but not 3 times in row. 3 children, by 2 different men. But you want something different? Yeah, a different man to help take care of your 'starting 5'. Fuck that !!

Work..the work place. I've work a lot of places. I'm a FUCKING COOK !! You eat, I could what you eat. I work with people sometimes 8, 12, 16 hours a day with, for like 3 straight days or more. You spend more time with me than your own brothers & sisters, I know I do. I can tell just how long you have. Been working in this field just by how and what you do in the kitchen we work in. How you talk to the people you serve. Do you treat them like friends or like they are you employers. LIKE YOUR EMPLOYERS, YOU STUPID ASS FUCK !! These aren't the people who hired you, these are the people you prep, cook and served food too. And you wonder why they treat and say the shit they do? Cause you gave them the room to do so. I'm not going to poison you no matter what you do or say to me, but...  If you do, I will serve you like you don't even fucking exist, you ungrateful piece of shit. I cook cause I enjoy you enjoying what I cooked. To treat me like I'm the help... and my co workers who grovel, suck their dick and kiss their ass...you dumb fucks, wake da fuck up!!

The Work Place. I don't know whats wrong with some people in the workplace. They act like they come from good stock and shit. Like there s nothing wrong with coming from the projects if you come from the projects. Right now it's ALL about affordable housing. Now, this doesn't only pertain to you females, some of you guys got a wild hair on your balls too. So, you work around and for people who are refined, that's a term I really dislike using, but does that make you have to act that way also. See, they don't mind paying the prices they have to pay for lunch, but this shit be breaking your wallet & purse. But when you come thru the line, nose all up in the air, head deeply planted in your ass, then you try to give me that 'whats up brother' shit. Nope, pay that nut.

The shit I see...

Again

I spent Christmas Eve &amp; Christmas Day with a friend of mine. It was all good until she went in to check on her patients. Then came home with liquor and 3 of her female co workers. That was my cue to leave.</p>
<p>On my way home I got a text from another female friend, she wished me Merry Christmas. Then went into that she misses me and that she was sorry she let me get away. It was what she wanted from me..something I couldn't give her. Marriage.</p>
<p>All she does is work, 2 jobs and spends little time at home between jobs. She met me, like what she was feeling being with me and wanted it for the rest of her life. I'm not for marriage...only if you were to have my child, yes then. But she wasn't capable of having children, she's 60 years old. You couldn't tell by looking at her, her and her body. She looks much younger.</p>
<p>Again she went into wanting me to move closer to her, finding a job out there near where she lives. I looked, applied and even had some calls. But I wasn't really all that into moving where she lives, you need a car. Plus, she works 2 jobs, what time will we spend together, it woluld be the same time if I stayed where I was at and come to her. She didn't understand this, so she broke it off with me. But she did something with that call yesterday.

It's like this. If you break off things; seeing me, its okay, I understand. I don't dislike you or anything, who knows, you might find time again for me to be in your life. But what she did...with this call to me, she kicked up the feelings I really had for her. Finds out I still do. I mean sex is a wonderful experience, it feels good. No one person is the same. What she did also was in the phone call said..no it want a call, it was texting. She said that it was me who broke things off, it was me who said I wasn't ready for a relationship. I wasn't ready for marriage is what I said.

Ut those feelings...the sex...nothing like I ever experienced with a woman. Maybe it was the 3 weeks she made me wait. Maybe it was during those 3 weeks, we slept in the same bed, no clothes, and just touched each other. I think that that what it was.

I'm reaching out to her again, this week. I have to.

I've Notice....

...some people and including myself at times, we/I don't know what I want. I am getting tired of feeling this way, but its my fault. What I've been doing lately is giving people what they want, saying what they want to hear. No more.

At times I hold back from what I want to say when some one questions me, or wants my opinion. In a matter of seconds I can sized that person up and come to a decision that they aren't ready for what I have ro say. So I sugar coat it. Vinalla with sugar on it. But not any more.

One woman has been looking at me strangely for a couple of days now. I figured out plus I asked her. 10 years ago she forged something, and now its coming back at her. She feels I had something to do with it. I told her what I felt cause what she did made me angry. Told her... back when you were hired, they figured they couldn't find anyone who would want to do the job you hold. They now found out that there are quailfied people out there, and now they want you out. Don't think you will collect unemployment, even after 10 years of service to them. You were and are a fraud in their eyes.  But she continues to think I had something to do with it.

Trying to figure out with women who say they are searching for their Kings cause they are Queens. The more I hear that shit, themore I laugh at their asses. Looking for your King huh? With your Mirror Ass Shot, huh? At least have some one take the picture for you. They don't know self taken shots of yourself says a lot about you, and it depends on what you're doing in the picture too.

No one will speak to you when you're the 'new guy'. All the women are playing it cool. So when one does come up to me and speaks with me, all others are breaking their fucking necks to hear what's being said. I went back and told her that I had my eye on her from the first time I entered the dining room. Wanted to know, what I wanted to do with her. Yep, that's what she asked and I told her. But first, I told her since she asked, and I don't think you 'really' wanted to know. Told her. She says that that sounds just about right and nice too, maybe later on. Surprised me, but I know she's waiting to see what I will do next. She, no man, no kids..living with her mother not too far from me. Gave me her number, told her I wll text her.

I'm not changing a damn thing for 2013...except for one thing. Those who I am dying to meet, I will do whatever it takes to meet them. Those who I have been chatting, texting with online and thru my phone...its time for a face to face. Be it 2 minutes or a life time...2013, its time to place a face.

I Know It's Sad, But...

A little while ago I had a conversation with this woman, she started it. It was about all those children being killed. I didn't say anything, then she asked did I have anything to say about it. I told her no, it doesn't matter to me...and it doesn't.

She got so angry & so mad at me, she couldn't even express it in words. I felt the way I felt, cause that is how I feel and will always feel that way. She said its because I don't have children. She says well she does & grandchildren and that affects her. How?

You kids are grown, and your grandchildren are at that age where they should be taught about what's right and what's wrong. You gown kids, I told her are something all together. She said explan and since she ask, I did.

Your grown ass kids are gangsters, in gangs and that is all that matters to them. Their gang is their family. Oh, but they live in your house, running shit, running shit right out of your house. They have your grandkids around that madness, so what do you think your grandkids are going to grow learning. Who am I to tell you that your grandkids pants shouldn't be 'sagging' off their little young butts. That shit isn't cute. Getting fitted hats and Baby Jordans...hello, who has money for that. But no, you tell me last week, even though you're working, making 17.50 an hour, you're 2 months behind in rent. I'm not gonna mention the shit that REALLY pisses me off, what you told me.

I Know I Say Some Things That...

I can say some things that can have a person, male or female look at me strangly. You think I really give a flying Fuck? Nope, I don't. I don't and you don't live your life for others to like you. But if you're one of those that do, you're wasting your life. Up to a certain point, you live your life for the children you have; up to a certain point. But its okay if you extended that period also. This is coming from a man with no children.

So, when do you start having fun? Better yet, did your fun endibg days end when you became an adult. An adult who has responsibilites. Car payments, student loans, mortages..you know adult things. Add long your children that you have to look after, care for. To top it all off, you might be a single parent; which you enjoy, but its hard at times cause the father isn't in the picture. Or, he can and is in the picture, but let's face it, he can and IS an asshole. You're doing it all by yourself, the fun days are over. NO THE FUCK THEY AREN'T !!.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT !!! These are my opinions. We as human beings are strange. Shit I do, wierds people out I'm sure, but the things I see people do amazes me. Give me, give me, give me. Do for me cause if you want to be with me...that's what I need and want you to do. What ever happen to doing something cause it feels go to do, cause its fun. Like I said and willa always say, could care less what people say or think of me. I do what makes me happy. I feel that's what's stopping people from really being themselves. For example, do you really think a person wants to hear what you DON'T want? Speak on what you not want, but what you like. Again, not everyone is gonna like what you like..then move on.

I have 3 female friends. Lisa, whom I've know for like almost 15 years is a homebody. We use to be a couple and lived together as well. She found out that breaking up with me was best for her....which was okay with me. Funny thing is that we are still in contact with each other every day. I spend sometimes 3 weekends a month at her house. She found out that we can't be a couple, but I enjoy your company AND, sex is great with you for some strange ass reason.

Kim, I met Kim while I was in a Shelter. She stopped me on the street and started kicking it with me. Told me what she wanted, said I was lucky, she picked me. Some one to come over and scratch that itchevery so often. I can't spend no more that 2 hours with her, cause her voice drive me bonkers. But like she said, I was lucky, has a body and a butt you wouldn't believe. I actually feel honred to be in her presence. Sometimes when we set a 'meeting' up she changes at the last minute, cause work, overtime comes first before busting a big as nut for herself. Understanable.

Wanda. I knew Wanda when I was 14 years old. She had a crush on me. Fast forward many years, she reaches out thru facebook. We meet again, 2 days later we are like rabbits. She likes our meet ups, ask if I'm seeing anyone. ' say am I 'exclusive'? No, I am not, she doesn't ask any more questions. 2 grown children, one just got of out of prison, the other, younger 25, hard headed ass young man. Since they live under her roof now, she is worried about how they see her. She hasn't been with any man since their fathers, which she broke up with 15h years ago. She likes the hell out of my body, her words. How I look still the same after all these years, but I don't look like I'm over 50. Left up to her, she would fuck my brains out 24/7, her words. That's what happens when you don't have any penis for 'uber' years. Problem is, I state again, she cares about how her grown as kids see her; which I told her that they don't really care, as long as you're happy. I know this cause the oldest told me right out of the blue this. 'Hey old man, mom duke really likes you and she is happy as fuck, good looking out.' I tell her the kids are alright, do you, but she can't.

3 women, all different senerios. Meet number 4 2 weeks ago. Another process to go through, another 'grilling' to let her know it is all that deep, just do what makes you happy, not what you 'think' people expect of you. Like I said we will see. Again. Oh, she said last night and I quote...'I have to get something straight with you'. You know what that means and what her next sentence will be, right ?

Give Me...

This week's Newsweek front page cover talks about something indept that I always had questions about. When I go to ask, not questions those that I think would know, I get these strange looks. Looks of who am I to question the Bible. I'm not questioning the Bible, I'm questioning those that wrote or had some say so of putting this Book together.

The article questions...well, if there were really 3 Kings present. Its states it was a cave that the Son of God was born in. And among other things... I can't even explain, jsut google the aricle and read.

I have always said that Jesus didn't write the Bible, and its a know fact. The Bible was written by those who knew of Him and his ways, His works. But this was written how they saw what they saw, and we all know how easy it is to embelish what we clain to see. Yeras later who is to say that what we say and what that person had written isn't, wasn't true.

Bring this subject up to God Fearing, Church Thumping, Always in Church All Day People...and its like you were the one who killed Jesus. I guess that what some folks get for listening to what others preach about this man claimed to have done, written by others. I've been told that I should come to their Church and hear the real words of God. Why do I have to do that? Can't I do it on my own, in my home with sweat pants on while watching football on Sunday? No, I can't. Because God has told their Pastor that I should attend, must attend the House of The Lord to get the full meaning. Not also to say that your 10% will go a long way, it will help the Church keeps its place, by paying the rent. ...helps the Pastor too, cause it takes a lot for him. To get up there each Sunday and do what he does. I don't know.

I don't mean to throw a wet blanket over what some people believe in. But don't approach me with your beliefs and expect me to believe also. Some things, not all. One thing for sure though. Plenty of people are waiting for God to bring them a good man. Or, a good man is one that goes to church on Sunday. I don't think this is true. A good man is a man who believes in certain; of certain issues pertaining to The Bible that he uses in his every waking day of his life. Besides, there are hidden agendas within The Church. Not all Churches mind you, just some.

Some People...

You know how some people try and one up you, like they think you don't know shit cause you don't speak about them. Yeah, those type of people. Or, how some people who don't even know you, but you have to deal with them on a daily basis, think cause you're a 'grunt worker', that you don't know anything about whats going on in the world today. Well I have them know that I....

I'm well aware of shit. I tried to think of a better word, but I write what I feel. I read about 3 newspapers a day, and countless magazines daily also. I may not understand sometimes the situation, but give me a couple of hours and I will 1, know what's its about, and 2, give you my motherfucking opinion. On people, like the ones who say our President, the people in Washington won't let him do the things that he want to do. Hell, The President is only the man who signs the checks, and takes the blame when shits fucks up. My opinion, it may have looked like he was happy after wining his 2nd seat, but I bet he told Michelle this...'FUCK !! another goddamn 4 years of this BULLSHIT, I want OUT NOW !!'

I didn't vote, not because I couldn't, cause I didn't want to. Neither of the 2 mentioned any of the issues that meant anything to me. Until the next election, and either persons running do, then I will vote. Well, what issues that I want mentioned so that I will vote. One and the main issue is this. Fuck the rich & the middle class, what about us the lower class? It may not be correct to say it in that manner, but I call it as I see it. By the way, what is middle class nowadays anyways. Notice that the more you make, the more the take. Inflation rises, cause that what inflation does...RISE. But you can't make enough to keep inflation at a level that you feel comfortable living in. I don't know, its bad, and its gonna get worse in the next 10, 15 years.

Now I Know

Now I know what I want. It came to me as I was smoking a cigarette...a moment of clarity. WOW !! I know just who I am, this is amazing. It breaks it...I broke it down to this. I am a companion. Well what the fuck is that? Its like this, this is how I see myself.

I like beautiful women, the beauty in a woman; I judge, is not by only her looks. In fact looks doesn't even come into play. If the woman has herself together and is managing her everyday life with little to no problems hassles, she is perfect. If she wants a man in her life, but not all up under her...even better. If she wants to explore her sexual side of herself and have no problem; but is timid at first, even more better. But I will not be kept as a kept man. Not unless there are some ground rules.

One, I have to work, keep a job. If you want me to stay at home and take care of things, we have to establish what those things are. I'm not your maid, I won't cook and clean. Like you come home from work on your day off and you say, what? You were off and you didn't do this or you didn't so that'. 'How come you didn't do this or you didn't do that'. No, I won't be that person for you. You make a mess, you clean it up.

Two, you should already feel atractive about yourself, and you don't need me telling you. Not to say when you walk across the room if front of me..I will commnet and even slide up next to you and whisper all kinds of things in your ear.

Three, when I'm introduced, if that should happen to come up or be. Feel free to say and tell your friends, family just who I am. Your friend, your special friend, my companion..whatever. but feel comfortable in doing so. If they should ask for further information, that's up to you. They will come and ask me just who I am, depends on who is asking, I will answer accordily.

Four, I am in your life to bring or enhance what's already inside of you that is dying to come to the surface. You say, you already know who you are? True that. But others see you in a whole different light. I won't nick pick about what you do, cause what you do for you seems to be working out alright.

Five, you have kids, children or young adults..its okay. I& know they will look at me in a strange way, like who is this person with my mom. You don't have to explain anythibg to them, but you will. But don't distract away from how happy you are when we are together.

Six, please feel free to come and go, do whatever you want. Like I said, I am your companion.

I say all of this cause I met a woman who said in more or less words,h that she wants to do things and go places with me. She wasn't trying to, but she told me what all she has, a Time Share, nice home..already seen her nice car and was in it too. Told her no I don't drive, know how to, but I don't own that piece of paper anymore. Why waste my money every so oftwn for a piece of paper when I don't own a piece. Of metal that goes hand in hand with it. She says, well I hope you don't expect me to drive us everywhere. See ?

That's what I am, a companion. I'm no man whore, male slut. I am your friend who si sleeping with you, who enhances. Your happiness, who makes you smile on th inside.

We Finally Met, and...

She told me the night before to meet her at 12 noon, then today she called and said she forgot that she was going to Mid Day Mass, so the time was switched to 1:15pm.  How can you forget about that, but its understandable. I got there about at a quarter to 1, not too early or too late. One thing I dislike is being late for anything. Well at 1:25, I was beginning to worry, and then my cell phone rang. It was her and that she was leaving the house now, she went home to change first. Said she would be there within 15 minutes. Ten minutes to 2pm she calla me and ask me where am I at. I could tell she was getting nervous by her voice. Either meeting me was making her nervous, or I was reading her voice all wrong. Told her that I was out in front, by valet parking, since this was a place that she comes to all the time, she should feel at ease, plenty of people around. For 10 minutes were trying to find each other. This place has to entrances and I was way on the other side, she walked toward where I was at. Again she calls and say whats going on, so i describe myself and what I was wearing. She tells me, and it sounds like she was really freaking out, that there are a lot of people wearing what I'm wearing. Look for one with a cell phone in his ear. She sees me. I heard her say oh my God before she hung up.

Nice skin complexion, pretty hair and the body !! She was wearing some black skin tight, ass hugging..some type of material.For 56 years of age, she has it going on. She felt very nervous around me, so I was myself. Making jokes to make her feel comfortable. I never been to this place or any type of place like this, so I told her that I was following her. She told me, don't follow, walk beside me. To be honest, I want to see more of her shape than anything else. After about 30 minutes she was feeling comfortable with me, we stayed there for about an hour until she said she was hungry. I told her I want ed to got to Taco bell, hell, I didn't have any money and I didn't want he paying for my meal. We ate and talk, and she told me she would drive me back into The Bronx.

Told me while in the car, she had a nice time and she wanted to see more of me. Strange...she didn't mention that word or the saying 'as friends' not one time. She said she would text me when she gets home, and she did. Wants to take me to the movies the next time I am available. I told her over the phone that once she sees me, she would never want to leave my sight. That she has to fight from saying do I want to spend the night. She text me one last time and told me that she fought very hard from asking me to stay over with her tonight. I text back are we still friends? She text back,,,not for much longer. Told her so.

What We Want, What We Get and What We Are Looking For..Are All Different.

I know what I want, and what I get and what I'm looking for are totally all different. It takes a smart person..no a person with a brain to realize this. I take what I get..for now until....
...I see other wise. Sorry if I harp on the dating scene a lot. What else do I have to talk about. Right now I'm on my way to meet this woman for the first time. Thru emails and one phone call which I made, after she told me to call her, I got to hear her voice. She gave me her number a week ago, but I told her I would only text her, call her if she tells me to. She did tell me.
background noise. That noise you hear when you're on the phone for the first time...should be quiet. Or, some music playing. In her background it sounded like chaos, but all it was was a TV playing...LOUD. In mine, quietness, until the land line rang. I had to go downstairs and meet some one dropping something off.
Initial conversations are tricky, you have to give a person, well both aprties equal talking time. Another thing is, you have to compromise on the conversation, topics. Already she told me she is a jealous woman, her ex's she has nothing to do with; in which I ask why? Standard answer, cause they are ex's. No, I think its more than that.
All along she put emphasis on that we are only friends, she said that way too many times, its okay. I told her when she meets me, she is either gonna want me, or just stay as friends. Again, I heard we are only friends bit. I know why she is saying this, she got burned by some one she met online.
He took so much advantage of her, it isn't even worth mentioning. Guys will do that if you allow them to. Guys will do that if you smother them with the love that you are so much seeking. She told me he paid so much attention to her, but he played her. One by not having a job, which he fed off her kindness and 2, but knowing that she went without love for so long, that when he came along and showed her attention, she got opened up. Now, she can't say 'only friends' enough. Now she is so guarded, that it will take at least a year for her feels to return. But until then she will be on her toes.

My Fears....

...they are mine, I own them. Others my have the same ones as mine, but these, the ones I make claim to are mine's only.
I don't know what it is about death, I don't fear it. Nor am I ready to take it head on. I know it will come, like costumer, to my counter, ready to place an order. But this order is final and to go. No problem with Funeral Homes, seeing a dead body. My father passed away 2 years ago, I loved him, but that wasn't him in that casket for viewing. The Burial. When my Grandmother past away, I didn't go to the burial, I was afraid, also I was young. That was my Grandmother and I won't be seeing her anymore. I didn't want to see her placed in a hole in the ground, in the dirt. We as kids played in dirt, mud. I know longer at that time saw dirt as something to play in. But now, I still don't know about death.
My mother is in the hospital, that is what bought this post on. I have 4 younger siblings, 2 sisters & 2 brothers. When my father was in the hospital, I never went. When my mother was in the hospital, I never go. I don't like hospitals either. Sickness and death. People coughing and sneezing. Also, the smells. The smell of roaches and mice, i's in their clothes, their hair and on their bodies. Reminds me of when I was growing up when I was young. I got really upset, and then angry.
Yesterday I went for the first time when my mother went to the emergency room. Received a text from my sister that she was there. I asked who was there, she replied, everyone. I had to go. I flet so out of place on many things. One, its not that often that all 5 of us are together except on holidays. The 4 of them are always there when moms goes into the hospital, I'm never there. I feel bad about it too, but...just don't like hospitals. My siblings, its like the normal for them. Who tonight is gonna stay until mother gets a bed? They say..' stayed last time', 'I stayed just as much as you did'. 'It's your turn', no one says anything to me though about staying. I'm the only one is gets paid by the hour, them, they are all on salaries. I just felt strange with all that happening around me.
...are more fears, but they are mine. Right now let me just keep it that way. Its safer.

See, Now The Shoe is On The Other Foot.

I know this woman since we, since I was 14 years old. She's 2 years younger than me and we always had a thing for each back then. I mentioned her in eralier post I think. So we got back in touch with each other, a little over a year ago. I'm suppose to be her man...whetever.

Its been since the beginning of Summer since the last time we saw, held each other. One of her sons, the eldest just got out of prison. The other son, who both are living with her, is jealous of his brother, cause he is getting all the attention. He spazzes out on his mother, she told me over the phone that the next time he does, she is calling the police. I don't blame her.

Now is vacation time and I'm cover for people in the kitchen. I have to be at work at 7am to 2, 2:30pm, 5 days a week. I catch the 4:51am bus, the 5 train, get off at 180th Street & wait for the 2 train, which I know she is on. I sit right next to her. Ride it with her to 72nd Street. We both get off and catch the 1 train, ride it to 59th Street where she gets off to go to work. I stay on, ride to 42nd, take the Shuttle to The East Side, catch the 6 Train to 68th Street. Get off an wait til 6:40am and then I walk to work. All this, waking up at 4am.

I asked her are we still a couple?

So...Taking The Plunge Once Again

I've notice something; as I do almost every single day that I awake and breathe. I know I do it, but I'm unaware that I do it, surely some one will point it out to me. But..people don't always mean what they say, they don't always do what they do too. And we all know that we as people, we can be real assholes.

Bear with me on this one. She met a guy online and he claimed he was single, no children. Lonely and being of early 50's in age, she is and was looking for some one to call her own. Some one to spend those lonely cold nights with. After 7 months of their first meet, she like what he had to offer. Told her he loves and care for her. He moves in with her, she offered, he accepted. He doesn't work and since now that she is head over heels in love with him, he doesn't have to. A year goes by, she does everything for him. Lets him borrow her car, gives him money and buys him clothes. He doesn't have to ask for it, she gives it to him. Then one day it happens...she gets a call from a women who claims to be his wife. He married her  so she can get her Green Card, but he is also sleeping with her, they have a relationship. He tells his wife that he works night, overnights; tat way he can be with her during the daytime. But she has a job also. The wife tells the girlfriend that he is living with what the deal is, they meet and she explains it all to her. The girlfriend; whom he is living with is heartbroken. The wife says he is nothing but a con artist, but she has grown to love him not for what he does for he, but as for the attention he pays to her. The girlfriend kicks him out, the wife does the same thing. What does he do? He moves on to the next person.

Another woman...I clicked on her picture, read her bio, emailed her. 51 years old, looks good. So we just start email each other, 2 hour sessions going back and forth. My bio says looking for friends, but I did state in it that I'm looking for that special some one. I hide nothing, I say just what I want in my bio and in my emails to her. The emails at first are very 'vanilla' nothing of sexual nature or intent, until...She tells me that she hasn't had sex in 14 years and that she isn't a booty call. I understand exactly what she is saying, but me being me, I break it down to her. I tell her ahead of time, that when we are at a certain point, without even meeting me, or hearing my voice, you are going to want to sleep with me. That you are going to want to see me, you are going to tell me things that you have never told anyone before. All for the simple fact that you don't know me, and as far as you are concerned, you will never meet me. But, as we continue to chat/email, you will feel less exhibited; open up more about tell me of you, your likes and dislikes. It all started with..'so tall and sexy as hell'. I let her know right away she is starting something, and I will continue. The email ended with her saying, 'now I have to take a shower'.

I am not the most handsomeness man alive, but I love me. Meaning, I love who I am. The first woman, I'm taking her out next Sunday, nothing special. A place where she wants to go, feels comfortable with, a lot of people around. She a broken heart thats trying to mend herself and we are only going to be friends..not unless she wants more.

2nd woman, she has been single for a long time. She wants sex, but won't just come out and say it. She will say what she doesn't want, but will only say that her man needs to be 'nasty'. We haven't set anything up as of yet, she has been single for a long time. Going slow with her as a friend also.

I'm no dog, I'm a good person. But yet again I am a man. I know how t talk to women, notice I said women and not girls, teenagers...anyone under 32. Yep, I've set an age limit, cause that's what it says some where I read, and its true. There are plenty of women I come across on a daily basis that I find attractive, but I won't invade their space until they give me  a sign that they are interested.