Tiger...Oh Where Has Ye Failed Thee?

Is it me? I don't think so. Let me see if I have this right. I make millions of dollars and treated like I'm God's gift to the sport of which I enjoy very much to play. Do I choose to get married? HELL NO !!

I don't understand why this guy decided to get married with all the opportunities that come across him everyday...women !! If I were making that type of money, marriage would be the furthest thing from my mind. I don't know, maybe its me.

Its Been a Long Time...

Again...first things first. It doesn't pay to continue to drop your Sidekick on the ground and in water. Cause sooner or later its gonna give out on you...like mine did. I mean it lights up and all, sound works great, its just that I acn't see the words or pictures or ANYTHING on the screen !! I continue to add money to my T-Mobile account, cause I do recieve emails on it. I spoke with the reps at T-Mobile and they said as soon as I get another Sidekick, they will walk me through the process of registering the new device. All that said...

I now know how people feel towards their Blackberries. My Sidekick kept me in touch with all my family and friends. Its been about 2 weeks now, and the cravings have all but gone away. I think this Friday I will buy another one.

All my telephone numbers are stored in it, so I have no access to them at all. Until then....

Sidekick Is Dead and Stinkin'

My SK went dead on me....finally. I wasn't hopping that it would, it just happened for the best I guess. Problem is that everything, address and telephone numbers, are stored on the sims chip. At first it wasn't.So when it was working at times, and times it wasn't, but when it was, I copy all addresses and emails to the sims chip. Its been rough the last couple of days, about 6 of them really. No way to communicate other than waiting to get home and check my email box.

So for all of those who are trying to contact me, reach out through email...

Sidekick Problems

My Sidekick has been acting up, screen doesn't display, trying to get a
new one. Really making me VERY angry, VERY ANGRY !!!
--michaelchappell

MMMMMMmmmmmmmmisc !!!

Just thought of something. Busta Rhymes, Lord Have Mercy and Tech Ni9ne
should do a colabo. For real. Especially Lord Have Mercy from Busta,
they should get 2gether for something wicked. Gonna email T-9 in a bit
and suggest it. Probably get cursed out or some shit.

I'm listening to T-9's new album, K.O.D., this shit is off the rope
chained !! I downloaded ALL of Tech 9's albums, gonna listen to all of
them over the next couple of days. Pull the wicked shit, and make a
playlist out of it.

Ok, Bush, Linkin Park, they are the only groups I know that actually do
a remix of their ablum with an actually DJ injected scratchin'. Now
that's a real remix. Gonna surf da web for other bands, goroups in the
rock area that do the same shit. Linkin Park's Reanimation is great.
Bush's Deconstructed is great also, I play the Whole album over and over
and ov.....
--michaelchappell

Music, Music, MUSIC !!!

And this muthafucker is from Kansas City......Tech
Ni9ne...Album...'Sickology', trk...'Ghetto Love'. This track got a Wesr
Coast type bounce to it. Found out about Tech Ni9ne about 5 or 6 months
ago. Some say he worships the devil. I don't think so, but his beats are
RUFF, straight head bopping shit. Baseline is ultra clean. Listen
closely and ya hear all types of stuff, as in music stuff. The lyrics
are crazy as shit.
--michaelchappell

Twitter

Some people use Twitter for all the wrong reasons. I use it to get sh*t
off my chest. Can't yell at some people, so I Twit them. Its strange
though. Who follows me. Its mostly spam bots I think. I fioloow some
people, quite a bit of people really. Some have some decent stuff to
say, others.... They waste their time. Like the up and coming 'so-caled'
model. You look good in print, but when you Twitter..... Models should
be seen and not heard is what I say, well, not all of them. Just the
young ones.

I follow this cat called Sockington. This cat has some really strange,
real cat-like shit to say. Drives me crazy, has me laughing. I know its
not a real cat, but what this person twitters, its what a cat would say
if it could.

Another young lady, lives in California, I guess. Beatuiful looking, is
having men issues. Who would have figured that. I mention before she
goes out and drinks almost every weekend, if not every night. She
regrets it all the time, this is by what she Twits. But that doesn't
stop her from going out and doing it all over again.
--michaelchappell

Don't You Hate It When.....

don't you hate it when you really want to do something, but that
something..... Well, that something doesn't leave you with enough time
to take care of other things you REALLY have to do.

I hate saying no sometimes, then there are times when I say no with no
problems at all. To me it feels like I've let that person or people
down. What comes first to me, as I feel like I'm turning into an old man
now, is that I MUST get my rest, my sleep. Especially when I close, then
turn around when I have to open in the morning. With no rest, I get
cranky, bothered and in my field that can't happen. I hope family and
friends understand this.

Before I went to sleep last night, 10:23pm, I broke down the hours of my
days. 3pm to 10pm I worked, got home went to sleep. Woke up at 5am and
have to work from 7am to 3pm. Now today that leaves me with 14 hours
before I have to wake up again. I've come to realize that Sunday to
Monday is not a good time for me to do anything but work and sleep. Any
other day of the week is okay, but those 2 days are off limits. Its that
little voice in my head talking to me.....sleep, sleep.

I'm finding that I have NO time for anything really. I'm finding that
I'm giving up rest time in order to make family happy. So when I do go
and see them, I fall sleep where I sit, and that's bad. Cause what they
tell me is that I've should have stayed home. If I had did that, I
wouldn't hear the end of it.

On Thanksgiving, I'm the only one working in the deli on that day. Good
thing is that I'm only 8 minutes from home by walking. Not so good thing
is that when I do get home, I'm gonna be way too tired to go and spend
time with family. Oh I could, but then I will feel like shit in the long
run and I don't want to feel like that. Is this what they call the Rat
Race? I guess it is.
--michaelchappell

A Thought

A feamle said that males need, show learn how to show respect to a woman
when a pprosching her for the firt time, in conversation. Here are my
thoughts on that matter.

Take a single guy, in a bar, where if not most of the women are single,
are there to have a good time. A good time. What does that envoled?
Converstaion, or just there to get drunk? It could be a little bit of
both. Who says that women don't want the same thing we want, casual
sex.

I mention this because I follow this woman on Twitter, she's from LA.
Every Sunday night or early Monday morning, she says she's never gonna
go out and drink again. Only to end up doing the same thing the next
weekend all over again. My thoughts on the matter are simple, do what
you feel and have no regrets what's so ever no matter what the out come
is. I know some may not understand my way of thinking. But I say this.
It it hurts no one else, and it soesnt kill you, what the fuck.

Again, we are not suppose to live forever, and that's not to say to go
out there and do some dumb shit that causes you or some one else to get
hurt, no. Have fun, live life, experience the finer and maybe the not so
finer things of life. When you wake up the next morning in your bed, and
you say to yourself I can't believe I did that shit, that too shall
pass. You can say you were lucky this time, take it down a notch the
next.

I have no regrets in what I do in my life. I try to live it to hurt no
one and mainly myself. But one thing for sure, I'm gonna do what 'I'
want to do, and when I want to do it. I place restrictions on myself all
the time. There's a little voice that guides me sometimes, we all have
that voice, its a voice of reason. But not all of us, including myself,
not all of us listen to it all the time. Take heed, LISTEN sometimes.
--michaelchappell

Schools I Went To

P.S 99

Walter J. Damrosch JHS 136

HS of Art & Design

Dutchess Community College

Techinacl Career Institutes

Monroe College

Westchester Business School

Skidmore College

Just 65 credits away from my BS. Shhhhh !! Don't tell anybody though,
its a secret
--michaelchappell

My 50th Birthday

On April 23rd, 2010, I will be 50 FUCKIN' YEARS OLD !! Oh shit, 50 years
old. That shit doesn't even sound right, sounds stupid. I don't feel
like it, I don't think like it, and I don't smell like it. Let me take a
look at what has changed with me.

One, when tha fuck or what the fuck is a mid life crisises? Am I to have
one....when?? Please tell me, cause I can't really afford to go out and
but some exotic car I don't need just because I want or need to feel
younger. Ok enough of that, don't want to even think about it. Moving on
to women. My taste of women have change drastically. I men now when I
see a young woman, and young I mean below the age of say 30, I say to
myself, does she think on the same level as me. Don't get me wrong, my
level can fall between being up, and being lower. I'm saying I like to
have fun, so a 30 year old might be too mature for me, but a 40, late 40
year old may
be thinking on my level. But you take a risk, risk is everything
nowadays.

I find myself now, wanting to be alone, not even going out that much,
but I do sometimes. I find that there are so many bhours in a day. Sleep
and work take up 3/4's of it. The rest is taking care of personal
business, which sometimes could me more sleep. Hey, I can't help it, on
my feet 8 to 9 hours a day, I get tired, customers drain me. But like I
said, I don't like going out much, and I don't have to.

All my intertainment is right at home. The internet has it all. From
newspapers to music, movies, different countries, it has it all. Once I
wrote that last sentence, I know it sounded strange, but its true. If
all my family got computers, which they do, get internet access, which
they do and install a web cam, they would and could see more of me. But
that would be too 29th centry for some. I do miss them and want to see
them, but its the travel time to get to them. I think the 50's are the
onslaught of the lonely years. The years one takes self inventory to see
how far they have come in life. You start thinking about getting really
old.

Oh, I have thought of that too. I have told people, just take me out
behind the old barn and put a bullet in me, put me down. I'm not the one
to take medication now, and would hate it if I had to take it as I get
older in order to live longer. Medication is expensive now, shit, 15
years from now... I don't even want to think about it. Its sad that the
elderly are spending the money, seeing doctors, taking medications in
order to squeeze out those last 5, 6 years of life. I was told that I
would have a different look on things once I get that age, I don't think
so. My senor years I want to be in warmth, from hence the warmth I've
came, therefore I return.

I always wanted to go to Tahiti. Just recently I've named the area, Bora
Bora. Haven't read up on it or anything, but those last few years of my
life, that's where I will spend them. I believ, and I truley do, I
believe I will be working in my early 70's. About the age of 75, its to
Tahiti, the land of warmth, that means NO SNOW people. Florida, naw,
that's not for me. Some place where I could and can still what I love to
do, cook, and work on computers.

Which brings me to this. I'm in the proccess of setting up a nice little
entertainment, media center, PC and MAC based. The only thing that
holding me back is find a sattilte service provider that allows
unlimited access. Most of them charge by the gigabite, you're only
allowed so much during a 30 day period. You go over, you pay out the
ass, like 25 cents per megabite. Fuck that shit, I want unlimited. You
would think with as far as technology has come so far, you would figure
some company, mainly a Japanese company would come along with it. But
no, my service provider, which I pay 34.95 a month ony says my downlaod
speed is 8megabites a second, that shit sucks big time donkey..... when
I go up North to visit, Westchester County, I pick up wireless
connection that's faster than what I get now, but I don't live up there.
I'm sure in the years to come, things will get better.

In closing, I'm looking forward to my senoir years. I'm only missing
growing old and grey with someone, but I do have a friend whom I've know
for going on 11 years. We were a couple, but now we are best friends.
Its nothing like having a REAL best friend. They are nothing like a
childhood best friend though. Adulthood best friends are the best, hard
to explain, it just is.
--michaelchappell

Holidays are Among Us

I don't get depress during the holidays, well I don't think its
depr3ession. I just don't like being around family during the holidays.
I say an article, ad in the newspaper with symtons for this type of
shit. It says that I should be on some type of medication or something.
What tha fuck does that mean. Who doesn't like being around a bunch of
people acting crazy drinking, fighting getting into arguemnets over
bullshit for nothing. Traveling there and back when its cold. Not really
wasting my time, but I could be r3esting myself for the up coming week
and stuff.

Not to say that I'm off on holidays too. Like Thanksgiving. The store is
open from 7am to 4pm, my regular hours are from 7am to 3pm. I could take
the day off, and get paid 4 hours for the day, or, work ang get time and
a half PLUS 4 more hours. I have to work the next day anyway frm 7am to
2pm. I don't plan on eating any turkey either on that day. The beginning
of Thanksgiving week, Monday, I'm cooking 2 turkeys with all the
trimmings, so its not like I'm gonna really miss some turkey either. It
the family wants to see me and shit. I have to admit, I'm not the type
of person who LOVES family get togethers. I think because of my past,
and I do have one, my past haunts me. My past bothers no one else but me
as far as I can see. Its really me. I think my brothers and sisters are
looking at me in a strange way. I know that they aren't, that's what I
tell myself, but it does me no good. I made a promise to myself that
next year, on my 50th birthday, that will change.
--michaelchappell

A Perfect World

In a perfect world...we are all born as adults, no childhood, straight
to adulthood. Being that its not so, we have to endure childhood with
all the problems and shit, its part of 'growing up'. Why I say this, its
because of this, bear with me here.

Because we are born as infants and advance to the stages of adulthood,
there are a lot of things we grow to know, main things are employment,
then marraige and a family. In a perfect world, we are born as adults,
then straight to employment and then maybe marriage. Employment. See, if
we are employed and don't have to worry about raising children, there
would be less stress. That's the way I see it. As an adult, the only
person you would have to take care of is yourself, no stress. If you
only have to take care of just yourself, as an adult you would only need
the basics, food clothing and shelter, nothing else. Being that its just
you, do you really need a whole apartment or just one room? To me, just
one room that you share an apartment with 2 other people or whatever.

NY Post has an article, section of their newspaper that comes out every
Monday, @Work. Well, I wrote to them on Monday, and they answered me
back. What I asked was this. Why do people who come to a place seeking
employment and there is a position open, we tell them to fill out the
application and bring it back. But they never do. We have, had a
position open. We told people who came in, about 10 of them to bring the
application back. Only 2 people did. Both female, one with experience,
the other, has never worked a day in her life but she 18 years old. We
went with the 18 year old one. Figured we can train her to the way we
want her to work. Strange thing was that we she bought the application
back, she also bought her parants with her, and they sat, walked around
with the manager during their daughters interview. Did I miss something?
Ok, she never worked a day in her life, staright out of High School, but
bringing your parents in for the interview? Maybe its me.

Now we have to get the owner to give the ok. Its coming up on the
Holidays really fast, expect to be busy and we want her to at leats have
the knowledge of what's what. And, if she doesn't work out, we still
have time to train some one else in her place. But being that the owner
is rather busy, its going on day 2 now, and no word yet about her start
date.

A guy was suppose to start today working with me. Before he even
started, he quit. How can you quit when you never started? So, I worked
from 7am to 3pm by myself, no biggie. Store manager comes and tells me
that the young lady will be starting tomorrow, Friday, at 10am. Would
have been easier if she would have came in today and trained, but what
do I know. We will see tomorrow what the day will bring.

I follow some people on Twitter and they Twittered something
interesting. There are 39K people living in homeless shelters in NYC,
who HAVE full time jobs. Doesn't suprise me. So what, you have full time
job, doesn't mean you're making BIG bucks either. What it says to me is
that even though they are working, they can't afford housing in NYC, but
they can, believe me. Maybe not all of them, but at least some of them.
What most people living in city shelters wan their own place, not
willing to share an apartment with anyone. Also, they are looking for a
certain neighborhood, say like Brooklyn, The Bronx to live. They won't
just live anywhere. When I was in the system, I didn't care where I laid
my head, as long as I could afford it. If I didn't like it, I saved up
to get a better place I could afford. Like right now.

A friend, co worker, is buying a house. Its been completely done over
from top to bottom with new appliances and such. He wants to give me the
basement 2 bedroom apartment for a nice deal. I could pay the electric
bill for the whole house, or just pay 600 for the basement apartment.
The only issue is, its that I don't know how his habits are with
electricity. Summertime, does he has air conditioning in every room
going full blast when no ones at home. But if I take the deal with
paying electric, I could rent out the room for say 400 a month. I still
could do it if I was just paying him 600 a month for rent too. Right now
he's talking with his lawyer and mortgage company and everything. Will
keep you aware of what's what.
--michaelchappell

????

I was just thinking, I do that a lot lately...just think. Not use to
doing it as much though, don't want to confuse myself, but anyway. Was
just thinking.....

Why is it that I set myself up to do something, and I never completely
finish or do it. I have a reason why. I work with the public, so my
alone time is my time. My time to do what ever I want to do. It seems
that most of the time its I want to do nothing. I mean I bust my ass at
work like all the people do who work, and when I'm finished, I just want
to relax and unwind. That's why even the littlw things like going to
wash my clothes went from every week to every 2 weeks, then to every 3
weeks.

I'm not lazy, its just that sometimes I need to purge all the days work
from my head. Its been taking longer and longer to do.

Like right now I'm on this watching all these war time movies, color and
black and white too. Been downloading them really. Get up in the
morning, set 2 or 3 movies for download, when I come home thy are
finished. Transfer them to usb, then plug into my dvd player. Never get
to watch a whole movie cause I usually fall asleep, but you have the
idea, right. Tonight, a classic, Hamburger Hill
--michaelchappell

A Google Search

Walking home from work, it came to me. I was thinking again about my
time in Germany in The Army, shit stays with me. I wanted to see what
the Army Post I was stationed at looked like now, enter Google Earth.

Downloaded and installed it, and did a search. GE changed quite a bit
from when I first used it. Now it gives quite a bit more info and links.
My search took me to Military.com. I had registered there a while ago
too, so I logged in and found my unit. People were looking for people. I
found one guy D, Crammer, we were in the same section together, he was
the brainac back then in FDC, Fire Direction Center. I use to use his
urine for Piss Test when my name came up. So I dropped a tag to him with
my email address. Hope he gets in touch. Where would we be as humans
without computers and the internet. They kinda go hand in
hand...computers and internet..ok and humans too.
--michaelchappell

'Shorts' The Movie

Shorts, the movie stars, James Spader of Boston Legal, John Cryer of Two
and a Half Men, and William Macy of countless great films and movies he
starred in.

Its really a kids movie, but with an adult type them, bad is bad, good
is good. I downloaded it the other day, and just decided to watch it
because Clockwork Orange is WAY too strange for me to watch. Stanley
Kurbic is a strange man...really starnge. But Shorts was a good movie.
Watch it..er..download it.
--michaelchappell

Music ....Again and Again

I love listening to musuic, but I don't get enough time to lsiten to it.
I could try at night, to go to sleep to, but what I lsiten to gets me
way too hyped. That's why I listen to WABC, 770am, talk radio to go to
sleep. I also have XM Radio too, 165 or so statons I can listen to too.
Less not forget, since I have hi speed, there's internet radio.

One of the cashiers at work asked me to make her a mp3 cd, so I did. She
came back and ask me, what type of music do I listen to. It vast wide
and different is all I can say. I can tell you what I don't listen to,
R&B, well old school R&> I do, but not that much., that and this new
type of hip hop. Give me old skool stuff. Now the Bookkeeper heard that
I did one for her, no she wants one. Problem is that I can't get enough
time to lsiten to any music, mostly on my day off if I'm not sleeping.

But I will make her a cd, and have it ready for Sunday when I go back
in. I have a couple of 2 hour sets by a couple of DJ's, DJ Icemoon and
DJ Jay Skinner. Spader (Later)

--michaelchappell

To a Dear Sick friend.

I'm sorry to hear that you are going thru some troubles and are in pain.
I don't know what I can do or say to make you feel better. I
know...wanna have some sex? Just joking, but for real, try that.

See, sex, good sex, tha kind thatmake ya holla at the moon type sex,
well it releases chemicals. Ya know about that right? Some one told me
about it when I was having a bad tooth ache. I mean this shit would only
bother me at night. During the daytime, I would overdose on Advil. This
friend told me to try masterbating at night right before I go to sleep.
So, I tried it...a couple of nights in a row too. Toothache went away
all by itself. Ummmm you may ask. But if your pain is so intense,
NOTHING will help it go away.

All I can say is that I will continue to say my prayers at night for
you. The prayers I say at night are for you to go to sleep without any
pain, and to wake up in the morning with less pain so that you can at
leats start your day. It all I can do, other thn saying to you face to
face I hope you feel better. But, I'm not good with people who are in
apin face to face. I tend to get upset, no for real.

When my mother was or is in pain, I find it hard to even speak with her
on the phone. Today she called me to ask why I didn't return her call,
she caled my cell phone. I no longer carry it on me. I tried to tell her
that, but she forgets. All to say I hope you get well and fast. Why
couldn't this happen if at any time, well at least during the
summertime, winter is rough to be in pain.
--michaelchappell

Somethings I Have 2 Say Out Loud

This woman, Tequlia, I'm following her on Twitter and what not. I have
to say, she is a beautiful young woman, but... She can't make up her
mind about which sex, and who she wants to be with. Just recently, now
she wants a lesbian, she can't be bisexual. She tells about how things
will be with her thrru Twitter. Her Twits make me mad as hell too. Don't
know why, but they do I'm thinking she gonna grab some young woman, and
mess her head all up. Dump her, and then move on. Kind of like a guy
would do.

So this Officer at Ft. Hood Texas didn't die, huh? Well he is gonna wish
that he did when they get finished with him.

My job, you know I have to go there, right? Well my job, field, I
wouldn't want to work in any other field, well it gettin' to be a pain
in the ass for real. People quit, they hire new people and all of a
sudden they can't work certain days or certain hours. Fuck that shit. Ya
lucky you are getting, having a job. Of course, I could be cut loose too
at any moment, but I do what I have to do with no complaints...well not
that many. Oh well, whatareyagoonado?
--michaelchappell

ME !!!

What Your Deli Clerk Wants You To Know

What Your Deli Clerk Would Want You To Know.

We are on our feet from 6 to 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. If we look
tired, most likely we are tired.

We do NOT get a lunch break, even though we would probably fall asleep
during any break we get.

A Deli Clerk is the hardest job in the Supermarket. We are all
departments rolled into one.

If you treat us like The Help, we are gonna treat you like The Customer.
You don't want that? Be friendly towards us and we will return the
feeling.

Don't know what to eat, ask us, we HAVE TO taste evrything in the deli
EVERYDAY !!

Out side the store..we are NOT paid to be social with you, but we will
and do say hello.

Yes, we wash our hands more times a day than you think.

We wonder what happened to the days of standing and conversating with us
while we sliced your order for you.

If you approached the counter talking on your cell phone, we will wait
until your conversating is finished, then talk your order.

A ham and cheese sandwich is more complicated than you think. What type
of ham, what type of cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, etc ?

Sometimes we can't remember what we did 20 minutes ago, so how do you
expect us to remember you from 2 days ago when something went wrong with
your order?

As a deli clerk, we don't set the prices, the owner or store manager
does, see them if you think we are over charging you.

We don't understand the concept of getting you ham 'shredded', never
haved, and never will.

When you ask for paper in between your slices of cheese, you will be
charge for the weight of the paper, its not our call to charge you, but
you ask for it.

The deli is a fun place to work, so we try to have fun everyday.

We know a lot about food, more than you think, just ask us.

Even though I'm slicing your order, I 'thinking' about things I have to
do, sometimes 5 to 6 things so if we look like we are not here, we are,
but we are doing something else.

Believe it or not, we enjoy our job, its fun and we meet people
everyday.
--michaelchappell

Another Start of a Work Week

Being that I'm off on Saturdays....for now that is, I'm just getting use
to the flow of things. Its a pretty good deal. Off on friday at 2pm, and
don't have to be back to work until Sunday at 3pm. Then on Monday its
7am to 2pm. Sounds good to me.

Sundays is a busy day in the deli, people getting their cold cuts for
the school day, stocking up for the next 2 to 3 days. Last minute people
coming into the deli, not know what they want. Its a good thing that I'm
refreshed and ready to go. If I was working on Saturdays, Sundays would
be a killer. I would be ready to kill some people. People don't know
what they want when they come to the counter, its amazing, you should
see the look on their faces. For these prices, I would know what I want
when I leave the house. What's worse than that is, people coming early
in the morning.

Maybe its just me, but I can't see myself wanting...needing cold cuts
that early in the morning, like at 7am !!! These people come to the
deli, drive to the supermarket, theu traffic and what not, and then
BEGIN to AKE UP at the counter. Sometimes I feel like shouting..'WAKE DA
FUCK UP !!!'. Again, for the price of the meats here.... sometimes
you're thinking you want a half a pound, but what comes out of your
mouth is a quarter of a pound, I know, I repeat your order to you. But
its 'myfault' when I didn't get it right, I'm sorry. I really do
understand when this happens, that's why I don't get mad or anything.

A lot of people come across this counter. If you leave a good impression
on me, I will remember you no matter when you come in. 2, 3 weeks later,
I will still remember you.
--michaelchappell

Fort Hood Texas...and Other Bullshit That Happens

When I joined The Army, I needed no HS diploma or parents consent, I
just turned 17 years old 2 months prior. I learn a lot of shit in the
militray, some don't or won't understand the Life Lessons I leraned. Its
like this....

You are the protection that all you need. You know the difference
between right and wrong. You can get away with wrong for only so long,
then it catches up to you. You learn to size up people, you learn how to
approach people in certain situations. You learn how to use key words
and adhere to body language. You learn to speak your mind, have your say
and stand by your convictions. You learn to face up to the truth.
Mostly, you learn how to deal with people and life terms.

Not all can do that it seems, but those of military train and
conditioning do. When shit gets knee deep, we learn to reach out for
help. I learned to reach out for help. I also learned that for every
action, there is a reaction. You may soumd like its a cliche, it is, but
its true. Like they say, you have to learn how to fold em. This shit
that happened at Ft Hood, Texas is just the beginning of worst shit that
can come to the surface.

I'm not being paranoid or anything here. But the hume psyhe, hope I
spelled that right, well it needs to unwind. It needs to empty is
stomach or whatever the fuck it is or called. You can take only so much
shit, and then you 'throw up' on people. That's what happened it Texas.
From what I read, he was being deployed to Iraq on the 28th of this
month. It seems like he didn't want to go or something. But I think it
was deeper than that.

Being from the inner city on New York City, you learn to adapt to
certain....SHIT. Yeah, shit, that's just what it is. You also learn to
talk about shit that bothers you, don't keep it bottled inside cause its
nothing but pressure baby and it will POP !! This guy POPPED !!! His job
was to examined other people's mind, deal with their problems, give them
sound advice. But his backyard, frontyard..HOUSE was filthy as hell. Who
did he talk to about shit he was going through? Was he told to @lsoldier
up' and deal with it cause you're an Officer, most likely. He didn't,
couldn't and he snapped. You will never hearabout the warning signs that
he showed, or hear it from those that knew him well, and lsitened to
what he was saying, telling him to get the help he needed from the
agency he was working for, no you won't, well not right now you will.
Later, about a week later you will hear something. But shit like this is
happening all theough our Armed Forces, but you don't hear about it.
This couldn't be contained, it was way too large.

I know when I was in Germany, we were in the field for 3 days, my first
time. It was raining, sleeting, snowing, hailing, cloudy and cold...ALL
while the SUN WAS SHINNiNG !! I thought I wasin Hell, no for real. I
lost it for about 15 minutes, started crying asking for 'my mommie' no
one laughed at me, they understood. Young, 17 years old, first time
really away from home, they all reached out to me and told me that
everything would be alright. I learned back then to talk about what I
was feeling and going through. When I got out the service, it took me a
while to pick talking about shit, again. I thought I was the only one to
go through stuff like that. I wasn't.

This guy must have had all the problems of other soldiers on his mind.
It probably felt like a 50 ton weight. He saw no ther way out, and he
wasn't going by himself. Its wrong for any person to do what he did, but
look at where he was coming from, be there, was baout to go through.
What we see on tv, read in the newspapers and read online is nothing
like 'being there' I saw a photo article in the newspaper. It showed
some soldiers ina building. It looked like they were windind down,
tucking in for the night. What I saw was completely different. I didn't
see not one dark face, Black American. No, no, hear me out. Some photos
are photo ops for the public. There could have been hundreds of pictures
take peior to this one or even after, but this one was netrual as they
say. No weapons, noequipment, no sad faces, althoght no one was smiling
or laughing, it made you think that nothing was really going on. To me I
saw a platoon, right before a squad meeting, right before the cameras
and sound equipment was told to leave the room. Shit is real people.

I was baout 18 years old, still in Germany, and was in the field. It was
out last day before going back to base. 6 155mm M109A1's Howitzers, each
having about 30 95 and a half pound rounds left to fire. I was the
number 5 man, I was to hold the un used powder in my right hand and drop
it in the ground when the gun fired. I was just standing about 50 meters
from the back of the gun. I saw all the other guns hump their rounds to
.y gun. I was called to the gun. Was asked di I wantto be the number one
man for this fire mission, and I said hell yeah. I shouldn't have. It
was a 'Battery Extend all Ammo, Base Piece Extend all Ammo'.

The Gunner and assistant Gunner got the deflections and quadrants...me I
'humped Joes'. That's 30 times six, 118 rounds I fired. Itbwas the
middle of winter, something like 25 degrees outside, but I was sweating
like a pig, I was one with my gun. Afterwards the Forward Observers who
were charting ur rounds landing in he impact zone, they wanted to know
who was the number one man. I stepped forward. They gave a a gold nose
ring, it unscrews on top of the projectile so that you can pace the fuse
on. There was so much talk about it afterwards, that for a week I could
do no wrong. 8th Infintry Division Commander heard all about it and want
to meet me. I got a day weekend pass, and off the duty roster for 90
days. All for what I was doing, my JOB as a soldier in The Army. To me
it was 'no biggie', but for those , it was one.

All that to say is this. We do what we have to do when the time clls for
it. No matter what, you do your do, and get it done, and do it all over
again if ya have to. This Officer in Texas, his duty to his country, his
life to his country is over and done with. But don't hold it against
him, cause youdont know. Don't know what he was going through, been
through. He sw no ther way out, and he really went out like a soldier,
doing what he was trained to do, kill or be killed.
--michaelchappell

Mom's 75th Birthday Gala

See what happens when a person works in customer service/food industry?
I asked for Saturday the 12th of December off, it was approved. Its rare
that you get a Saturday off in my line and field of work, Saturdays are
the busiest day of the week. Well my brothers and sisters changed the
date to the next wekend, the 19th. Like, I went to the powers that ne
and told them of the weekend date switch, and they told me that no way I
can have that Saturday off. I not mad or anything, just a little
dissappointed. I haven't seen certain family memebers since I was 17
years old, and was looking forward to seeing them this time. Another
reason I'm not mad, cause I know what is, is what it is. Lucky and glad
to have a job with the way things are going.

My brothers, sisters and my sister inlaw are emailing back and forth
with the details about what's going on. Moms knows nothing about it. Its
turning out to be a real nice affair so far. I want to be there, and I
can, but this is what's happening. I'm working from 7am to 10pm on that
Saturday. Where this is happening at, in The Bronx, it will take me 2
and a half hours to get there, no problem but... I have to be at work on
Sunday at 7am, and work til 6pm. I can do it, but I'm gonna feel like
shit on Sunday and probably be cranky as hell with no sleep involved.

I spoke with my mother today without revealing not TOO much information.
She told me not to stress the situation. I explained to her what the
other deal is too. One guy is getting fired sometime this week or within
the next 2 weeks. Another guy is thinking about leaving because of an
email a 'supposely' a customer emailed to the owners. So he is on the
fence about staying or leaving, I say sink, or swim motherfucker. I
don't know if my brothers and sisters will understand what's going on
with me and work, see they are off on weekends. I live sometimes if not
all the time from pay period to pay period, always have and I guess I
will always will. So explaing it to them, they won't understand, so I
explained to Moms, she understands.

My sister texted me and want me to do a screen saver type thing too at
the affair. Iwill text her back, probably call her and let her know what
the deal is. Hope she understands.
--michaelchappell

Ah, Movies

I noticed something again. Since I don't got to the movies, I downlaod
them, I've been seeing a lot of movies that I've downlaod months ago,
just now coming out. There's one starting this Friday, Pirate Radio. It
was good. Another one that got raved reviews, was The Hurt Locker. Now
this was a GREAT movie.

What are they, leaked to the internet? Smuggled out by an intern, or
better yet, its all done on purpose? Makes me wonder.
--michaelchappell

Ummmmmm.....

I've noticed something over the past 3 to 4 weeks. Its nothing big, but
then again....my weight. Since I work with food 6 days a week, I don't
each much when I do. Its my time off.

I get off from work at 2pm on Friday, off on Saturdays, don't have to be
back to work until 3pm on Sunday. From 5pm on Friday, I'm constantly
eating, except for Sunday, I don't eat anything at all. I weighed myself
on Friday, I weigh 152 pounds. Sunday morning, I weigh between 157 to
162 pounds !! Wow. During this time, I'm not eating any junk food except
for maybe 2 bags of potato chips, everything else is a balance meal. But
like I said, I don't eat anything Sunday thru Friday. Well I do, its
junk food then. Stuff with a lot of sugar, mostly coffee cakes, a honey
buns.

I think the reason why for the junk food is because I need the energy
cause I'm on my feet for 7 to 9 hours a day. Even when I get home, I
have a honey bun, then I hit the sack. You would figure that with all
the junk food during the work week, I would weigh more, but no, I burn
it all off.

Just thought I would put that out there.
--michaelchappell

NYC Marathon

Ok, I knew that it was happening in the first couple of days in Nov.,
but I didn't know it was the 1st of Nov., Sunday, TODAY !!! Got off the
Metro North train at Grand Central and ATTEMPTED to walk to the F train
station at Bryant Park. I thought my worst fears would be that the train
station would be close, this was after coming to 5th ave and ALL the
buses...and RUNNERS !!

I was wondering why all the buses. Since I NEVER ran in the marathon, it
never crossed my mind how the runners got to the starting point. Now I
know, they get bused there. At 6am in the morning, there are a lot of
people out here who WANT to do the following. Put their bodies thrugh
the most pain ever imagin in all the world...no less, in the rain.

All the runners, plus all the left over partiers from the Holloween
Parade in The Village, makes a strange combination of people walking the
streets this early in the am. Last night where I was staying for the
night, I saw a Gumby, a Knight in REAL Shiney Armor and a Nun that was
the sluttiest that she could have ever been. I mean she came up to ,e
and offered me a BJ. I thought it was all in costume, but no, she was
really wanting to do it...for free. Didn't take her up on it, but should
have. Would've, but there were way too many people standing around
encouraging her, and me to do it. I can't perform with an audience, no
matter how hard I try, will never happen.

Back to te marathon. It takes a lot of cordination to pull this run off.
Plenty of cops, volunteers and medical people. I know one business
around 42nd street that doing a lot of business, and that's McDonald's.
Place was packed. Every runner is carrying a plastic bag, I wonder
what's in that bag, I want one. But you won't see me signing up for the
run anytime soon.
--michaelchappell

Wild Boar ???

I've been hunting 2 times in my whole entire life. First time, West
Germany, while in the Army. My unitwent to the field for 3 days. On the
2nd night I was told that ibwas needed for a detail a special one.

I had to collect about 20 bayonets. The Mess Sargent called over the
radio for our supporting engineer company to come a dig a hole in the
ground for him. Right after the dinner mess was serverd, I had to take
the slop to the whole that was dug. I went down in the hole and placed
all the bayonets points up in the ground. I mad a trail from the
woodline to the hole in the ground, and waited. I fell asleep, was woke
up and told to report to the messhall, they caught a wild boar.

I was lowered into the ground, the thing was still alive, barely, I had
to cut its throat. Besides that I had to cut up the pieces and had them
up. I was covered from head to toe in blood. Never got the chance to
taste it though. Today, I received a package from the meat manager. The
owner of the store went boar hunting, prior to that, he spoke to me
about leaving and when he returned, he would have some meat for me. Its
been a while since I had some, but gonna give it a try again.

Second time I went hunting, and this time it was with a rifle, it was
deer hunting. Stationed at Ft Jackson, SC, my roommate from Tennessee
invite me home for the 4 day weekend we were having. I never drove
through the Ten. Mountains before, so it was a nice little trip. Got to
his home late night about 2am, and went straight to sleep. I slept in a
bunk bed, bottom bunk. Was woken up at about 4am to go hunting. Not only
did I shoot a deer, I also got to dress it too. Was bloodied through the
whole ordeal too, since it was my first deer hunt.

I NEVER want to do any hunting again...wait, maybe duck hunting, I will
give that a try.
--michaelchappell

??????

A female friend that I have known now for about 5 years is having a
problem. She instant messge me through Yahoo, told me to call her, so I
did. She has been in this relationship with this guy for 2 years and he
treats her like shit. Fighting, cops coming to the house, the whole 9
yards. She asked me what she should do? I told her to end it but she
says he won't leave. Told her to start sleeping on the couch, he should
get the message then. She says she tried, but..... she horney all the
time, and she uses him for sex only. Okaaaaaaay?? So he beats up on you,
but you fuck him in the long run? I don't understand that shit. She told
me that she wishes he could be like me, in what way I ask. Like, she
only wants him around when she feels like having sex. So tell him that.
She says she did, but he has no where to go, he would be homeless. Well,
in order to make an omlett, you have to break some eggs I say. So she
wants to come and see me not this saturday, but the next one. I told her
I will not be invlved with her in any way if she still goes home to this
guy. You're not using me in that way because I don't want the hassle or
the problems you bring to me. So in the next 2 weeeks she says, she's
gonna kick him out. I will see.
--michaelchappell

Another Thought

I was just thinking about something, thought I would just put it out
there too. How come there aren't any REALLY good tech magazines. Good
enough with useful shit that the average person can use. Like the best
'free' anti virus to download. I mean there are some nice magazines out
there. I use to have a subscription to Wired Magazine, but somewhere
along the way they 'jumoped the shark' so to speak. Its probably just
me, but I crave..no, I need information. I have the NEED to
know...EVERYTHING !! Well not everything, but what most people don't
know, or want to know. It soeant even have to be technology drive, jsut
things that you would like to know everyday.

I was also 'buying' the thursday's NY Times just for the technology
section, and then they went achanged up on me. Like I really need to
know about the new 800 dollar camera that's on the market or soon to
be.

Another thing, Vista, what the fuck was that operating system was all
about. A friend of mine has it installed a a brand new laptop she
purchased from Dell. Its not Dell's falt that that OS is a piece of
shit. My go to OS was Win98SE, ah, those were the days. I'm using XP
now, but I did something crazy. Its like I'm bi racial with computers, I
purchase a Mac(s).

One is an EMac, remember those big ass eye sores? Well I have one
sitting in my closet just waiting for a 'real' computer deskto place it
on. Oh no milk crates for this 2 ton monster. I also have a PowerBook G4
which I'm having more fun that's allowed with. Note: pc software does
not work on Macs. So searching for the programs Mac base...are oh soooo
much fun. But I have the PB G4 hooked up the way I want it.

My brother gave my mother a Mac. Many question marks to
follow...??????????? Yep he did. So her HP, flat screen is just sitting
there whispering to me. She went from 400 to 200 dollars, she is gonna
sell it to me. Why do I need it? Cause I want to put my Acer Aspire One
Notebook in the closet, that's why. But I need a computer desk...hint,
hint, Christmas.
--michaelchappell

Paranormal Activity...

I downloaded the movie, and I watched it last night..alone. It
everything that they are talking about, its freakin' scary as hell. At
first it gets a littkle slow, but quickly it builds up to speed. For it
to be have made with such a little budget, about $15K, and with the
total of 6 or 7 on screen actors, add in that they are ALL unknowns.
This is the best scary picture of the year. Yeah I know, Blair Witch
Project, that to me was a total let down, but that movie grossed ove 245
million dollars world wide. This movie, is going in that direction but
further. Watch it at night and alone for the best effect. Which brings
me to this.....

Paranormal activity has been around for a long time. My first brush with
it was in the late 70's, remember the Floating Bible and The Floating
Cross, let me bring you back. In certain areas in The South Bronx, one
was on the corner of Union ave @7 169th street, the other was on Hoe
ave, there was this sighting of crosses and bibles. The one on 169th
street was on the 5th floor, the bathroom window that faced out to the
street. The one on Hoe ave, was also in a bathroom. Wonder why it was
bathrooms only, anyway...

You know how bathroom windows are, opque, right. Well from inside the
bathroom, when a light is shining from the outside or inside the
bathroom looking out, you would see this sighting with the window
closed. Let me try to discribe to you what the sighting is.

This is kind of hard to exp,lain, but picture this, with the window
closed. First you see nothing, then an outline of a book appears. Its
first pink, then blue and pink again. Then finally its blue. Its kind of
flashing in a way, but staying constantly a baby blueish color. Next,
starting in the upper righthand corner, a cross appears, then another
one. Sometimes its 2, then somestimes its 3. The crosses start
flickering also, and like hopping around the book, the bible. Its
strange, right.

One of my friends told me that he has an aunt that has them in her
bathroom on Hoe ave. I snuck out of the house at night to go see it. Her
abthroom was being use for her dog who just gave birth to puppies, but
she moved them out so we can see. She told us whatever we do, don't open
the window. She left us alone when she open the bathroom door. Seconds
past, the bible appeared and then the crosses. A strange weird feeling
came over me, hard to describe too. My friend look to make sure his aunt
wasn't at the door, and he opened the bathroom window. Nothing wqas
outside the window except the courtyard. He then stuck his hand out the
window. What happened next, scared the holy shit out of me. Picture
this.

From the tip of his right hand to the second knuckles was nothing but
bones !!! Its was as if his flesh melted off and all you saw was the
skelton of his hand up to that point. I ran out of the apartment right
behind him. He went left, and I ran right, all the way home non stop.
Snuck back inside and never mentioned anything to my family or
friends....ever.

The legend or whatever is this. When all The Bible and Crosses in the
windows disappear, the world will come to an end. That's what was going
around then. I never did see my friend again, don't know what happened
to him either.

Another thing that use to happened to me was this. As I was laying in
bed, facing the window, on the top bunk of a bunk bed, I sue to see
these lights at night. I could never figure out what they were. They
were so far away, but they would get brighter and brighter, then dim,
and dimmer. I was again scared shitless cause I didn't know what it was.
I was about 8 or 9 years old. Not until sometime around when I was 35
years old, I figyred out what it was..... an airplane !!! It was
approach the airport, Laquadia.

Around 1988 or so, I was up in the Parkchester area, alte at night
during the summertime. I was walking and I was looking up through the
trees. All of a sudden this black trianlguar...whatever appeared with
blinking lights. No noise or anything. There was no one else around, so
I could say, hey look. I followed it for a while looking up until I
couldn't see it anymore, for about a half a block.

So, some strange things are happening all around us. Those were my 2
instances.
--michaelchappell

Am I distined To Be Single ALL My Life.

She, I don't know her name, wait, I do, but can't pronounce it right
now. She asked me did I find her yet. I told her no. In another convo,
with a different person, I said...'I work hard, and I play hard' I hope
this woman can read between the lines.

As stated before, I'm not afraid of a relationship slash commitment, its
just that I don't have the time. I'm serious about that too. From my
experinces, I would miss out on certain things with a relationship,
meaning sex, great sex. Once you move in together, I see, that sex
stops. Sex plays a BIG part in a realtionship to me.

So, am I always gonna be single, well......
--michaelchappell

I Know What I Said, But...

First things s first. T-Mobile...enough said. On to other agendas. One of my friends came by work yesterday, and we had a little talk. It seems that she is now single... again after 10 years. Thats what she told me, "again" She didn't get into why, and the what, but I know its bothering her. How I know? She gave me the "I'm gonna do me" talk. Hello, everyday we wake up we are doing ourselves, thats what I said, but not to her. She told me that she has to have 6 months to get herself together. 6 months of NOT dating, or going out with some one. WTF is that all about. Let me see if I have this staright, with what she said. Soooo, if you aren't doing what I ask you to do, and you are making me unhappy... I don't want a relationship with you any more. If you are not giving me what I want, when I want it, I don't want a relationship with you any more. Is that what she is saying. On top of all of that, I'm gonna take 6 months off to do me. In other words, I'm taking 6 months to find me that person who IS gonna do the things I want them to do. Is that what she saying? Or, is it that she was so hurt by this breakup, that she needs time to recover. But thats not the impression that I got though. Thsi warrants more investigation.

I have had my share of GF's, and I'm still friends with them, thats if we stay in touch. I'm in touch with a bout 5 of them by email cause they live outside of NY. I have one ex that lives in White Plains, NY and almost every weekend I go and see her, spend a night at her house. I sleep on the floor in a blow up bed. We are close friends and sometimes we are REALLY close friends, but that left up to her. She likes when I come and visit her, we do nothing but look at tv and eat food and joke on each other. She is my best friend. She has her life to live and I have mine, which brings me to this....

My friend who just broke up her 10 year relationship, I know what she is feeling, going through. You get use to havings things in their place, and then some one moves them, and it throws your off. Thats what breakups are all about, that body isn't there to keep your universe in its right order, so everything is off. There is nothing wrong with having "Friends" Friends serve their purpose ya know. You can have a shopping, drinking, some one to cry on their shoulder...type friends. You can also have friends that you ...lets say.. get naked around, thats entirely all up to you. Don't deny yourself of what you want, what you miss, for 6 months, because some one else says things aren't the way things suppose to be. Of course that my opinion, but hey, what do I know. Im just the 800 pound gorilla in the room.

TMobile still actin' funny, no email and 'G' comes and goes. Can't say what I want in 160 characters, so I will say little, but..T-Moble u STILL SUCK !!

Nope not texting, only so many characters allowed, 20th in line with tmobile now

The only problem is, I can't add a title to the blog... wait, the wheels are turning, lets see this. Just Another Test 3 T-Mobile is NOT gettin' a Chr

Ok, now I can text to my Blog, since T-Mobile email is actin like a lil' bitch now

Test again

WTF ??!!

This weekend that just past, T-Mobile had had some problems. Though most of them are cleared up, they still have a major problem with me.

I know you always hear,"always back up your data" You would never think that that also ment your cellphone addresses, contacts. I figured, that if I don't lose my cell phone, or SideKick, that the provider will always be there, be there having my contacts stored. I spoke about this before with friends. I spoke about if you lose your cellphone, all your contacts will be lost forever, caus who ever writes them down, huh ? The, T-Mobile had a GLOBAL BLACOUT !!

The whole past weekend, was havoc, I thought I was going to go crazy. I was able to text, but that was just it. Im online now, ad i'm number 83 in line with support Live Chat. Not too bad, yesterday I was number 210.

So Far Away, But So Close

I received a email from my 1st GF this morning. She's in Georgia, and
has ben there for the last 7 years. I'm relieved that she is okay and
such, cause I thought she was one of the victims of 9/11 cause she
worked in one of the towers, on the 61st floor she said. Her company had
moved out when the first bombing happened in the garage. I'm happy about
that cause all this time I thought she had died.

It bothered the hell out of me because the attacks had hit me personally
because of her. Now that she's ok, I feel some type of comfort, hard to
explain. But now she is in the south and I want to reach out to her, see
her in person, to confirm that she is alive. I know she is cause she
wrote, er, emailed me. But this is just to confirm.

Sitting outside of the store at 6:05am using a wireless connection on my
laptop. Its getting cooler, so I won't be doing this much more. I detest
cold weather !!!
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

Sharpen Knifes

This guy comes in the store last week, his wife is having a Baby Shower.
She comes to the deli, and she has tasted my cooking. She tells her
husband that she wants her Shower catered by me. My deli manager spoke
with the guy this week. He wants to know how much it cost, its for this
Saturday. My deli manager calls me on my day off to tell me that on
Thursday he wants to talk to me. HELLO, you're the manager, find out
what he wants cooked, how mnay people and then give him a price. But
noooo, he wants to talk with me. Ok

So its on a Saturday. Take in mind that I have to set up the deli, cook
some chickens, cook food for the steam table...and then cook food for
this Shower. When I say I'm not being paid well enough for this position
I hold, I'm telling the truth.
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

You Just Don't Forget

It was 9th grade, Walter J. Damrosh JHS 136. My FIRST girlfriend. You
never forget your first, right? That year was 1974, or 75 ? Fast
forward. I'm living in Westchester County, Mount Vernon. I walk to the
Number 2 train station. I worked on 75th street and Broadway,
Citeralla's. On the train she asks me my name and tells me who she is.
Very pretty looking, its her, my first GF !! She's married with
children, we make plans to see each other, but I can't remeber if we
exchanged numbers. Me, I'm cooking everywhere, Westchester County,
Philly, NYC and CT, all over the place. So we got out of touch.

Fast forward a little more. Me working and living in New Rochelle,
working for Stop & Shop. The year 2001. And then the untinkable happens,
9/11. I think she said she worked there. I'm heart broken. Every year
after that I think of her and the last time I saw her on the train,
always pretty, braids in her hair. I search all data bases for her name,
but remembered she is married, and might have her husbands last name.

FF one more time, present day. On the F train, thinking of her again.
FACEBOOK !! It comes to mind. Get home search her name that I knew her
as. Profiles come up, some with pictures. One has a pic of the D, 4 and
5 train saying Yankee Stadium, so I send a message. FOUND HER !!!
Received an email from my FB page, requested add...... 2day is a GOOD
DAY !!
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

Monday, My Friday

I kind of like that I have Tuesdays off instead of Thursdays. My manager
cchanged my day of a couple of months ago. At ffirst I fought for my
Thursdays, but now, I find out it better for me accross the board. Not
gonna get into why and all, its just is.

It never fails, my Fridays, it seems that some customer trys to give me
a hard time. This time the store manager was in the deli. Customer says
she wants some cheese. Ia sk herw what kind of cheese and she points to
the cheese diaplay. There are about 10 different cheeses displayed. I
know it nothing to point to each cheese and ask her, but come on people,
help me out here. After the fourth pointing, which was swiis cheese, I
told swiss cheese, and ask her how much? She has the nerve to tell me to
slow down and take it easy. Note... some people shouldn't leave their
house after the just have taken their medication. When they are out in
the street, medications always kick in. You're not in the confines of
your home, and some people might not take to your smart remarks. She
also told me I should find another line of work to be in, that this
field isn't for me. I told her I've been doing this for over 30 years,
and that some people shouldn't leave their house when they just have
taken their medications. She says, you're right and we both laugh. The
store manager laughed too. But its true ya know.

Read in the newspaper about Google Voice. Before it was Google Voice, it
was Grandcentral, then Google bought the software, program or whatever.
This was back in 2007. The only way to get GV is by invitation, just as
how Google mail was. With GM, after you received an invite from someone,
or searched the net, on you home page you were given 50 invites to hand
out, but not with Google Voice.

About a 2 months ago, I received my email about phone numbers were
avaiable in my area NYC. Clicked on the link and followed the
instructions. Set up my voice mail, coped my phone number down, and
bookmarked my page. Glad I did the bookmark part. About a week ago, I
tried to get to my page from memory and I couldn't remember it. But
remembered I bookmarked it though, and started playing with it. This
service is GREAT !!!

This is theonly number you should ever need for anything. You can text,
call, and check your mail from you homepage. A voice mail is translated
to text on your home page. If some one calls your home, cell or any
device, it has call screening, you can choose to answer. You don't
answer, you receive a text on your device of 2who is calling. If your
device has the function, you can actually listen to the voice mail, if
not, like I said, it translates the voicemail to text. If you are on
your homepage on the net and want to make a call, type in the number.
Your cell or landline phone rings, then connects you to your call. WOW,
wow, wow !!1 one number and all your phones recieves the call. No need
to give out your home, cell or any other number, just your Google Voice
number. But get this..its all free, but said to say, no invites on your
Google Voice page to hand out. Gmail just came out of beta, so Gvoice
will probably go into beta very soon also. Neat azz proggie if ya ask
me.
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Sunday's

Since football season has started, and I have to close the deli on
Sunday nights... I a little off about working on Sundays period. But
Sunday's are a time and a half day, and I can use the money. Its not
like I want to work for free. Now if I had a dvr, there would be no
problem. Ah, but there is.

One of my housemates, she also works where I work at, she a cashier, she
was transfered to another store today. Well today is her last day at my
location. I wish I had a picture of her, but I had to formatted my
external hard drive, and everything on it was wiped clean. I just wanted
to show you what she looks like. She REALLY pretty. Another thing is
that she's young, 21 years old. Some may say that old enough. But if you
have a consious, you would think otherwise like I do. She knows and my
othe housemate know, that I'm really into the both of them. The way
things are now, like I said, are nice. I can put up with just
looking..and wishing...and HOPING that one night they will BOTH
'sleepwalk' into my room. Doubt if that's gonna happen though.

Two of my co workers 'were' dating one another, until something happened
with a cash depost. Each blamed one naother also. Neither of them lost
any pay, time, or hours, but the relationship is over. She's an innocent
cute young woman, nice small and tight, meaning her body. Cute face and
I can stare into her eyes all day long if she allowed me to. Her mother
also works at the job. I think her mother is around my age too. I spoke
with the mother, asking her when is she inviting me over for dinner. She
said soon. I think she knows that I'm interested in her daughter, which
I am. Again she is younger than me, about 18 or 19 years old. But I
still would go over the house for dinner cause that's the type of guy I
am.

I'm heading upstate to Poughkeepsie, again. On the F tarin to Grand
Central, then a train upstate. Its nice and quiet up there, and the
leaves are beginning to change. I plan on going further north, like ski
country as soon after the first good amount of snow falls. I promised
myself that I am going to learn to snowboard this winter. I don't plan
on buying my board until next winter, this winter is practice. I hope I
get a chance to go.
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We're Movin' on Up....

See, that's why I love my job and love waiting on the customers that I
serve. Woman approached me this morning, ans aked me did I know of
anyone wanting to rent an aprtment. In a private house, basement
aprtment, private entrance, full use of the backyard, washer & dryer,
and get this FREE wireless internet. All for 600 a month, or 150 a week.
I might jump on it. But I have a phobia about living in a basement
though, guess I can get over it
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'Come and Knock on Our Door'...

Three's Company Too. I had lived in Queens before, Kew Gardens. Then I
was renting an attic aprtment, back in the early 80's, for 1150 dollars
a month. Then about 7 years later, in Kew Gardens again, rented out a
room with 2 female housemates. That was interesting cause they were
beautiful, breathtaking, and they picked me as a housemate. Problems
arised when they took me as in house security. Figuring they can act a
nut in the clubs, lead a guy on and take them home, and then attempt to
throw them out. The guys were there for one reason only...sex, and these
2 girls led them into thinking that was going to happen. Me, being in my
room would hear all this noise, them trying to get these guys out and
me, I could only take so much. First time I said nothing. But by the 4th
time, I would come out of my room and help throw these guys out. The
10th time, I moved out, they had issues.

Now I live in a nice private house, with my own room. The 2 females that
are single sleeping in the room next to mine are VERY pretty, and you
know what's on my mind. That and more. So I like the arrangments I have,
even though nothings happening.
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DAYTOP

Since there aren't any coffee trucks by the library I'm at, or at least
I don't know where they are at, I went searching. I walked by a DayTop
which USE TO BE located at. And yes, I'm a graduate, Springwood House,
Rhienbeck, NY. Don't ask, long story. It was when I 'continued' to think
I could do what I wanted to do. The good thing about employment,
constant employment, is that the courts take into consideration that not
all people are bad, they just tend to do bad things...sometimes.

You know something, I'm trying to figure out the closing of this
location. Has drug use really fallen that below, that facilites are
closing. Or is it cause the rent is too high, and they can't afford the
rent? DayTop is known world wide, I can't see it being the latter, rent
problems. Out on Long Island, Suffolk County. They are having problems
with herion use, so maybe a facility opened there. But you would figure
they would keep all their city ficilies open, guess not.
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Don't Mess With My....

...my MONEY !!! You can mess with my girlfriend, and even sleep with my
wife or girlfriend. You can talk about my family memebers, curse them
out and shit. But one thing you don't do..DON'T FUCK WITH MY MONEY !!!
Straight cheese people..

I work way too hard for the lousy pay I get. I work long and hard hours
too. On my feet from 8 to 9 hours a day, 6 days a week. I know, I know.
Well why don't I get a better job you may ask. HELLO !!! We are in a
reccession, and 2 years ago a guy like me would apply online for jobs,
get interviews and NOT go. I was being lazy. At the time of applying it
seemed like a good idea, but when interview day came around..... So,
right now jobs are a little bit hard to come by, soooo, I stay where I'm
at. But, there's the feeling of one day, just one day, the strings will
be cut and I will be out of a job. But I continue to look at the market
though. The market is beginning to pick up again, slowly.

If I come to work everyday and do what I'm suppose to do with the best
of my ability, I expect my pay should be in order. Don't tell me 'some
one had to take the fall', don't tell me, 'well, that's how I do
things', cause that's not how its suppose to be done. I've been in this
business for over 25, 30 years, and worked with plenty of companies in
the food service indusrty, and that's not how its done. See, employers
and their flunkies, mostly the flunkies, managers and assistant managers
try to empress the owners. This act relays that as a manager, I can be
hard as nails, I can keep the troops in line. But in my field, customers
see this and they speak about it. Especially if you're the type of
employee that always goout of your way to help everyone in the store.
These so called managers always try and make themselves look good. Hey,
at times I make BIG mistakes, and I am first to admit when I'm wrong,
you have to, its called intergrity. But when you're wrong, you're
wrong.

When you bullshit me to cover up your mistakes, I get angry for one main
reason. You're trying to cover up your BS with your title. I don't give
a fuck if your my superior. I don't give a fuck even if your my equal,
its bullshit that I have problem with. So when you tell me, ' cause
that's how you do things, and always have did things', I'm going to go
off the hook right at ya. Enough of this, I'm getting angry again, a day
later.
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Septtember 23rd 8:29pm

I like the Fall for many reasons. Its not too hot, and its not too cold.
The best of both seasons. I mentioned to a customer about her car that I
saw her get into, it was a small convertable, a two seater. Driving thru
upstate NY, leaves changing their colors and the wind against your face.
I can see why dogs hang their faces out of car windows. Its a great,
wonderful feeling.

Along with the changing of the weather, brings on the changing of Fall
tv shows. These networks have it all wrong though. Right when you get
used to the story line, they cancel the show because Nelso. Ratings says
not that many viewers are viewing it. Ok, make another network and place
all the cancel shows on it, and give the viewers what they want I say.
Another issue to me is that the two shows I want to watch come on at the
sme time, but different channels, so I have to choose one or the other.
What I do is watch one, and download the other. But there's an issue
with that too, my 'borrowed' internet connection comes and goes, right
now, its gone. All that will change in 8 months, changing cable provider
and getting high speed access...and a dvr. Should solve some of my
problems.

Not enough hours in the day is another thing. I'm on my feet at work for
8 to 9 hours, so I must get my rest. I work 6 days a week..can you say
welcome to the rat race boys and girls. So choosing sleep over tv seems
best for me, but I like my tv. Like I said, things will work out a
couple a months from now.
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One Hour and Twenty-eight Minutes to Go

That's how much time is left in my day. Its not bad working the counter,
but early in the morning, most people tend to just wake up in front of
my counter. They tell me they want a pound of this, when they really are
saying to themselves they want a half a pound of that. What wakes the up
is the price. Oh yeah, they blame me cause they say I didn't hear what
they said in tghe first place.

Since school is back, all the teachers from the school are dropping by.
This one teacher, we got a thing for each other, but we both love our
own alone time. So we went into detail a little about what we both want.
Seems we are on the same page. She also wants to know why I don't have a
girlfriend. I have friends who are females. Gave her my email address,
she asked for it, so I will see where it goes.
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One of The Basics Is....

WATER !! We, I need it to survive, right? Not only for drinking, but for
washing our asses. So why is it my landlord has a problem with supplying
it? I mean for taking showers. She said that he water bill each month is
too high. This is coming from a woman who washes the front sidewalk and
waters her garden every fucking' day !!1

I NEED to take a shower twice a day cause I work with food. This shit
really pisses me off. Gonna say something to her today, fuck this. Its
about to get cold soon, and if she does this with water, I wonder what
the heating will be like.
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Gotta Keep em Seperated !!

I haven't been making entries lately. Its not like I have nothing to
say, just been tired, lazy. All that's gonna change boys & girls.
Starting 2morrow, and every other dy afterwards, I will force myself to
make my say.

Like stuff, things, issues come up every day with me. Nothing that's
gonna make me lose it. But there have been times when I thought I was
gonna starting killing again. Some people look inside the box while
standing on the outside. They have never been IN the box, but looking on
the outside in, makes them think they know what's going on. But, they
haveno idea, oh well.

Monday, Wednesday and Friday....with more pictures too.
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Imagine This If You Will.

Put this image in your head, its a broad one. Try and figure out where
I'm, this is all going.

The mid west, open counrty. All of a sudden hundreds, well not hundreds,
but a lot of communties spring up from no where. Brand new homes, 2 and
3 bedroom homes with back yards. The back yards measure 7 car lengthd
long and 3 car lengths wide. For one community there are about 100 to
250 homes, with in the center of all of this, is a community club house.
This club house can hold about 300 to 400 people, that's seated, at ONE
feeding. This means the kitchen is large enough to handle this many
people, thismany meals per day. But get this, its 4 club houses that
look like one. So that's 1600 people that can be fed.

This place is in the middle of nowhere, and its just not one community,
there are about 100 to 200 of them just sitting there. The homes are
your typical family homes, but if you look closer at them, tey aren't
what they seem. NONE of the homes have kitchens, but there are
bathrooms. These bathrooms are just a toliet and a single shower. The
showers look as if no thought of mind went into building them. Ok, you
got this picture? Lets move on.

Now these homes have been sitting here for a while, lets say, 2 to 3
years. No one is moving into them just yet. There are security guards
that raom the area to make sure no one is damaging the property,
stealing any of the property.

You get a phone call in the middle of the day, its a telemarketer,
asking you are you interested in owning some prime real estate at
bargain prices, prices you won't believe. They are willing to fly you
outto see the property, all on them of course. They are relentless. The
keep calling after you said no so many times, but you finally give in,
and you want to see this property.

There is a ticket waiting for you at the airport in your name and all.
You have 2 bags with you and you expect to have to check one of them.
But no, you are allowed to carry BOTH of then on to the plain. Car is
waiting for you with a driver at your final distination. 2 hour drive to
this property, er..community...in the middle of FUCKING NOWHERE !!
Serious, if you don't have a car, you can't get to this place.

The place is like a ghost town, but its VERY clean. Except for the
security people that roam the community, there is no one else around. I
sat down and talked with one of the salesmen, this is the deal. 600
dollar morgage for each house, a property manager who selects clients to
live in the hose. I can't move in personally til after 10 years. If I
die, the house goes back to the government, can't be handed down to
family memebers. I have to have a bank account. All of this to me is ok,
but I have to obtain a lawyer to go over the paperwork, which is being
mailed to me.

Sounds strange to me, but I'm gonna wait and see.
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62 Days of Leave Time, What To Do ?

So, I left Germany, and I had an 8 hour flight back to The US of A. As
we were approaching NY, the Captain said that the plane was being re
routed to Newart Airport, we were suppose to land at McQuire Air Force
Base. I haven't been in The States in 3 years, what did I know.

I started thinking, shit now I have to lug my baggage to McQuire AFB,
and leave from there. But wait, they had a shuttle bus that would take
us there for free, no charge. Got on the bus and started talking with
the driver. Told him I was from NY. He asked me why was I going in the
other direction. FUCK !! The driver told me he had to reurn to Newart
airport, so I could ride back. Once I got back there, it was like
everyone had left, it was empty. This guy approached me and pulled out a
knife. I carried a Buck knife on my belt, this was way before 9/11, so
it was legal. I pulled mine out and he ran. Great, first day back and
some one tries to stick me up. Fuck this, I took a cab from the airport
to The Bronx, cost me 80 dollars.

I haven't seen my family in like 3 whole years, so everyone look
different to me, older, aged. But that's suppose to happen right? I didn't think that I had changed at all, but to my family eyes, I did also. They said that I got older, which was true, 3 years older. But a lot was different about me, on the inside. To this day, its still the same. One, I was use to making my own decisons, and staying with them, going by them. I learned in The Army that when you amke a choice, its your choice, your decisions and no one else. Anther thing was that all I cared about was me. I know that sounds selfish, but it isn't. I learned to keep my feelings inside, and not to show them. I wasn't afraid of being hurt or anything, but my feelings are my feelings. I learned to say whats on my mind, not bite my togune so to speak. They couldn't and to this day don't understand this or me, I think. So, my 62 days home on leave was something different and strange to me and those around me.

My family moved to a new neighborhood the day after I went into Basic Training, so I thought I didn't know anyone. I wass wrong, three brothers also lived there that I knew when I was in grade school, The Gamble brothers. Tony, the youngest, was the one that I grew close to. But that relationship was strained also. He was younger than me, and he didn't nor has he experience all the shit that I had in the last 3 years. But we hung out and did stuff together. New York City, The Bronx was all new to me again, but like anything and all the training I have been through, I quickly adapted. My 62 days came and went. My next stop was Fort Dix, NJ. I re enlisted for a new job title, 64 Charlie, Truck Driver, and I was about to enter another training phase.

US Army... Part 10, I think.

I left Germany on March 15th, 1980. Mind you now, I spent from September
3, 1977 to March 15th, 1980, all overseas. I never got the chance to
come home stateside to see my family. That was due to something I said.

Since my unit was an Artillery unit, and a Self Propelled Howizter Unit
and we were Nuclear Capable, we had a Special Weapons Team. I was on
that team. I had a Top Secret Nuc Clearenace. My job function on this
team started out as a Guard. About 3 manuals, 100 to 200 pages thick,
plus all the basic Army stuff, I had to memorize. Training was around
the clock, this meaning that at any given time, most likely when I'm in
bed at 2am, the would assemble the team for training. Me and my
teammates would have to be ready to pull out in about 30 minutes from
the time we were notified. That didn't help if you just got into bed at
1am or so. But what cause me not to see The United States, was my fault.
It was during one of those 2am musters and another instance, that cuased
me from flying to The Unite States. This is what happened.

In Germany they are Soviet Spys that drive around in cars, and they have
these special plates on their cars. If you see one, note the time, place
and plate number, report it, and then move on. I was in a Wienerwald, a
German version of a McDonalds ordering some food. A guy offered to buy
me a drink. After about 3 rounds, he told me that he had all the spec to
our M60 Machine gun. Me and my dumb ass self told him that so what, I
had about 200 of them, and I have access to as many as I need. Instead
of reporting it, I let it go. Later on, eraly in the morning, Special
Weapons Team had to assemble, and I was still drunk. Stood in the
freezing cold for about 3 hours and I completely lsot it. I bought up
the incedent about meeting a guy and what we were discussing. Some one
on my team reported me. I wqas called into Headquarters, and was
questioned. Cause I was tired and STILL drunk, I said, ' is hould have
gave him all the secrets' Not a good decison on my part. 2 days later I
was told that I could go any place I feel, but not to the United States.
Second instance was this.

Another inspection by The Department of Defense, some guys from
Washington, DC came to inspect us. We were already in the field for 2
and a half days, and were about to go back to the barracks. Then they
called Special Weapons to set up. While the rest of the unit went back
to the barracks, Special Weapons drove around for 3 hours, and then we
were to set up. My zone was a mile out from the vechile we were guarding
that carried a nuke warhead, not a real one. For 10 hours in the middle
of winter, I stood there waiting for the inspectors to come. From
nowhere, and I was watching, they showed up with my Company Commander.
Some Full Bird and a bunch of his flunkies. What happened in the next
few minutes would have me staying away from The United States for a
couple of years.

When they approached me, I took in the whole situation. The reason for
this was I was freezing, and these guys just got out of a warm staff car
which probbably had the heater going full blast. The Full Bird walked up
to me, and I challenged him like I was suppose to. 'Halt who is there',
'Halt who ist das'. I challenged him for the password to enter my zone
of coverage, big mistake on his part when he didn't know the password
that he was suppose to give me back. My mind is thinking now, what am I
suppose to do. I look atmy Commander and he had a worried look on his
face. Was this a game, were the seeing if I knew my shit. I continued to
look at both of them and then there was a gust of wind that chilled me
to my bones. That's what all it took, I was freezing and I was standing
here for this Bullshit. The Full Bird ask me a question, and I thought I
heard him wrong, so I asked him to repeat it again. Strike two and the
final strike was among us. He asked me how was the food in the messhall.
Oh shit !!

Actually, the food was pretty good, but that was neither here or there.
I was in the field, waiting to be inspected, the rest of the unit was
back at the barracks, shitted, showered and shaved...WARM !! This
asshole..excuse me, this Officer was asking me about food in the
messhall. I think my Commander heard it, cause I heard it too, so I
looked at him. Its when your mind just snaps. Oh yeah, you and others
can hear it. Its like the air around you just comes alive and nothing
within 50 meters is safe. Being that this Officer was, and was is a good
word, was standing right in front of me...I freakin' snapped. I loaded
and locked a full clip of M16a1 magazine. I said the following out
loud...'Halt who is there, halt who is there. Halt who is dast, halt who
is dast. Load and lock one full round magazine, shoot one warning shot,
in which I did into the air. Shoot to wound, shoot to kill'. The last
sentence, I didn't shoot to wound or shoot to kill. But EVERYONE thought
I was about to when I fired a warning shot into the air. See, my
Commander knew that all the zGuards had live ammo. The inspectors
thought they were blanks, which all of them changed their minds and
probably their religion after my Commander started freaking out. When he
started freaking out, I hit the Full Bird with the butt of my M16 right
in the head, fixed my bayonet to my M16, and after he was on the ground,
out cold, place the blade against his neck and told everyone not to
move. All of this happened to me in like very fucking slow montion, but
actually tool about 15 to 20 seconds.

Ok, this guy is on the ground, knife to his throat and me crying. That's
right crying. I was crying cause this asshole asked me about food in the
messhall and I couldn't feel my toes or my fingers, that's how cold I
was. Like I said his uniform was new, boots spit shined and freshly
shaved. Me, I looked like I was a broaken down car or something. All of
a sudden I wasn't seeing red any more. It seemed like the birds were
singing and it was warm outside. He got up off the ground and I was, how
can I say this, I was fucked up. That's right they started beating the
shit out of me. Being that I was cold, freezing, I didn't feel any pain,
well not until I was locked up at the Military Police Station, and I was
nice and warm. That's when I started feeling pain.

No charges were pressed, I could've been court marshalled. The officer
said that, get this, I was doing my job. The Company Commander said that
with all my iisues, he wasn't taking any chances with me going stateside
on leave and not coming back...alive. So I couldn't see the States until
my 3 year tour was up in Germany. That was March 16th, 1980. I went home
for 62 days leave, and then had to report to Fort Dix for Truck Driver
school, that's what I re enlisted for, I changed my job title. Now the
REAL fun was about to start.
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TV

Lately, I have been watching some good tv. Some of it regular bradcast
tv, most of it of what I have been downlaoding. I noticed something
though, American broadcasting is different form Acroos the Pond.
Meaning, The BBC.

I have been downloading some BBC stuff that talking about some
interesting topis. Honey bees, world food shortage. I notice about the
honey bees a couple of months ago, but what I watched is really scary.
Not to mentioned, the food crisis that we are about to be involved in.
That's even scairer.

We, as Americans don't really see the issue about food. Because, all we
do is go to the supermarkets, grocery stores and pick what we want off
the shelves. But what if we aren't able to do that any more. What if it
became like some of these third world countries, here in The United
States. Who would eat better, only the rich? I don't even want to think
like that because it becomes frightening all over again.

Here, in the good old US of A, broadcasting tv, and cable don't even
mention or show what really needs to be known. Not until its too late
and then the public is all in a panic. Since I work with food and the
public, I see what people buying and spending habits are. Most people
will buy because of a brand name and not because of the cost. All that
will change in the next couple of years though if things continue as
they are.

That, and among other things.
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I'm Just Gonna Put This Out There

I wondered what happened. Was it me? Of course it was, had to be. I
don't really know what to say, but this..... I miss you, the special
moments, the closeness. The feelings I knew what you were looking for,
and it was me if couldn't give you what you wanted. I could say I can
change that, but that wouldn't be honest, that's not me. All I can say
is that I'm sorry for that, wished it could've been different. But, I
still miss you, all of you. Making love to you is different, was
different. All that you included.
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Vets

Because my job brings me in contact with the public, I get to meet all
types of people. The one gtoup of people that I'm always happy to hold
converstions with are veterans. They come from all branches of the Armed
Forces, but mostly I've been running across Army Vets.

This one guy yesterday came to my counter and held a nice little
conversation with me. It started off with his son, who is only 15 years
old and weighs he said, 330 pounds. He told me that its all muscle, and
that he in training for next year games. How I found out that he was a
Vet was that he led me through the tough times that he's going through.
Its not money tough times, its not being able to do things with his son
like he wants to.

This guy is 59 years old but looks like he is in his early 30's, no
shit. He told me he was stationed in Germany and we compared units, he
was a MP, Military Police. After what has happened to him, because of
his Military choice, I consider him a great person to have met.
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This Book I'm Reading

I used to read a whole lot. When I mean a whole lot, I'm mean a WHOLE
LOT. I always had a couple of books and magazines in my bakpack. That
was when I was living in Brooklyn and working in Queens. Now that I live
about 10 and a half minutes from work, all I ever read are the
newspapers, about 3 to 4 of them a day. Well I started reading this one
book. 'Loving Women', by Pete Hamil.

Won't tell you what's its about until I get to the end of it, but I read
the auther before, I think. One of his books is named, 'Forever'. If you
come across this title, pick it up, you won't be able to place it down.

The story is about a young kid who joines The Navy, and he's from
Brooklyn, NY. Sounds fimilar, huh? He gets stationed in Flordia after
coming off of leave staright out of Basic Training. This book in some
ways is mocking my life. But one thing its doing is jumping ahead, to
his adult years at the beginning of each chapter, then it jumps back to
when he was in the service. Its a good read, can't put it down. I ride
the trains just to read it. Funny thing about that too.

Saw an article in Sunday's NY Times about people who read on the trains.
Some people can, and some people can't read on the trains. Its the
rocking of the trains that get me into the rythum of reading I think. I
can also sleep on the trains, haven't missed my stop yet.
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Some People Just Don't Live Up to Their...

I was putting off seeing this young lady for a good while now, almost a
whole year. No, it hasn't been a whole year yet. The last time I saw her
it was still cold, so it had to be around January or Febuary, I think.
That last time it cost me 100 dollars of my HARD earned money. I said
that I would turn her loose, never call her or go to see her. I
should've listen to myself.

Me and my dumb ass self, went to The Bronx to see her. I mean, I left
work, it was slow, and I took 3 buses to go see her. Should've went and
stayed home. Without going into detail, she totaly changed. Her looks,
and the way she carries herself, all different. I know she doesn't use
drugs or drink. But some people who don't do neither of the 2, still can
and will have the same motive as a person who does.

10 minutes after seeing her, I went about my business. Didn't make up
anexcuse or anything, just cold jumped on the tran. I know she will
call, and leave a message on my cell phone. I at leats owe her an
explantation, well I think I do. I was totally disappointed, and will be
for a LONG time. Prior to the last time I saw her she was looking and
soing good. But not this time. I thank God, that I'm not that way any
more, not to say that I was, but I could have been.

I will tell her about herself, some one has to, its only right.
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