??!!

Am I wrong for wanting, now mind you, I am a full blooded man. Am I wrong for wanting the duaghter also?

No, not at the same time, but yes, in the same night. I mean her daughter... Not shabby at all. Nice shape, meaning not skinny and has curves. Those crazy color contacts in her eyes. Her Blondish red hair, which is a weave, a lace weave? Tats in the small of her lower back...looks like it was down on some one's back porch on a dare. But, sure as long as Red Fire Engines and dogs that pee on Fire Hydrants...I would do her until she started babbling like an idot. Strange shit too, she knows I will.

Asked ne did I have any guys friends that wouldn't mind having her hang out at their crib for about a week and likes to have sex & smoke weed. I have no guy friends...wait, let me make a call.

It Amazes Me How Some People...

...just don't think. THINK!!

I too, some times at times don't just take a nano second to think before I react. I hear that voice, you know that voice that tells you sometimes...NO, DON'T !! Yeah, that one. I ignore it too, but not ALL the time.

Listen, if any female and I do me ALL females. If you're going to meet a man you met online for the first time, there are warning signs. Some say, 'if he doesn't have a job...', no not that warning sign. The sign..he doesn't have a girlfriend or wife, no kids, or has this and that. Those freakin' signs. No, not the ones..he doesn't have a car. Hell a female wants a man to have a car so that she can always have a way to get from point A to Point B.

I say this because my friend who I went to visit for the weekend, she is coming to visit me for a week. She is also bringing her daughter who met a man from the same website. But the day before, no 2 days before, they couldn't get a hold of him on his cell phone. He claims something or another that she was dailing the wrong number, but when my friend called from her phone, he picked up. Warning sign number one. Number 2. EVERY GROWN ADULT knows how to get around within NYC subways and bus system. Damn near everyone has a smartphone, right? Getting directions from..let's say Brooklyn to The Bronx, an address..go to your smartphone and ask Google. Number 3, that just getting out of the shower mess and he didn't hear the phone ringing. Put it to you this way... You know she is coming to see you, so you know if anything, you're having sex. That phone should and would be sitting by the bathroom door, it being slightly ajar to keep it from building up mositure, with the volume up as high as it fucking goes. Those warning signs.

What upsets me is that the fact if this flake flakes through, the daughter will either be staying with her, the mother in the room. But moms isn't having it, so she probably have to pay for a weeks stay for the daughter, which will be about $1500. Oh well. So, I will have to play...wait, I didn't mentioned that the daughter also bought along her OWN daughter. Okay let me see if I have this right. The daughter bought along her own daughter to meet this man she met online for the first time. To me, things aren't going to go along as planned for my friend for her weeks visit with me.

I'm about 10 blocks away by bus. I'm gonna see what type of Cluster Fuck this going to turn out into.

On Monday, December 9th 2013....

...I was fired from my job. To say I didn't see it coming, well that's not true.

In the past, as with this job, I was having fun. Showing up to work an hour before time. being happy to be working with the people I was working with and doing my job. But all of that changed during the summer months. I started seeing things for the way there are. So, when the weather started turning cold, I was no longer having fun at work. This is what changed.

I asked during the summer time that I wanted to be one of the Line Cooks. I was told by the Chef that the only way was if some one quit, got fired or left. # months later, some one got fired, a Line Cook. I was told to put in for the position when The Chef, by The Chef, when he came off of vacation. The day he returned< I told him I wanted to apply for the position. He told me that 'they' are going a different way to fill the spot. One, a graduate from a culinary school, and you have to speak Spanish & French. I thought that this was unfair, but that's what 'they' wanted. I searched out to find out who this 'they' are.

I went through the chain, and no one would tell me who this 'they' is, or even if they existed. I went to The Building Manager, who is a Veteran, whom I never had any problems with. Our meeting ended with him saying that I was bullying him and I was being insubordinate. Upon clocking out and leaving, HR came down and ask for my ID, and told me my services were no longer needed. Fine.

Its been a couple of weeks now, and I have some things to say about what happened, my point of view. I REFUSED TO CONFORM TO THEIR RACIST BULLSHIT is why I was fired. All I did was ask questions, wanted some answers. Oh, was I suppose to be the 'good nigger' and just do what I was told, accept the answers I was given, and shuffle my Black Ass off and say, 'you're right, I don't qualify for the position, what was I thinking'.No, I wasn't raised that way.

But its okay, there are other jobs out there, its just takes time for one to come my way.

I Went, I 'Came', and I Left.

Clicked on her online, said I would come and see her, even though she was 7 hours away by bus.

Okay, her profile picture...she is a big woman. Her profime picture...let's just say, the front...okay, layers. The back..oMFG!! Ass tight as all hell!!

Should I get all graphic and turn this post into a Penthouse Letter to The Editor, make it hot and steamy, I should, but...no, not gonna do it. But I will say this to any woman who is reading this. Men, if you have a woman that you know who SHOULD read the following...please feel free to print it out and hand it to those woman, so that they should know. I'm gonna be honest.

First let me say, 'I'm not afraid of no ghost'. Takes a lot to frighten me. The bigger they are, more of a challenge. See, she tried to scare me, ask me in a text, do I know how to 'stand up in it'. Stand up my ass, I ran a marathon on, around and in her ass. Average size woman and woman who are rail thin, take heed to what I am about to say. Big Beatutiful Women, Big Boned Women, Fat Ass Women..there is a reason why they love us slim slender guys. Its like this, we have been training all our lives for women like the before mention. Yes, we may lack the muscles on muscles, the 6 pack, but there is one thing we skinny guys do kinow how to do. We know how to fit into tight places.

Okay, google, 'Boston Crab, wrestling move'. Got it? Saw it? Need I say any more? That move, will make and college graduate, evn from Yale, Havard mind you, a female of course, become a babbling idiot. Its not something I achieve to do, its not something of a move. Its like McGuyver, he uses whatever he has on hand. It soeant work on every feel of that nature, but then again it does.

Okay, sex is just plain old sex, no matter how you look at it. Its what you do before hand, what you do prior to the act. Talk, dinner and watching movies. Talking just about anything. Since I was staing in a hotel, she took me to her house and showed me around the neighbrhood. The neighborhood...think of the most eatern part of Long Island...with the people having little next to nothing. Not all, but some. No aprtment building, houses. But there are complexes. I found out that people there say they couldn't live like how we do in The Bronx, in apartment buildings. They can't imagine having a family living over them. And when I told them that the building I live in is 33 stories tall, with 12 apartment, 1 & 2 bedroom apartments on each floor, they say they can't live like that. Then again, I can't see myself living where she lives, a couple of miles short of Canada.

I will try to make anothyer trip up there at the end of January or before the 2nd week of Febuary. To be honest.. Listen, I'm moving on to this jamaican woman now, in The Bronx. She knows of my trip, but still wants a face to face.

Still at It

...I clicked on her picture and read her profile. Then I clicked on her pictures...to see who she really is. Pictures say and tell a lot about a person.

First let me say this, I'm quite sure I am not the only man alive that looks at a woman's ass, butt. You women know we do and so of you take a lot of pride on showing us men what a great looking ass you've got. Womenshow it off by the clothes they wear. Sure, some say that that's not the reason they wear such shape revealing clothes...BULLSHIT!! Which leads me to...

I'm sorry, I was..I think I was born at night, but not last night. Some of you women...that shape of your ass, that defintion of YOUR ass, did not come from you working out and waching what you eat. How I know? Us men, well just look at your stomach, you enjoy eating and there is nothing wrong with that. True, in some women, its passed down from generation to generation in the women in their bloodline just to have, to e born with as they get older and mature, they just have a great looking ass without soing anything. Its just handed down and passed along the gene pool. Its the other women whose asses only come from one thing...having sex and plenty of it. These women give themselves away with asses like this. How? By having a shit load of kids...sometimes by different guys. Nothing wrong with that. Where the issue comes is where you try to play it off by saying stupid crazy shit like..'I'm not a booty call', 'it isn't about sex all the time', 'Im not a jump off'. Oh really, so when did you stop all of this? Its shit like that they say that's just doesn't make sense.

Okay, back to this women who profile I clicked on...which was on a Monday. See, I knew something was up when she asked for my telephone number, I emailed it to her. I wasn't sitting by my phone waiting on her call either, if she calls, she calls. Besides, some womejust collect numbers to make themselves feel good about themselves. But she called 4 hours later. I had missed the call cause my phone is always on vibrate. She Text Blast me, asking me how come I'm not picking up and returning her text. Hell, I was at work and so was she. At this point I still ahvent heard her voice or spoke to her live.

Tuesday. Found out she has 2 jobs theu text messenging. Best time is to catch her between 2 and 3pm. Text her that I wanted her to leave a voice message on my phone so I can hear her voice. When she called me on Monday, she didn't leave a message. Well, she called and I didn't answer, so she left a message. Young sounding voice, which is a bonus, being that she is 51 years old. And, she is Jamacian. Texted her back that she sounds cute over the phone. Tuesday afternoon total text received and sent totaled 110, and I haven't spoke to her in person yet.

Wednesday. After all those text, we sort of established something. I found out..she works hard at her 2 jobs. She is a care provider, and has been doing it for almost 15 years. Also found out, and she said it was many many years ago, she had her heart broken. Her boyfriend from the islands, since she was 14, she married him there, and bought him here. She provided everything for him, and then he fucked up.New York City just got him wide the fuck open. Saw other women from his country and they was they were living their fast ass life, and he wanted to be a part of that. He cheated and she kicked him out. She told me that she didn't care if he couldn't find a job, she was willing and was taking care of him. All he had to do was just 'be there'. Be there as her friend and as her husband. He couldn't so that for her. She was devasted and couldn't believe it was happening to her. She divorced him and took to working hard, but there was and is something missing. She told me a good man in her life. Wednesday night we talked over the phone while she was at work. She called me and said 'just talk to me', so I did.

We talked for 4 hours, with me doingmost if not all of the talking. She was at work, in the breakroom and her female co workers were sitting right there and she didn't or couldn't speak a freely as she wanted to. I questioned why she was talking so low keyed and she told me that her co workers are there. I told her so what, talk to me, don't worry about what they hear when you speak to me, they will learn something more about the person you really are. So she did. Funny thing, when she had to make her rounds, co workers told her, don't worry about it, continue your conversation. This surprised her. I told her people are like that. See, you not only were telling me me about you, but you were also letting your co workers know you're a human being and they were happy that you were showing the human side of you. But there was something I had to share with her.

I told her that this Friday that I am going out of town tomeet another person who I meet from the website, this was set up a month and a half ago. I could tell in her voice that she was kind of broken hearted. She told me on Friday she wanted to take me to the movies. I told her to hold off seeing the movie, we can gosee it together or do whatever you want to do when I come back. But I don't know if she is interested in seeing me anymore, have to wait and see.

It goes to say, I'm not looking for a girlfriend, just friends and dating. Now my discription of being 'Friends' may be different from what any women wants. Women can't, or some say they don't sleep with Friends, I do, plain and simple. I'm too old to have a girlfriend. But I will reach out to her later on and see what happens.

I'm just honest...mainly to myself, and then others.

Monday...Cyber...One Each

I don't even know why Cyber Monday still exsits. I mean during the year you find and can get eals online at any time of the year. I guess if you find something, order it, maybe...just maybe you will get it by Christmas time.

I honestly think that some women get off on having 'virtual' friends, friends online. Not only men, but women too can be anything they want online. Its when the two personalities cross, meet in real life. Some think that NYC issuch a big place, when in fact its really small. Ya never know when some one knows. Do you sit back and watch it, them implode? Or, do you step up and say something. Me, I distance myself from the situation to save embarassment.

Turkey Day

...yeah I know, it was yesterday. How come I asked people today did they eat enough turkey... Theyhall claimed they don't eat turkey.

Now I know

...a lot of things and they are nuch clearer now.

Dating...why do I even bother sometimes. Maybbe because I'm searching for something, some one who isn't really out there that is my match. I compromise. But it seems I'm not the only one.

Found out what 'complicated' means for the most part. Only occurs in women, me don't state as their status 'complicated'. Found out this. Complicated to some, not most women is that they want a certain man, but he is with some one else. 3 women online, I peeled them back like an onion, and found out. Seems the man is their 'best friend' also, but with another woman. All 3 women says the feeling are mutal, the man wants them too, but they are with these woman. You know what I say.

Get OUT of that man's life, don't even have him as a friend more or less a best friend. Are these woman fucking nuts!! You knwo what they say...you hang out ina barbershop, sooner or later ya gonna get a haircut. You know he is with another woman, if he wanted you he would be with you. All he wants from you is sex...and he still wants to keep his present woman. True, you put up with it for a while. You're not sleeping with anyone else, you're waiting on him, and he's waiting on you to drop your pants, hike your dress up. Once the deed is done, the little speech. 'You know I can't leave her right now, they are issues involved'. Now you feel like shit and all types of emotions kick in. You refuse to become that 'side chick', why did I give him me? You knew all along what was going to happen. Look at it this way. If he did that with his present girl/woman, imagin what he will do with you.

One woman got so angry, she ask for my telephone number and I had a 2 hour conversation. I basically found out a lot about. Same old same old, 2 kids from 2 different guys. Why do women do this shit? Kids by different guys, no birth control. They get pissed off and then start saying WHAT they want in the man they are going to settle down with. When all along, they should've been making demands on themselves. Oh, she says she wants to meet me too. I told her I would, but I'm busy for the next couple of days. Wants to know with what...none of your business I said. Ask was she working...no. has her won place...no. said case I told her. All I would want her for is sex. I'm not taking care of her. But all of this cause you want this other guy, who has a woman. Life is rough.

Veterans Day

I served, not during War Time, 1977 to 1982. And what I've learned, every able adult from the age of 18 to 35 should serve. Make it mandatory!!

I got 25 brand new $1 bills to hand out homeless Vets. None in my area, so I handed it out Vets from Desert Storm & Shield, then worked my way to the last present War. I really felt honored to have those men AND women who fought for real, to protect me and my family. THANK YOU.

These young ass punk kids nowadays, talking about these young adults...now they don't know..how I wish one of them would fuck with me. Young adults went overseas and came back in pieces, and these punks, want to wild out on the streets and trains of NYC. They should thank God that none of them stepped my way. I already have made up my mind that I have lived a good..GREAT as life. I'm not crazy, but...taking one these stupid fucks with guys or even a knife..I'm going all the way out!!

People don't understand, these punks. Life is so fucking hard, jobs, family, sickness and then the Government bullshit. I would love to have the State of NY take care of me for life...25 years..cause I stomped one of those fuckers. I'm not crazy, and I don't have a death wish either. Enough is enough.

Some People Just Wake Up All Fucked Up

I'm talking about some MTA workers...that asshole inside that safe and secured booth he is in.

The reson why I tapped on the glass because you're the same MOTHERFUCKER who doesn't understand when I say put on the 2 cards I slide underneath the glass WEEKLY TRANSACTION !! How fuckin hrad is it to understand? But no, you get your pink panties in a bunch when I tapped on the glass. As I explained it to you.and the people behind me in line agrees, you don't have this customer service thingy down pat yet AFTER 15 years working for MTA. But that's okay. You see that machine across from your booth, it will phase your sorry ass out. Yep, technology will do away with your job cause right now you are no service to yourself or others. You worried about me tapping on that glass, but what about that guy hustling $2 rides to people. Oh, you won't report that, will you. Don't worry, your time will come.

I'm not ina bad mood, nope its Friday. And Fridays are always a good day, notunless you get fired on that day. Got an early morning text from this woman who...let's say she is upset because I didn't log on to Skype. She wanted to 'show' me more of herself, she started with one breast. She said she never did anything like that before and I believe her. True, I do want to see more of what she is willing to show, but sleep hit me from nowhere. Besides, next month, taking a trip to see her.

Like I want to get the new Iphone and can keep my same number, but I like where Android is doing and where they are headed. My tablet is powered by Android and my phone too. I don't mind rebooting my phone by taking the battery out, a small thing. The new Iphone doesn't have a keyboard and I don't like tapping out messages. With my cell phone, it slides to reveal the keyboard and I'm use to doing that. And..$500 for a fuckin phone, get real.

Wow!!

Okay, this woman I met online....we are meeting for the first time come December. She choosed to tell me a little about herself. She us a God Fearing. Church Going Woman. To each his or her own. She told me in her own words, that she use to smoke that 'shit', crack. So?

I could care less if you're smoking it, have smoked it and want to still smoke it, that's your choosing, really. But I have issues with what she said. Its along the lines of people who sue to smoke cigarettes, and now when theywalk into a cloud of cigarette smoke, the complain or cough. To me that act is stupid. It only goes to prove that you miss smoking cigarettes. Why complain when some one else is smoking and you use to? You miss it that bad huh? Reguardless you quit because of health reasons, I'm not watching where I smoke if its legal, cause you feel its bad for YOU!!

As for smoking crack. You tried it, liked it,hbut found out now that its not right for you to do. What cause you to quit? Me, it was either smoke crack or...work and have sex. Let me see what I choosed..not crack. But if I see some one strung out on the street, or hustling selling something that has no value to me, I don't look down or even try to avoid them. Its just a reminder of what I could look like.

So she is in the Church. Where she lives is a 5 to 6 hour ride from where I live, a small town, which she says her town is big. Reguardless, you don't know what a big city is. To say that the church members you attend church with, the people in your town who knew you back when you did smoke crack, you think they forgot? They are keeping an eye on you for every little thing you do. They won't leave their purse unattended around you. Even though I never went into stealing from people to supply my high, trying explaing that to those who have never smoked. What they see and read in print, we are still considered Crackheads. funny, you put a pig in a suit, its still a pig. But then you have to be comfortable with who you are and what you've become to overlook the way people talk behind your back. We/I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself.

I didn't tell her about my past, she hasn't asked me anything...yet? But if she does, believe me, she might not like what she hears. Most woman are looking for a man to pull them up and out of situations that they are in. They have this thing that a man is suppose to support a woman. True that, but that woman is his WIFE, not some one he just met....and has sept with, continue to sleep with and you expect, no demand some sort of payment in return. Now if these said woman were smoking crack, I could understand that mentality, but they're not nor ever have. Safe to say, you can have the crackhead mentality and never have touch the drug a day in your life.

Some women who consider themselves a 'catch', good looks, nice job, and their own place...but one draw back. Its their way of thinking. They don't think in the NOW, they think about their future, what a man, any man can do for them. That shit is so stupid. Little do they know, westep out the door of our homes and our lives could change either way. Could get better or could be devasting as all fuck.

That's why I live my day, day to day. Oh, I plan on meeting her in her town. I promised her I would wash her back. She sounded more excitied about that than anything else. Its the little things.

One of Things About Working in a Large City

..sooner or later, you will catch a cold.

Some people don't care. They use mass public transportation as their...bathroom, livingroom and bedroom. I'm not talking about the homeless, they don't have any choice of the matter. Talking about people who have a place to live and can and SHOULD do all of the above in the privacy of where they live. I mean, that's what you pay rent for.

The other day, I stood up to get off the train at the next stop. Woman, lady...really a piece of shit, just out right sneezed right in my face. Oh she said excuse me and sorry, but damn. Did nt you feel the sneeze coming on? People just don't care. It rare that I catch a cold or get sick, but this cold I have...its a MONSTER !!

This station cleaner, a female, she has the greatest looking ass in her work pants. She knows it too. Complimented her on ti too, said that you. Speaking of...instead of meeting my future wife face to face, I took to using Skype. I figure it like this, if you don't know how to use Skype, not gonna waste my time.

Taking a trip in December to the top part of NY state, Rochester, NY. Never been there. I have a couple of friends who live in and around the area. Not staying with any of them, getting a hotel room, but let them know where I'm staying. Since I don't own my own transportation, theywill have to come to me. I'm only going to be there for 4 days and probably spend most of my time in my room. Except, one woman I met online says she wants tospend some time with me to get to know me better. We have been on Skype a couple of times. And each time she wears less and less clothing which suits me fine. Widowed, 4 grown children, pretty face and seems like she is fun to be around.

I'm not a dog, but I bark a lot.

I Have Omitted Two Word From My Vocabluary, I Wish I Could...

,,,do away with some other things too. But be patient with me, God isn't finish with me yet.

The two words, 'hate' & 'nigger'. Hate is such a strong word and I have found out that I really don't hate anything. Its more or less a 'dislike', so that what I exchange the word for. Think about it. When you 'hate' something, along with the word 'dislike', it changes your whole way of thinking, the way you see a thing and even a person. True people hate other people for a number of reasons. The main reason is because of their skin color. So, when I say I 'dislike' people that 'hate' people because of their skin color, people look at me strangely. I don't care, that how I am, that's how I will live my life.

The word 'nigger' is something to itself entirely different. There is too much of a nasty background even to use it in a friendly term as I see people do today. And, its not just use to a certain 'type' of people any more. Everyone can use it. Its like its universal, but only here in America that that is being done. In the Hip Hop Community it's widely used, 'Whats up my niggar'. People have even changed the lettering, replacing it with an 'az' at the end if the 'nigg', but we all know its still the same word, just a different spelling. I cringe when I hear the word, the term. Some people really don't know the history about the word, the blood spilled because of that word.

TBC

WTF, Crazy Ass Times...Gets Worse Before It Gets Better

...I was doing it all wrong, my bad.

Crazy ass times we are living in. If its not for school kids destroying the..hell, you can't go to school any more. Well, grade school that is. Kids are shooting in schoolslike its part of the learning process. See, shit like that won't or hasn't happened, not that I know of in NYC's schools. Reason why? Kid pulls out a gun, if not the teacher, other kids would pull out too.

That's new and different. She told me that she doesn't understand why I am single and why I want to be with her. Also, how come I don't have any children, am I that selfish? Asked her can I just come out and be straight up with her. I like the whole process of having sex. Why would I want to mess it up with having children. Picture what your life would be like if you had no children, it was just you. You would be able to come and go and do as you pleased. Only worry about one mouth to feed. Don't have to stay up late at night wondering where and what your child is getting into. If you get bored with where you're living, you could just up and go, only to worry about yourself. She still doesn't understand. Broke it sown further for her. What is it you want from me then? Her, the standard, I can take care of myself and my own kids. True that, sois it just only about the sex then? And if so, when and what timeh will you have. I just wanted to meet you and see what would happen. Four kids...what time do you really have for yourself? Kids drive you crazy, you say you just go into your room and close the door. As long as they aren't fighting, its all good. So, are you looking for a sex partner, is that part of your life missing? See, I come straight out and ask these questions. I won't know unless you ask. My life is an open book. What you want to know, all you have to do is ask.

But there is always some hidden agenda some where along the line. Most of the time some women don't even know what they want. Its like pulling teeth, its a process. Me, I will pull teeth, using no novocaine. Sometimes I can be a little too straight forward. Hell, life is too freaking short.

The Girl With The (a) Pearl Earring

It was a major motion picture..its actually a painting. Hasn't been in New York City in 29 years...and its back!! Its at my work place. Google it. Expecting HUGE crowds today and all the way up to January 19th 20114. Painting worth I think 53 MILLION dollars. I asked can I take a picture besides it..NO !! But they let the press in and they took pictures. Its a once in a life time thing for me.

Went on a 'meet' yesterday after work. Some one I met online. I know I said I would stop doing this, but I had to see her in person. 47 years oldand from her pictures a looker too. Listen, I know time hasn't been great to some of us, even me included, but... There should bean online law saying that pictures posted should be within the last 90 days. I understand that we all want to show and post what we looked like back then, but...  She looked nothing like her pictures. Don't get me wrong, still VERY much interested in seeing what happens with us. Has 4 kids,youngest 6, oldest 26 and all girls. I know that's kind of hard on the nerves and all. Later I'm going to text her and ask her out to dinner, movies or something. To be honest, from what I saw of her, I want to see her not completely nude, but with just her under garments on.

Just ask Boar's Head driver did he have any extra hats. He gave me the one off his head. Way to go Boar's Head !!

Some Times You Have To Feel The Situation Out.

So, this woman, who is my age want s to get to know me better. And she figures, what better place than going to church, which she does every Sunday. I told her, that that isn't the best place because you will find out just how the people in your churchh really are. I know this from past times when a 'date' was church on Sunday.

Being that this was the first time I was going to her church, I told her that I would meet her there and that she can approach me after the service. But, keep an eye and an ear open to what you hear and see. I was approached by quite a few people before the service started. The basic, my name and what I do for a living. Then it got really weird. Some people approached me and told me that they have seen me somewhere before, but can't place where. I told them that if over the years you ate in a resturant down in Manhattan, rode the 5 train, or even rode the Bronx 28 or 38 bus and even Westchester Conty's 60 bus...you probably have seen me.

7 females said that to any of those places I mentioned that they have and have been to. Then it got even weirder. Some of them gave me their phone numbers and email adresses. Of course it was along the line of if I wanted more knowledge of study from the Bible. After the service, my lady friend approached me outside the church.

She was shocked and amazed by all the women that came up to me and wanted to know what we were talking about. Nothing really, but they were setting me up for 'away' from the church. Then she started telling me the dirt on the ones that approached me. Here I thought she was a God fearing woman and that type of 'stuff', God frowns down upon a person if they choosed to do things like that. Told her that shit like that goes on all the time in the church, you just have to be open to it and see it when it happens. Most, pay no attention because they are in the hous of The Lord.

She claims she isn't like that, but then again, here she was talking crap about people. I told her that God comes to people in all types of ways. That she sees God different from the way everyone else does. All people are like this. That people go to church for all different kinds of reasons. Some go cause they have. No other place to go or be. That they feel relaxed and comfortable there. Then there are thouse that go for a totally different reason...to meet people, to hook up with people. She didn't believe me.

See, we went back to her place and I could tell by her moves and her speak, that she had other plans with me, but she held back. I told her at her door, that she should've went with what she had planned with me. That it was her just being herself and that now she is phony in my eyes from here on out. She asked me to give her a 2nd chance. Told her to call or text me when she feels ready.

All men want really from women is that theybe theirselves. Some have a hard ass time doing this. Is it maybe from their past that they were hurt? Or, could it be that they don't want men to know the 'real' them. Sooner or later the real you comes out. Why lie to yourself? The only person you're fooling is yourself. I'm me 24 hours a day, even when I am sleeping. But those hours when I am not sleeping are my best.

Some Thoughts

I just finished reading this book by Daniel H. Wilson, Roboapalasype. It had me thinking about a lot of shit through out the whole book. Thoughts on how almost everything we depend on today has a computer chip embedded in it. So what happens when a computer designed by man, gets tired, and decides to learn. Not only learn, but gets all those computer chips world wide into thinking how 'he' does. Some scary shit, really think about that.

I can't begin on how to feel what it feels like to lose some one because of death. To me death is a release, a time to let go and move on. Moving on to what, I don't know. But, it has to be better than the world we live in now. I'm not saying that I can't wait to die, but I am not afraidof death. But for those who have faced death of a loved one, all I can say is that that person is in a much better place. But what becomes of that perosn who is still walking around, say the oppiste sex, a female. If their relationship was of marriage... I don't know what to really say. It isn't easy to just 'move on', because that person played a major role in their life. But we do have to move on though. I don't know of any standard waiting period, but... for a female it may be difficult to do so. Okay it has been 3 years since her husband has died. She told me not to say things she wants to hear, but things she needd to hear. So I did. Made her cry too. Didn't mean to, but I don't hold back when I speak and a person gives me the freedom to do so. She isn't ready for a relationship, all she needs is a warm body, some one she can trust. Some one she can at least start over, if not with, but from. No one on the face of this planet is our 'dream person', we find fault in everything. No matter what it is. She is driving down to the city to see me, and to talk with me in person.

Told a co worker that she reminded me of Laura Croft. Not in face, but the way she was dressed. She was surprised that I said that. Even though she didn't express it verbally, it showed on her face. She's a quiet person, but for that split second when I looked at her, that's who she reminded me of.

I have to find me a hoodie, something not too stylish, warm and comfortable. That and a pair of snearkers for the winter and a pair of boots. I keep putting it off, don't know why either. Not lazy, but buying something and once you take the tags off, its final. Just don't want to make a bad decision.

Whats Your Excuse?

That's what I saw on the news early this morning. A woman who to me seems like she had back to back children, 3, but...

...looked GREAT as all hell!! So, that's what I'm asking of some women, what is your excuse?

I know it can be hard, bringing up children. But where along the line, some of you decided just to give up with looking good for...who ever if not your own self. I have heard..there is no time to excersise, you just don't know how it is. Well, there are a lot of women who do know how it is and that hasn't stopped them from looking good for themselves, if not for the men or that future man to be in their life.

Hey, its not only women, some of us men too. Me for example. I fall in that...I'm 'skinny-fat'. I'm slim, but I have a stomach. I do know what I have to do to get rid of it too, cut of sugar. But sugar is SO good!! It use to be salt that I was madly in love with. Has to cut back on it cauwe of issues with 'maybe' blood pressure. Now, I'm working on sugar.

I was asked out on a date. Couldn't believe it when she asked me too. A light 'pre dinner' she called it. She wanted to know more about me in a different setting. Ended up talking for 3 hours and about 4 bathroom breaks. Coffee and ice tea. Walked her home so to speak. She says she wants to see more of me and cook a home dinner for me.

..Waiting on The 3rd Chanced Meeting

I met her in Piney Point Maryland, Seamanship School when I worked for Norwegian Cruise Lines. I went outside to smoke a cigarette, but didn't have a match. Walked up to her and introduced myself. She was from New York City, I knew the area. She knew my cousin. Pulled out her cell phone and called him and put me on the phone with him.

The training we went through at this school was for all positions on a cruise ship. I was an Assistant Cook and she was a Cabin Stewardess. The rules were...well basically, you weren't allowed to get shit faced drunk. You could sleep in any room and with anyone you wanted to. The rooms were male, male, female, female. But if the occupants didn't mind you sleeping over, no biggie. We talk a couple of times and she always hanged out in my room with me and my roommates. One of my roommates got about 3 half gallons of liquor in the mail one day, the party was on.

She got so drunk that I helped her back to her room and we became really good friends after that. She thanked me for not taking advantage of her, even though she wanted to get with me, but not like in the state she was. We left Piney Point for Hawaii, both being assigned to a different ship and I never saw her again...not until...

5 years later I'm working in Queens, in a Supermarket, behind the counter as a Deli Clerk and she walks in. Looking like something out of the pages of a clamor magazine. The only issue after she screamed and was happy to see me was that she was with her boyfriend. We caught up with what we were doing, and she had to leave. We exchanged numbers, and every so often she would walk by my house when I was living in Queens. She made it her thing to do that she told me cause she really liked something about me, but she didn't know what it was.

A little while ago she reached out to me through Facebook. She is lonely, tired of dealing with men who have no jobs and are living off of her. She wants to get together next week, and see what happens between us on a different level.

I'm Beginning to Understand Now

This is how I think it is.

For some strange reason, I find myself talking with some women who...have NO intentions of becoming emotionally involved not only with me, but with any man who has a BRAIN.

Okay, stop me if I'm wromg, but... whyis it the first thing or the first sign that women put out there, that they have not intentions of sleeping..fucking, having sex with ANY man for the rest of their lives. Oh, hey ladies, you wanna know why us older guys date and have younger women as our girlfriends and even as a wife? Gonna tell you.

This isn't just coming off the top of my head either. Its from experience. Seems that these single parent women with 3 kids from different fathers..no 'sperm donors', are just after one thing. MONEY!! No some women can say, 'its not like that', but it is. They can also say,' it isn't about sex all the time' too. Well, what OTHER fuckin' hreason does a human being has to live for then? Tell me, please tell me.

Okay, the woemn who find it very hard to be emtionally attached..they are the ones who are scarred. It isn't me either. I was told by a woman who is engaged that if she wasn't she would for sure hook up with me, but hse got a good man right now, and she isn't going to mess that up. But she hooked me up with a friend, who turned out after we got together, saw dollar signs in her eyes. I went back to the engaged woman and told her. She told me that she spoke with her and told her not to fuck up a good thing with me. Too late. Now she is so sick, her body, something medical, she reaches out to me crying. I have no love for her. And I told her straight up about trying to be 'that' type of woman. God don't like ugly.

There are some women, my age who don't have children, no man and are doing well for themselves. All they have been doing all this while, is taken care of themselves, but lack that man who will understand them. Well, I tried to, a lot of them, I tried to. They get so use to doing and being by themselves, that they don't know how to act around men who they claim, 'they want it to work' between us. I know you do, so do something different. Stop being judgemental about everything you have no control over. Its..'' don't do this, I don't do that, I don't eat this, or I don't go here or there'.

Well, I'm just getting tired of this whole dating thing. Where are the 'real' women at? The ones that just take a man for who he is.

Some of My Thoughts

Another person goes crazy...in Washington, DC.

Why is it that when a person goes off on the 'deep end', its like a shock to some people. There is no one to blame except for the person buggin' tha fuck out, they are to blame. But certain rules in and of society are to blame too.

One thing about me, I'm the same way no matter what. Even in any place I may be working. I joke, play around, tell jokes and play music, my kind of music if its allowed. When ever I clock in, you're gonna get the same me no matter what happens. And, if I am having ANY type of problems or issues that gather away from work, I don't hold that shit in AT work. I talk about it with any one who is willing to hear. I mean, I work with my co workers 5 days a week 8 hours a day, and I want them to KNOW about me up to a certain point. My emotional well being is what they SHOULD care about.

In most work places they have a counselor you can go and talk to about shit that you're going through. But...that's their job and I believe they hate that shit too. Listening to other people's issues. They don't give their personal thoughts on your issues, they give a 'text book' answer casue some one along the way SAID this is how people are suppose to act and behave. Anything other than the way 'the book' says...well you have issues problems and this is the way you're suppose to act. Also...

We as people hold too much shit in. We as humans need to let of steam and have people listen, not HEAR what we are saying. BIG difference between the two. The person who comes to work, neatly dress, speaks properly...then we they go home, they are complete slobs. Spend all their money on looking good at work, giving that impression. In fact, some times they don't even have food at home to eat, rent is way over due and about to become homeless. At the end of their ropes and they just fuckin' snap!! Thenh you hear about neighbors saying this and that. Never expecting that they would do something like this. Its sad.

Those FOOLS on those motorcycles.... the guy that in the hospital...that what you get for hanging with your homeboys 'acting' like you're in a MC Club. Bad Boys, the 1%ers, yeah right. He got what he deserved. 20 to 30 bikes stopped on a highway and had that guy boxed in. Imagin if you were in that position, in that car with you husband or wife AND child, what would you have done? I would've done what the driver did, ran their asses over and got the fuck out of there. Its like you're getting jump by a crowd of people. All you have to do is just get one of them. Bite his ass in his face and his screams would alert the others that you mean business, get them the fuck off of me. All it takes is getting one of the pack down and in your grasp, just one of them.

I Just LOVE New York City...and, All You Need to Do Is Wait.

I got off from work at my mormal time, 2pm. I work on 70th Street, between 5th Ave & Madison Ave. After I crossed Madison Ave, half way up the block was a crowd.

This crowdwas in front of The Explorers Club. Regular people and photgraphers. I know...photographers, they are normal people too, right? Inside this club, Sandra Bullock & George Clooney. I have yet to see either of them in person, so I hung out for a while to take their pictures.

There were others in Hollywood Business, but, I just didn't know who some most of them were. That show, The Big C. The guy that plays the husband he came out. Stopped, had his picture taken and then just walked up the block. Like, this guy is a great actor on that show, funny. But I didn't move fast enough to get his picture. After about 45 minutes, Ms. Bullock came out. Short, very thein looking, but cute. If she needed a place to crash for the night, I wouldn't turn her away.

George Clooney then came out half an hour later. NOW I see what all the hub bub is about with this guy. Not for nothing...this guy is FUCKING GOOD LOOKING!! He is James Bond 007 good looking. I'm not into guys but, I do see why women go crazy over him. I will post the pictures I took later when I get home.

My Netbook, for the last 6 months or so has been sick. I wanted a movie so bad that I downloaded from a site that I never been to before. After the download, I click to watch it and it wipe out my wireless adaptors. Did everything I could think of to get them back. My 2nd laptopis a Chromebook, but since its a Chrome OS, no software for what I want to do on it. Yesterday all that changed.

I spoke with Tech Support at work, and I asked could I bring it in to him again. He asked did I have the installion Restore CD, no, its a Netbook, no CD/DVD drive. He said its probably sitting on the hard drive. BINGO. Googled, restore options and procceded. Restored it to out of the box state. Of course I had backed up everything to an external hard drive. Put back all my folders, installed the basic programs that I needed. Also installed Teamviewer, so I can remote access while at work. Back in business now.

What Happens When Your Government Is Closed For Business.

...you continue to pay your taxes, nothing changes. Saw on news that its costing 300 Million a day.

Its funny though...those in Washington are continuing to get a paycheck...while 800K are told, sorry no work today. I had a chance, once I left the military to work for the government, but... Too many rules restrictions, and I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I kind of feel sorry for those 800K though. They thought of job secruity, never having to worry about being out of a job. Guess all of that has changed. Neither sides of this 'cluster fuck' will be willing to give in. We just have to wait and see.

Also what's so funny...some people don't even know what this is all about. I express my views to those who don't know. I also tell them, that since you vote and pay taxes, you should be more aware of whatsgoing on. ObamaCare...its crazy and both scary at the same time too.

I lostmy wallet on the streets of Manhattan on Monday..at 6 o'clock in the morning. For some strange reason, I knew it would be returned and it was. Minus the $110, but both unsed weekly Metro Cards we still in it. At $30 each, $60, that's what was going to hurt me. So, that day my brother called me while at work saying some guy found it. I called this guy and he said he would drop it off at his job. All I had with cash on me was one dollar, so I walked from 70th Street to 36th Street.got to his job, and the people there knew nothing of it, they were real nasty too. Probably too me as a tourist and tried to blow me off. Spoke with the guy on the phone who found it. Yesterday we met up and he returned it. My rule of thumb. You return any lost property of mines within a giving time period, 24 hours, I give you something. Well he blew that. Both Metro Cards, unsed, were still in my wallet. So know I have 4 cards.

Oh Well, Guess It's For The Better

Every morning, I jump on my mountainbike and I take a 5 mile ride. I feel a lot better through out the rest of the day too.

Yesterday after I took a shower, found out I didn't have anything to throw on under my arms. No deorderant in the freaking house. None whatssoever. So I went without and you know something...I don't stink. Other than smellinglike the kitchen I work in, no problem. I dohave acess to showers at work, but... I have a wash cloth that I use, and the next day I come in in the morning, it smells like a rusty pipe. Being that my locker is made of metal, guess that why. But I saw inside one co workers locker and he has a deorderizer hanging up. Good idea.

If I had children, daughters...I would allow them to make their mistakes up to a certain point and THEN I would draw the line. I think my daughter(s) of child bearing age and dating would be terrors. I would have THAT talk with them. Being a man, I would tell them the real deal. I'm sure fathers of the world do have this talk with their own daughters too. But my talk would be on the level, a level that would really have them understanding where I'm coming from and how the world is. I believe that education, going to college isn't for everyone. But some one has to do it. I didn't, well I did and still do, but I'm not worried about conpleteing it though. I don't define a person by or because they hold a degree a college diploma. There is book sense, street sense and common sense. The last 2 they don't teach in college, never have and never will.

Ihwas going to go to Church this coming Sunday, I was invited. But the woman who invited me, who is interested in me, can't make up her mind. I mean, its like she is hiding something. Hey I can understand the ubeasy feeling of meeting some one for the first time. All we have to do is be our selfs. Don't front and be something that you really aren't. So, if you like to just let it all hang out, so be it. Me as a man, I want the woman to feel comfortable. What the issue is today is... people try to live up to what they see in print, tv and all other places. They seem to think that if they don't have this or that, that they aren't living up to what society says is living the dream. Hell if your bank account has pennies in it, like mine does some of the time... Well at least you DO have a checking account that at least 4 if not 2 times a month money IS deposited into it. Even if you don't have a working income, say your on a dissability, hell you're still receiving some type of income, right. And, so what your home, house, apartment is messy. Its YOUR apartment and you enjoy living the way you like living. Has nothing to be to do with you as a person in general. Or, you have that crazy ex...who is hounding you night and day. You may not want to have anything to do with him, but then again, maybe you are. Maybe you're just sleeping with him every so often cause you have that itch, its understandable. You do what you have to do. But when you meet some one you're interested in, don't go 90% of the way and then that last 10%, you come up with excuses for this and for that. Fight your fears back and go with the flow I say.

I Have Prada Taste & Style, But....

...my wallet says Eddie Bauer. Serious, I like the style of clothing, but can not afford the prices, sooooo....

My mother, she gets all kinds of sale books from almost everyone in the mail. This one, Sportman's Guide, I went off on. Ordered like $300 worth of clothes. Mostly Carhartt, which I didn't know made shirts, jeans and slacks. I want to get the old timers Army Field Jacket, but not until I can find the Field Jacket Liner. Last week ordered something from Eddie Bauer too. Waiting for it to come in.

I'm giving it my all with the dating scene, but its not working out. One reason is...people, don't know how just to be themselves when meeting people for the first time. Fuck that, 'first impression' bs. Just be yourself. Because sooner or later it WILL all come out. Take the woman who says she has no children, she hides them. That's just so wrong and there is no explanation that she can give when you find out that she does have kids. Why hide? Or, the woman who says they have no drama or what no drama in their lives, but... Has so much of it, enoght for 3 people. Try to give advice that works for me, but they aren't hearing none of it. But quick to tell me, I know nothing about her and who am I to give advice. Listen, I come and go as I please, because in the long run, no one takes care of me but me.

That seems to be the issue with some people,  male & female. They, we..we all want someone to take care of us when we should at least make the effort to do so ourselfs. Some claim to be 'doing themselves'. Doing me, as they say. What the fuck does that means? Are you saying you're doing what you're doing glooming off of others cause that's what you do best? Sometimes its the ones with 3 kids, or 2 baby's mommies. What's strange is...that if there wasn't a market for shit like this, it wouldn't exsist. Its the older guy, who has nothing but money & time and nothing else to do. So when she bleeds him dry or he comes to his senses and cuts her loose, she moves on to the next one. Or the guy, no job, glomes off a woman wo is doing what she has to do to support herself, working a 9 to 5. She meets up with this deadbeat, bleeds her dry, leaves her with a bad taste in her mouth AND pregnant, and then she kicks him out or whatever. What's left of her to do and feel? That all guys are the same. Having HIS baby nowadays doesn't make your relationship pernament...new have and never will.

I meet and woman for the first time...its about having a lasting experince in the mind, something you can fall back on. Doing something on our first date that's fun if its left up to me to choose. Something I want to do WITH her.

.....Get Me To The Chur....

Its more than strange that certain things that happen in my life just keep on happening over & over again.

First, what was I thinking this morning. I was suppose to be on my train about 45 minutes ago. I won't be late, just not at work a hour ahead of time.

When I was stationed at Ft Jackson, SC, I was living in the barracks. This was before cell phones, (imagine that). We had 2 pay phones on our floor, 20 rooms, 4 men to a room. So, if you received a call, either the phone would ring and no one answered it, or some one did cause they were tired of hearing it. One evening it rang and I answered it. When hany one did, you when and hunted the person down who it was for. The call I answered set off the first of what would always happen to me.

I went to his door and told him phone, he answered, room was dark, he had a female already in his room. The one on the phone already told me she knew he was there, 'get him'. I told him, in a whisper, that she knows you're in, how, I don't know. He ask me to do him a favor, tell her to come, and I was to hold her downstairs in the dayroom until he could sneak the one in his room out another exit. This happens all the time, no biggie. But there was a problem, the woman on the phone was calling from on Post, like 2 blocks away because she showed up like in under 5 minutes.

I just go downstairs and she was walking in the building. I asked her in a commanding voice, who she was here to see and that females weren't allowed in this building. Bullshit, was her answer, and headed for the stairs up. I blocked her and told her some Officer was making his rounds, and to wait in the dayroom. I ran upstairs, knockedon his door and told him wha was gong down. His words...' fuck it, you want her? Take her to your room, she yours.' I did, end of story. Present day...now.

Was interested in this woman. She told me she wasn't attached and htold me to come over. Some one let me in the building and she answered her door. There was another man with her and the look on her face... She hustled me backwards and told me what the dea was while knocking on her neighors door. Said she's single, looking for a man, could I wait here until this other guy leaves. I agreed. Now her friend answered the door, introduced myself, told her the deal. She told me just what's going on with her friend too. A Player, after nothing but money and that I should be hanging out with her. Okay. She said she was heading out to church, do I want to go? Um, yeah sure.

This woman is...beautiful, from head to toe. I explained to her that I am going to be myself. At the church everyone wanted to know who I was. I told people I was her distant cousin, some a good friend, others her lover, and some her ex boyfriend who has lost his ways. All along she went with whatever I said...and was having fun doing it too. After church...it got really exciting. Said she doesn't beieve in sleeping with a man on the first date. ?? I told her we won't be sleeping..end of story.

I get a text from the woman I had first went to see early this morning. Saying I wasn't this and that. HIm just like all other men and that we need to talk. About what?

Shit like this has been happening to me on a regualar.

Team Work

You know how people say that we are part of a team? And, how all employers want that in their workers. The help wanted ads say it, 'must be a team player'. We all adhere to it, and even put it in our resumes. But are we, are we team players?

Okay, I'm a Cook, and some. Would say I'm a Professional Cook. I don't give myself that title. Even though I can cover every station in a kitchen, I consider myself a Team Player. What the industry calls me ia a Chef Tournant...a fancy name. That means if a person doesn't show up for work for any given reason, that means I can cover that station. Depends on how close my orignal station is to the station I'm covering. If its on the other side of the kitchen, The Chef rearranges the kitchen, the workers so that that one station is covered. Sone kitchen workers have a problem with this, but not I. Here's what I have a problem with and I don't care who doesn't agree with me.

I have a prolem with a kitchen worker who is placed in a postion all because they have time on the job. Having time on the job and even in that position doesn't me that that person can handle that postion. They were only given that job becauswe one, there was an opening for it from the beginning and 2,... put it to you this way. When a person can no longer cover that station and they ARE AT work, and some one else not only covers that said postion PLUS their own postion...there is a problem. Because that person has time in the work place, doesn't mean didly squat to me.we are a TEAM, and if you can't perform your duties as part of a team, some needs, something has to be done...PERIOD!! I'm not the one to hold my tongue. I don't care what you have going on outside of the work place, it matters what you do IN the work place.

I was told that I couldn't move into a postion because...well, I have to wait until some one quits or gets fired. But Supervisors have feeling, they have a heart and they take into consideration that people do have issues that hinders them from doing their job. But if a person can't do their job AND is showing up for work everyday, what does that tell the other workers? Enough said.

If you keep doing the same thing and are getting the same results...insanity, right? So, if a woman tells me she is bored, I take a look at what's going on in her life. Finds out she is on disability and gets a check every month in the mail so to speak. Okay, what incentive to do you to want to further your...doing something different. Its not that you're bored, to me its that you don't want to do anything else. Maybe I'm not expressing myself right. What they really want is some one to supplement their fix income, not to do anything with, but some one else to help support them. I told her that. Oh, you don't have enough 'extra' money to do the things you want to do? Who fault is that? Not mines. Told her the God's honest truth and she took it well. And she says that..all men want is sex, that there is more to life than just sex. True there is. But its nothing like going out and having a good time from mid morning to evening, coming home relaxing and then..making love to some one you spent the day with. What's wrong with doing something, a day trip, a splitting all cost down the middle? What some people have are Bentley dreams when all they can affound is a Honda. Some people have to learn to live within their means. Some people need to learn to 'save up' for that trip. Not everyone can be a 'Baller'.

Another Shooting..and...

...and, I had a conversation with some people yesterday. Some old timers, Veterans and some young men. Its like this...

Let's say this shooter DID have problems. Some real mental issues that didn't occur until AFTER he was discharged from the Navy. But let's start with hsi Navy Service first. People are asking how could he still be holding on to a Secret Clearance after being 'Honorably' discharge from service with all the charges he was bought up on whime in the Navy. Some people really don't undersatnd how discharges work. Of course if he had killed some one while in the Navy, he would have been sent to jail. But what he did, didn't warrant anything like that. So, he kept his Clearance. After hsi Term of Service was met, the Military Honorably Discharged him, did not allow him to re enlist. As far as a cilvian job was concerned and in employment that has positions for cilvians working on militray posts, he qualifies for employment. I'm quite sure they checked and saw what charges he go while in service and the employer deemed them not that serious. Happens all the time.

Now, for as his mental state, you have to question that. He most work places,employees stay all to themselves. Some people can work at a place for many years and not even talk to each other, other than hello, good morning, good night and have a nice weekend. I've noticed where I work at that people are this way. It has been known that because of the way the work place is, people don't get personal, they mind their own business. Its not all about that either. Also, all they are concerned with is JUST doing their job and only speaking with certain people. We know them as 'clicks', only speaking with certain people. This guy may have been acting strange from the beginning and people stayed cleared of him, just as long as he did his job, that's all that mattered.

It came out that he was hearing voices. He hasn't heard voices at one time or another. People are so quick to 'label' people... he just might have been correct with everything he was hearid AND seeing, who knows. I know of a time when...let's just say, some guy showed up and told me..' this is strike one, you have 2 more and we are through with you'. I took it for what its worth, didn't bother me none, but had me thinking about shit, thinking about my prior militray service.

I put NOTHING past our Government, nothing at all. See, the Government could be doing shit, and people couldn't and wouldn't even question what they do. And no, I'm not crazy at all, shit does happen beyond anything you could think of. People who don't believe, they may read the papers and magazines, but they can't put 2 and 2 togeher and see the big picture. It only comes out later of what he was going through. Quite sure he let some people know what he was going through and thought was happening to him. And those he told, wrote him off as having mental issues. But what if, everything he thought and saw, thought he saw, was and is true. See now we can't question him cause he is dead. And now its all coming out.

Now the President wants to go through an extensive background check of all cilvian military contractors. That won't help and what will that do...nothing. too much money is tied up in Military Contractors & Contracts.

I don't think this guy was crazy, nor was he hearing and see shit. He was a Pawn, he was used effectivley too.

Vacation Time....

...September of 2014 !!

I've been telling people that I am taking a vacation next year, month and day, to and from. They look at me like I done lost all of my mind. But I see it this way...

You have to have short term & long term goals. This vacation is a long term goal. We all have short term goals and we make them everyday..well at least I do. Mine come and span over a 3 to one week goal. I meet it, I move on to the next short term one. It works for me. Really it does. They are sunject to change right up to the last couple of hours. Like...I plan to spend a weekend with some one, and at the last minute 'they' come up with something else. I guess what I had plan...well it wasn't that inticing enough for them. No, it wasn't to be spent just being plain nude and having sex. It was something that was planned for Friday night, Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning. And yes, sex was involved for each day.

My longterm goal, this vacation, its all planned. I told 3 female friends who are single with no children about them. Told each one that they weren't the only ones I planned on spending it with. They, if they want to can come along if they want to. I hoping all 3 are and want to go. No freaky stuff, al of us in one room. Everyone will have their own room, but of course, if one or 2, maybe all of them want to share the same room, 2 beds...I'm letting them make that call themselves. If by chance none of them want to go, I have another female friend, single and no children too, at given notice, will come with me. She is cool like that. Likes to have fun with me, doing crazy shit.

Can't make reservations on the hotel room yet, but I know rooms will be open. Transportation is either train or bus, but most likely bus, its easier, one transfer on the bus and a cab to hotel once we get there. Hotel is nice, all ocean front views. Hot tub or whatever in the room, indoor heated swimming pool. Restaurants, grociery store & fast food places close by. But what the bonus is...we have the whole beach to our selfs, no lines in restaurants, cause the summer season would have been over ofr at least one week. Oh, I've been there, to this place before and meet Mary J. For the second time AND she remembered me. I know her Aunt quite well.

So I amlooking forward to this vacation. On another note. Is it me, or does everyone feels like this. Meeting some one for the first time after you been emailing and texting them. Listen, I don't expect every woman to be a Super Model, cause I'm not one either. But they cancel at the last minute or say some stupid shit like they are in Jamica right now and once they get back, we will hook up. That's the 'new' thing to say. In fact, this one woman did say that, and the next day I just happened to see her on the bus. As I was leaving, I whispered not too close to her ear her screen name..' how is Jamacia right about now?'. She followed me off the bus and explained herself. She really wanted to meet me I person, but she was afraid because I might be disappointed. I grabbed her hands and spinned her around looking head to toe and espically her butt, told her nope, not in the least. The only thing was and is, that she has a boyfriend living in her apartment that she wants to break up with but he won't leave. We are friends, text her every week.

I'm not afraid to meet people for the first time.

I'm The First One To Say...

...to talk about how things in my life, I wish they could be different. Better. But hey, its my one just life, and no matter what I do, how it turns out...it was all layed out 2,000 or more years ago. ...I go with the flow.

Yesterday...I'm not crazy, but yesterday something accured to me. Things that I think about...they happen. Imhnot crazy, nor can I see into the future. I told some one that I ccouldnt meet up with them because I was called back to work, pipe burst in the kitchen. Next day when I went into work, the engineers were working on the pipes in the kitchen. Its not the first time that shit like that has happened to me. So, I got to thinking. I have to watch what I say, AND, what I think. Okay, try NOT TO think about anything...its like you have to have a blank mind. I tried it, but things just pop into my head. What if everything we as humans thought about, happened. This world would be...different. I guess some mad scentist would come up with some drug..a drug that's probably used today...to stop the thought proccess. I think those drugs are mostly used in mental hospitals.

When a woman tells me that... 'I get all the sex I want. What I want is a meaningful realtionship...some one to be honest and loving to me. I want a soulmate'. ...I go into my 'questionable mode'. I'm the first one to say I don't get enough sex, loving, love making. See, she told me this, and I had to go in on her. She is 50 years old and spends her time at home. Not working, I don't know why, and I didn't want to question her on it. So I asked her, if she is getting all the sex she wants, why isn't she happy. That one guy or guys you're sexing, let them know what you want. Found out that these guys aren't 'the one' she wants to settle down with. That she finds something at fault with them, but the penis is good. I told her its all about sex with a man. She said what happens when the sex stops. The relationship stops and it isn't the man who stops at the act of sex, its you, the woman, who stops the sex.

After a week to a month you as a woman decide that you want more than just sex. Oh, he asks you out, wants to take you out and things, but... You're so use to staying home in your nice little blanket, anything out of your comfort zone makes you feel uncomfortable. So, sex becomes routine for you and you want more. What you want and what you express, is that you want 'things', items, materialistic shit. Small things at first, like pick up some grocieries at the store, that you no intention of preparing for him while he is there. Then it goes to dropping hints or texting emailing him links to stuff you see online while you're home all day doing nothing. Then it goes deeper.

When you're not with him, your girlfriends are living so they say, the perfect life, they 'man' is buying all this stuff for them and everytime you see your girlfriends they have the latest whatever. So, you tell your man, what you want, and until her gets it or something like it, you're holding off sex. Hence, the sex you say have stopped, not because of him, but because of you. So you get mad at me cause I point this out. Oh well.

Take a breath...then you go into the mode that I know all so well. You go into 'trying' to 'change me'. But I tell you this. Sex, making love...let's just call it fucking...its something that is natrual. Women see it as a tool, men see it as something just do. I know women who see it as men do, something to just do and have 2, maybe 3 guys that they are just fucking. These woman meet a guy, see him on the street and picture him digging her back out. She makes it known that she is interested in him. He, thinks he has hit the mother lode. Fine ass woman, she loves sex AND she wants me. My man, you're nothing but a tool, her enjoyment tool. But you my man, want to make her your main girl, your wifey. But, she isn't having it. She tells you what the deal is and you feel like you have been played. Played for what, your penis is all she got from you. She has everything, she gets it on her own, from her 9 to 5 job. But you want her and all she 'wanted' from you was your sex, but you messed that up by trying to wife her. I told her all of that. Doubt if she ever wants to see me again. Probably took my number out of her phone. I wasn't planning on calling her anyway.

People have the choice...of every thing. Name it, and there is something you can have in its place that some what the same. I say, you can't wear black shoes all your life. Right?

Observations II

'If you expect some one to get you what you want, the only thing, maybe, they will give you, is what you need.'

...and then some times, they might not give you shit. I like holding conversations with people, women mostly. What I get when holding these convos is, 'where am I from?' I tell them New York City, you damn fool. For real, I say that. I say that with conviction, you have to have confiction when you speak. Mean what you say, and say what ONLY you know. If you know yourself..need I say more.

Found out that most women what a man to take care of them. That's all they want a man to do. Since a man is 'suppose' to be able to take care of himself, where does it say that a man 'has' to take care of a woman. I hear some saying the Bible, notice the capital B. If a man can take care of himself, he is sure to be able to do that for the woman in his life. When and after a while a man refuses to do this with the woman he is with, it is for a reason. That works both ways, but its simple for and of what said man wants of his 'woman'.

Yesterday on the bus, she had the thighs a man dreams of. Other thanher platic bag taking up the seat next to her, and she felt annoyed because I decided to sit in the only seat open, that was a nice resting place for her bag... at first she was annoyed because her thighs were rubbing up against mine. I'm a small person and I was sitting forward, blame it on you shape, your thighs. After a while, something happened. At first I thought I was an accident, she slightly elbowed me, but when she did it 2 more times, I removed my earbuds and asked her, yes? That question threw her off, who answers yes, I do. She wanted to know my name, so we held a convo on the bus and they were no one else on that bus, but yet ithwas crowded. She's married, seperated, bored, lonely and from wha I could tell, horny. Exchanged numbers and was told that I 'better call'. I did when I got home. Was told to relax, unwind and to come over. Address was 4 blocks away, and I did go. Stayed there until 1am,just talking. I am to come back again tonight. All she wants is company.

Before 9am, during the weekdays, I read 4 newspapers. I don't want to, its a force of habit. Its like when you take a shower. What's the first part of your body do you was with soap first? Me, my hair, then I work my way down. I read some where that 70% of people was their stomachs first. I'm trying to understand this. So, you mean to tell me...I was taught to wash from the top down.

So this guy who is running for Mayor of New York City, he won the Democratic Primary. I wonder if his family structure had anything to do with it. He is a White man, with a Black wife, who use to be a lesibian, who also has a Black son with an afro. Seems like he covered ALL demographics. Weiner, who at the very beginning was my man, even if I wasn't voting. He went from first place in the polls to almost last place and then...well he fucked up. Plenty of issues along the way. Calling one guy, grandpa at an AARP function. And not to mention...let's just say he had a hard time keeping in his pants and keeping his mouth shut. But what I think...'certain' people had him labeled as a hot head, and people were placed and maybe paid off to cause him to 'spaz out' at functions around town. Made for great sound bites for the 5pm news. The reason why I won't vote? NONE of them address the issues that I hold clear and dear to my heart. Like...

I know New York City is an expensive as city, but... its the working poor who HELP this city be the greatest city there is. Its the people who work in the background who work 2 jobs in order to make ends meet. All along the owners, which I have no problem with, but... they don't share in their profits with those working in the background. How much money is enough money?

Observations

Election today in New York City for Mayor. I'm not voting, because I don't want to. Yeah I know, don't complain if you're not going to vote. I was though for one person, but his commercial was and is confusing. He talks of 5th Avenue, of nannies and such, Wall Street too, but... then in the next sound bite he talks of the Middle Class and Lower Income people. Whay can't some one just address the Lower Income people and run on that ticket? I know why, cause we don't really matter no matter what THEY say.

I saw in the newspaper this morning an article of a woman who was/is a Super Model. Her age is 50, and. Showed a couple of pictures of her. One picture showed her backside, her ass...which she BARELY had one. What they said was she looked great at age of 50, quite sure she does...but. looking great involves the TOTAL package. Front, sideways, up, down...AND BACK. Me for one, you don't have to be all that great looking in the face. Who are we to say who has a pretty face, but I draw a line on what she looks like in the seat, the butt, her ass. Because, that is the last look we get as you walk away. That is what stays in memory. The way..women. if ya wanna know...its how you look from behind in that dress, those jeans and the cute lil panties you have in that top drawer for those special occasions. And, you know we look too.

Huntington Post. Again, they don't even have a clue. Said, that a woman, women should have more male friends. My take on that male friend bs is...well you know, but. If a man just wants to be friends with you, there is more to it than just friends. Either he is gay, nothing wrong with that either. Or, he wants to get in your pants. And or, he is married, but he still wants, thinks, maybe one day will happen if this was the Bazzro World, he still wants to sleep with you. The article mentioned a woman having male friends to help her with moving on moving day. Yeah we will help, cause we want to see you in that 'loose' look that you women all wear so well. You know that look, the look of you looking NOT dressed up, but that one outfit you have that accents everything about you without you thinking us men KNOW you pain stakily put together. ALL you women have that one outfit.

I see hr every morning at the train station. Beautiful from head to toe, but she has this look on her face like she bit into something nasty and now I know why. This morning she came with her BF/Husband, don't know who he is, but now I know why she has that look on her face. She really dislike being with him. She smiled when she saw me though. He must have went back home to do nothing. Tomorrow, I will follow her down the stairs and start a converstaion. If a man causes you that much grief, cut him loose no matter what.

We all want a better life, THE better life. Some, want it habded to them on a silver plate. Others want it given to them by any means. But that shit catches up to you. I say, live within your means. What others have, others own, you don't always know the way they came accross it. That guy who has a nice car and a nice motorcycle...hell, he has no food in his house, maybe. I can't understand why a human being would want to own a $200 plus pair of jeans, or sneakers for the matter too. Hell, spent just under $300 online and purchased my Winter Wadrobe, that including shoes and sneakers plus boots. Parents who have teenagers and even 'tweenagers', I know they feeling the pressure from their kids. Kids want to lookgood while ins school. Forget about getting good grades, they want to look good. Besides parents, can you really afford college when they get to that age?

Syria...and that mess that happening overseas. Listen, the United States acts like we are The World's Police. The only reason we get involved, have out hands in so many pots...those 'pots' we have our hands in, its in our best intrest. We only get involved if wecan get something out of it. But recently, other nations are r2alizing just what we havebeen doing. Now they are playing 'hard ball' with us too. Its, what have you done for us lately? This is what THIS countey should do. EVERY man, woman of age of 21 and above to the age of 55, should and must perform some sort of Military Service. Crunch the numbers. No Military Basews needed to be closed any more. Those small towns and surrounding areas would prosper.

Soon.

Two All Beef Patties, Special Sauce, Lettuce, Cheese...

...pickles on a seame seed bun. We want $15 an hour. Sounds fair,well listen to my take on it.

Okay, say they give those workers what they ask for, no really. Do you honestly think that the workers that are now there, do you think they will still be around...let's say after 30, no, 90 days? And, what hours they have now and are getting, will be cut so badly, it would be like they are working at $9 an hour. Not to mention, what about the Manager, Assistant Manager and let's not leave out the General Manager too. I don't know what they, the 3 of them are paid, but one thing for sure, you will see a lot of them working the registers & the grill more.

From what I've heard, prices would go up a little. So what, people will always eat at McDonalds no matter what. No moe Dollar Menu you say, so what. Charge $1.08 for a burger, want cheese, add 50 cent more.

Yet Again...Some Things On My Mind

First. I don't know who really reads my Blog. 2nd,I didn't much really care, but...

I'm not too much worried what the NSA knows or continues to find out about me. Since I do have a Social Security Number, with a few key strokes...I'm an open book. But I have began, beginning to wonder, worry about that OTHER agency..WORK. I use the computers in the Break Room, and you know they have all types of restrictions placed on them. So I access a friends computer through a program and search, download from there. The Job has servers, duh! In the back of my mind which its been recently pulling to the front, which to me is VERY dangerous... Can they see what I am doing? Do they know my passwords? Got an email from my Twitter account, unusal activity. So I change my passwords.  But what has been really chewing my ass is here, this blog.

I might know, maybe..one, two people who reads this, but... yesterday my 'view count' was at 53. Refreshed it, it went to 58. Trying to figure out if keywords in my title heading warranted my blog to come up in Google searches. Just for yesterday's posting that is. I should do a search using the title, but if it does show my blog... should I worry? Enough said.

This, our getting together for the next weekend, had me and this woman...like setting ourselfs up for one hell of a meeting when we do meet. 2 things happened last night. We went from what we were going to do to each other, to her asking me in a text that if she needed to borrow some money, would I give it to her. I don't just 'give' money away. I'm sorry, but the sex has to be mind blowing and your thing for enjoying my body has to be also. So I told her, I don't have it, $700, but can and will try and do something. Didn't want to say no just straight off ya know. Next text was that she might have to work that weekend cause one of her patients family is going out of town. WHAT THE FLYING FUCK !!!!!!!! So now that you can't get what you want, now you have other plans. I'm not going to say, 'fuck her', I'm saying 'NOT FUCK HER'!!

Since this weekend is suppose to be the last weekend of Beach Time. I have a Coleman's Beach Tent, and I wanted to use it at the beach where I live at. Its a 20 minute ride by my mountian bike, but they don't allow tents or shelters. And when I do go there, its early, like 7am, and all bkes and dogs have to be off the boardwalk by 9am, and I have never been there when the beach is in 'full swing mode'. The beach and boardwalk is a nice size, 1.1 miles. But the other beach I go to is in Rye, NY, theyy charge $4 to enter and the last time I went there, this couple in front of us had set up the same type of tent, that's why I purchased it. So I guess I'm going to Rye Beach...me and my flotation US Coast Guard Approved Vest.

I was expecting my winter clothes from sportmanguide.com yesterday, but I checked and it won't be delivered until today. All I need to get now is 2 weeks supply of socks. Underwear and undershirts, another pair of boots and some winter sneaker like shoes for walking in the snow and stuff. Oh, and a military styled back pack. For the backpack, I waill have to go to an Army Supplus store to actually get a hands on feel for it. If I order it online, I'm not able to see the bulk, the feel of it. I already ordered a Field Jacket that looks military like, just up I can add a field jacket liner to it. If not, I have sowing skills. Get some buttons and a field jacket liner and do it myself, or... I can just get a Carhartt Hoodie, thermal lined, zippered front. Only thing is that they don't make them in OD green.

This winter, I'm getting out of the city more. Like going upstate, where there is fresh snow. Gonna try snowboarding.

Huntington Post...WTF?

...yesh I get ALL their postings, sent straight to my email. Hey, I can tell that the owner must, has to be a female. Isn't too hard to tell. Yesterdays email...and this IS a first, had me smoking HOT as HELL MAD!!

I'm not quoting word for word. The headline, can't remember what or how it went, but it was degrading this man who, had posted a post on Craigslist. He was looking for that 'special' woman. But he set certain rules, bulleted rules, HIS RULES!! Yep, he was taking charge of what HE wanted.

But it seems that at H.P., us guys, we should FEEL lucky with what woman would put up with our beer guzzling asses. But this guy went and stated what he expected of any woman that were to answer his post. At H.P., they felt that it was all wrong of this guy to do this. Like a woman have never made..a woman have never POSTED, TOLD, TYPED...what she wanted in her man in ANY posting anywhere on the web. I have read some posting, yes on Craigslist and othe dating sites, not to call Craigslist a dating site, but hey.

One woman had the nerve to say that guys post pictures of themselves from 'back in the days', she said move on from yesteryear. Also, she had a problem with guys putting their middle fingers up in pictures in their profiles. Wait..hey lady, what about women posting pictues of the so called 'ass shot', the 3/4 look over the shoulder mainly showing off their ass cheeks. Or, the pictures that are taken in a hotel/motel bathroom, the bed area. Not unless they actually have those rules posted on their bedroom door and they have the same lock of a hotel/motel door, well... So, we try to be creative when answering, but any guy with a BRAIN, yeah, we want to get right to the point and ask about, ya know, when can we hook up. But on her profile with all those pictures, she says..' If ya looking for a hookup, keep it moving', 'Im not on her looking for a man', but her status says she is ina relationship, but what she is looking for...'dating, serious relationship'. Women, how do you see yourself, do you actual REREAD BEFORE you post...apperantly not.

The author of the article, well she should have got a tongue lashing from me and any other guy/guys that subscribe to. But no, we guys did the sensible thing, we brushed it off, well I did. It didn't warrant a response even though I wanted to, but I couldn't find the right words. The author went on to...let's say she had a lot more to say. She had a link embedded in her article, that went to her blog, which I read also. Ladies, women, young women let me tell you this, cause I am one of those guys who..

...who works only on weekedays and have the weekend free. In. The Summer time, I do go the beach and work out by swimming. Also on weekends I ride my mountain bike all over the city. NO, I don't go to a gym, but I do do gym like activites. I do travel through out NY state to different areas. Hell, I live in the city, I LIKE trees and green grass, not to mention fresh air. Oh but wait, the arthor mention something in her article and blog. She was a single parent withy 2 kids...oh, now I see.

You miserible BITCH!! I see why he left you with you and your demanding ways. Boo hoo, 'I have to work all day to earn a living, and my husband divorced me, and I have to do everything for my kids, and school is staring so getting them ready for school starts my day at 5am, and its hard being a single parent'. Waaah wah waaaah! Poor fucking you!! Wait, why did the marraige end? Let me guess...he was tired of your fucking whinning, conplaining, demanding more and more of his FUCKIN SOUL, so he decided to bow out, 'opt out' graacefully? Gave you what you want too. HIS money for the rest of the kids life, well, until they turn 18, or when you got remarried, right? Did you talk the kids into going to college so that you can keep those monthly checks coming in from him? Betcha ya did.

Author of that Huntington Post article..us men, sometimes we make demands of the women we MAY want to spend the rest of our lives together with. You women, in the beginning, you make it seem all so simple, angelic like, giving us what we want. But then that ring is slipped on the finger. Then the glitter wears off. You start demanding more and more of us. Oh, we try to make you happy, both as being, your best friend, your husband, but... to quote that song by The Cure, It's Never Enough. You know what keeps us men happy? Food & SEX!! Its your wifey and sometimes as our girlfriend, its your duty to do this. Stop doing this, guess what, some other woman will. And its not about her looking better than you either. Its about how she treats us, how happy we are with the NEW woman.

Its very freaking easy. This is what we are looking for...this what we want...this is what we expect. Agree to it, fine. Have a change of heart, tell his. You're not happy, als tell us. We will do what we can to make you happy. But in the beginning, if you're interested in us,  we won't lie, well, try not to, we will tell you what we expect of you and leave that choice up to you to decide if you want to get involved. Well, now we are giving you a choice.

Oh, single parent females, need not apply.

I Watched...

...first I worked with her 2 times, she was my manager both times. I've seen her...well, what she looked like before her change. She went away for surgery enhancement, butt and breast. She really didn't need it, but her daily workouts at the gym wasn't giving her the results she wanted.

She knew from the start that I wanted her, but we both said to ourselfs, let's keep it professional, friends. What's funny, I say what she was to look like before she did the surgery. I told her let Mother Nature do 'her' thing. Be frosty, chill. What you want takes time, and going under the knife will only let you know that it wasn't some you did, you earned. You PAID for it.

Now she is having issues, not with her surgery, but with men. I told her...your surgery only gives men what they dream of, and if you don't act they way men what you to be, like in their dreams, you will have problems. Dislike telling you, but I told you so.

She still reaches out to me every now and then saying we need to get together and talk. But with our work, we are never off the same day and we won't talk a day off. That's how it is when you're in a field you enjoy doing. Hopefully when the weather turns cold we will find some time, that one day when we are off together.

What Im Reading Right Now...

... 'I, Lucifer', by Glen Duncan. Yeah I know, some title. But get this, its an account from Lucifer's side of the whole story.

I'm only on page 47 and...THIS book is so FUCKIN' GOOD!! Without going into full details, page 41 to 46 talks about Adam & Eve. A story told like no other...mind you, this was and is told from Lucifer's thoughts.

So far this is the BEST book I have ever read. So when people ask me for a book to read, this one will come to mind.

Bye, back to reading.

You Know Something?....

Some people do shit just for the sake of doing shit. Some people, say shit, just for the sake of saying shit.

Not this weekend, but next, the beach I go to will be closed for the season. So, to end it with a 'bang'... my ex and I purchased a beach tent, made by Coleman. We usually leave the after 4 hours, but this time we are staying until closing which is 6:30pm. Then, we are going on the boardwalk to this restaurant, a Tiki Bar, and have dinner. Since I don't have to work that Monday, we won't get back to her place until a little before 11pm. Its like that we both parties refuse to own or rent car. She is excited about the whole weekend. Me, I'm kind of too, but I'm dreading what this last weekend of sun and beach means.....cold weather soon to follow. Oh well.

I have a text relationship with an older woman. We have met before, a total of 4 times. She text me and told me that it was time that she took our relationship to the next level. I dreaded asking her what she meant, but I did. She says she wants to see more of me. I don't know how that could be possible, being that she works 2 jobs and the window of us actually spending a whole day and night together...won't even happen. I've had this conversation sort of with her before. Never mind the fact that she lives almost 3 hours away from me, which to me isn't a problem because I'm off on weekends. But no, she wants to see more of me and NOT give up one of her jobs. Oh, she is 61h years old, but have the body of a 40 year old woman which drives me crazy.

Hernot willing to give up one job...I can understand that. What I don't understand is what she wants of me. She wants me to come over on Friday after work, I get off at 2pm, she gets off at 6pm. So I have an hour to wait at the train station before she picks me up. the next day Saturday, she doesn't have to be to work until the afternoon, so she says. So I will be in her home alone until she comes back 8 hours later, no problem. But, she has a 33 year old daughter that lives with her, who is sexy as all hell. And, she has been giving me 'that' look too. No, I'm not just seeing shit, nor boosting my ego..(alter ego) either. What I did when I went over there before was just stay in her bedroom until she came home. I had to past the daughter's bedroom to leave to go outside to smoke a cigarette and the daughter was always just in her panties and nothing else. She saw it as nothing and would speak saying hello or whatever. But you would figure knowing that I am in the house, she would cover up. Great body by the way from head to toes. I can reframe myself from staring, just looking cause I DO have eyes, but.. I'm not stupid.

I just want this week to be over with already. Oh, this weekend, Afropunk Festival. I planning on going, its in Brooklyn. And you know the subway on the weekends are hell too.

Life's a Beach, and Then...Let's Talk About Sex

Today, these 2 falls in the same. Ahhh....

I just love the beach. The sun, water and the women. Not gonna lie about that. I think the beach is the only place where men, ALL men are allowed to look. Some of us, if we are with another woman, have to sneak glances at that well tone body. Some bodies aren't that well toned, but with cute faces, but we look any ways. For any man, who goes to the beach and NOT look...well they have issues. Deep issues. With only 2 more weeks with the beaches being officially open for swimming, ya gotta get your 'look on' before the long long loooong coats come into season.

I go to one beach with my ex girlfriend. We both enjoy the water. With me and my floatation vest, approved by The United States Coast Guard, I have no problem with going as far out in the water as I am allowed. Her, my ex, she only gets in up to her breast. Yesterday a cuople came and actual set up a beach tent in front of us, and it got us thinking. Yep, amazon, type, click and its on its way by next Tuesday. In 2 weeks, Labor Day weekend, we are setting up further up the beach where swimming isn't allowed. I doubt if she will or would be in the mood to...but I will give it a shot.

The bodies at the beach and the ages are a wide range. You have your females 17 to 20 years of age traveling in packs of 6 deep. The demographics is easliy broken down. 2 darkskinned, 2 light skinned. I lightskinned with one hell of a body and one female who will always where her white oversized t shirt. Then you have your 26 to 36 years of ages. They travel in a pair and never with a man, but with their kids. Some of them dress for the beach, and others dress like it was a last minute thought. These, come as a fun way to pass off a Saturday with the kids, not looking to get with anyone, don't talk to any one and just hang out with the other female they came with. All in all, the beach is the plafce to see it all.

I've come to a time in my life that its enough of the bullshit. I say this as a single adult male. I also say..I'm gonna do what the fuck I feel like doing when I feel like doing it. More later.

It's Becoming All Clear To Me Now

Dreams...we all have them and its said that what ever you dream, its all you. I can understand that part, but my dreams are strange and I didn't know what they meant until last night. Then, it became all clear to me.

When I go to sleep at night I have to have something to listen to. Its not music, talk radio. Mostly I listen to Art Bell, George Noory and that othe guy on Coast To Coast AM. I don't listen in on regular radio, TuneIn.com, mostly rebroadcast, commericals are taken out, and they are back to back 3 hour broadcasts. Its helps me not only sleep, but I learn 'stuff'.

Last night..I don't know if it was a past broadcast, but it explained all about dreams. Its kind of hard for me to explain it word for word, but most of my dreams have been about flying and some what being in the past, but my being in the dream was of the future. I do know one thing though, some of my dreams have been OBE, Out of Body Experineces. Now you can laught, go ahead.

What was said during the interview Goerge had with this doctor who is an expert in the dream field..it led me to believe that that was what I have been expericing all along. Like I said, I don't have dreams of falling, but of flying. And when you dream of flying, you self being is..acending to a higher level of concious. What was also said that if you want to remember your dreams, you start the morning before telling youself that you WILL remember your dreams and all that's in them. I said that to myself before I drifted off to sleep and things are coming back to me.

Like I said, I can't repeat what was said word for word but... we as humans, I don't think that Man has all the answers to what goes on with the human mind..and being. We are all different and what works for me, doesn't and can't work for the next person. I do know...I am me and there isn't anyone else like me. That's why sometimes when...my thought process is faster than what words I can form coming out of my mouth. I may be speaking one thing, then there are 3, 4 other things right on the tip of my tongue that wants to be spoken too, but I can't say them because something else came to mind while speaking what I am saying. Then there are times when I want to say so much on many subjects..at once, that I just don't say anythibg at all. Its all being thought through in my head.

Makes me wonder sometimes if....