...

I am not angry, but then again I just might be.

So he was released from jail after 3 days. Comes back with the same old bullshit. Explained to him he have to not do he things he's been doing before he was arrested. He can't figure out that the court system is designed most of the times to trap you. But what else has he got to loose. Not working and can't go back to his old job.

Gets upset... Wait, he called me from a friend's phone and the only way he was able to was because I gave them my number. When he called I asked where was he at and he answered 'around'. When he asked for a cigarette this morning, I told him that I have some, and gave him one. He walked at the one I just gave him and asked what's the problem. He says it's only one. Well, that's all you get from me.

Wonder why I didn't go and get his paycheck.. What, am I your bitch or something I asked. Told him why even bother, its for one day because you rather run these since streets and not work. 

Tried to tell him just want is what, what I've heard and what people are saying and doing. Won't listen, talks of fucking people up and yes, you'll end up back in jail again. I know for a fact he owes people money, big fucking money. I not part of his pron5 and let him know that. I will not give him money I work for to get him out of trouble. 

Oh, but these people are cool he says. Told me not to worry he says.. I'm not worried for me, it's I'm worried for you but you will have to learn this out for yourself...again.

....

I read an article this morning about a company who called a person offering them a job. The caller was..it seemed like he had his feelings hurt when the person they were calling was being straight up forward with them about the job offer.

The caller said that the person they were offering the job to was rude. They said that the person who the offer was being made to said, 'Ill get back with you ' about the offer. The caller, felt that that wasn't right. Wasn't right?!!

From the time a company post a job on any website on hiring...there must be hundreds of resumes that flow into that companies email. The person who job it is to go through all those emails, I know isn't an easy one. So what the person you called gave you a response that hurt your feelings. Maybe that person you called accepted another job offer from a company they really didn't want to work for, but wanted to work for yours but.. Bit you have a orocess5 and it took some time to get to her resume and to call them to set up an interview. Look at it from the point of the person sending out the resume.

For you as the caller to the person who submitted a resume, to you it's just you doing your job. But to the person who submitted a resume, well it's frightening, intense and nerve wracking just waiting, hoping that they get the call for an interview.

So you as the caller should be able to deal with people who may be rude and abrupt when they answer the phone as they might do so. They had to take a job that wasn't at the top of the list of theirs and settled for something less.

I...

This past Thursday I interviewed for a position in a fast food place, I was hired but...

She asked me a question and I responded but...my eyes started welling up and I was beginning to start crying. I said to myself oh fuck, NOOOO! Luckily I had some napkins on the table we were sitting at. I now know he reason why that happened.

They was asking something pertaining to my time working within the food service industry. I can't remember the exact question, but I know it surely hit a nerve with me.

I'm passionate about my work. And the field I work in. I take it very seriously and maybe just too seriously. I look at it this way. I prepare food that people, customers put in their mouths, in their bodies. The steps I have to make and do in order for that item to come out the way the company wants it..well, I have to follow guide.lines and rules. Who am I to take a short cut or to be d those rules. They are place there for a reason. No matter how I've learned in the past to cook the same item, that isn't happening right now at this establishment. I have to do things their way.

So I guess when they asked that questioned that caused me to tear up... I guess it was years and years of cooking all coming at me at once. All at once with a passion that tugged the fuck out if my heart and being.

I think I created a Monster I side if me over all these years and it finally has shown itself. Damn.

Sunday

 The past 12 to 16 hours have been pure Hell.

Lt me say first..it was nothing I creates nor did. That term Guilty by association, that shit is true. Just because I know someone, they placed me in the same situation as that person is and was doing. Oh yeah, a huge shit storm followed that person and continued to follow that person. A far as it rolled to my front door. The strange thing about it is that I told people that I am not and was not part of his problems or situations. But as usual, they never took my world for it.

It got so bad that another man rolled up and wanted to fight me. Again the funny thing was, and it was mentioned to that person, why are you starting shit with him(me), when I had nothing to do with it. True, although he came back and apologized... No my man, you are on my radar now.

Another situation... This guy comes to me, and as far as I'm concerned we are cool and shit. He gets it all twisted because I won't go into business with him in opening up a restaurant in this town for 'our people's, Black people. Not to mention that he said in the conversation that he wants to be a partner with me, but he wants to invest his time in other things. So I came out and asked, a you want is the profits without doing none of the work? That's what set him off. He said with my skills and knowledge of food that why should he invest his time in getting thr business off the ground, that's what I'm there for. So I asked him what and how much is he willing to invest. He says that he has all these child support problems, he owes this person and that person that all he looking for is an investment. So I ask how much are you investing. He said not that much but he can ' scramble up' around $2,000 in about 3 or 4 months. I kept quiet. He than ask am I in, and I told him no. I wanted to tell him why, but I felt there was no need to. He still got upset and started yelling. So I told him 1hy I said no.

I don't consider myself better than anyone. But I know what I am.capable of doing. I also know most of the time I better off doing things by myself. People don't under5 this concept. Also what people don't understand is that your actions says a lot about you. If all you do is try to profit off another man's hard work..well, I don't want anything to do with you. If what you call what you so is work, and what I see and call it hustling...again I don't want anything to do with you.

I like how people who just met me can tell me what is good for me. In reality it's what you want me to do because it benefits you. So this guy knows how I feel and he knows I won't do any type of business with him.

I'm.glad this day is over with.Monday starts a new week. I look forward to . Mondays.

Saturday, 7:46am

 You can do almost any and everything you want to do...the only thing is you have to be qualified to do so.

I over heard a conversation yesterday. This guy, 42 years old was on the phone with from what I can tell a woman. The woman, again from what I can tell cares a great deal about him. His conversation was along the lines of him feeling sorry for himself. That he didn't know getting and staying clean was and is so damn hard to do. He mentioned that he lost everything, then went to a 30 day Rehab and got clean and then ventured out into the world. He had no place to go, so he went into a Shelter. Once in the Shelter he had to live among people who in his eyes he was better than. To me, he had the 'Whoa Is Me' bullshit. I sat there listening and saying to myself, this motherfucker. The woman on the other end of the phone just doesn't know what this fucker is really doing. Like it's none of my business but...

I'm not the one who will put people's business all out there on the street. I shake my head and say to myself that this man hasn't change anything about himself on his so called way to recovery. But, who am I to say anything my damn self. I mean I do what I have to do. If you would have seen my actions 10, 20 years ago, you would say to yourself why. But I had to find that out for myself. I didn't use anyone to my advantage because I could never see myself doing that. But people, this guy, he plays on people's feelings. I guess people get what they have e coming to them in the long run.

What really trips me out here is the young adults. I listen to people older than me. I wanted better things for myself. You couldn't say that someone wants something better for me than I would because I wanted only those things I KNEW  and KNOW I was and are able to obtain. But these guys here... They are severely broken mentally, but then again they aren't. The too are playing on people's sympathy. All they do is play video games on the TV almost all day long, or have their heads bent down playing video games on their cell phones.

They aren't up on current events, nor do they want to be either. They haven't taken the vaccination because they really believe that the Government has placed a chip inside of the medicine. That the people that are dying...they aren't really dying, the Government wants you to believe just what they are telling you. I asked how would you know when you don't even watch the news or read any news feed online. I told them that they aren't even old enough to believe anything just yet. 

I  know what I'm doing from here on out... Fuck them, let them die. Now when I get to the point of saying that, that means I care less than a fuck about your young foolish ass.

Okay, So Now I'm The Bad Guy?

The only reason why I'm not in the relationships I've been in is because... That's right. They all tried to change me from being me.

Ladies... That's one thing I don't understand. The relationship were we in was based off of what you saw if me. You liked or even Loved what you saw.. Wanted more or be around me, and the relationship formed. Nothing changed about me. But somehow you got it in y'alls head..'Niw let me see if I can transform him into what I want him to be and want him to do with me.' That's how I took it. Y'all want me to change and I wasn't willing to change I to what you want me to be.

Oh, but I have and did change. It's that none of y'all stood around long enough to see it. So when you see me again years later, y'all like what you seen if me right then and there. Then you ask the silliest of questions. The ones I won't mention here. How do you think I will respond to those questions.

It's not a standard answer I give, but it's an honest answer and I really mean it. 'I'm me and I will always be me. I change and I feel the change in me.' As for getting back together, no. As for having sex again with you, maybe. That's the way it is.

If you have my number AND email address, you know you can always reach out as see how I'm doing. Might not have the same number, but you know I always check my email. 

I wonder what she is going to say next.

...

I honestly think some women have lost their minds.

But I guess..no, I know what it is. I'm too direct and to the point about things. And I read too damn much. And.. I just say what I feel, my opinion about things and issues. If you ask me or hold a conversation with me and I have a different view of the subject, I'm going to let you know. But this time is deeper than that, and I should have 'Aborted The Mission' when I knew.. But I didn't.

When a person is so use to being treated a certain way for damn near their whole life, and someone comes along who is different.. Who doesn't go for that bullshit.. and who speaks their mind, I guess he's fucked up in that person's mind.

There is a person for everyone on this planet, all you have to do is find that person or that person funds you. I didn't want to do not start anything with her, but I listened when she approached me. I should have said thank you but no thank you. Now it's all fucked.

But underneath it all I can see that she is crying out for change. But when it comes down to actually doing the changing, she backs out and away and blames me. So I walk away...and then the calls and texts come in. I want to see you in person again. That isn't going to happen, I make excuses and tell her I don't have the time or energy.

Si5, fir a couple of hours she goes back to what she knows and do. Then it hits her, she wants what I have to offer. Which is anything at all but different from what she is use to.

Tells me I want her money, I don't. I'm trying to control her, I didn't. That I am avoiding her..that I am. She knows the reason why too, but it's her who can't break the contact. Oh, just don't return her texts. But I read them and see what she is feeling and it's hard as hell not to respond as hard as I do.

When You..

When you become the only source of income for someone, shouldn't they listen to what you have to say.

I really think so. I mean if it was switched around, I would. Honestly I think I would have to. I remember when that show was on my foot. I depended on a person to just give me .I ey whenever I asked for it. It didn't matter that I always paid it back either. Sometimes it would be a couple of days late, but I did. Then I wised up, I took a good look at what I was doing. I imagined what it felt like if I was the lender and saw me approaching me...knowing what I was only coming for.i can't describe what that feeling felt like, it's hard to but it wasn't a good welcoming feeling though.

First of all I was trying to tell this person how to run his life. All I was saying was that should just take a look at what he was doing and how it was effecting his life and our friendship. But he didn't see it how I saw it. He didn't see it as how another person came to me and asked me what was going on 2ith him. I didn't jnw5 how to answer that person other than saying I don't know. It got to the point that I told that person to ask my friend, but he never did.

So now he is angry at me. I don't see what for. But this morning he spoke to me, which meant he wants something from me. This time he has to hear no..and a no with no explanation. When he appr5 me he second time, I was asked was I going to work today and for the third time I told him I told him I'm not working for those people anymore until I get a phone call from the Manager asking me back personally. I also told him that I can't work in that type of environment where people don't work but I do. I told him that the owners and the management know what they are doing and don't care because it's all cheap labor to them and they don't care other than the employees are just bodies. Bodies that are on Probation, Parole and are drug addicted. I'm better than just that. But my friend is going in to that spot and working and coming to ask can he borrow so more money. No!

Things are getting out of control with him. How I know, his female friends call and approached me asking what's going on with him. Others, who somewhat look after us and others have called me in the office and ask me the same questions. I don't say anything, I don't know anything. I feel all they want is what they already know, a confirmation from me and they can take action. 

He's explosive and threatening. He's like a little kid having a tantrum, only want what he wants and wants it know. I told him one time to handle his business, you're a grown ass man. You shouldn't depend on another man to be their to handle your business. It's not me I talking about. It's what I witness another man doing and saying to my friend but he didn't know I was watching. The look I gave that person was..try being and saying that way with me, I wish you would try that shit with me.

My friend also.tri3s making small talk with me. Telling me again about getting his birth certificate, getting some other documents that he told me he was getting or needed to get a month ago. All I said was that he should have been done that. He asked me don't I have another check coming from the job. I told him to don't worry about my money, worry about yours. I did it malice and anger. Then he old me that he is going to set up his debit card that he got in the mail about 3 weeks ago, he's going to do it tomorrow. I told him that he wasn't going to do anything but whatever.

I know one thing though, he is going to stick to his routine. Get off from work which is a hot a sweaty place. Not come back and wash his ass, but to hither streets Doug what thinks is okay. I don't know how a person can work 6 hours getting all funked up and then go out and scramble, and then come back at 11pm, take a shower and try to fall asleep only to wake up at 5:30am. Asking me to wake him up when I get up. Fuck am I an alarm clock?

Would You Just Take Any Job?

Short answer: FUCK NO!!

Long answer: My first real job after being discharged from The Army was working in a neighborhood supermarket as a Deli Clerk. Three Jewish men, Adam, Author and Rubi owned the supermarket called Rosemart. It was there where my passion for working with food first started. 

'When you learn to make a good cucumber salad, then and only then will you know you are good.'  Learn the old fashion way too, handling people's order with my bare hands, no gloves.

So, when this Pandemic was at the night of it's bullshit, people were saying just take any job in order to have money in your pocket. In order to pay bills and some other stupid shit. One woman told me that she wouldn't sleep with me because I didn't have a job, a hustle. Bitch I work, I don't hustle. I wasn't taking any job that didn't involved me working with or around food pwriod5. I don't give a Fuck what they said. It's either food related or I fucking starve. 

I'm not taking anything away from people who while the Pandemic was partying around the country,  they took whatever job there was that was out there in order to have .money I their homes. I say..that's them and those them aren't me.

I saw doing that, taking any job FOR money..I saw it as going against every thing I stood for as a Food Service Worker, because that is what I am...I work WITH food.

When all this cooking shows started I never watched them. Okay I watch one or two of them, but not religiously. I would watch when nothing else was on, or when I didn't have anything to watch that I downloaded. Those times were rare, but there were a few. 'Yes Chef, no ached, okay Chef.' A bunch of bullshit if you ask me, but I'm not taking away nothin for what THEY do. If I didn't know the Chefs name I called him what he is, Chef. That's what I good buy. Other than that the title Chef is just as..well I could've have said hey you.

I met a young woman who went to Chef school graduated and decided not to go into the field. Reason being she dislikes cooking, can't stand it in any kitchen. My question to her was..why accumulate the bill for the school. I saw the light for real leave her eyes.. I saw the cost of her schooling in those eyes. It really look like the col5 drained form her face and she is dark skinned. The job she has now pays $10 an hour. To top it all off, she is engaged. And..she just recently is pregnant. What the flying fuck. I told her she should if stayed in 'The Kitchen' and not to get married. She has the world to see. Being pregnant, her life as I see it was over.

Anyways... These days the Food Service Industry can't find workers to fill spots and the starting pay is crazy. I have two interviews tomorrow back to back. I recue5 8 emails and at the last count, my resume was viewed 37 times. Food Se5 Workers are really needed.

Can't wait to get in the kitchen here. I want to see people, engage with people..hear people again from behind the counter.

I Serious...WTF!!!

 A few weeks ago, I had the then pleasure to meet a decent woman. I mean she wasn't explosive, nasty...nothing like that at all. Then...

Then the other night, I went over to her house. Of course I was invited. I told her I couldn't stay long because I have a curfew, 11pm. I should have known..and I'm somewhat kicking myself in the ass STILL, I should have known it wasn't going to be a good evening when she drank from a 40oz bottle of beer which I say had about 5 cigarettes' butts in it

I don't know how the conversation started, but it started like all other conversations I have with women. I asked her bout herself. It would be 5, 7 minutes later...why for all that is Holy did I ask her to tell me about herself. The conversation went from zero to 2,000mph in like half a second. She told me that she thinks and knows for sure that I am a weak minded person and that I couldn't handle a women like her. That I couldn't and can't deal with the pain that she and others that she knows will inflict on me on HER behalf. I played back in my head what I thought might have gone all Rambo on me...nothing that I could think of. Then it hit me, she's suffering from sort of disorder that she hasn't told me about just yet.

Turns out that she has a boyfriend who lives on the other side of town who is a drunk, but says she knows how to keep him in line. How she goes about doing this, she punches him in his chest and he just backs the fuck down. I asked more about him, which I found out was the VERY wrong thing to do, but I didn't know. I swear in nano seconds she went form loving him to tearing his fucking head off. Also she threw in what he and her would do to me. I question myself so many times on hat I might have done or said, that I just gave up trying to figure the shit out. And then like that, she started lifting her basket ball jersey up.

(Confession Time) I haven't had a good old fashion blow the fucking pipe out fuck in...I don't even know when. And I know yanking my own chain doesn't even come close to counting as sex. I haven't even done that..in four months Officially I haven't had sex in over a year. Right here, right here and NOW I was about to get knee deep in. Yeah right!! What I thought was her pulling what jersey up and over her head was ONLY showing me the gun in her waistband. Turned out it was only a pellet gun.

Twenty minutes later with no sex whats so ever, I left angry as fuck. Then I remembered, I gave her my number. This meeting happened two days ago. She hasn't stopped texting me. She told me in 12 inch long paragraphs, FIVE of them at a time...that I wasn't shit, and that I should learn to take my time with and on her. I didn't force anything I swear. I didn't even make a move on or towards but apparently she thinks I did. Not that color matters to me, but this one was White and very fucking attractive. This is what I gathered from her texts.

That I am soft and I wouldn't be able to protect. That I probably could and can 'slang' some good dick, (her words)...and that she would enjoy it and want me all the time but.. But something isn't connected in her head. Either that or something is short circuited up there that's beyond repair. And that her neighbors, friends and maybe her own damn family learned to live with her and her ways. 

Okay, I'm not good on the phone talking...but if you text me, I'll text you right back when I see it. This child told me that she is thru with me and that I'm not to text her any more. Okay..well stop fucking texting me first thing in the morning. You text me, I'm going to text you back. I can't and won't ignore anyone's text messages, I'm not built like that.

I admitted..I may have came on too strong to her in the beginning. I don't have time to just fuck around with small talk. She knew what I was talking to her for and about, she is t stupid. And no, I didn't just go all in on her either. She started the conversation with..'Mist men think they can handle me on the street and in the bed, but hey can't.' Hell, what man doesn't like a challenge. I think she all of a sudden found out that she wasn't dealing with a man from Virginia, but she knew where I was from also. 

She has t stopped texting me. She she wants me to come back over to her house and I won't. 

Sunday, 11:25am

Yesterday when I woke up... Let's just say things did not go as planned.

My plans were to go to another town and go to their Library, but it was close because of Delta. So...

I ran into a somewhat of a 'friend' and we got to talking. I asked him did he have a female friend who lives close by and is single. I'll buy her some groceries $50 if she let me cook up something. I'll even make dinner which she can and would get half. He said yes, and she lives like a 5 minute walk away.

I should have known something was up when he walked up to her front door and out his hear against it. The voice inside my head was screaming ABORT MISSION!!!, but it was too late, he knocked. She opened the door half asleep, nevermind it was after 12 noon. She invited us in.

I sat in the living room while he talked with her in the kitchen. They both walked out and he introduced me to her, and then asked me did I want him to go shopping for me while I sat and talked to her. I took out a pad and pen and wrote down the things I wanted.. Turned to her and asked her what she wanted. It was a two page list. He left which left me with hwe all alone.

I'm going to describe her and I'm not placing any judgement on looks either. She stands about 5 foot 4 inches tall, dirty blonde cropped hair, tattoos all over and her teeth, well..like mines, they are in need of repair. Not fat, not stocky but built sort of soft solid. Dishonorably Discharge from the Marines, sis 17 years in Prison, drinks heavy and smokes cigarettes that way too. All in all..my type of woman. Don't take much for me as you can see.

She came right out and said..'So, do you want to cook first and fuck later or fuck now and then cook or we can jaut5 go with the flow.' I said go with the flow. She then stripped down to her panties and told me to do the same also. No problem..or so I thought.

This woman IS a nut case. No, seriously I at one time was afraid of for my life. NO, we didn't do anything but just talk. I got dressed as fast as I have ever had.  We talked for 6 hours. Right in the middle of actually crying she asked me did I want to 'do it's? Do what...she said fuck. Sex was the furthest thing on my mind and I told her no, let's just talk.

I left around 9pm..She said she 1ish I would spend the night. I told her soon and I was lying. Very early this morning she text me that she got herself off to my voice...which is a first for me. Invited me over, but no buses are running to her town. She said she will get me a ride. It's 3:12pm and I haven't heard a word, text from her.

Rules Were Made to Be...

Some would say to be broken, not me. Rules are made to be amended.

There has been so many times that people have 'beoken the rules' for me. Mostly females. I know what you're thinking...I put on my charm to get what I want, no...not exactly. I ask for what I want to do and get. I'm so use to hearing no that it doesn't upset me when I hear no. Five minutes before I started this post, someone broke a rule for me. I guess it depends on who is asking and the person you're asking.

One rule I'm trying to..I don't know, but to understand. An older man and a younger woman. What are these rules. I heard... Half the man's age and then add 6. That means the youngest a woman can be for me is 36 and a half years old. Online that's easy to do, but what about face to face. I mean I can guess. I also can ask. It's been said you should never ask a woman's age and weight. That's the Golden Rule, but I ask anyways because I want to know. I was 55 years old and she was 22. Attractive in every way possible and smart. She just graduated from college and she wanted to because.. From what she told me she only had sex one time before. She must have enjoyed the experience, 5 more times later and Thanksgiving dinner with her parents. 

But a man still has to ask a woman's age. Too young to too damn young no matter how much she ask you. Yeah, they ask nowadays. She told me she was 25 and she looked 25 but.. But when I went to meet with her at 2am in the morning and she was coming down the fire escape.. I asked, and she was 17 years old. Sneaked out of the house, told me this was the first time she ever did something like that. Reason for doing it, she was a virgin and she liked me and the conversation we had over the phone. And no, nothing happened. Told her to climb back up the fire escape.

So what if it's reversed? I was 24 and she was 62. She told me she hasn't been with a man in over 25 years and I was the one she wanted. She was stylish, well out together and wanted to know what I knew. Invited me over for dinner. As soon as I got in the door she made her claims. Told right off I can spend the night, relax and get comfortable. I did and end up having dinner at 1 in the morning. We were a couple for over a year until she moved down South, but wanted me to come with her. I couldn't, she knew this but asked anyways.

Are there rules for older women and younger men? From what I gather there are but it's different for women. It's like or use to be like a badge of honor. You get men last longer, or they have that energy. True. But I tell women my age and those 20 years my junior..'After me, you won't go back to little boys ever again. Not saying I'm all of that, but I enjoy the act of Love making. All said in a joking manner, but I'm being too honest.

Wrote way too much. Like I said some other shit cane up. These last last 4 lines or so was written 7 hours from the beginning. 

....

It's funny as all Hell. 

Let me say first I am NOT mad, pissed off nor angry at anyone but.. I like how people half my age both male and females use the term..Pops, Old Timer, Old Head. As far as I remember, I never called anyone older than me out their name. Wait.. There was a 'Wino' who lived in the area, he name was JB. All the kids called him JB, even made up a rhyme about him. But back then and maybe as now, young ones...well their names for old people..Fuck!! Some other shit just came in my head too. Can't get into now though.

I want to say this, in fact I'm am go to repeat myself...again. I Thank Who Ever, Whom Ever that gave me the, the want ever, to make it and Live this fucking long. The things I've LEARNED! Some people, males don't even get to Live this long. I can't say I've listen to my Elders and I can't say I didn't listen to them even. It was that we admired them first, wanted to be like them. So, yeah I listened. Not only I listened, I go to do some if the things they did when they were much younger. I listened to a lot of people in the late 60's early 70's, some good and bad. I saw mostly and I want ed to be like them but.. Somehow I knew as I got older to actually back away, walk away, and just leave right before THAT bad shit happened. Everyone awore5 I was there, but I wasn't.

These you g ones, 18 to 25 years of age, males. You can't tell them shit, you can't force them to Listen. Today one made fun of The Army, had everyone laughing. I waited and told him I a whisper what I thought if him doing so too. He Listened to me, had no other choice but to. Now he understands. There are two of them and these fuckers are not smart, but intellgent. I mean they can actually pull up facts right from their head. And I've checked online because around them I keep my laptop open and page set on Google. Trying to talk sense into the both of them is talking to a rock. They see the world in their eyes and to me they are looking further into the future. Won't Listen.. can't Listen. I'm beginning to think because of my skin color.

A..a, let's say a woman on a popular dating site for the wrong impression of me..somehow. Lives close by, and decide becua5 she was angry at .me agreed to meet me somewhere public. When she walked in she looked me straight in my eyes, smiled and continue to look for me. She didn't recognize me. In her head I was an old man. After a couple of minutes I introduce myself and she was telling me I'm not the person in the pictures. That I was trying to catfish her. Did ally she knew it was me by me repeating something I said in the chat. Told me I looked very damn wrong for my age. That's what you get for thinking how someone is by you going by their age. Also, I KNOW I take awful pictures.

Can't wait to see what I look like at 65.

...

The General Manager at my job lives in my area and every workday he picks me up. He also takes me home after work.

The only thing about riding with him is..he doesn't want anyone talking while he's driving. At first I thought it was because of the color of my skin, he's White. But no, it isn't that. It's quite a few things I've found out on my third day working there.

First, it's the people who he has to manage. They are drug addicts, Meth. They are also either on Parole or Probation. I spoke of this before. They don't listen to him, follow his directions, they do what they want to do. Also, they come in when they want to come in to work and he doesn't question them at all. In the middle of a shift, they will go on a break and leave...come in thr next day like nothing even happened. And again he doesn't question them. Yesterday...that straw broke THIS Camel's back.

I was moving 150 empty boxes of bread and he approached me. Told me that he wants me on the repacking table and to move racks to the receiving area. I don't mind doing this function but there are others at my station who come in late to work and that's the only position that's left open because the product is flowing on the line and the manager usually does it because we are busy keeping things flowing. Well this one guy who the day before...well, him and I had no issues what's so ever until...

I'm at the repacking table and the machine that spits out the product wasn't putting the product into the bags. This requires repacking by hand. It's easy once you get the flow of it. Another guy at the front of the line who didn't come to work the day before comes down the line and tells me to switch out with the guy who I was working with the day before. I opened a new pack of cigarettes the day before and he asked for 11 cigarettes, one at a time which I had no problem giving him. Well this guy went apeshit on me. Cursed me out, throwing the product at me.

I'm not the one to just stand there and turn the other cheek, and I'm not a violent person either but.. But when you as a person loose your shit because you want to go and smoke some weed and it's not even break time..and I say, I was told to do this function by the manager... You as a person has a very nasty drug problem...and it's only weed that sets you off..well, I don't know what to tell you.

The owners, two if them were and always are on-site. They came in and wanted to know what happened. Without me telling him what I KNOW what the issue was and is... He read in between the lines and was worried that I was going to quit. He called the guy in and he flat faced lied. I listenes and didn't say a word until he was finished. I then said that if you can't be a man and say what really happened, I can't work around you anymore. The owner told me he could out me in another department and I told him no and that this guy shouldn't have to move either. All he has to do is tell the truth, which he didn't..so I clocked out and left.

They will and can always find another person to take my place. But people come there and either just walk out after a half and hour...don't show up the next day or interview and see the work and do show up for their first day.

I was told to not worry about anyone else me what they are doing just do your job. But when evening gets the same amount of pay, with no increases because you are working harder than any of them...well, that incident was my clue fir leaving. Plus..

I told the so called Line Manager a woman that same day that I wouldn't be coming in on Thursday, I had an interview to go to. She asked was it going to be the whole day and I said yes. She told me to bring in a note. Like I said, people just don't come in and I never seen her even approach and ask them what happened to them not showing up.

So, the job hunt is on and I've already started. Have 2 interviews lined up already.

Fabio Said it Right.

Fabio Said it Right.. 'When you truly Love someone, you Love them forever.'

He said this in a recent interview. He was referring the woman who got away. She wanted to settle down, but he said he was too wild back then to do so. Now after all these years he regrets letting her slip through his hands, got away. I feel the same way also.

I'm not going to mention her name, but Thai woman was and still is my True Love. But I fucked up. No matter how I try to sugar coat it, it was ALL MY fault. I know it was my fault because when I sometimes speak of her not only to others but to myself, I feel like kicking my own ass if that was possible.

I have always said and believe that for me and others that you only have one true Love. Most people will disagree with me, but I stand my grounds on this one. I believe it only happens at a certain age, in your early 20's, no olser than 25, 26 year of age. My friends who I've seen over the years have said to me they thought that the two of us were going to get married. I think my life wouldn't be what it is today, I wouldn't have gone through a bunch of bullshit shit if only I acted right. It's my fault and I always told myself it was.

Last year we 'sort of' connected online. She gave me her number and told me to call. To be honest, I thought there was hope if getting back together. I thought that because she said to call her, I didn't. Reason why...I was the one who fucked up US. I didn't think that I could... I just didn't think I could get over me messing the relationship up the way I did. I thought that I would be always trying to ask for her forgiveness and it would seem like I would be too..I don't know the would for it other than too needy. So, I didn't call, didn't stay in touch and thought just let her move on and away. I don't regret that decision I made and maybe it was and is for the best for me really. But if she was to reach out to me this day, I wouldn't turn her away. I would explain why I thought and think the way that I do and did.

Maybe there is still hope for me, for us. I don't know, things happen when you don't expect them to happen. Powers that be control fate..and sometimes you have to let those Powers be in control of things.

...

Yesterday at work... All of a sudden I was tired and sleepy as all Hell so.. I empty all the the garbage cans by myself.

Mind you these garbage cans are large. The weight of each one was that if a 12 year old fat kid. Each one required me to empty by hand first, and then lift up and into a dumpster I swear is and was higher than any I've ever seen. But that shit woke me up.

Since it's Hump Day... I don't know how this woman I know here got my cell number, but she sent me some pictures that had me wide open. I mean yeah, she attractive... And yeah, we both were checking each other out.. I just want to know how she got my number.

Secondly... She doesn't know who she is about to deal with too. But I'm not going to go all in just yet. I have to do some more 'background' investigation. I heard she is married.

My friend is losing it. Whenev5 he speaks to me, I don't understand what he is saying. Others are coming to me and asking what is wrong with him. When I last asked him and talk with him, hetols me I was being to dictative. So I backed off. Last night he text me at 3am asking for a lighter..knowing damn well no smoking in the bathrooms and you aren't allowed outside. I'm going to try and have another conversation with him after work.

Monday Monday la la, la da la la...

It's so da.n green here. It rain off and in for two days, which made the grass even greener. It's been so damn hot this past week too. Today temps only going to hit 77°...which means the shop probably hit 90° I can deal with that.

...and here I thought that dude was he man. Well, she made it perfectly clear that he wasn't. She also made it clear to me that she was waiting for me to open my mouth a ND talk with her. From what I gathered..she already has made her mind up on the plans she has for me. I laughed when she told me too.

I hand around these two White kids, kids because one is 18 and the other is 19. The reason being because these two MOTHERFUCKERS are smart as shit. What ever comes out of their mouths is fascinating to me, no for real. One of them when I'm around him...he just gives me info on some strange shit. Info like.. I can't even tell you about because what he says you would think you have no use for. A handful of Black men here questioned me on why I hang with 'The White Boys'. I tell them bev5 I CAN and I WANT to. The both of them are heading out to Job Corp, just waiting on their 'shipping' day is what I call it. But there is one thing that bothers the fuck out if me about them though.

In a conve5 with them, it came out that they feel bad about being Homeless. That people look down on the Homeless as Third Class, the gutter people of society. I TRIED to explain it to them that we..I'm ONLY homeless because I don't have a home. I have a job, clean clothes in my back, I eat and I take showers twice a day..so yes, I AM homeless. But that doesn't bother me not one bit. 

I told them I am free to go to any place, any State any city that I want to. Before I go, I do my research..the job market. And you can better believe after I check into that Homeless Shelter..within 7 to 14 days I WILL have a job. But in the meantime I'm giving a group of people a job(s) to so the minimum amount of work to make sure I have food, clothing and shelter. Without me, they wouldn't have a job so to speak.

The reason why these two feel this way is that they don't see themselves pulling themselves up and out of the situation they/we are in. I told them it ALL starts with waking up, washing your ass and making your bed. A small thing. They joke at the way my area is so damn clean and that I clean and sort my stuff out each Sunday. I tell them it's so that I know where my stuff is. I also tell them that there are two washing machines and two dryers for all of us to use..USE THEM!!

They stay indoors when the dorms are open and out back on the benches away from the cars that drive by. They told me it hurts them when people give them that look..the look of 'You bum, get a job.' Yeah, get a job the two of you. You'll feel much better about yourself. I get looks too, but my looks from people are..to me they have confusion in their eyes. 'Wait, so you live there ina Homeless Shelter and you ARE working?' Yes, that's right. I have saving for retirement and I work for my everyday spending and saving up for rent money. Being that I'm Black and from New York City...they can't grasp WHY would I want to come this small as town, one in which they are dying to get out of. I tell them to just GO!! The only thing holding you back as far as I can see is the unknown which will BE and become the KNOWN. 

Gotta 'Beat Feet'..my ride to work is here.

....

I kind of felt sorry as fuck for him too.

One of the guys here approached me after dinner and asked me do I have SNAP, told him I did. He then asked could I give him a couple of dollars so he can go across the street and buy some food. Believe me I know what it feels like to be hungry. Even though he spent his monthly allowance on what ever, he came to me of all people and ask for help. I couldn't say no.

Took him across the street and told him to get 2hwt he wanted. $30 worth of food. And I asked him was he sure that was all he wanted. He said yes.

I'm only at the Shelter all day on weekends. Saturday I go to the library to download stuff. But I just found out that the library lens's out Hotspot Devices like they do books but for a week at a time. A guy has one of the devices and he let me borrow it the whole day. I downloaded 44 GB of movies, TV shows and music. Next Saturday I'm stopping at the library first to take out one and then I'm going by bus to another town to visit a new friend I met online.

I went for a walk and this woman asked me did I have a lighter, gave it to her..and then she asked for a cigarette. In just joking I said now I want your name, cell number and email address and she said okay. She told me that I talk funny like I was from New York or something. Told her I was and spent the next 20 minutes convincing her I was. 10 more minutes convincing her I was 61 years old. Because she is 35, below the age of doing anything with. She lives in the town 20 minutes away and she invited me over for lunch. She was here visiting and shopping for her Grandmother..and introduce me to her. I made sure that I mentioned that I haven't had q home cooked meal from VA.

Tired and sleepy. Good news, high temperature tomorrow 77°

Sunday..5:12am... Don't Act Like you Don't Want to, Because You Do

One of my MAJOR faults when it comes to women is remembering their names...

It's like this. With no more than five women and myself working in a room together, I can remember their names within 15 minutes but... But with any number greater than that, and throw in some males... I won't remember shit. I will start to make up names for them to help me remember though.

Now get this..I've spent an entire weekend starting on a Friday at 11pm...met in a club, talked, danced..left the club to get a room...spent up to Sunday around 6pm with a woman..and I didn't know her name until she said..'You don't even know my name, do you?' I told her no I didn't, and I didn't know how to because THIS happened really fast. She knew my name because I told her. I told her that I thought she was going to tell me her name, but I thought it was a thing she was into. We laughed. Gave me her number, but still didn't tell me her name. When I called to make sure she got home alright, I called her by the room number, 140. About 3 days later she texted me her name. 

I'm using about 2 Social Media apps..and yes, to meet women. Oh my GOD!! The women South of D.C. are breath taking. So far I have met 10 women in person. Four of them aren't creeped out because I'm staying in a Shelter for now. The other 6 had other plans in mind...like spend MY money. They still text call asking am I still living there..and I tell them yes on up to February. But here is one who is an Attorney and lives in Norfolk, no children...43 years old. She has drove to see me 5 times already and the last 4 times...she was parked in the parking lot just sitting there waiting for me. I was shocked because I know I didn't tell her to come. But it was no biggie and she asked was it okay. Told her show up whenever you want to, it's perfectly okay with me. This woman though...

She told that she HAD TO meet me when I messaged her. This is what I said...'Your profile picture makes you look like you're an Attorney...HELP!! I'm locked up and I didn't do it, come set me free.' Her response was give me your number, and I did. She called within 2 minutes. I said hello when I answers and she said whatever I say to her is Attorney Client Privileged. And I responded by just saying some dumb crazy things like..'At age 5 I pulled my sister's hair, and age 9 I kicked my dog...' And she couldn't stop laughing. She then said, I want to meet you and am I up for that. She showed up 4 hours later.

I enjoy meeting people because of the line of work I am in. I'm a Cook, not a Foodie. I will cook whatever you tell me to as long as you have instructions or tell me how to step by step. Meeting new people to me is like cracking open a new book. It's a feeling, we both don't know each other but we are about to.

Those other 6 women... They see my age, see my pictures and I don't know what goes thru their heads. They might think I'm old, can't get it up. Hell I'm beginning to think I can't get it up. I would do a 'Confession', but I won't. You just have to ask me and I'll be totally honest too.

It's Sunday morning. I washed my clothes, washed my sheets and Blankets. Reorganized my storage containers. I'm ready for this coming work week. I sure wish my DORMMATES do as I do... It's healthy and they would feel sort of like they accomplished something if not anything for this passing week.

WTF!!

So Tony Lanez shit Megan Thee Stallion in the foot and he is out on bail pending his trial. She got a reatra6 order. But both were performing at a fiction and now The Law wants to revoke his bail or increase for APPEARING at the same fiction as her!!? Cough, cough BULLSHIT!

He said he didn't see her or even came close to her. He's required to stay at least 100 feet from her or some bullshit like that but.. But they want to go all batshit on him for I guess, JUST being there.

Why can't a Black man earn a living. Is she claiming the whole fucking fiction as her OWN?

I don't know why he shot her in the foot... Probably had a good enough reason to do so too. I mean I wouldn't go as far as to shoot her or anyone but that's the life you lead in the music industry.

...

A you g lady about 25, 30 years old was in the Chinese Store ordering too. She works across the lot at a Howard Johnson Express Inn. I started talking to her for the sole purpose of getting a room at a very discounted price..the price she would pay because she works there.

Told her where I'm staying and I saw the look of pity in her eyes for only a second or two. The look was..oh, he's staying in a shelter but I'll fuck him. She called her order in so I had to act fast. Gave me her name and cell ny5 and told me to call her and to let her know when I want the room. She said that she has to 'Play it off', go up to the room with me so that it wouldn't look like she is getting the room for someone else. I was Very surprised when she said that and in her way out told me not to forget to call her 'tonight' Well damn!!

Chinese Food at Last.

It's name is called China House. 

Okay, just came from library and I've been hearing all about this Chinese restaurant here that everyone is going crazy over. So I order lunch from the menu.

First... The Duck Sauce, Soy Sauce and Hit Mustard along with spoons and forks PLUS napkins are in a table. I guess you can take as many as you like. The people/customers have manners, they don't Jorge.

Looking at the menu, you know I'm looking for 3 words...'Spare Rib Tips'. And would you know it, they don't serve it. Okay minus 9 points out of 10. I'm sorry, THIS New Yorker from The Bronx bases his reviews of Chinese Restaurants on the quality AND quality of their portions of Spare Rib Tips. You don't serve them..wells expect a not so shiny review from me on Yelp.

I ordered.. Vegetable Egg Foo Young, a quart of Sweet & Sour Pork and an order of Steamed Dumplings. We will see what is what in about 45 minutes.

I just missed the bus and it runs every half hour for only 25 cents. Can't complain about the price..a little gru.oy about the frequency...I'm hungry as fuck!!

...

I was having a conversation with a guy here at this shelter. He's Jamaican. The conversation got around to talking about being vaccinated. He told me that he isn't getting it because if he does he does and that he's ready to go.  Wing that he's in a Shelter for the Homeless, he feels that he has hit rock bottom and let the chips fall where ever. I don't understand his reasoning, but that's on him. 

He works in a Deli somewhere around this area. Told me that he works with 3 to 4 White women and all they do is gossip and talk about people all during the shift. He also told me that he stays to himself and he doesn't talk to anyone and that he is only there to do his job and get a paycheck. I explained to him that he should be more friendly with his co-workers and that he doesn't want to get that title of being the one who has a stuck up their ass. But he won't listen, so I let it be until...

I went on an interview for a position as a Deli Manager...and wouldn't you know it, it's at the same store as this guy who is at 5he Shelter. When I saw him standing there I told the store manager that I couldn't take the position, but I didn't tell him why.

I get back to the shelter and this guy asked me why I didn't take the job. I told him because he worked there and because of the conversation we had earlier. I tried to explain to him that I would find it difficult to work with him because of his way of thinking and that if I was to work there that he would take orders from me because if his way of thinking. He still couldn't grasp what I was saying so I ended the explanation and conversation.

So, about half an hour ago, this morning he approached me and tells me I was stupid. That the manager of the deli makes good money. Deli Managers here in this town, this state don't make shit. I tried to explain to him the whole concept of working in a Deli. The deli is just a stepping stone, entry level position before you are up to it to work in a restaurant. At first I doubted myself...was I ready to take it to the next level. I'm glad I took that step.

But this guy, this guy I was talking to about my Food Service experiences and what I DO...just didn't and won't click with him. To him and most people it's all about the money. I told him you have to not only enjoy working with food, you have to LOVE IT!! To hear a customer tell the Manager of a restaurant that they enjoyed what they ate, and I prepared it, help with others prepare it..THAT is worth more than any cash tip I could receive. To hear a customer ask if Mike is working tonight, because the manager came and tell me that a customer asked if I was in the kitchen...means more to me than getting a paycheck on payday. The customer is here, right now because of what I cooked for them before and they want that same experience again THIS night. But this guy didn't and won't get it. I don't know, maybe he's young, which he isn't. Maybe one day my words of encouragement will get to him, remind him of what it's all about.

About My Last Post...

....please excuse me on that one. I was called away, my friend got caught up in that bullshit again. This time he asked me to come alog and I turned him down. I'm not getting involved.

I get slightly pissed off when people speak on their cell phones on speakerphone. No further explanation is needed.  But if you hand me your phone to speak with someone who wants totslk with me... I'm turning that request down. For one, I don't need everyone within hearing distance to know my business.

This is t anyone I know but... If you decide to sell drugs, please be able to afford your own cigarette habits. Howiu selling drugs and can't afford cigarettes is way beyond me.

Maybe I have this Baby Momma thing all wrong... But if you classify your child's mother as a Baby Momma, are you in a relationship with her?

This guy was telling me all about the women, young women he is sleeping with. I asked him was he going for quantity or quality, there is a big difference. Then he tells me that he needs to hang out with me to see the kind of women that I 'pull'. Whenever I see this guy, he always smells like shit. No for real, like he shitted on himself or something.

When I saw her yeat7 morning I said good morning, no answer. Then later on I said hi, still no response. So this morning I didn't say anything when I saw her... She comes out and says oh you're aren't speaking to me no? I wanted to curse her ass out, but I didn't feel like...I didn't have the energy for real and I let it go.

They are cracking down on people who refuse to be vaccinated. I've heard so many reason as why to not get these shots...and I'm questioning these people sanity. One woman I know was feeling bad these last couple of days and then I found out they took her to the hospital and admitted her. Now those others who were around her have this look on their faces. I told them I rather be slightly sick then dead. I blame this on people not reading enough about what's going on around them. Just like these Nurses...

It was all find and dandy when they were being acknowledged as. Being Front Line Workers..Heroes they were called. But if you're to take care of the suck and not get vaccinated, you're no Hero, you're an asshole in my book.

I Don't Even Know Why I Listened....

 So a friend was telling me to day about an incident that happened between him and 3, 4 people....

I don't even know why I bothered to listen. I should have told him, that I don't want to know about the problems he was having with these people. But I listen anyway and this is what I gathered from the conversation.

A female friend of his was having problems with her brother. Apparently the brother spit in her face, but he didn't do it on purpose. The woman ran out of the house she was staying out which is her brother who has a daughter who he has custody of, but the daughter chooses to live with her mother who remarried her ex husband's best friend.  The sister of the brother takes care of her niece AND her brother...cleaning, shopping and cooking. Without her being in the house the father and daughter would be lost, so she is a BIG help. The brother KNOWS this.

So my friend talked to the brother and this isn't the first time with him doing so. My friend tends to get upset the brother just for no reason at all go bonkers on his sister. He asked around to see if she could sleep at his friends house and he found one. So he took her to him, he has a hotel room he rents by the week. From what my friend told me, once seeing her he said no. No and that he has an image to protect. 

Gotta go, something came up that needs attention.

Thursday 6:20am... Degrees

No matter how hot it is, it's always hotter.

It's about work and working really. Yesterday it was 93° outside and inside where I work at my station it was 105°. Did it bother me? Nope! The reason being I'm accustomed to working in such environments, hot ass kitchens.  What you have to be able to do is pace yourself and stay on top of what you're doing. That means prepping your area so that you don't have to be running back and forth. Not everyone can do this.

Some of my co workers list their shit yesterday because if the heat. What I find really fucking amazing is that they were born here and know or should know what the weather can and will be like where we work. Many times tried to talk some of them down. Take it easy I said, pace yourself. But with them getting agitated only made matters worse.

Today is going to be even hotter outside which is going to make being inside for real a living Hell. I old them the key is to wear loose fitting clothes with light colors. Who wears a full body tight fitting black whatever the fuck you call it to work in. True you will look amazing in it, but work isn't suppose to be a fashion show.

All I know is that I need to treat myself to something nice and I will be after the 17th of this month. I mentioned it to some people. I said I was getting me a nice hotel room for the weekend, a pass away from this place I'm staying at. What I was told and asked was when I do, let them know so they can come and visit me. WTF!? So you're going to come and visit me in a hotel room? For what reason I asked. They said so they can come and used the pool. I told them that isn't happening for one, ns the other reason...you're a male. Fuck I look like inviting you in the third place. Some people's kids.

...

I know one thing for certain that I wasn't. At 18 years old I didn't act like I had all the answers or knew it all.

It's funny when I hear these young people today. They talk like hey have life all figured out. And some talk at the age of 18, 19 and even 20 that where they are at in their stage of life, it's goi g to be like that the rest of their lives.

They just don't know. They don't know that they have their 2hole life ahead of them. They don't know that they will be able to make mistakes and then correct them. They don't know that it's a toss up..your good days and your bad days. They don't know that if they want something out of life that they have their whole lives ahead of them to go for it. They will learn though.

Wednesday 4:57am

I don't know what you call it or them, but I call it fucked up.

I was told nothing in this world is free. Someone somewhere is paying the price for it. At first I didn't think this was true, but it certainly most is.

I had mentioned before that we didn't have hot water at the place I sleep at, eat at and WASH UP at. A teenager wasn't complaining, he was just asking how come it takes four days to fix the problem and this is a Shelter with men, woman and kids in it. This guy, a Veteran who is on his second time coming back said that.. Well he went into all this bullshit about 'ya'll' should be greatful for what we have here and that people are donating their time and out of the generosity of their heart are helping us. (cough, cough) Bullshit!! It took everything that is in me that is Holy to MOT bark back at his ass, but I did throw up on him...a tiny little bit.

(This is just my opinion....) ANY Shelter that is within the confines of The United States, the people who WORK there ARE being paid. True, it's a babysitters type job, but you have to have some sort of caring within you to do this paying job regardless of what the pay is. No one held a gun to your head and told you that you HAVE TO take this job. You submitted your resume, applied, interviewed and accepted the job offering. You DUTY, what you are being PAID TO DO is to look after those who are in need of HELP...sheltering, food and medical assistance, it's your job!! But not all places and not all the people who work at a Shelter will or understand this and MOST don't give a flying fuck about the people who are in shelters. A Shelter is just that, what the word describes, a Shelter..to protect. People don't get this, they don't understand. 

There are certain types of people who come into a shelter. First are the ones who who don't know how to care for themselves. They don't want to do anything. They CAN work, but won't..PERIOD!! Wow t wash their asses won't so anything to change anything, but will just lay up and do nothing. Then there are families, they are the ones who need the most help, children are involved. Then there are the working ones..they work, but don't make enough money to keep up with all the bills, rent and medical and find themselves in a tough situation which...they just need a break to gather their thoughts and to save money to get an affordable place to live WHILE still working. These are the ones who have to adjust to a Shelter battle of living, they have to follow he rules while still coming and going in and out to and from work.i fit in that category.

It's not easy and it's not for everyone. I out up with a lot of bullshit but I follow the rules. I ask to do everything. I make my bed, clean around my area and I keep my hygiene up. I shower two times within a 24 hour period, I have to, I work around and with food. I wash my clothes if not everyday every other day. The hardest part for me is to try and continue to eat healthy. The food they serve is t something that I would eat. Who eats bbq chicken for breakfast, not me but that's what they serve here. 

Sleeping in a dorm with 40 other men is 'didferent', but I've done it before, I was in The Army. Most of the men in the dorm don't keep their hygiene up and we are no to say anything about it to them. There is stealing, a lot of stealing going on. But the ones who are stealing know who not to steal from.

People have me tal issues. This Shelter doesn't do anything for them except that if they are on medications..they lock it up and give it to them as prescribed. The ones who are not on any meds...well, they roam around the dorm at night in their own little worlds. Fortunately none here are dangerous to themselves or to others which is good. The other night a guy tried to get inbes with me. I know he has issues so I was angry or anything and talked him to his bed. I informed staff about it and like always they didn't give a Fuck.

I mentioned the ones who can but won't..those are the ones I keep my eyes on. These fuckers steal and take advantage of the week. I see them do it and I make eye contact with them. I don't tell staff about it but..if any of my things are missing they will be Hell to pay outside the Shelters door. Inlet this be known with a look. I'm not playing when it comes to what I have, what I work for to have.

I plan on being in this Shelter until February. That's what I told my Case Manager. He had no problem with me saying this. He knows I'm focus and will do what I have to do no matter what.

...

These young men at work call me 'Old Head', that doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that they say hey have all this money and bum cigarettes off of me. I don't give them shit though...with all that money you have.

...

There is a downside to living in a small town... You need your own transportation to get around basically.

New York City has Public Transportation that runs 24 hours a day. When it says it's a City That Never Sleeps, it's true. For example, Rihanna was seen getting $1 slices of pizza at 4am. Four o'clock IN THE MORNING!! ONLY in NYC!! You can get what you crave at any time you want AND take a train or bus to get it. Here, where I'm at right now... Get this...

From the town I'm in, to get to the town I work in which is 17 FUCKING MILES AWAY, I can take a bus but it doesn't and it won't get me there AT my 8am starting time. In fact, it's not even called a bus, it's called a trolley. AND, I would have to take a transfer which would take 90 minutes. Public transportation starts at 8am and the cost is 25 and 50 cents. I have yet to ride on it.

There was a slight problem at work which caused the team I work on to stay later. My Manager picks me up to take me to work and brings me back at the end of my shift, he lives in my town. But on that day he had a doctor's appointment which left me to get home in my own...which told me I was stuck. Co workers all drive and when it was clock out time, they are 'Beat Feet', left..left me standing there looking dumb as fuck. The owners if the place who also put in work with us came to the rescue. They called me a 'cab' in which they paid for. Found out from small town to small town cost $20. What I did t know is that it takes up to an hour for the cab to come AFTER you call it. Again, I panicked. But I got home alright.

So I'm thinking if getting my own car, it will cost me under $3,000. It's a fair price but.. We are still in a Pandemic and this Delta Variant is kicking it high gear too. So... I have to get a driver's license. But I wanted and need to get an ID first. DMV is by appointment only and the wait time is close to 3 months. I have the funds for the car, insurance, registration all of that but it's the wait time to get things rolling. This leaves me to do only one thing on the weekends on my day off.

On Saturdays I walk to the library to read their magazines and to download my movies, music and TV shows. The place where I rest my head is reality is a Shelter, but they call it something else. Anyways they have wifi but it restricts me from accessing torrent websites. I know a work around but I'm not trying to get kicked out of the place. You may say how will they know. Well, I'm the only one with a laptop. In fact I have 3 laptops, 2 are in the office for safe keeping. I sleep ina dorm. So it's the library I go to on one of my two days off. On Sunday, I do nothing my be lazy...or try to be that is.

Today is Tuesday. Since the past Friday when I work up there was hot water. I come 'home' from work, sweaty and tired from a long hard week of work and there is not hot water but the repairman is there to fix it. No hot water for the whole weekend and this morning, the morning I am writing this I woke up to try and take a shower, in which I did but to semi like warm water. I'm not complaining but... I am a person who works with food and I am use to taking THREE showers in the Summertime. For all those days I was washing up in the bathroom sink which didn't make me feel clean at all. Yesterday, Monday I told myself if there isn't any hot water I was going to walk to a hotel and get a room just to take a hot shower. But I feel clean this morning after taking one. I just hope they get it completely fixed by the time I get home.

I can adapt to any thing. Getting around and not having hot water to clean myself is a small thing kind of to me. It throws me off a little, but I adapt.

...

Hey, here's a trend people can start. 

How about filling all those empty work positions that are out there. I will tell you this though..

I employment bennies are about to end, what..in September? But then again this Delta Variant.. it's gaining momentum and it looks like it has legs too. I think 'They' are going to extend those benefits until the end of the last quarter of this year. If they do, they will also have to give something to the 'Woeking Joes' too. Another round of Stimulus Checks. I don't see why not. Those Child Tax Credits are going to mainly single parents, but what about others? Can't leave them hanging in the wind.

...

Governor Cuomo of NY State... Can you say...' He is fucked' boys & girls.

He is so fucked up right now that he doesn't even know it. But I have to give him credit though. He is t going down without a fight.

....

When I woke up Friday morning at 4:30am, there was hot water.

Came home at 4:45pm, NO hot water. This whole weekend..NO HOT WATER!! I'm semi hard core, or I was totally hardcore when I was in the Army and up to 3 years after I left. I don't give a Fuck what anyone says, I'm not taking a cold shower. I will wash head to toe in the bathroom sink, but that cold shower bullshit isn't me.

I told my friend here that I want to meet some women here. Like he told me he has female friends who have female friends. My sole purpose other than sex was to have a place I can fall back on like in times when there is no hot water. I could have stress this to him today any more than I already did. I think it was about 6, 7,..8 times. I told him a need to find a place close by where I can chill.

I hope the hot water comes back tomorrow after work.

....

Sometimes I will start a post and then...I get called away for something to only TRY and pick up from where I left off at.

What I'm going to try to do for now on is just end the post and pick it back up later in another post. I think this will work for me.

....

So this guy I know here is turning out to be a good friend. But there are something's that I don't understand.

This guy tells me the night before, almost every night before that he is going to hook me up with some woman. And what the  dumbest shit is that I believe him.

The other day he introduces me to this woman and then the three of us went for a walk. I'm walking about a half a cars length behind her. Yes I checked out her body from head to heel because I was behind her. My friend went inside the store and left me alone with her.

I could tell she was going they something so I asked. He r daughter is with her mother out West and she misses her daughter. But she wasn't living right here with her daught so her mother took her from her out of Love for the both of them.

This woman wants to stay clean. Not drugs, alcohol. So what she does is stay indoors and only comes out four times a day to go for walks. It the stay away or avoid 'people, places and things' routine. I understand that but. You can't run away from shit that gets you all fucked up. This is MY way of thinking though. What works for me might not work for you.  Anyways. Word got to me by hat she wants to talk with me. I was suppose to meet her yesterday until..

It started early in the morning, this guy was suppose to meet me at 8am and go to another town's library, then to a friend's home to introduce me. That didn't happen. Then he was suppose to do a lot of other shit which never happened ending with him being at this woman's home who I was suppose to meet. She had my number and texted me wondering where I was and who was there with her. Today, I'm going to confront him about his stupid dumb shit he's playing.

Gotta go.

'I'm Treading VERY Lightly on This One Folks.'

I was just going thru almost all of my FB pictures and you know what... They actually say something about me.

First thing I noticed isthat I aheva shit load of pictures. In High School my major was Photography, I just liked taken pictures. Then comes the internet..memes and other people's pictures.  City and States I've been to you can see the timeline and the pictures take me back, thr memories.

The pictures I have on FB... See, I don't know who is reading this. Though this App/program/website leaves a count whenever someone views/reads it. Though I'm not going for a high so to speak readership, I want people to read it, then I don't want people to know who I am. That's where the sort of...problem(?) comes in.

No I'm not running from anyone like The Law, I'm a litter Shakey about.. My Facebook is my Government name.

I think I'm thinking way too much into this. I will make a decision by Monday.

....

Out out those three I mentioned before, one is crossed off my list. I saw the main one today and I said someth5 to her and she handed me her number and told me to text only. But we had a decent conversation.

Thing is around here...almost everyone knows everybody, so word will get around she said. I told her to let me handle it. She said she will and will.lwave everything up to me.

Don't Get Me Wrong, But.,.

I'm on my ' A Hard Days Work' bullshit.

Listen, people don't want to work here. The place I work at is great to me. You work hard, I work hard I get satisfaction out of it. I accomplished something. I clock out I KNOW I earned my pay for the day/week. THESE motherfuckers though.

Most of the people I work with and around are either in Parole or Probation..BOTH male and females. The company I work for has a steady record of hiring Felons which in my book is GREAT. Everyone deserves to work, but... If we're a drug dealer, did your time and started working where I work at and say to me you're trying to change your ways... Standing around and looking at your cell phone and being on Snap Chat..like who the fuck uses Snap Chat anym5 in the first damn place. I almost walked out today. It would have matter though. People quit when they get their first check and this company hired them back the fillow5 Wednesday. In fact, one guy quit 3 times since I've been there. 

When I say almost everyone is on Parole or Probatiin I shit you not. But I'm talking about the females now. These two towns are small, what kind of trouble can a woman get into is beyond me, but I asked acouple of women. It all drug related, Meth. I'm like really? Both said yeah and they still use butghey have it under control, it's like a weekend thing. But I don't know. Whatever.

...

Some people aren't cut out or even made for the job positions they fill.

I work from the age of 14 years old to this present year. From 1974 to 2021. There were only two years I didn't work and no it wasn't because I was in jail or prison. How I know this is because of my Social Security number, the website told me so. When I say I am TIRES OF WORKING, believe me I am tired. Getting up early in the morning. I have the Army to thank for that...waking up early, being prepared in case something goes wrong. I have a Working Spirit, something I am grateful for. Sometimes this Spirit is a real pain in the ass. It's like... It's like 95 percent of me...though I try to sleep in, I can't. Sometimes I force myself to take time off and when I do it messes with me. When I'm not at the job site it's like I'm missing something. I don't want to be the one who doesn't know what's going on, I don't want to say 'well, I wasn't there.'

I believe if you apply for a job, and then interview for the job, get the job...you DO the job no matter what it takes. Of course if your employer tells you to do something that you don't feel comfortable with doing, if the job might place you in danger or something, tell them how you feel, but still try and do what they ask you to do.

There are people who will say anyth5nat the interview to get that job that position. And then when they actually get the position slack off and so nothing. When you apply and get a job dealing with people who cant help themselves for an example..and you treat those same people with no respect and compassion...I believe and hope there is a special place set aside for them in Hell. I've held positions like that before and I did all that I could do to make those people lives a little bit easier. I wish and sometimes prayed  that God give me that little bit of MORE compassion and to let those that I am trying to help, to let them know I'm doing the best I can do within the guidelines of my job.

Then there are those who just don't give a flying fuck and will do the job for only the money. Just show up at work getting the hours and sit on their asses and do nothing. Or, they don't know how to multi task, move their asses to do something that takes seconds, and then go back no what they are doing. Click in at work and do as little as possible, or actually do do shit. They are the same ones who say that they don't or didn't come to work to make friends. They say I came to work to do my job and that's it, but don't do their job and still collect a paycheck.

I don't know... I tired of working with people who don't do their job and they work with me. I out my ALL into everything I do, it's my job and I will do what is expected of me to do and a whole lot more. I try.. I tell myself to stay back, let someone else step up, but no one else really does. It's not for the money, it's not to be recognized... It's my job and I will do it as best as I can.

11:02pm

A friend of mines asked me to take a walk with him. If course I asked him where the duck we are walking to. He tells me there is someone he wants me to meet. So I go.

15 minutes later he says, here she comes. As she gets closer and closer...I noticed that she is looking at me. She hugs my friend, they are friends for the longest time, and then he introduces me. Well, he began to do so but she cut him off by asking me my name.

She told me hers but it's different, different sounding and I won't even try to spell it here. she stands just a little shorter than me, with the brightest blue eyes I've ever seen other than in a print add. We had a nice little 25 minute conversation up until 9pm when she said she's tired and wants to go home. She tells me she would invite me in, bit I might stay longer than I want to and not make my curfew. She gave me her number, address, email and told me on Saturday she wants to cook breakfast and lunch for me. I told her I will be there a little after 5am and I left, started walking back. My friend's curfew is at 11pm.

Since I'm walking back..and I walk very fast, someone honked their car horn at me and I paid it no attention. A few minutes later, a female voice calls my name. It's one of the women who I mention in my post. She told me to jump in. 

She asked me what was I doing out here so far away from the building and I told her I went to see someone who wanted to meet me. She then said I want to meet you. I told her to give me her number and email address and I will text her to open her email. She then told me that she is off in Sunday and want to hangout early since she has to work on Monday.

She drives me to where I'm staying, the parking lot and the friend I was walking with shows up and...he was shocked to see who I was talking to.. I told her I will see her on Sunday, but she has to come and pick me up.

It's like this for me and I'm serious. Both of these women are below the age that I set for myself to date...but not to have sex with. But the woman I met first, I like her style and her look and the way she spoke to me and not AT me. She spoke of being interested. The second woman.. All she wants to do is sleep with me because I'm not from Virginia and I'm older and more mature then the men she dates or sees.

But I've had my eye on this one of the other three I mentioned too. Her.. Let's say she is worth it.

....

It's a damn shame...but then again...

I use to mess around with this woman back in 2005, but we lost contact until about a month ago. She accepted my Friend Request on Facebook..nd then nothing. I know she saw my my messages I sent her too.

Today she was all chatty with me on Messenger, and then sends me her cell number AND address to stop by TONIGHT!! Told her I moved to VA, sorry I can't make it

That is what happens when you are afraid to really reach out.

...

Yesterday, work...work was crazy. 

First damn near everyone was late coming to work. That meant pulling people from other departments to come and work in mines. That also meant that they didn't and don't give a Fuck about the end product. As far as they knew and what most said was that they couldn't work this department, it's too damn busy.

I found something out which blew my mind. About 98% of the people there are on Parole or Probation. 85% of them are women. I did the math, I dislike math. The job is well known for hiring felons..which means you can leave any time you want and they will hire you back. Also means you get arrested do you time..they will take you back. Which also means no one gives a Fuck about the job.

I was working with three people. One woman and two guys. Between the three of them, they have 14 kids. All of them are under the age of 30. WTF?!! I was asked did I have any kids, told them no. They wonders what's wrong with me.

This town is..how do I put it. This town is a dead end for Black people. 

Have You Ever Had...

Have you ever had so much to say, and very little time to say it in? I know it sounds cliche... Welcome to my world.

I start putting together a post early in the morning only to find out that I save it as a draft...and 9, 10 hours later I just get around to it. Well NOT any fucking more will I do this.

Okay, it may sound 'Basic' and I'm sure it has probably been done far too many times before. But I haven't heard of a Male doing it.

I... How do I put this so that it doesn't sound cheap, creepy as fuck and even desperate. You know how a young woman offers up her Womanhood for the very first time.. How about an Experience Male, me...offer up HIS 'Its Been A VERY LONG TIME. Yep. Let's say since...well around the middle of August of LAST YEAR!

I stopped doing the 'One on One's thingy about 37 days ago, and believe me last night...I almost gave in, but I didn't. I drank some water of all things and it helped.

I have three women I am going to approach. First one.. A White Woman who is also a Veteran Marine who is a little out there. I had a conversation with her that was borderlines scary but turned me on and she opened up to me. Then someone came along and broke the mood. But that look in her eye said get back at me in the future. I don't know her age, but I will say around 30 or so.

Number two...Don't know her age either, but seems under 25 years old, I have to ask her today. She is in a relationship, has a small child but she asked me the questions a man would ask a woman and that tells me she is interested in me.

Number three...She is also interested in me, told another person who came and told me. The issue is...she is engaged to get married. When she told me this I told her not to do it, don't get married. Told her to see as much as she can of this world we live in. Go places, do things..see how other people live their lives. Set an age..like 5, 6 years from now to get married AFTER she does some traveling and experiencing.

It's not like I will be some kind of Hirney Dog, and Creepy Old Man... Of course I could just go and PAY a woman, who will accept my money, but I don't think that will fit my passion. I think it will be too much pressure for me to 'perdorm' so to speak. I want that real passion, that real desire coming from her.

There is a Number four. First time meeting her was an experience, underlined anger coming from her in which I didn't realize until a couple of days later what THAT was all about until I asked someone about her. THEN I out two and two together, I smiled to myself about it too.

So there. Does it sound cheesey to you what I want to do? Your input is valued. Won't say I'll take your advice if you say...'No, find you someone your age and have a relationship.'  And if you're one of those people who would give me that advice... I would say to you.... '...my waaaay (Frank Sinatra Voice)

6:06am

Another start of a new week.

This place I'm staying at is a Shelter, but it's not like any Shelter I've been in. Let me try to explain a few things. Keep in mind this is my opinion and this is what works for me.

A Shelter is a place where your suppose to regroup yourself, talk a little time and adjust your strategy. First...rest your body and then your mind, get your game plan in order. There are rules, first rule is The Curfew. Usually it's 10pm. You have to handle all your business by 5pm because around that time it's dinner time, don't miss dinner. After a few days, usually two, start looking for work. But at most Shelters, in any State you go to, people need work done and will come to Shelters paying decent good money for a days work. But if you have a resume, a laptop, your best bet is to go to the library. Okay, you have your job search in motion, now all you have to do is just wait for calls and emails to flow in.

I moved from New York City to Virginia. I had to change all my addresses on everything inside in NYC for Virginia...I mean everything. My FREE Government issues Obama Phone..the data plan just stopped working. Had to call them and they adjust my phone to the Cell Towers here.

I got my first paycheck this past Friday. It was only for 3 days. No direct deposit though and I was worried about cashing it until.. I have a Chime Debit Card. On the app they have a deposit feature, problem solved.

I have an getting Food Stamps in NYC and my card works here but.. I need to do a couple of things this month. Schedule an appointment with Social Services and apply for SNAP and Medicaid. Plus go to DMV and get a Non Drivers ID.

...

I started a post..wonder where it went, anyhow.

How can I put this.. What people do and are use to doing here in this city and great state..I would never do in NYC. I try not to compare but I can't help it. Like...

Like I made a statement that I would never date a woman with children, infant, toddler, teen, tough adult..nope, I will never do that and I have my reason. Dude said as long as you don't put your hands in my mother we are good. I tried as hard as I could to grasp that statement, couldn't. But I told him..why would you as a 28 year old man get involved in your mother's relationship. That's her doing and she knows how to handle situations better than you and it doesn't involved violence. Besides, your mother will tell you anything to make the guy look bad, i.e, he hit me...which most likely he didn't.But you will believe your mother and step to the guy too. AND, what will for sure happen...the two of them will be back together again.

Correction..I would never had a women with children as my girlfriend. Still means no relationship for me but..does not mean I won't sleep with her. Okay, I will have sex with her but it comes with a disclaimer first, something like this..

"Are you sure you want to do this and what will this mean to you.' Afterwards... 'So, where do we go from here, what do we do now?' I'll leave it all up to her, she makes the decision.