The Last Day of The Year and...

It's the last day of the year, and I've learned that eventually everything on your body will and can begin to hurt.

Okay, I can understand my back, and my arms... But my balls, hold on a minute.

Are my balls suppose to hurt? Yeah sure, if I'm I kicked or punched there, yeah okay.. But to hurt for no reason at all? Some may say that this issue needs to be looked further into by paid professional medical people, but I'll be damned if I walk my ass into any damn hospital right about now.

Okay speaking of..this new virus.. Like I'm not really getting any info.. for the simple fact there are no newspapers in this areas. And, since this place doesn't have cable, no news channel to see it on tv. I visited some of my friends homes and they don't have cable, so I'm not seeing any news. Sure the internet. But can you really believe what you read and see on the internet? That one is up for debate.

As this year closes out... I think for the last 2, 3 months or this year I made a mistake. One big mistake..being in a relationship with a younger woman. You wouldn't believe the energy this woman has, it's not even human. But she enjoys me in ways that she said she waited for and wanted her whole life. So I can't complain and I'm NOT complaining except for.. 

Thought it wouldn't happen to me... I thought I could and would go thru my life to the end being able to 'Rise: to the occasion on any given notice. Nope, 'Not happin Captain'. It stated with me going to the bathe5 to urinate. ....wtf?!! How come it like the water in my sink was turned off at the main connection. The flow is so little..and it stops. Then pick up again, but doesn't feel like I'm drained all the way. I Googled my heart and ass off and it looks like my prostate is enlarged. Googling further..'..does interrupt sexual experiences..'.OMG NOOOO!! And me with this 35 year old Hottie too. She understands though, I told her what it might be.  Wait.. I think I now know 2hy my balls ache.. Bluebells?

Another friend, 45 minutes away or so. Meet her on a dating site, but haven't met her in person. We talk over the phone. She says one night.. 'So women just throw their pussy at you, huh?' I tell her.. No, but it does sound like it when you ask me about the women I meet.' She can't grasp what i. Saying because she doesn't have a penis. I hope this is true, but you never know since we haven't met face to face..yet. Men talk out way into your panties, simple as that. Though you as the women made up your mind on if you're going to sleep with us, but it's our conversation that seals the deal. ...and I'm a deal closer. I don't fake or pretent nothing. Women or they/she will know what I'm afer and what I want. I also tell her that it isn't about me sticking my penis in a woman and just getting off for my own pleasure. Each woman is different.. Looks, talks, acts and taste different. Comoare it to food.. One night you want Mexican, next night you want Chinese. And sometimes it's all about the art if the chase. Most women want to feel wanted and desired and stop at that. So e women want to hear what you want to do with and to her. And some women...well, they are just like men too.

I e been here in VA a little over 6 months. Though I haven't teavel much to other parts of Virginia, it's the people. The people here are different from what I am use to. I don't compare them to NYC anymore, that's a waste of time. I just take them for who and what they are. Both make and female. Though I have met more women then men.

2022... I don't want much from it. Basica6 the same thing I got in 2021..just to be safe and make the right decisions. It's not too hard to do either. I just have to look at any situation for what it is and weight the options. One hing indo know 2hwt I want... I want my family to be safe nd protected from harm. I guess that won't be to hard for them to do because they have leveled heads, something I just now started to use.

Merry Fuckin' Christmas

I did something this Christmas that I have never in my entire life had done. I GAVE money as a Christmas gift. Ain't that some shit.

Well, I gave money in total $250 to three different people/persons. One who I am sleeping with, and to her child. And the other who I want to sleep with..who I have never met in person..who I have already sent in total $300 here and there for pictures and videos. Don't EVEN ask, okay.

Like right now I am at the one whom I am sleeping with apartment. She spent the night with her child at her mother's home. I've been here alone since 11:17pm last night...hoping she could get out of spending the night at her mom's house. She couldn't and I was sort of disappointed because two days ago she got a powerful vibrator in the mail and I used it on her. Right now I have :Buddy's, it's the name I'm calling it..I have it plugged in and charging up. This thing is amazing and you women have it good when it comes to..to.. How I I call it? When it comes to Self Pleasuring Thy Self. It has three speeds and I've named them also.

One, a quicky..Intense but not so intense that you di8 want to get up and go about your daily activities. Two.. I call this speed 'Cigarette Worthy'. Yeah this speed does the job and like real time sex, smoke a cigarette afterwards. Three.. This speed is called 'Soul Snatcher Pillow Biter. This speed will snatch all the pain and hurt right out of you..will have you feeling numb as fuck afterwards too, but more.. WILL SNATCH YOUR SOUL FROM YOUR BODY!! Believe me, I have seen this third speed in action. I've welded this Beast and snatched her Soul. And afterwards...I am called 'Baby' 'Sweetheart' and 'Lover'. I was questioned..'You don't have a problem with me using it, do you?' I answered..no, not at all but it comes with me when I leave this apartment. I am NOT leaving IT alone with you in your home. I mean eventually you will have no use for me. She laughed..I didn't see what was so fucking funny. Like really? Ladies get this one, you'll enjoy it. Put it in the hands if your Lover..they will enjoy it even more using it on you. Let me see if I can add these picture. Hold on...

I know, you can barely see it. FUCK!!

The box, see it, Google it or whatever. Thank me later.

She is suppose to come home at 10am...by her lonesome. Her 19 year old cousin is visiting and she said she might bring her over for a couple of hours. I told her NOOO!!! Then I said okay, fuck it. She can join us in bed too. I was waiting for her to say something in the way of, no you're not fucking my cousin AND me at the same time..but she did say anything. Hmmm? NO!! I said I was going to be good. I actually said I was going to TRY and be better but..well, you know.

I have so much..so much shit to do. I mean it's not important, not like that but.. it's shit I want or even maybe need to do. I have some time every now and then, but I want to use that time to do nothing. But let me go and do it now. Fuck!!

Almost a Whole Month Ago...

...I was sane, I had my wits about me. I also knew right from wrong. I wasn't stressed out and I kept to myself. Then I woke the fuck up.

I'm going to try and get thru this post.. Meaning I will hit 'Send' instead of leaving it for later and getting back to..which I never do. So for now on I'm just going to hit 'Send, Publish' or what the fuck ever. It's not that I don't care, no not that. It's just there isn't enough hours in my FUCKING DAY!

I should have never gave her any penis. For real though, I should have listen to that little voice. But I thought being that she is 53 years old..she would have some kind, type of sense about herself. But noooo, I gave it to her two times and that second time sealed my fate.

I have to admit, both encounters were enjoyable, surprised the hell out of me too. But when you don't have any friends, no family..kids don't want to have anything to do with you.. When a person shows you some attention and that person, me..tells you it's ONLY going nd has to be a sexual thing, and you agree to it. NO!! You can't just catch feelings. We both agreed to it as it being what it is..something to release some tension. I do know what to do and it isn't going to be pretty.

I haven't met this one in person yet. I say yet because I'm for real are going to. Can't remember where online I met her, probably Tagged. As soon as I saw her profile picture I wanted her, so I reached out and she answered. Yeah I know, she answers everyone...don't care. So far I've spend about $140 on her. Not through a website, but directly TO her..her checking account. She's a complicated mother of 2 small ones. Mommy by day, Online Sex Worker by night. She says she doesn't do P2P, they all say that though. I'm not going to go to her, already established she is coming to me, when 2honthe fuck knows.

My 'Main Stay'...just turned 35 years old..and has the energy of 2, 3 women. It's strange and different with her. I mean if you look at her she looks like a boy, dresses like one too. Baggy clothes hiding ALL thise curves. What I don't know..she Bi but only has been with two guys sexually. What I don't know about her 'lifestye' I ask, question afer question  She just spoke out..'Ive never sucked a dick before, I want to learn.' Hmmm, interesting. And me who doesn't even like that part if sex let's her practice her sweet heart out as much as she wants to. I know it sound cruel, really it isn't. Told me I have the best looking dick she has ever seen..coming from her after only seeing two others before me. A compliment, yes sir!! She had a delivery of a 'Muscle Relaxer' yesterday...so naturally I tested it out in her. Took our 'Sessions' to a whole different level. ...and yes, I know where your clit is located at. It and I are friends on a separate level from the rest of your being. It calls out to me, whispers to me in my sleep but Nevers enters my dreams.  I...

...

The very first job I had when I came to Virginia was at a Bakery. One of my coworkers told me that I had a problem with dating women with children, little kids. That at some time in my past, a relationship with a women with children gave me a bad experience. No!! It wasn't that, it's this...

I can understand w relationship with a man who some women say is a man of their dreams. But having children with that man is a whole different story. Gone are those nights together alone, peaceful and quiet. Gone are those days when if you have a disagreement, the two of you work it out. The woman is left raising that child mostly. Where as thean is suppose to be out earning to support his kid and the mother of his child.

Somewhere along the line the woman, in my opinion thinks the man is out there living it up..doing what the fuck he wants to, and then comes home to her screaming and raising hell because she has spent the major part if her day taking care of OUR child. Men, you lose in this battle, but you still can TRY to win the war.

Most of the time the woman ends up leaving the father if her child. And most of the time the woman goes thru maybe two, three more times and children doing the same thing over again. Hook up, relationship, pregnancy and then separation. And here's where I come along.

First off.. I am not trying to be that father figure to your child...for the simple reason the kid will not listen to me PERIOD!! In fact the kid might be laughing their asses off thinking I'm gonna come in and try to control them. Kids aren't stupid, doesn't matter how young they may be, they are not stupid.

Now throw in a woman who is half my age of 61 and has a nine year old boy. Hes use to being and having mommy all to himself and the. I come along and has mommy in her bedroom behind closed doors. A lock bedroom door will cause a nine year old to lose his SHIT! Believe me, I fucking know. This mine year old sis shit on purpose. Shit like peeing his bed, just walk up to his mother a d slap the fuck out of her fir no damn reason at all. I sat back and stared him in his eyes and there was that look of..' Take THAT motherfucker.' Oh, he's nice and sweet when it was time for me to leave...'Goodbye Mr. Michael.' When I first heard that, I said to myself you Devil Motherfucker, I am aware of your game..and it is SO fucking in you wouldn't believe. I did a little experiment. I told him tomorrow I want to ask him.something. You know what this fuxker said. He said..'Okay, what are you bringing me.' I wanted to toss his ass up against the wall..repeatedly, but I didn't. But when I returned the next day, first words out of his mouth..'Where is my gift'. He didn't say present, this fuxker said GIFT! Gift as in 'I am letting you enter my Kingdom what precious gifts have ye bought before me?' MY FOOT IN YIUR ASS!!

Yeah and the mother sees none of this happening or going on with her child because I am behind close doors taking her I to Zombie Mode. What Zombie Mode? It's when a woman has orgasm ssi many damn times that that 5th..or maybe the first or second orgasm cause her eyes to role to the back of her head, her thighs quiver..quiver NOT shake you Newbies..and after I pull out to regroup, she is still orgasming. Yeah, I'm like that. So she could care less what her son is doing, saying and acting..it's, when are we going into the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen..fuck it, right here in the living room floor, jsy give that shit to me again. So I'm dealing with that.

I told myself not to mess with a woman so young, but she has it all when it comes to a body. Not to mess with a woman who has a young child..but she never has experience what we are about to do..so it's a challenge for me. And no, I'm not trying to get her to call in Love, I am getting her to enjoy this type of Love making and a sexual encounter. So it's all my fault.

Already she has told me not to yell at her in her house..and I want even yelling. It was she did t want to hear what I had to say and thru that in which did what it was suppose to do..shut me the fuck up. I know what is about to happen on my end. I'm just going to stop coming to her home, coming up with some excuse time after time until she gives up calling, texting and asking me if I am still coming over.

I have to admit it though, I enjoyed .asking Love to her, I really did but.. 

It's not you, it's m.. Naw it's you for real.

....

A little over 4 months here in this burg..and 90 days on THIS job.

I HAD every intention of going to work today, Sunday. But last night I ate leftover Thanksgiving food from two different people, two different households. My bubbling stomach woke me up at 3:17am. Went to the bathroom and..OMG!!

No, the food wasn't spoiled or anything. It's just that my stomach isn't use to such foods with seasoning. I think it was the collard greens that did me in. I don't normally eat them, I do but they have to be cooked a certain way. They were very good, it ws sjust the seasoning I wasn't use to.

I was standing outside waiting for my ride to come and pick me up. I already made up my mind in telling her before I got in the car that I wasn't going in today. So..when I THOUGHT WAS A FART, TURNED OUT TO BE.. Yep, a wet one.  I penquin walked back up the stairs and asked staff fir a plastic bag. What I feel bad about is leaving her with just one other guy who has 5 years on the job... Hell her and I did it on a Monday, just the two of us and we both handle it. It's just.. I feel that I'm meeting The Team down.

...

First... I feel like shit. Fir the last almost three weeks, my nose has been running it's own marathon.

It's so bad that I don't use tissues any more, I've moved on to paper towels. Yesterday afternoon I thought I was getting over what ever the fuck I have, but no. I went to stand up and I felt dizzy. No, I was dizzy. So much so that I was walking sideways. I was bumping into furmi6 and people. And to make matters even more worst than they are, my lady friend died r even give a Fuck on how I'm feeling. She still expects a ND demand I have an erection. What the fuckz right?

So, Thanksgiving came and went. I did t feel like..I don't know what I was not feeling like. I was surrounded by some people who weren't in the holiday spirit, no not at all. The day started off with me sleeping late, I go up at 6:30am...that considered early ass afternoon to me. My normal wake up time IS 2am. No work, though I volunteered to do so but my Manager said that I would get to sleep in at the shelter on that day. I guess she was a guest there herself at one time or another. But it was true, they didn't do a wake up call like normal, if you wanted to sleep all day, you could've. I wanted to go to Golden Coral, but NO buses were running and the guys with cars didn't want to make any extra money. Wait they did, at 9pm I was approached by 3 of the 5 guys who I asked. Turns out they had the munchies and I looked at them.like they lost their minds and I walked away from each one if them.

My friend was spending Thanksgiving at her mother's house, family up from North Carolina. I wanted to go to her place and chill but she said no because she wasn't there. What I suspected was that she had a female Lover over for the holidays. Either way, male or female, I could care less. You don't you, you're young, I say go for it. But yesterday she texted me and told me that I better get on her house after I shower and she wasn't hearing a no.

The trip to New York City is till a go. Approval for me and the woman who also lives here has been signed off on, but I'm worried. She has to pay for the rental car with her money, which I have fir her in cash, but... This woman lies too damn much..about every damn thing. She told me she will have the money on her card the 1st of December, but I don't believe her. If I miss this trip, I swear she is a Ghost to me. I won't even look in her direction ever again.

My ride is here, gotta go.

On Cloud Shoes

 

A Couple of Post To.. Well I Don't Really Know, But...

I know one thing for sure. ALL men should pamper themselves.

It doesn't have to be no man Spa type of thing. I don't even know I'd they even have a Man Spa, if they do..it's probably ncalles The Gym. Anyways...

It doesn't have to be once a week, but it should at least be once a month if anything. Could be that special soap that you always wanted to get, but couldn't afford. Well splurge ba little and get it..get it for YOU!!

It's could also be that Grooming Kit for down below, clean things up a bit. Hell, while you're at it, get a decent Hair Clipper Set for yourself also. Have that in you Me Bag. Take at least one day a month, your day off and treat yourself to your own personal grooming. Don't so it for your girl/wife..do it for you.

Also, while you're at it... Invest in some decent razors for your face. Companies like Dollar Shave Club & Harry's have, and I most say the most decent razors to try out. I have both of their subscriptions. Those blue and orange $1 razors you buy in the stores that are plastic... Listen, your face is important to you. Learn how to shave properly, the RIGHT way and TAKE YOUR TIME DOING SO ALSO.

Most men buy expensive clothes, if that makes you feel good or even more better about yourself, do so but.. I buy comfortable fitting clothes. I also KNOW my sizes..arm length, shoulder length, chest size, wait AND INSEAM too. But the fit may vary because if the type of material. As for footwear... I'm at they stage where..I never did like expensive hoes or sneakers. As long as they are comfortable and practical it suits me fine. But there is one brand that I just recently was aware of... 'On Cloud'. A pair was giving to me because the sneakers they gave me were too small and I asked fir the same style but a bigger size. This person came back and said no more sneakers in that style or size, but you can HAVE these. They fitted, were super comfy. So I Google Lens the pair.. $139 freaking dollars, and they were guven ti me at no charge or cost..NOTHING!! I like this style compared to the others and they colors this styles comes in too. But $139 a pair? I just might get me a pair for myself for Christmas.

I shop as often as I can in The Salvation Army's Thrift Store(s). I'm trying to find a decent but warm Winter Coat that isn't new, but broken in in my size. I've seen some coats I want in my Facebook time line.. But with those coats they either run too big or too small and finding the right fit is chancy. I dislike returning something once I pay for it and it's shipped. So all my coat have to be tried on before I purchase.

I last thing for all men to really REALLY have..to pamper yourself. It doesn't have to be expensive but..get yourself a laptop. You'll thank me later. And get yourself a decent carrying case to carry your laptop in. Smartphones are okay but.. It's nothing like taking out your laptop when you're someplace and have an hour to kill. 

That's it. Men, now go out there and pamper yourself because can't no one do it better FOR you then your doing it FOR YOURSELF.

Rules

Rules are not made to be broken... But you know what, rules are sometimes made to be changed.

Though rules are set in place for a reason, there are others and ways..that those rules can be changed to adapt to what is happening right now. You just have to be firm with your decision to break those rules and stand by your decisions if you choose to break them for what is going on right then and there.

But that doesn't mean that you have the power to say, today like I'm making a decision to break said rule. No, it has to be a decision that once in a lifetime that you have to make.

Another thing is..you have to admit and face whatever is thrown at you for making that decision to break that rule.

There are rules to go by, and them there are rules that people make... The own rules.

Question ❓

How many times can you join up and then cancel Amazon's Prime..and then rejoin, then cancel again before they really and actually bill you?

...

So much has been happening to me, some good some not so good.

Work: in the last week and a half, 3 Shift Managers have either quit or moved in to bigger and better things. That leaves two Shift Managers. One is highly well trained and know her shit..the other, I don't know about her. I caught her with that '1000 Yard Stare' A look of what the fuck am I doing here. Will I be stuck in this nowhere job for the rest of my life? And, God I'm only 19 for Christ sake. What I say... 'Ah, the look of young and fresh Food Service Worker, still wet behind the ears. Not know what lays ahead in their future.'

The job took 7.5 hours away from me two weeks ago..only to have me work the past week 40 hours in 6 days straight. I haven't done 6 days in a row in more than 3, 4 years. My body was use to it, it needed rest and sleep. I was woke up at 2am..and than again at 3:30am..I have to be at work at 4am and it's a 22 minute walk to work. Thank God a Shift Manager was picking me up. As I stood in front of the shower, I tezt her that I JUST woke up. She said take it easy, shell wait for me. I. 8 minutes I was downstairs in her car..NO shower, just a cold wash cloth to wipe the sleep out if my eyes. Surprisingly the day was a good day.

Personal Life: intries to live by The Gen5 Rule..only date/sleep with woman who are half my age plus 6 or 7 years added on. I broke that rule, she's 34 years old. In the back of my head I'm thinking I'm going to have Performance Issues, nope I didn't. Only thing is I'm not that young anymore.

I want to say this, some people are given jobs just based on the color of their skin. I hear some out there saying no that isn't true. I see it every day and almost every where I've been in my life. People are treated differently because of the color of their skin and if you don't believe that.. You're one of those people.

On The Road Again!!

I have a doctor's appointment on the 9th of December. Since there are not any Greyhound buses leaving from this town... The only option is rent a car. And me with no license either.

So this woman who I will call Ms. M, said she would rent a car for me..if only I take her along with me. My plan was to drive there and back, but since she never been to New York City... Then she hit me a little while ago with something earth shattering.

She said that she never ever slept with a Black man and she wants me to be her first and only. She's 55 years old and has a decent body, pretty face..long blonde hair and her voice makes me think of exotic things. I've told her that.

I'll pay for the car rental but everything else we go half on. I asked can she afford it and she show me her bank account on her cell phone. She says for the short time we are to be there in New York City, she wants me to create memories for her. I told her I would and will.

Of course like a little kid she wants to know what I have planned. I told her I'm gonna treat her like a cute cousin who ain't really my cousin. 

The thing about her is this. She already told me how she feels about me, and she makes it known around her and that's makes me uncomfortable. It has nothung to do with the color of her skin, it's.. This is a shelter and true people find Love or whatever in some of the strangest places, but for me, not here, not now.

Since I'm doing the driving, and it's a 6 and a half hour drive... there's my excuse. Dislike using the 'Not now honey, I'm tired' excuse, but I'm going to have to. Isn't helping that the hotel I booked for one night only has one bed. Last night one of her front approached me and told me something.

She told that Ms. M is REALLY looking forward to this trip, and that she is so excited about being alone with me in another state which she has never been in before..and doing something that she always had wanted to do, and didn't think that she would get a chance to do it. OMG!! I'm this woman's sexual fantasy come true. I really don't want to break her heart and I really don't want to make Love to her. But.. I really need to get to NYC on that day though. I can't change the date. So I guess I have a decision to make the closer we get to my destination.

....

 I think I know what MY problem is. I try..no, I push myself to damn hard. 

My main priority is work, my job. Everything after that is just...I don't know what to call it. My job or my career means everything to me. I know my stuff when it comes to being in a kitchen. Like I said, I enjoy cooking for others. So when I say something about THE WAY things..no fuck that. The way shit is suppose to be ran, I mean that fucking shit.

I don't give a flying fuck what culinary school your ass went to. IF I SEE your culinary school graduate ass doing something fucked up in the kitchen. I'm working in, and we ARE a team, ALL of us are fucked. I don't care if youve been there 2 years. If you didn't say something and knew it was wrong..fuck am I going to listen or even let your dumb ass even lead me. Believe me when I say I am stepping over you. Another thing...

My job helps me do the things 8 like to do... Have fucking money in my pocket and have money in my account(s). If you're my Lead and need the help, best bel5 when I say to you or ask you do you want me to come in, my body already knows...NO SLEEP, NO REST! So, you better ask me because I am going to only mention/ask you ONCE. You change your mind, depends if you're more.ir female. I'm keeping it real. Its not about the money because these fuckers can't meet my pay requirements. So I doing it for other reasons. Again, enough of this.

Only mentioning it one more time. I wanted to go back to her hotel room but I couldn't. For one there isn't enough hours in the day. And..if I went there..I would only have a 45 minute window and I would need at least 3 hours. Yeah I said it 3 hours and not all three hour are fucking. Damn, who fucks for 3 hours?

Home girl has a husband and a boyfriend. Now she wants me as a Side Piece. I staring out told her that she couldn't afford me and she doesn't like fucking as much as I do. She think she's Ballin, naw.. Both her husband and her boyfriend are giver her money. Sh want me, she has to.pay me and cut one of them.off. I told her don't fucking play with me because sometimes I don't play fair or well with others. And again, you can't and don't know or every begin to know how to take care of all of THIS. You thing your pussy opens wallets..Bitch please. This dick will have you acting.ill responsively on many levels. 16, 18 minutes with me, you'll need 12 hour to get your shit BACK together. She told me I couldn't handle all of her..I told her that I'll have her questioning her OWN exsitance. But then again, I don't have the time. 

Gotta go.

....

When I see my 'Friend', I'm gonna..

Surprises!!

Have yiu ever been SO surprised that...you're lost for words. And, you question your Own exsitance. 

So this 53 year old White woman who accent is SO country that you hear banjos playing when she speaks... She has fir almost two weeks been sending me 'PP', Pussy Pics..with captions like..'Growllll', I want to sit on your face' and 'Theres no place like home'. I have to admit, very artistically well done pictures..lighting was top notch too. Just looking at them I said wow!

Well, I did more than just look at them yesterday afternoon after work.  I went to the address she text me, a hotel. Knocked in the door and she answered fully clothed. What happened next... I  will not describe because...well, I would be too turned in all over again. But I will say this...

'Hey, Boys & Girls... Don't be a douche and just limit yourself to your own people. Example, I only date Black, I only date White. You do t want the same flavored ice cream a he time, right? Most times you eat chocolate ice cream... But then there s that one occasion when something special goes on and you have a choice of vanilla ice cream.'

It's Not That I'm a Shelter Bum, It's..

In every state/city I've been to in the last 7 or 8 years, I stayed in a Shelter first and then got my place. Staying in Shelter reminds me of my Army days and I had some fun in those days while seeing the world.

Being in a shelter...you either have to be strong minded or crazy as fuck. It helps a lot if you can combine the two. For real though, it wears out yiur mental state of mind too. Every shelter shouldn't be like that, but that what happens.

First Timers, it's a shock to your system. It's out of the elements, you get a bed, shower and something to eat. You can relax and some do..I did, when I was given my bed. Though you think no one, meaning other residents..though you think they are looking, they are. They are seeing what youre unpacking, what you got..so they can steal it. Again, not all shelters are like this. Instead of talking about the bad parts, I'm going to talk about the Good.

First thing I look at are the bulletin boards. Jobs, free clothing, and meals in the surrounding areas. Next, and do this ahead of checking in..I find out when the closest library is. I come prepared..laptop charged up and ready for a job search. It helps to be nice to the staff and answer all questions and fill out all forms they ask you to. You'll get some staff who can judge the good in people and will help you more than others.

Life living in a shelter is by THEIR RULES! If you don't like the rules, leave. Simple as that. On serveal occasions I checked in unemployed and with in a couple of hours went on an interview, got the position and had my schedule with me to take back to the shelter. Now the hard part..

The hardest part is trying to tell the staff who have seen 100's of men come thru their doors say the same shit to them. But I'm different. 'I just got this job and my hour are past curfew, so need a night pass so that I'm not considered as a person who left the shelter. Most times asking for a kate pass I am told no. So I have to tell my employer on DAY ONE if working what my living situation is. And ask them to write a letter in their letterhead stating my hours.  Ring that back to my Case Manager, and that should get the ball rolling. What messes things up is if he asks me how much I'm making and I make more than he does. Believe me that has happened to me twice. Both times the case manager gave me a hard time so I went over their heads and made an enemy.

In my opinion nothing should change about you if you live in a shelter...that is if you're strong minded. Though I couldn't or couldn't buy the things I really wanted to get, I waited. So I buy cheap made clothing, something that everyone in the shelter is wearing. Some times, most times I would miss dinner, but I work in food service so I'm eating on the job. But in my days off, I eat in the dinning room with others.And one day a week I would order Chinese Food and get a little extra to give to anyone who passes by where I'm eating. I tell them I can't eat all of this, take it or I'm gonna throw it away. 

Okay, the shelter I'm in now. Wow!! There is a Director which leaves at 4:30pm. And when she leaves, the staff that watches over us, well it's 'Their house, their rules'. Like three times a week I have to be at work at 4:15am, wake up at 2am on my own. Shower, drink a cup of coffee and have a smoke..and head off for the 1 mile walk to work. I get off at 11:15am and the dorm in which I sleep is off limits. But I got permission from The Director to go in the dorm, shower and go to sleep if I want to but.. But the staff tells me to shower and come out of the dorm. Dorm doesn't open until 6pm and on two nights a week 7pm. It's okay in the Summer, but it's cold out and I've been up since 2am. I'm so tired it feels like I'm drunk. The other day the dire8 told me to come with her, walked me around to each staff and told them I can stay in the dorm after getting back from work. Case solved.

To Be Continued.

....

A 53 year old White woman has taken to liking me so damn much that she gave me her number and told me to text her, I did.

Since I've texted her I am getting.. Let's say I know all of her body from head to toe. It's like I've  slept with her already. But the latest text just threw me.

It was a room number followed by the hotel and..'Be there at 12 noon on Wednesday'.  Am I going..Fuck YEAH!!  Is anything going to happen..it's all up to her. If she makes the first move, I'll do the rest.

....

See... She's Bi and... From what I'm feeling sbout her, she wants to introduce me to her other her. 

We have been seeing each other every damn day for 3 weeks now. And she wants me to move in but.. I don't know... It's her place and I like peace and quiet all the time. I mean who doesn't. She's exci5 to have me around. She knows my living situation, I'm in a shelter. She is amazed by how it doesn't bother me.it does, when... I'll mention that later.

I've seen her other her too. She is also bi but doesn't have a boyfriend or anything. Doesn't seem bothered by it either. I don't want to 'speak/tell her what to do if she wants all three of us together but she keeps mentioning 'you have to meet her'.

I'll let her figure it out all on her own. 

Sunday, Not Like a Sunday I'm Use To But..

It started off with not being able to get the Sunday local newspaper like I wanted to. The lady behind the counter told me she don't know 2hy they stopped delivering the paper, they just did. So that was that.

Then..against everything i stand for, I decided to go shopping JUST for food for that day. I wasn't hungry or anything but I wanted a meal, lunch and dinner that I could cook. See, I haven't been eating the food at the shelter because most of not all the food is donated. And do ared food is either expired or something that's meant to be thrown out and the end of the day.

I've been to two of the main, well these two supermarkets, Food Lion and Krogers...to me they are and seem ghetto. Overpriced and from what I say some if not all off brand names that I haven't seen before. Besides, I don't trust a supermarket that doesn't have a fresh seafood department. I went to a supermarket that some.people told me that I was more accustomed to..' Martins'.

Martins is my type of place, a Gourmet Supermarket. It's something about a Gourmet Supermarket.. the lighting, the colors of product on the shelves, stuff like that. They have Goat Cheese!! They have a FRESH Seafood Department!! YES!! And I went bonkers too.

I limited myself to 23 minutes if shopping and stuck to that time frame. Deli stuff for 5 sandwiches. Pasta, fresh pasta with clam sauce. Spare ribs, beef and sauerkraut to bake them in. I was in and out before the guy I paid to take me there and back could even begin to comain on where I was. I was so fast I shopping that he felt kind of..well he said that the $20 was too.much for what little time I spent in the store. Fucking Virginian people, I don't understand them.

We r back to my friends house and upacked. She said are you cooking insaud yes get out of your kitchen and let me do my thing. Food was finished and her and her son sat down in front of the TV it eat. All I can say is that they were full and enjoyed it. Her son wanted more and I gave him more. He didn't finished what I gave him because he fell asleep on his plate. His mother, her eyes started drooling also. Mission accomplished.

Nest week I'm going for to bake some ki d of poultry and have a nice exotic salad and gonna try to bake some fresh bread to top it all off.

Since You've Been Gone..

I know right? This fucking guy, he post and then..WTF?!!

I kept telling myself in the part that having sex with a woman who is nearly half my age isn't it wasn't good for me. I had my health to think about..so I thought. Kept telling myself that and young woman would have far too much energy and would probably put me in the hospital. Or, that I wouldn't live up to her or even my own expectations. Cough, cough BULLSHIT. FELLAS, get yourself a nice young woman who hasn't been out there and who has a decent head in her shoulders. Yeah, some mornings after may be rough in you/me..but it's worth those sore and aching bones.

Some if the things that's been going on the past couple of days, maybe a week and a half.

Work..my job. I Love it! It's fast paced, always something to do and it's different every single day. But what throws me off is..the different 'things' and what people go thru when they are not at work but bring that shit to the job. Work is supposed to be to me..work is where you do what you do best and get paid for it. New hires, plenty of them too. Was thrown off by Management telling me to train someone. Haven't done that in years. Thankfully this person has experience and knew how to, but just needed about 45 minutes if knowing the product. Then was given a 16 year old who had more underlying issues that didn't come out during the interview. I almost lost my shit on them. More on that later.

I've been here at this shelter for a little over 90 days. Not getting restless or anything like that..but not feeling comfortable either. I'm allowed to take a shower after work though the dorms are closed. I have a friend who gives me her key to her place, a 20 minute walk away. I go there to relax when she isnt home. I thought I would cook more often there, but it's her place and I don't want to do that. The ONLY issue I'm having is that the supermarket is so far away. I'm tired and though it's walking distance, there are hills to climb. I shos say fight because they are steep as fuck. But I think I can set a routine that on my day off that I go shopping for real food. Have to wait and see.

Living here in this shelter has been something else. I try not to let anyone use.my cell phone. But this one guy left his in a car he was in and shit ent down hill from there. He accused me of something..then he accuse someone else if something..when it turned out it was HiM along.A 66 year old man, who is now not talking to me. Like I give a Fuck. His 'girlfriend' is a married woman who has already been sendi g me text trying to find him because he blocked her. He has lied on me to her about shit. But his girlfriend knows what the truth is and decided not to even get into it with him about his lying. The way I see it, she just uses him for his monthly check.

Made a promise to myself that every Sunday I will read this town's Sunday newspaper. So I'm off to go buy it..a 3 block walk away.

A Word From Our Sponcers..

I remember lugging mines on the 4 or the 5 train to go to High School, High School of Art & Design. 59th Street train station... Walking past the McDonald's and seeing that 'Fab Five' grafitt ''Throw Up', small but powerful, it made a statement.

No For Real, It Never Crossed My Mind Until..

See... I never thought about her in that way until he mentioned it. Put that thought in my head, and I could see already that he was at the end of whatever he thought was the beginning.

And it wasn't me who made the first move either. Like I said, there was a thought...but the move she made towards me...well, I couldn't back away from. 

Don't believe that shit that men don't think and if they do think, they think with their other head. I thought..and I thought some more...and I asked her does she know what she's doing. The language on her, straight to the point. Told me what he wanted and expected of me.

When I got back home, she started texting me, telling me her true feelings. I guess it's easier for her to express herself when not face to face with me. All that crap about women not asking for penis pics is just that, crap. Because she wanted 'some', but I couldn't send any, wasn't in the mood.

Wants me over for dinner next week. Told her don't make plans for me/is if you're not going to stick to them. I will see...again.

WTF!!??

I think my cell phone is alive and is listening in on me on the down low. Laugh if you want to, but some star he things have been happening and it affects my day starting early in the morning.

I check Google News every morning around 5, 5:30. Well this morning...it said 'Somethings Not Working'. Okay, it wasn't my fault, not in my end. I didn't want to dig through my backpack and find my other phone that doesn't have a data plan AND my portable wifi hotspot...bullshit Google, you're suppose to BE working. I shouldn't have to do anything.

....

The other night one if the guys here left his phone in his 'cousin' car. He use my phone to call his girl who lives next door to tell her to come back with his phone.

This guy last night told me that his cousin 1ho is a female is throwing her boyfriend out of the house, and she lives with her brother. I asked why and he told me he can't speak on it. I let it go.

I'm sitting in my bed and my phone rings. I don't know the number so I don't answer. I get a text... It's from this guy here who used my phone, it's his girl. In the text he asked was her boyfriend around, texted back he's right here. I told the dude that his girl is texting me. He told me to block her because he did the same thing. Something isn't right, I don't block a damn thing.

Her next text..was explosive. That he, slept with his cousin, she walked in in them and stood there for a couple of seconds watching. I don't relay to this dude what she text to me but he gets angry because I won't block her.  Threatens me, all kinds of bullshit. So I stay calm and say to myself fuck him he's cut off, I'm not fucking with him anymore.

This the bullshit I go thru. Guys here backgrounds are so fucked up, but play it off that they are normal everyday kind of guys.

....

When I first arrived here in Virginia a friend introduced me to this woman...

This woman from what my friend told me, was and is his girlfriend. She told me that he was her side piece. I thought she was joking, but it was true.

Weeks go by, he does something fucked up and she cuts him off. I see her every now and then and then one day she honks her car horn and tells me to get in.

We talk as friends for a while and then she drops a bomb. She wants something with me. I tell her I have to think about it. We continue every now and then to chat face to face, but text more and more.

Yesterday we go to this park, we gwt out and walk around, then we sit in these benches and she tells me details of  what she wants with me. I told her okay I'm in.

It's been three weeks and still THAT hasn't happen. I think she Friend Zone me. No biggie, she fun to be around.

....

Since I consider Friday the start of the weekend, I told myself on Thursday night that I was going to have a GREAT weekend. I did.

Yes!! The weekend was a weekend that I'm so use to having. Almost..almost everything went the way I had planned it. I just wish that people if they say that hey are going to do something, they do it or.. Or they let you know that they won't be able to. What most people do is not even both to text and let you know they changed their minds. Then they call you and act like nothing happened, like..didn't we plan something a couple of days ago for a few hours ago? What the fuck happened?

What I thought was this person was5 even interested in me..when it turns out that she was and is and that she just didn't know how I felt. Though I had her number for a while and she did text me, it was for something else. So when I asked her 'whata up', she took it for THAT. 

She tried to get away for a couple of hours to just see me and.. whatever. But she couldn't. Then she sent a text.. 'Im horney just wana fuck be fucked thats what i need! Just sex!' That's her actual text. Okay, this took things to a while different level now. But then again that means nothing in the bigger scale of things.

I was asking this guy about his cousin. I thought he would be upset and tell me not to worry about anyone in his family but . But he qas5 telling .e about some BS she did thinking it would turn me away. Nope. I saw her Sunday evening and she asked me where her cousin is, and he popped right up. But before he made it to her car, I saw a chance.

I told her that I was asking about you, and found out that you're attached to someone, but things don't look like it's holding together. She said yep, things are Shakey and she doesn't know what to do. I told her to make up her mind, make a decision. And I left it at that. I am SO glad that I did.

So my friend had taken off with her in her car. About an hour later he comes rushing up to me to borrow my phone. He left his phone in her car. He called but he didn't answer. He called a number of times, still no answer. Gave me my phone back and was gone for 3 hours. When he came back he had a lot to say.

First thing he said that he was THAT close from punching her in the face, but his girlfriend told him that he doesn't want to go to jail, so he backed off. Apparently he gave her something and she messed it up. She was suppose to do something else..and she messed that up. And, yep...messed the next thing up too. I asked my friend why did he..and then he went the fuck off on me. He said that she fucked up 3 things and then had the nerve ask him about me.i told him that I hope you didn't give up my number to her, and I was trying to remember if I gave her my number because she didn't give me hers. Though she is..she has a body, face and smile that's.. wow, but I know to stay far the fuck away from her. 

Time no make the biscuits!!

....

What?!! Have I grown feelings as I got older? No I don't think so.

To me sex is just sex. I don't consider or relate Love with Sex. That's why I can't see holding off from having sex until you're married. That makes no sense to me. There's another thing too...

Because I have sex with her, doesn't mean I want to be in a relationship with her. Take this woman now that I'm talking to, not fir a relationship, but to just for sex. 

From what I've been told, she is a Racist. To me I don't see it, nor feel it. I just all of a sudden started talking with her in a min verbal way. It's the kind of way Grown Folks do. Then one day she took out her notebook while we were talking, wrote something in it and teared it out and handed it to me. She said text me any and all the time. So I did.

Things started getting hit and heavy on her part sexual wise. But she told me that it's been o long since she was or has been held in a mans5 arms that she wants to feel that again. Though she has never been with a Black man before, she said she is up for it. But there is an issue on my part with her, she is loud.

Okay loud isn't the word, she is Country Loud..Hee Haw Loud...Backwoods of Tennessee Type of Loud. Her voice annoys the fuck out of me. I'm quite sure somewhere on this plane t my voice does too..but damn, sometimes I wish she would shut the fuck up. I'm sorry, bit it's true. Then there's..The PDA.

I don't like drawing attention to myself here, and that's kind of hard not to do. I really try to blend in, but that ain't happening. So, if I'm sitting at a wooden table outside all alone with others around me..and she comes walking along and 'bee hives' straight to where I'm sitting, people notice. Already certain people have asked me what is going on between the two of us. I tell them nothing is going on other than talking. One person who is my age, a woman gave me that look of I KNOW what talking is IS, don't play that shit with me.

I'm too damn old to be running to a hotel/motel with a 38 year old too regardless of color. If it were left up to me, I would take her in the woods at night. In fact, I may try to do that. I mean it's different and she will remember that and me fir the rest of her life.

One Thing I Never Did Was...

...ever felt sorry for myself. I really thought about this. I did the best I could from memory, thinking back...way back. And I can honestly say, I never felt sorry for myself.

The reason why I never did was because out if all the situation that didn't go my way, or didn't go as planned.. It all fell on me. It was my decision, my choice to make and sometimes, not all the time, it was a bad decision. When people tell me about the things their about to do, I place myself in their shoes in my head. 

I would think about what I know of that person, and figure out in my head what I would do. These people tell me what they are about to do and the issue with that is that they are going by what someone else in a better situation would do. They figure well if they can do, so can I. No you can't.

Like there are two young women I know who are opposite sides of a coin so to speak. One thinks she is 'all of that's in a sense that she's putting herself out there in a way...that isn't right for a mother of two young children. I question her because I know somewhat of what she is doing and trying to do. The way she is going about it is all wrong. She has someone else handling it for her and what she does, she has to pay him because of..well, he knows how to do what she wants to do. But he is going about it all wrong also, he doesn't know shit. I tried to explain it to her, but she didn't listen. Asked me what do I know about things like shes doing, so I told her. She wants me to 'handle' her, but I old her straight up I don't have the time for the bullshit.

This other woman.. Well she is on the ladder if bigger and better things but.. Being that she is 19 years old, not father figure and not so sure if herself.. she is going to waste away, fall into the cracks of life. I had a long talk with her with her mother present. Told her what moves she should make on her career. She does t know that what she is doing now is the first step of getting to something much bigger. Because at such a young age she has been given the opportunity to lead instead of following someone. But all she seems is a name brand and the small space she is in..and thinks it will lead to nowhere. I told her people who have made it big come from small towns such as yours. Just be patient, that's all it takes.

Gotta go. I'm getting some much needed sleep tonight this time for sure.

2:51am

Where the fuck do I start. From the. Beginning I guess.

So, I out in for a weekend pass, and I was going to stay at a friend's house. Well, I got the return request and was given an extra day. Meaning I didn't have to be back until Monday 11pm Curfew. Then came the bullshit in some peop7 lives.

Friday after work I came back to the shelter. Relaxed and took it easy. When I went to leave at 8pm, I was told there was a note for me. It said that I couldn't leave out on my pass until Saturday. WTF right. I didn't get angry, I follow rules.  So...

So after work on Saturday, I came back, took a shower and headed out. While I was sitting in my bunk, the guy two bunks over called me on my cell phone. He said get up the block now. I asked 2hats going on, he said just get here. I finished dressing, gathered my things and headed out.

I walked to where he told me and he was standing  there with his girlfriend. She turned around and asked me did I want something. Strange. I asked my friend what's going on. Long story short.. Two or one girl in the store there disrespected her, she called him, he noticed there are three of them, he calls me. I'm standing there with a satchel thrown across my chest and a backpack, like I'm ready to fight and shit. Double what the fuck.Then, out if nowhere him and his girlfriend just walk the fuck off. Leave me just standing there looking dumb.

Gotta go. Some shit just went down.

So.. So I Kind of Know Now..I Think

There is one thing about me that I know.. I don't do anything for anyone if I don't want to. If I don't want to do something, and I mean anything..I won't do it. I will not go back and forth with anyone once my mind is made up.

Same thing holds true for anything I want to do. If I have it set in my head I'm going to do something..just try and stop me from doing it.

This 2omq. I met online about 10 years ago we have sort of a relationship. I mean I like her and she likes me. She wants me to move out to long Island and in with her. The thing is I don't know if I can or could find a job there. I probably can, but I would need a car, no buses like in New York City. She sent me a text saying that I've changed.nthat I'm not into her as I was before. I still am..it's just.. 

Listen, she doesn't drive in the highway which means it's a 3 hour ride by public transportation to go and see her. Sex with her is great for the better part.bits just that didn't travel to me in The Bronx. Her mind was and is made up about driving on any highway.

So now that I'm here in Virginia, she thinks it's something that she did. Yes and no. No, I still have feelings for her and yes, you should at least try and drive to meet me. I let her know this. She wants to visit me here and tells me that I would have to buy her plane ticket. No the fuck I ain't.

Gotta go clock in at work, 7am to 1pm 

To Be Continued

Seasonal Jobs...

I can't believe what some if the people who are working are doing. They are quitting their jobs for these jobs that are $21 to $23 dollars an hour. I tried to tell them what the deal is, but they won't listen.

These jobs that are now offering this good pay are only doing it for 90 days, The Christmas Season. Though it's good money..don't be expected to be with that company come the first of the year. In fact, around the 15th if December they are going to start cutting loose all those people they hired.

Like I said, I tried to tell them, but they won't listen. I also told them that finding a job after New Years..well, you might not get anything until maybe around the 15th of April. It's a pattern, and if you have worked like you're suppose to be working damn near all your life you would see it.

Another thing is with these jobs, those Seasonal Workers are thinking they are going to work 40 hour weeks. It's more or less 3, maybe 4 days a week. Or even 3 days a week at a 12 hour shift. True, no matter how you look at it it's good money but I would want something ongoing.

I've seen it so many times that I even stop telling people about what these companies do. They work you hard, and then cut you loose. It's another thing that might. Ause depression. Not having money around Christmas time and to bring in The New Year.

I just hope that those who signed up for those jobs get to stay with the company they work with.

...

I don't take advice from just anyone. I know youre not suppose to bw weary of the messenger, it's the message that counts. But no, I look at the messenger first then listen to what they have to say..and then process everything.

See... I want to tell this Messenger what I think he should hear coming from me, since he thinks that he has a message for me. I keep trying to tell people who think they know me..you don't know me. You only see what I allow you to see.

But I don't hide anything though. I don't pretend to be anything or anyone I'm not. People think they get their stripes because they are 'Street' and people 'respect' them. It's not respect, it's fear, they fear you.

Like I said, I'm going to be me. I enjoy listening to music, that's onw thing that keeps me going and motivated. I also enjoy surfing the internet and reading

 Although I haven't been doing too much reading lately. In New York City, Pre Pandemic, I would ride the subways and always had my Kindle open. Here, I walk to work and where I sleep...too much distractions for me to read. I tried, just too much going on all at once.

But come October 1st, making a slight change...or at least I. Going to try to.

SnapChat...

I had installed it a while ago..and now I know why I took it off my phone.

If anyone who uses SnapChat, let's say in their phone because I don't even know if you use it on your PC or laptop but..  SnapChat is like Selfies...it makes you too self esorbed. It focuses or .ays you focus only in yourself.

I tried the second time around, and there are too many bells and whistles for me. I only tried it because this pretty young lady told me that I was 'dumb' and not smart enough to figure it out. Okay, she's right. But for now, it will stay installed on my phone.

Friday,.

Even here in VA... Everyone lives fir Friday, The Weekend. I dislike the weekends.

I rather work Saturdays and Sundays and be off two week days. In New York City...everyone parties, go shopping for food and handle their business in the weekends, which makes doing things harder because if the crowds. During the week, when I'm off and everyone is at work, I get to do my business. Wash clothes, food shopping...or just do nothing.

Met this woman online. Became friends and then she hit me with the..click here to see my... But there was and is something different about her and I can't place my finger on it. She's from Norfolk, VA...34 years old. I didn't ask her about her status because I can guess..at least one kid, no man, child's father not in their lives. Typical and basic but I understand. But something happened with us communicating. She is becoming..she wants to actually know more about me, the things I like in a woman.

..and no, she isn't 'playing' me. I know when a woman is. See, she told me straight up that she isn't sleeping with me for money. She said IF we were to meet it's because she wants to sleep with me. And no me coming to her, but her coming here to me. I ask when and she said she doesn't know yet because..well because she has to trust me.

I asked her her real name and she text me her driver's license with her address tape over. I asked is she dating/sleeping with anyone..and ahe asked me too. She said no, ans I said yes I am. This woman is asking all the right questions which makes her somewhat different.

Wants to know why do I want her if I have someo5 already. I asked her soes5 she eat the same thing everyday, she said no, and she gets what I mean. 

It's sad though. A woman has a child with a guy and expects the guy to be there and do the right thing. I'm not saying it's the guys fault because it could be that she is just hard to get along with after she had the baby by him. Maybe she is too demanding and he had enough. Or, maybe the guy is an asshole and wasn't even going to be there from the beginning. Who knows.

I know one thing for sure. A man has to be strong in the mind to live in any Shelter. There are rules to be followed. I'm following them and I ask for everything. Like can I wash my clothes, can I go up to take a shower after work. I just recently asked that after my shower, can I relax and take a nap. I requested it in writing and got a yes. So yesterday I slept for 4 hour after work and my shower. I think that's why I woke up at 3:30am, not doing that again. 

My best friend got kicked out of this shelter a couple of weeks ago and I'm afraid and worry of his safety out there. He texted me asking about a piece of property I was holding for him. While I was at work he came by to pick it up. Everyone asked me did I see him. Staff here told me that he looks bad, very very bad. I told them I tried to help him while he was here, it's the only reason I came to VA was to help him get right. But he didn't and still doesn't want to. Oh he will sooner or later.

...

I've always said that if you can't make up your own mind and have to depend on someone else to do it for you..

It started with her getting a phone call, I was sitting right besides her. Only heard the conversation on my end, and I knew it was not going to be a good one. She said hold up, I'm putting you on speakerphone.

I know she had no control over who she said was her best friend on the other side. But really, I think she should really REALLY choose who she calls her best friend more wisely.

The woman on the line came straight out and asked me what was my contentions concerning her friend. I told her that is none of your business and how dare you ask me something like that. She then said..'See, those other motherfuckers took advantage of her and I'm not going to let that happen again to her.' Instead of me going back and forth with her, I gathered my things and left this woman's apartment.

I get back to where I'm staying at and see my cell had 4 calls and four voicemails. I deleted them all. I called her and told her that her so called beat friend was out of line and that she doesn't know me..and how did you let it get to that point that she cursed me out.

I asked her did she sleep with this woman and she said all she did was kiss and they sucked each other's breast. That was all I needed to know. I told her that your best friend still wants you and wants to take your friendship with her further. End of story.

Then she tells me that her friend apologized...to who, it wasn't me. Things are now different between the both of us. 

....

So people think just because they are allowed to do certain things that other aren't allowed to do...they think they are special. But..

Today, I spoke with the person who deals with me. I asked him when I get off from work and come back there, take a shower..why can't I take a nap. He said he has to ask his supervisor..who approved of me just doing that, take a nap. 

So this guy who works at night, he gets off in the morning he can come and go as he pleases doing the day time, lay up, get rest and sleep all day. After I took my shower, while sitting on my bed...he tells me that he will talk with me later. He thought I was leaving, I laid down and went to sleep. This fucker walks by and bumps my bed hard and it woke me up.

What happened next...all I can say was the last thing I said to him was fuck you. But this is what I wanted to say...

Motherfucker we are the same age and in a shelter and all you have yin your head a dreams. While you making pennies selling so called weed...and talking about what you're going to do, you haven't done shit. You use your so called medical problems as a fucking crutch, nothing wrong with your ass. At 61 years of age, 2 felonies, 2 Baby Momma's..you're a cliche. Because I won't sit out there on the benches with your ass smoking that shit,, you think its a fucking joke. All you look at at a job is how much youre getting paid an hour and not..you don't have a career, you have jobs.

Now his ass is laying in his bed right now when he was suppose to be at work at 6pm today. He's the type of person who will rise another man's success and then tell him what to do. He's a fucking joke. Them try to tell me he's from NYC. No the fuck you're not, you're from here Virginia and it shows. I've never seen him take a shower, I've checked all three showers one time for a week, none dry. Never seen him wash his clothes, I was clothes every damn day.

Enough is enough.

My Bad..

Like I have about 5 post that are just laying up in the 'draft' section. 

Shit has been weird as fuck around here lately. Working long hours and not getting any sleep, plus...

I met a 34 year old Bi sexual woman..I don't know why I pointed that out. Suppose to only be FB, Fuck Buddies but she caught feelings. But I'm not taking away from my goals to satisfy her..let's say cravings. Then..

Then an 18 year old, girg5 from head to toe..tall, built kind of Butchy...showing her interest in me like pushing up strong too. What messing with my head though is that she is a virgin and doesn't want to be any more. Introduces me to her MOTHER who I am OLDER than. I was jammin out to some Breatbeat in the isle of a Walmart and she was standing behind me dancing to and with me but she..I know she could have heard the music coming out if my Beats Wireless headphones or could she. Just started kicking it with me. Talked for about an hour standing right there in the isle.

Sorry for being so damn sexual with this post, but it's how it is. 

Then in the same day..two White women younger than me with boyfriends/man/husbands..wanted me as their Side Piece. WTF!?? I said why not to the both of them. They both constantly text me, talking some real shit too.

Had a chance two days ago to buy a Honda, Mint Green two door, perfect condition for $600 dollars... But DMV has a appointment type bullshit going on and wait time is THREE FUCKIG MONTHS. I could risk it driving without a license, but nope, not gonna do it.

And to tope all of it off. The Delta bullshit is deadlining MOTHERFUCKERS here left and right. So far 12 people have been moved to hotels to ride it out. Staff is saying it's not Covid related but I know the deal and can't afford to stay in a hotel for 10 to 14 damn days. I got tested, negative but that doesn't mean shit.

The dudes here who I thought had their shit together..don't, and it's oissib me the fuck off too. Like was all that shit you were saying and doing in the past a front. I came out and asked all three of them. I had to be ause each one if them asked me to wake them up in the morning because I get up at 2:30am fir my 4am shift a quarter mile away..walking there too. Fuck no!! I'm not your alarm clock. And He'll to the NO, not lending or letting you hold shit in the way of money. You can't wake and get up on your own and now you're asking for money? Last I know I did t father any damn kids.

Looking forward to Thursday, going to that young woman's house for dinner, which she is going to cook.

Oh yeah... This White woman I know.. She likes me...ask for my number and.. That's right, sending me nudes and shit. Claims she never been with a Black Man before and want me to be her first. Thinking about her too.

Funny thing is that fir almost two whole years I couldn't even find sex..and now it's all over the place and in my face. Issue with me is that I don't know how to go in relaxation mode, all I think about is work. Not forget hours and money, but for the..I don't know, the act of doin someth5 I like doing? Not like Love.

I been having dinner time deep thoughts with this one White dude. Think about this...

He said that our dreams in the average last 3 minutes..but when we dream, then wake up, it seems like hours. That is why when we die or about to, of live 'Fkadhes before our eyes'. But get this though.. How do you know when you are dead, because when we dream for the three minutes, it seems like a long time..and who is to say that like right now..we aren't seeming this very moment. I may be expaling it all wrong.

Gotta go, 10:30pm..lights out.

....

Over the years...they we 'date' has changed, but..

I don't bet around the bush nor hold back my words. If you as a woman seem attractive to me and you are somewhat interested in me..sure, I'm pushing up on you.

 It I'm coming at you in the nicest possible way there is, but you will KNOW what I mean and what my plans are concerning you. Take into consideration, I'm single with no women and excuse my French..I'm not fucking anyone or any woman at the time.

But what I've seen in the past 2, 3 years..some of these women have it all twisted. They are a ring like they are the ones with the balls in their pants. Dictating what a man should and it how they should be approached by him. I just can't be that way, it's not in my nature. 

She gave me her number when I asked for it. We talked for about half an hour but she was in her way someplace and told me to call her, so I did later on. What fucked me up was 1hat she said next. She asked fir my password to my IG to make sure that I wasn't a Player and that ibdidnt have all these women in my In Box. My PASSWORD? Is that what the younger ones are using to clarify that the men they are interested in aren't Players or.. Or are you some kind of present day walking the street scammer? I want to know.

So, she did agree to meet with me and she did. After a out an hour she asked 2hat was I doing now, like I'm sitting here talking with you. She asked me to go half and half on a room. Told her I can't right now, I work in the morning and I have a curfew..which with me saying that, meant I had to explain my living arrangements. But she was cool with it.

Then she told me.. 'Oh, so that's what you do, get young women all hot in the pants amd turn them down? Is that how you get your shit off?' I told her no, that I don't want to spend a couple of hours with her..I want to go to sleep with her and THEN wake up to you in the morning. She understood that.

Soooo. Let's see what happens on Sunday then.

Wednesday...

Now... Now I know.

My best friend is on some real bullshit. Yesterday as I was at my female's friends house, my cellphone rang, it was a 646 number and I figured it was a span call so I didn't answer. My phone stays on silent all the time. It's aet fie vibrate only. It was my friends brother calling from New York City. When I left her place I saw it was a text from him also.

My friend has been calling his brothers in NYC asking for money. From what his brother(s) told me, it's been now for the last 4, 5 days. So they asked me if he's working like he said he was, why is he asking for money. I had no answer for them.

We are considered like family because we go way back..as far back as the mid 1960's. His family was dating someone in my family, shit like that. From what I got from his brothers.. I've been getting my ass kicked and handed to me ever since I've arrived here in this part of Virginia. And that as of yesterday, my friend had to smack the shit out of me because I was getting out of hand, out if control. All are lies.

This was first started on Wednesday, been a busy 24 hours.)

I Am What I Am.

 I don't consider myself special in no way fashion or form... But I DO KNOW what works for me and ME ONLY.

I can not feel sorry for a motherfucker who doesn't even try and do something with their own lives. I don't care if they are male or female, I don't feel sorry for your ass. You can walk around like you're an old ass man all the fuck you want. When just the other day your ass was popping around here talking all that mad ass shit. Now look at you. And what the sad part is, you're like 5 years younger than me.

Sunday Morning..

Sunday morning..my day off...and this ONE asshole here...man!!

I remember when I was very young that not only did my school teacher but also my mother told me that I can BE anything I wanted to be. Not only that, that I can go almost where we unwanted to go too. Going places she said...she said you have to be prepared for whatever might cross your path.

Keeping all that my parents told me, mostly my mother...I've sent out in journeys that took me to places where people dreamed of. I've been to quite a bit of places on this planet of ours. I e experienced quite of bit if things also.  It what messes with my head...with all these places I've been to...it's the mentality if the way some people think. I've come to understand that it's not that other people hold you back from doing something, anything..it's the person, they hold their selves back.

Each place you go to have rules, rules that you have to go by. Go against those rules and sometimes you're breaking the law. What I've seen most times it's people themselves, they hold their own selves back. They do this by saying that 'they' won't allow me to do this or that. Not true. You can't be a doctor if you don't go to school first and pass all the test. You can't be a police officer if you're unstable in your way if thinking, have me tal issues. Though in the pass I would beg to differ but it's true. Some people are bought up by their parents way of thinking and living and these same people as young adults don't ever adjust to the present day and way if thinking and living. Take this case..

This guy here... Be goes to a public park and uses the park grill and cooks his own food. It's a White people park..keep that in mind. So yesterday the local police told him that he can't cook out like he's doing and has to stop. The smell if his cooking is disturbing the other people. So this guy makes a big stink if it, he was telling me a little while ago about it. I told him that if people call the police and make a complaint, that the police are just doing their job and he has to stop. Me saying that opened a can of worms.

He says all this madness that it's a free country. This may be true, but there are rules and laws. For one, why are you cooking out every day. He says because he can't it the food they serve here. I told him... Since you have a car, which you do have a large cooler in it, do this.. Get you a room for three days, one if those rooms that has a working stove and cook your food there and store it in your cooler. He says he doesn't have the money for that because he didn't working right now. I said well get a note from your doctor saying that you have to have a special diet and maybe this place will allow you to cook in their kitchen every three days or so. He tells me he isn't going through all of that and that he should be able to cook his food in the park. No, police say you can't, end of story.

So, he is t working now and he works in the same firms I do. He told me the reason why he isn't working is because the people he works for are professional in the work place, his last job was a Deli Clerk. I told him I started off as a Deli Clerk and I enjoyed it so much because it was actually fun. He says the people he works with all they do is talk about people. So fucking what. Do they do their job? He says yes, I said so fucking what. It's a Deli Clerk position, the entry way to working in a real kitchen in a restaurant. He says he can't work around people like that.

Last week he went in an interview for a job at a private school. Said the person interviewing him was asking him questions that had nothing to do with the job. Was asking him about the type of foods he enjoys cooking, and the person interviewing him was telling him about what he enjoys cooking also. But Thai guy said that that conversation has nothing to do with the job and that he thinks he was just being nosey. I told him no, that conversation was to see how you related to people with people, if you can hold a conversation. He says no, he was just trying to find out about him.

I had enough of the 'Kid Gloves' talk with him and told him how I felt. I told him this food service industry is t about being professional all he time, it's about working well with others as a team. If you can't work as part if the team in a Deli, you should get out if the field and try something else. It all came down to how he was brought up by his parents..and a lot of other thungs and issues too.

I told him that you honestly, from just taking with you...you think you're better than everyone else. You're young, but you're living as your parents, how your parents are raised. You have to adjust to this present day and age, you have to adjust your way if thinking because what and how you're thinking now isn't working for you. He tells me to shut up and he's tired if hearing my voice. I laugh.

20 minutes later, he comes back and tells me that the staff here told him to see me about a job, where I work at. I tell him that you won't be a good fit but apply anyway but don't say I sent you, I can't and won't vouch for you, tire on your own. Well me saying that opened another cans of worms, so I got real REAL with him. 

Listen do what you want to but don't use my name. Be sure if you do and they ask me about you, I'm going to tell them in a professional way what I think about you. One, you're not a team player, you want to do things in your own. And two, your don't care about this field of work, all you care about is the money. He walks away and says, Black pwoe won't and don't help each other out. I said fuck that and fuck you..and I chewed him a new asshole too. Won't go into want I said, but he wanted to fight. Told him the truth hurts huh? Hurst so much that you want to out your hands in me..go and and do it and you'll be going to jail. 

I'm not letting any person run me out or away from what I have to do.

Saturday...

For Mature Minds ONLY...I warned you, don't say I didn't.

It was strange.. I mean once we both saw that we were interested in each other..

It took like maybe 30 seconds, and we both came to the conclusion that we need to get together...and fast. I planned for a Sunday, but that look in her eye said 'Oh man, why not within the next couple.of hours.' So I did.

The hard part was waiting for her mother to come and get her son. But I have a serious issue now. Not an issue, more or less a question.

I don't consider myself having the biggest penis, though I've been told it was way more than they expected. What is bother me with the last 3 women I've slept with is...me being inside of her and I don't fit. Let me explain.

Foreplay on both parts is great. But when it comes to insertion... I know where the entry point is, it's just that I don't fit in like I want it/me to fit in. 

I don't know if it's the lack of the woman not having sex, all three in this case.. They are so damn tight, on the edge of me damaging myself trying to fit in so to speak. I had serious conversation with this woman about this and what she told me blew my mind.

Let's call this woman Cathy. Cathy said that most women don't even know about their own bodies until much later in in their lives. I heard about this, I've read it somewhere and it's true. Cathy said things would be different with your second sexual encounter with her. Maybe the second time her body even though it responded the first time, the second time .at e she will loosen up a bit more. She asked about the positions I used and that if I entered her from the rear... No, I didn't do that but something strange happened though.

It was like that part of her body was more welcoming so to speak. That by a pure accident I almost...and she jumped and said no, not there. Cathy said...yeah, that part if her body was loose and wasn't expecting you to enter, so it was relaxed.

Hey, what do I know about any woman's body. And to be honest, she should know more about it than me...right?

....

If you want to know how quiet it gets here...

You know how in the movies, you have a person out in the middle of nowhere and they hear a car or truck approaching from at least a quarter mile away... And you ask yourself, if that's true. Well, it's true alright. I can hear a truck bir car coming at least a quarter mile away. Not only that... But if the wind is blowing just right, I can also smell a person coming without seeing them too. It's that damn quiet and lonely here.

I'm not complaining but old age and it getting old is real. Last night every hour or two this elderly guy coming to the bed besides me and wakes up his son. The son says..'Daddy it's too early, go back to sleep.' This is the same man who a couple of weeks ago try to get in my bed with me. I informed staff back then and I informed them this morning before I headed out to work this morning. Something has to be done about this because I understand, but someone else here just might not.

I don't understand why women 2ho were in a relationship with a man, gets pregnant and have the child by the man. And then call him a Sperm Donor. If the same women were to really take a look at what they called that man...well what does that say about you. What do I classify you as? A Sperm Recipient? How can you blame that all on the man, how is it his fault. Not only that, how come it's always the man's fault in these situations. Can't the women also take part or even some of the blame also. But no, it's always the man's fault.

I guess since this Pandemic is picking back up again from where it left off, things are beginning to get crazy again. I told myself that if going into lock down again is going to happen, this time around I will not spend it by myself. I would prefer in being in the company if a woman, any woman I don't care. Just not by myself this time around. I have my eye on someone too, a Black woman. Though she is 35 years of age and I said that I won't date or sleep with anyone below the age of 37...her I will make an acception. She seems.. co-operative so far, though we haven't worked out or really talked about it. But so far we do see what we like of each other so far..

Well, gotta head on our to the J.O.B. 6am to 1pm. Quick shift? Who knows.

....

All these guys here, to me they are full of shit.

Here they are giving the opportunity to do something with their lives, to start over again. But no, they want to continue to do the same old shit that they have been doing thru all of their adult life.

Like his dude was suppose to go on an interview with a major store chain. This store chain is hiring for the holidays. For the past 2 weeks he's been telling me how he is going to do this, going to do that... Telling me I should get down 2ith what he is getting down with and 'make this money'. I told him, the money is trying to make you. Well that job is out of the window. All this time too, he's been talking about them checking his urine. He's taking some stuff that's suppose to clear his urine up. That stuff somehow or another messed with his body. Now he can barley walk. Hegells me he wants some Chinese Food, but doesn't have the money..askes me to get him some. I told him what do I look like giving you, a grown ass man money to but some food. You know he gets an attitude. Tells me that I should lose that New York City attitude too. I just walked away from him.

I have nothing against people here in this part of Virginia but..they are about the slickers, non working backwards ass MOTHERFUCKERS!! Always trying to get over on the smallest of shit. Then wanna know why greon people are always telling them no...or are walking away from them. It's not only here, but anywhere you go really.

...

I'm in my lunch break, minding my business. A woman comes up to me and introduced herself. It seems her daughter, who is 25 years old saw me earlier today and wanted  to ask me to their home for dinner. I ask this woman is she sure it's me her daughter is talking about. She says yes and will I be able to come. I tell her no because I don't even know who her daughter is.  She then tells me tomorrow her daughter will meet me. 

Virginia is a strange place. Where I'm at..Mountain Lions, Bobcats and bears. There are deers everywhere you look. And now, some woman wants me to date her damn daughter.

When You Least Expect...

Yesterday my day started at 2:15am when I opened my eyes. I have to be at work at 4am, Biscuit Maker for the day.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, my day I'm talking about. Doing 'The Dough Thing's as I call it. I made 276 biscuts or 31 trays of 12 biscuits. All were sold except for 31 biscuts. All I said to myself was wow. But what throws me off is.. All my job is fir those 7 hours is to bake and wash the dishes when they switch over from breakfast to lunch, which there isn't much of anything to wash up. I wanted to help in the line but I was told to fall back, don't worry about it. At one time things were crazy, getting orders mixed up. As I stood there I saw what the issue was but said nothing because I was told to fall back. Shift ended quickly and I was in my way out the door.

When I got back to the shelter, tired, sleepy...I was told that I couldn't wash up or even lay down. I had to wait from 11:35am to 6pm until the dorms opened back up. When I said I was sleepy, what I meant to say was exhausted.

As I was sitting out back with my head resting on one of the tables, this woman who resides here sat down. She said hello. A few seconds later she hands me a paper with her name and number on it and told me to text her. I did later on. She responded by first saying that she had her eyes on me from the first day I arrived. I was thrown off a little, but not much.

This morning she was up when I was up and we went outside to talk. She said what she had to say and I listened. I'll see what happens next.

OMG!!

Oh my God... Waking up at 1:45am to be at work at 4am. Right now my eyes are so damn heavy. Ever feel so damn tired AND sleepy that you get dizzy. One hour and 24 more minutes. The sad thing about it... I can't even crawl back into bed. I'm going to go down in the dayroom and kick back in a recliner.

I told him so. That young kid... He said that even though he didn't get the vaccine, he isn't going to catch the virus. Well how come they have your ass quarantine in a hotel now. Blowing up my cellphone asking ME to bring him something to eat. Yeah right.

...

That shit sounds good until... Until your ass is out there in the cold and then what?

Tried telling my friend that he shit is all out there and that certain people are aware of what you're doing. That they couldn't actually confirm it but.. But going by how you've been looking lately, it's not hard for them to tell. 

I've been calling and texting his ass for the last 3, 4 days..calls go straight to voicemail and he doesn't answer my texts. Then all if a sundden I get a 'wya' and telling me he is at the hospital getting his second shot. Like I give a Fuck. Tells me he will be by at 3pm and he needs a shirt and a pair of pants. Who's shirt and pants are you asking about? Not what I own and wear, you're not getting none of that from me.

Then he comes by and asked me about some 8 man tent that he claims he slid up under my bed before the Police arrested his ass. Knowing damn well he didn't, he knows where it's at. The staff collected his shit and stored it away until he can come and get it. But he doesn't have the balls to ask staff for his stuff they put in storage and expect me to ask them for him. Not me.

I knew it was coming.. 'Can I borrow some money, like $50?' I tell him no for the simple resin that you told me that your brothers wired you around $500 and for those 3, 4 days I didn't hear from you. So, he ran out of money and the woman's house he was staying at kicked him out because he ran out of money. 

I know he didn't want to hear it, but I told him he fucked up big time. And you think that you're going to live off of me while you running around in these two small ass towns, you better think twice. 

He smells like a wild fucking animal, pants hanging off if his ass. You would think he would be or get humble, but no he has an attitude. A bigger one now because I told him no on the money.

Fucked around and told me fucking lies, lies that made me worry about your ass while I was in New York City. Tells me he 'got me', and I get down here all I got was fucking problems from his ass.

I know I will be hearing from his brother up in NYC about what's going on with him. All I'm going to tell him is tomask him, he's your brother not mines.

Monday...

This new job I started last week.. 

My start times vary from day to day. Not only that, their work week ends on. Monday. 

Two days a week I start at 4am. That's not a typo either. It's a fast food place Hardee's. Reason why I start at 4am is I have to make the biscuits. This morning was the first time I made them on my own, not hard at all. Just time consuming. 14 trays of 12 biscuits each..or something like that. The 'par' varies from day to day. The only thing is.. I don't get to go back on the line when I doing the biscut station. I have to clean up and wash the station and when breakfast switches over to lunch, I have to wash the breakfast items that were used.

The other issue I see I'm going to have is getting my proper sleep. Where my bed is at is very close to the TV...where the young ones are always playing Xbox. When I say young ones, they are under the age of 22. I'm requesting to change my bed to the other side of the dorm where it's dark and not much of any foot traffic.

I know that I can't expect the people here to think like I do, but it's getting stupid. You would think that some of the people who are around my age would have some kind of common sense, but no. They always are scheming and trying to get over and away with things. 

Right now I'm sleepy and toes at the same time. But I have something to look forward to in about three months from now. I thought I would be able to keep it quiet, a secret. But someone in the office went and ran their mouths about my business. This one guy comes and tell me that mad soon as he gets a job or gets hired for his second job... He says that we can be roommates. I stopped him right there. I told him I never seen your ass in the shower room since I've been here and why would I want you as a roommate in the first place.

I put in a request to speak to the director sometime this week.

Mean What You Say.

I know, like what happened and shit right?. Well....

Shit started happening all at once after the 31st of August. I should have seen it coming but I didn't. And even if I did, I would have left it ALL played out any damn way.

I started working at a fast food Hamburger Joint. I am The New Guy. Co workers don't or didn't know I was coming. The District Manager has been trying to get me to work there for thee last 2, 3 weeks. I didn't get the email which was the application to fill out before the interview. I thinking I mentioned this before in one of my past post. She asked me about 5 basic questions and then she left her Windows laptop and told me to fill out of the 'stuff' and watch the videos. Interview was at 4pm so she basically knew I could do the job, so why did she have to hang around, she bounced. See that's where the issues came about.

The first full day on the job I got to see the crew I'm working with. I'm The Cook. I'm not the person who act5 puts your burger or chicken sandwich together. I'm the one who COOKZ the food. Fir some atarnge reason since I'm the new guy, everyone is my boss and tells me to assemble food. I do, but I remind them I'm The Cook. This pisses a lot of them off. The ones and it's two women..they don't get psisswd off, they are wondering what is the deal with me. Want to know all there is to know about me.

One of them, she loves to cook at home. She has a boyfriend and going by what she was saying...listen, his ass it out this weekend. No job and she said the sex isn't great. She's a great looking woman too. Nice shape..no, nice looking ass and I told her so. I'm invited over Saturday afternoon for lunch AND dinner. Let's just say.. I know her favorite color and the style and cut of panties she likes to wear. Yeah, it was one of those type of conversations.

There is a Black woman, 35 years old with a 9 year old boy. Single..frustrated because she isn't getting any Dick. Her words not mines. I'm talking to her. She's pissed off because the White Girl talked to me first. I guess there is some sort of code going on, feels like it but the Black woman more or less almost said out loud she will wait. Sunday Brunch is with her. Job is good and that's why I like working Food Service and I'm a Cook.

I'm back in this popular dating website, I need to get laid. With two possibilities...I want to see what I can do online. I came across a White woman's profile. She wants FWB, if it turns into a relationship, cool with her but she wants to have so fun. A special way to get in touch with her they email. After about 6 days she does. Tells me exactly what she wants and hopes for. Enclosed 6 pictures. Nice looking, nice shape and...there is something about her breast. They aren't small and they aren't large. They are pear shaped, perfect. She wants to know where I live, what I'm expecting and enclose a recent picture of myself. No sooner than I hit send, 20 minutes later an email with he number...call NOW!!

I called her and she is professional all about it. I cut her off and ask this involves no money right? She says of of course no money. After 10 minutes she says she wants to meet me and where should she drive to to come and get me. I tell her. She is so damn close by too. Gets out of the car, hugs and kisses me on the cheek. Asked me was I hungry, let's get some coffee. We drive off. She pulls over and tells me to drive her car. Hives me directions to a nice little coffee place, no one there, we are all alone. Them she opens up to me.

She has never had sex with a Black man but always wanted to. No children, parents are filthy rich, she doesn't work and she is bored. She tells me she wants to be with me for at least a month and maybe even longer. I'd she enjoys sex with me the first time, I will get a key to her house and I will be able to drive her car. I am to at least text her once a day, no problem for me. I am to see her, which she means sleep with her nomless than 3 times a week. Sounds crazy but this is what she wants. I let her speak and them it's my turn to talk. 

All I say is let's go back to your place now, she agrees. Her house is clean, neat and shows me the bedroom. I tell her we aren't having sex, I just want to see her house where she lives. We sit on the bed and talk for 3 hours. I down to my underwear and she is too. I have to leave to go back to the shelter, but she made me promise that I'm all hers this weekend.

So, three women, 2 possibles and one for sure. All while I started a a new job and have to change the way my days and nights are played out. I know what's probably going to happen too. I won't be with neither of the three. Just hang around the shelter in my day off doing nothing but relaxing. Sex involves a lot of muscles and energy. I want to relax and get my strength back for the up coming work week. 

But some other shit went down too and it has me all fucked up.