...they are mine, I own them. Others my have the same ones as mine, but these, the ones I make claim to are mine's only.
I don't know what it is about death, I don't fear it. Nor am I ready to take it head on. I know it will come, like costumer, to my counter, ready to place an order. But this order is final and to go. No problem with Funeral Homes, seeing a dead body. My father passed away 2 years ago, I loved him, but that wasn't him in that casket for viewing. The Burial. When my Grandmother past away, I didn't go to the burial, I was afraid, also I was young. That was my Grandmother and I won't be seeing her anymore. I didn't want to see her placed in a hole in the ground, in the dirt. We as kids played in dirt, mud. I know longer at that time saw dirt as something to play in. But now, I still don't know about death.
My mother is in the hospital, that is what bought this post on. I have 4 younger siblings, 2 sisters & 2 brothers. When my father was in the hospital, I never went. When my mother was in the hospital, I never go. I don't like hospitals either. Sickness and death. People coughing and sneezing. Also, the smells. The smell of roaches and mice, i's in their clothes, their hair and on their bodies. Reminds me of when I was growing up when I was young. I got really upset, and then angry.
Yesterday I went for the first time when my mother went to the emergency room. Received a text from my sister that she was there. I asked who was there, she replied, everyone. I had to go. I flet so out of place on many things. One, its not that often that all 5 of us are together except on holidays. The 4 of them are always there when moms goes into the hospital, I'm never there. I feel bad about it too, but...just don't like hospitals. My siblings, its like the normal for them. Who tonight is gonna stay until mother gets a bed? They say..' stayed last time', 'I stayed just as much as you did'. 'It's your turn', no one says anything to me though about staying. I'm the only one is gets paid by the hour, them, they are all on salaries. I just felt strange with all that happening around me.
...are more fears, but they are mine. Right now let me just keep it that way. Its safer.
I don't know what it is about death, I don't fear it. Nor am I ready to take it head on. I know it will come, like costumer, to my counter, ready to place an order. But this order is final and to go. No problem with Funeral Homes, seeing a dead body. My father passed away 2 years ago, I loved him, but that wasn't him in that casket for viewing. The Burial. When my Grandmother past away, I didn't go to the burial, I was afraid, also I was young. That was my Grandmother and I won't be seeing her anymore. I didn't want to see her placed in a hole in the ground, in the dirt. We as kids played in dirt, mud. I know longer at that time saw dirt as something to play in. But now, I still don't know about death.
My mother is in the hospital, that is what bought this post on. I have 4 younger siblings, 2 sisters & 2 brothers. When my father was in the hospital, I never went. When my mother was in the hospital, I never go. I don't like hospitals either. Sickness and death. People coughing and sneezing. Also, the smells. The smell of roaches and mice, i's in their clothes, their hair and on their bodies. Reminds me of when I was growing up when I was young. I got really upset, and then angry.
Yesterday I went for the first time when my mother went to the emergency room. Received a text from my sister that she was there. I asked who was there, she replied, everyone. I had to go. I flet so out of place on many things. One, its not that often that all 5 of us are together except on holidays. The 4 of them are always there when moms goes into the hospital, I'm never there. I feel bad about it too, but...just don't like hospitals. My siblings, its like the normal for them. Who tonight is gonna stay until mother gets a bed? They say..' stayed last time', 'I stayed just as much as you did'. 'It's your turn', no one says anything to me though about staying. I'm the only one is gets paid by the hour, them, they are all on salaries. I just felt strange with all that happening around me.
...are more fears, but they are mine. Right now let me just keep it that way. Its safer.
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